Flower Power

by Nicolette Dane

  “I’m not sure,” Taryn began. “But it doesn’t really matter. You needn’t do anything, Jens. I’m resigning. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the time that I’ve been gone, and I decided that it’s best for me to try a career change. It’s that time of life, moving into middle age, and I just don’t think being a trader is working out for me any longer. If I could have told you that two months ago and saved you all the annoyance and uncertainty, I would have. But I didn’t know back then what I know now. I’m figuring out what I want from life, and this just isn’t it.”

  “Hmm,” intoned Jens. He held onto a pen and tapped it a few times on his desk. “Okay,” he said after a moment of silence. “I suppose that makes my job a bit easier.” He brought his pen up and scratched his chin with it. It was obvious that Jens was perplexed by the way this was unfolding.

  “How would you like to do this?” Taryn asked. “What is your ideal course of action?”

  “Well, after you leave my office we will proceed to your desk,” said Jens. “You can box up your personal items and then I will walk you to the door.”

  “All right,” said Taryn.

  “I’ll speak with HR to see where we stand on your compensation,” Jens continued on. “We’ll pay out the bonus you’ve accrued so far this year, any additional PTO you have, and you will be due a severance. Also, we will want to purchase back your private shares of company ownership. It may take a little time to get that all worked out, but both I and HR will be in touch with you concerning all of this.”

  “That’s fine,” Taryn replied.

  “I’m upset with you for doing this, Taryn,” Jens said. “This is sub-optimal for our firm. But I understand that you were burned out by the job. It happens to traders all the time, and I do not fault you for finding what’s best for you.”

  “Thank you, Jens,” said Taryn. She offered a small smile.

  “You are welcome,” he said. After another moment, Jens stood up from his chair and he slowly ambled around his desk. Snatching his jacket from a hook on the wall, he threaded his arms into it and adjusted the fit. Once he was ready, Jens walked over to where Taryn sat. She looked up to him. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes,” said Taryn.

  Now she stood up from her chair, and she built herself up in her mind for what was about to happen. She knew, once again, all eyes would be on her, judging her, wondering if she’d gone mad, thinking that she was a flake, a loser. Taryn knew that Ethan and Huang would be both pissed and relieved. But they weren’t her friends anyway. They were just work colleagues. Even though she had spent so many years at this place, none of these people had become true friends of hers. In her short time on the farm, those people were closer to her than the people here.

  It was eye opening to realize all this. It only reinforced within Taryn that she was making the right move.

  “All right,” said Jens. “Follow me.”

  Taryn followed him. She was ready for her next act.

  Down on the floor, sitting crosslegged in front of her coffee table, Taryn scribbled into her notebook. There were various stacks of paper around her on the table, a folder with an elastic cord around it, and there was a calculator laid out as well. She was tallying up her life, figuring out her expenses and debts, as well as her investments and savings. It wasn’t something she did very often—she mostly relegated her bookkeeping and such to her accountant—but it felt like a necessary step for her in figuring out how to proceed now that she was unemployed.

  Taryn had her phone next to the calculator, with the sound turned up. She knew that Jens would want to waste no time in getting the severance package to her and she eagerly awaited that email. Although it had only been one day since she quit her job, it already felt so distant. Taryn felt a new sense of liberation in her joblessness, something she didn’t feel when she was on the farm. Previously, she had always had that lingering feeling that her job was waiting for her to return. Now, though, that was all over. She had been released.

  Looking up, Taryn saw Alex coming into the living room, holding two glasses of water. Taryn smiled, and Alex smiled in return. After handing one glass to Taryn down on the floor, Alex sashayed around the coffee table and leisurely sat down on the couch.

  “Thank you,” said Taryn, after taking a drink and putting her glass on the table.

  “It’s no problem,” Alex replied in a blithe calm. “Did you get the email yet?”

  “Not yet,” said Taryn. “But my old boss is quick on these kind of things. He won’t want to waste any time in sorting this out. It could come in at any moment.”

  “What do you think it will be?” Alex asked.

  “I’m not sure,” said Taryn. “There’s my bonus, which should be nice. Some kind of severance, and an offer to buy out my private shares of the company.”

  “I don’t get it,” said Alex. “Why would you get a severance if you quit?”

  “Well, the severance will be predicated on me signing a non-disclosure agreement,” said Taryn. “We used proprietary investment models, and they won’t want me sharing what I know about those with anybody else. I don’t plan to do that, anyway, as I don’t plan to get another job as a trader any time soon. So I’ll sign.”

  “All right,” said Alex. “That makes sense.” She considered it and took a drink.

  “The thing is, I was pretty entrenched there,” Taryn went on. “So separating me from the company isn’t like just some normal, low-level person leaving.”

  “How does it feel?” asked Alex, with a spark in her eyes. “Are you feeling good?”

  “I am,” admitted Taryn. “Maybe a little rudderless in a way. But free, you know? I feel calm. I still don’t know what the hell I’m going to do next, but taking stock of my life is making me feel a little bit better about not having a plan.”

  “So where are you at?” said Alex. She scooted to the edge of the couch and cozied up against the coffee table, looking down into Taryn’s work.

  “I just figured out some house and mortgage stuff,” said Taryn, shuffling through a few papers. “I looked up the estimated value of my house online, and it’s worth around five hundred and fifteen thousand. I just have a little over a hundred thousand left on my mortgage.”

  “That’s great!” said Alex. “What are you going to do with it?”

  “The house?” replied Taryn. She looked around the living room, and it felt strange to her. “I don’t really feel any particular attachment to it, to be honest. It’s too big for me. I’ve got rooms I haven’t been in for over a year. It’s nice and pretty and all that, but I just don’t think it’s me anymore. Maybe I’ll sell it. Maybe I’ll rent it out. I don’t know.”

  “When I made my change,” Alex said. “I thought about keeping my place and renting it out. But honestly, I felt much better about lightening my load and getting rid of it. The fewer responsibilities like that you have, the less worry you feel. That’s my feeling, anyway.”

  “Yeah, I can see that,” said Taryn. “I really don’t know what to do,” she said, looking around her home once more. “I’ll have to think about it.”

  “So what else?” Alex pressed. “Everything else look good with your finances and such?”

  “Yeah,” said Taryn, looking into her paperwork once more. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve got any worries at all when it comes to money. I just see it differently now. I see it more like you told me you see it.”

  “Life doesn’t have to be so expensive,” said Alex. “We buy into a story about ourselves and we make our lives expensive.”

  “I’ve been living this story that just wasn’t feeling right,” said Taryn. “I’m ready to stop telling myself that story and write a new one. I’m just exhausted by how I’ve been living and I need to regain my sense of self. I’m so ready for this.”

  “Good,” Alex replied. She smiled big, and Taryn could feel that smile in her heart.

  Just then, Taryn’s phone chimed and buzzed. The women both looked to each other with w
ide eyes and grins. Reaching out for the phone, Taryn furiously tapped into it to get to her email. She read the message and she opened up the attachment. It took her some time to read through it, and Alex watched her happily, noting her expression, trying to suss out whether or not Taryn was feeling good or bad.

  After a moment, Taryn looked up.

  “Well?” said Alex.

  “It’s good,” said Taryn.

  “That’s great!” Alex beamed. “I’m so happy for you. If you want to share your news with me, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s perfectly fine, too. I’m here for you.”

  “No, I’ll share,” Taryn replied, shifting how she sat to get comfortable once again. She looked into her phone and she read the appropriate lines once again. “My bonus for the first half of the year has been calculated at just over two hundred and fifty thousand.”

  “What!” said Alex. “You’re kidding me? That’s what your bonus is like?”

  “Yeah,” Taryn said with demure embarrassment and a shrug.

  “That’s just crazy!” Alex said. “Wow. I can’t believe it.”

  “Well, believe it,” said Taryn. “The bulk of my compensation as a trader was the bonus. It’s incentive to work hard and make sure you’re doing well. But whatever,” she said, waving it off. “Moving on. Severance package is six months of my salary, so that’s just under a hundred.”

  “Whoa,” Alex responded. She pushed her hand through her hair, looking overwhelmed by these numbers that Taryn was throwing out.

  “And they’re offering me four hundred thousand to buy out my shares of the company,” said Taryn. She put the phone back down on the coffee table and took a deep breath. Looking up, she saw Alex slinking back into the couch with a lost expression on her face. “You okay?”

  “It’s just… so much money,” said Alex. “I can’t even believe it. You’re telling me you just got an email saying that you’re about to get seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars? Almost a million dollars. That’s what you’re getting by quitting your job?”

  “It’s sick, isn’t it?” replied Taryn. “It’s sick that I was able to earn so much just managing other peoples’ money and playing the stock market. It feels kind of dirty, actually.”

  “Things are just unfair,” mused Alex.

  “They are,” Taryn agreed.

  They both remained silent for a moment, and Taryn began to feel bad. She worried that she might have offended Alex somehow, or that Alex thought that she was bad for having been in her previous position and making so much money. A pit of self-doubt began to grow in Taryn’s stomach.

  “I’m sorry,” Alex said after a few more beats. She sat up straight and changed her attitude. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad for being you,” she said, almost as though she had read Taryn’s mind. “I’m happy for you—truly—and I think you have a ton of runway to do whatever you want with your life. That’s a glorious gift to have.”

  Taryn smiled. She reached across the coffee table and offered her hand to Alex. Alex looked at her, she smiled as well, and she took Taryn’s hand. They both squeezed.

  “I’m just grateful to have you in my life,” said Taryn. “That’s all that really matters to me right now.”

  “You’re sweet,” said Alex, sporting a happy smile. “I’m grateful I met you, too.”

  Taryn knew that she was setup well to accomplish anything she wanted. She knew she had made the right decision to quit her job and take the leap into whatever came next. And although she wasn’t quite sure what that would entail, she knew that it would involve Alex in some way. There was a deep connection that the women shared, and Taryn knew she had met Alex at precisely the right time. This was a completely new stage of life, a new adventure, and Taryn was excited to jump into it holding hands with Alex. Alex was the perfect partner to jump with.

  A couple days later, Taryn was sitting at home alone in her office. Alex was back on the farm doing her thing, but the women spoke on the phone together every night and often texted throughout the day. The plan was that Taryn would come out and spend the weekend on the farm, but the weekend couldn’t arrive soon enough. Taryn was missing being out there, doing her chores, learning how to do new things, helping manage their business in whatever little ways she could. Being back in her big house, all alone, felt isolating. It was so empty. There was nobody but her, it was quiet, and Taryn felt so far removed from everything.

  She had her laptop open on her desk, and she searched the internet for the things she had been thinking about. Primarily, she had searched a lot for shipping container homes, and she even researched how she could find them locally. Of course, she had a connection with Dev back on the farm, but she couldn’t help giving in to her own curiosity in the moment. Online, there were plenty of videos and blogs about people living in shipping containers and it was all so interesting. Before seeing them with her own eyes out at Verdant Bloom, Taryn had never even known they were something that existed. Out at the farm, they were probably building out their new shipping container home right now.

  Taryn wondered if she could do it. She wondered if she could live in a space so small. Some of the shipping container homes online were fashionably appointed, rustic chic, or modern designs. While others were bare bones, basic and inexpensive, just built out enough to be livable. It was an interesting concept, and it was something Taryn had been thinking about ever since she saw that container being delivered to the farm and hearing how cheap it was from Dev. All she knew was this way she had been living for most of her adult life, it just wasn’t for her anymore. Something had to change.

  The window in her office was open, and the smell of asphalt and exhaust wafted in. The suburban community Taryn lived in was nice, but it was so manufactured. It didn’t have the same feeling as the farm. And it didn’t have the natural aromas of outdoor life. Taryn missed the fragrance of the farm, especially the lavender. That lavender field was just amazing. She could picture it behind her closed eyes. Taryn tried to smell it, too, but she could only smell the asphalt outside, baking in the summer heat as the community resurfaced the streets. Even when they finished, Taryn knew that smell would linger.

  Taryn knew she had to get out. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t be here. She had upended her life with quitting her job, and there was still more change to be had. If she wanted to solve her crisis, she would have to shed her old skin. All of it.

  Picking up her phone, she tapped a few times into it and then raised it to her ear. It rang, and she waited. She took a breath, hoping that her call would be answered.

  “Hello there, darling,” Alex said when she answered. “How are you this afternoon?”

  “Not bad,” said Taryn. “I miss you, and I can’t wait to get back to the farm this weekend.”

  “I miss you, too,” said Alex. “So does everyone. They didn’t realize how much they needed another hand until it was gone. Penny’s on bedrest at this point. She’s not even cooking. So it’s like we’re down two hands.”

  “I hope she’s okay,” said Taryn. “I know it was getting hard for her.”

  “She’s a trooper,” said Alex. “You know her. She’s positive about it all, though she’s definitely admitted to me that she’s ready for this to be over.”

  “When is she due?”

  “Next week, I think,” said Alex. “It could happen at anytime. Her doula is ready to rush over at a moment’s notice. Her midwife is her mother, and she works as a nurse over in Chelsea so she’s close. It’s going to be a pretty big to-do out here on the farm when that happens.”

  “Having a home birth kind of scares me, to be honest,” admitted Taryn. “I don’t know what I think about Penny doing it. I just worry about her.”

  “Her mother has worked in the delivery room for a long time,” said Alex. “And she’s done a number of home births. It’s going to be fine.”

  “Anyway,” said Taryn, still feeling the unease about Penny’s impending birth because of her own worry. “I�
��m just feeling sick out here in Ann Arbor, being away from you and everybody. I’ve got all these ideas floating around in my head.”

  “Like what?” asked Alex.

  “Well, I’m staring at shipping container homes on my computer right now,” Taryn said with a nervous laugh. “I’m obsessing.”

  “You think you’d want to do a shipping container over a yurt like me?” Alex posited.

  “I don’t know,” said Taryn. “I know the shipping container is more work, but there’s something about them I really like. It’s so cool how Penny and Dev have two containers joined together to make up their home. And seeing that container get delivered on the farm last week, it just got me excited.”

  “I understand,” Alex said. “I think they’re really cool, too.”

  “Do you think…” Taryn begun, feeling anxious about the question she was about to ask. “That everybody would be cool with me possibly living in that new shipping container? I mean, I know the purpose of it was to set it up and rent it out as an alternative vacation rental, but I just… I don’t know, I really miss being out there and being with you and everybody else.”

  “Are you asking to move out here?” said Alex. “Like, for the long term?”

  “Maybe,” said Taryn. “I know I’m not part of your group, and you guys have your own thing going. But I just love it so much out there and I want to be back. I could even pay rent or something on the container home.”

  “Babe,” said Alex plainly. “If you want to come out here and live with us, why don’t we just present to the cooperative that you want to join. You could come live here indefinitely.”

  “What? Really?”

  “Yeah,” Alex replied with a small laugh. “It’s a cooperative. We can add new members. We just have to vote you in, and then you’ll have to buy in to be part owner. If that’s really what you want, I’ll bring it up to them tonight.”

  “Okay,” said Taryn, a newfound sense of positivity brimming within. “That’s really cool. I’m excited. Do you think everybody would be on board?”