Leafpool's Wish

by Erin Hunter

  Crowfeather rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “Somewhere out there is a place we can be together all the time. You know that, don’t you, Leafpool?”

  Still tucked against him, she nodded. “I wonder if we’ll ever find it,” she murmured.

  She felt the dark gray cat tense beside her. “I would give my last breath trying,” he vowed.

  Suddenly a gust of wind rocked the top of the tree. In a heartbeat, Crowfeather was flung off the branch. Leafpool shrieked in horror as his body plunged downward. She tried to jump down after him, but the wind was so fierce that the branch leaped and bucked beneath her. She clung on, flattening her ears, as rain pelted against her and the forest and the view disappeared in swirling darkness.

  “Help!” she wailed. “Crowfeather!”

  The branch under her paws vanished and her claws scraped against cold stone. The wind faded and Leafpool realized she was standing beside the Moonpool. A pair of eyes gleamed in the shadows and a familiar scent wreathed around her.

  “Spottedleaf!” she mewed in relief.

  The tortoiseshell she-cat walked forward. Her pelt glowed with starlight and her eyes were like tiny yellow moons.

  Leafpool felt her kits cold and unmoving in her belly. Had the journey through the storm harmed them? “Are my kits all right?” she begged.

  “Yes, they are well,” Spottedleaf meowed. Her voice cracked with sorrow. “Oh, Leafpool, what you have done? You foolish cat!”

  Leafpool flinched, feeling the lash of Spottedleaf’s tongue like a blow. “But I . . .”

  “You can’t make excuses,” Spottedleaf warned. “It’s too late for that, don’t you think?”

  “Spottedleaf, hush!” A thick-furred gray cat lumbered across the stone. Her flattened muzzle and stained teeth shone with the same light as her Clanmate. “Leafpool knows what she has done.”

  Spottedleaf narrowed her eyes. “If you can see a way out of this, you’re a wiser cat than I am, Yellowfang.”

  The old medicine cat twitched one matted ear. “Wisdom comes in many shapes. Now, leave us alone.” She pointed into the shadows with her nose. Spottedleaf glanced once more at Leafpool, then padded away.

  Leafpool crouched on the ground, not daring to move. She waited for Yellowfang to tell her how reckless she had been, how she had dishonored medicine cats everywhere. But to her surprise, she felt a rough tongue licking her head. Shaking, Leafpool let herself relax against the old she-cat.

  “Oh little one,” Yellowfang rasped, “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s hardly your fault,” Leafpool pointed out, her voice muffled by Yellowfang’s fur.

  “You know, you’re not the first medicine cat to have this happen,” the old cat mewed.

  “Really?” Leafpool was disbelieving.

  Yellowfang nodded, her chin brushing Leafpool’s ears. “It happened to me, a long time ago.”

  Leafpool sat up so quickly that her head banged against Yellowfang’s muzzle. “What?”

  The gray-furred she-cat sighed and turned away to sit at the edge of the Moonpool. The water was still now, black and starlit like the sky. “Have you heard of Brokenstar?” she asked.

  “Of course,” mewed Leafpool. “Leader of ShadowClan before Nightstar and Blackstar. He tried to destroy ThunderClan with the help of rogues.”

  Yellowfang nodded. “He was my son.”

  Leafpool nearly fell over. “Did any cat know?”

  “Never. It was a terrible mistake, and I was punished by my secret every day of my life.”

  “Is . . . is that what’s going to happen with my kits?” Leafpool whispered. “Are they a terrible mistake, too?”

  Yellowfang closed her rheumy eyes. “Never say that. Life is always precious. It is what we fight for so hard, with every breath we take.”

  “But medicine cats are forbidden to have kits. What I have done is wrong.” Leafpool crouched on the stone, feeling the chill seep into her paws.

  “Wrong according to one code, but there are other ways to judge what we do,” Yellowfang rasped. “We are not allowed to have kits because we are supposed to love all our Clanmates equally, and the first Clan cats were afraid that we could treat our own kin ahead of any others. But when your kits are born, Leafpool, you will learn that your heart has space in it to love more than you could possibly imagine. Loving your kits does not mean you have less love for your Clan.”

  “Then the code should be different?” Leafpool mewed hopefully.

  Yellowfang lashed her tail. “I did not say that. The code of the medicine cats is there to remind us of our duties. We cannot change it, any more than we can change the seasons.”

  Leafpool felt a faint stirring in her belly, and she curled her tail protectively around her flank. “Is there any chance my Clanmates will accept these kits?”

  “ThunderClan lives and breathes the warrior code. I cannot promise they will forgive you. But your Clanmates have suffered so much these past few moons, nothing should matter more to you than staying with them.” The old cat’s gaze softened. “Your kits need not follow the same path as mine. If they believe that they are wanted and loved from the moment they take their first breath, they will have a chance to grow into strong, loyal, kind warriors.” She looked down at her paws. “My mistake was to give Brokenstar to a cat who did not love him, who resented every mouthful of milk he took from her.”

  “Please help me!” Leafpool begged. “I want to serve my Clan, but I cannot make these kits disappear!”

  Yellowfang stood up and started to walk back to the shadows. “You’ll have to be smarter than I was, that’s all.”

  Leafpool opened her mouth to protest. But there was a rush of wind and darkness, and when she opened her eyes she was lying beside the Moonpool with her babies wriggling inside her as if they were tired of lying on the cold ground. Leafpool heaved herself to her paws. StarClan had spoken clearly: Her duty was to remain as ThunderClan’s medicine cat. But how, when there was no way to keep these kits secret?

  Leafpool knew she had to confide in a living cat. And there was only one she could think of: a cat from whom love and happiness spilled out. Surely there would be enough to spare for some helpless kits? And this was the cat Leafpool had been closest to all her life, even when they were far apart. . . .

  CHAPTER 4

  “Squirrelflight, do you have a moment? I need to speak with you.”

  The dark ginger she-cat turned and looked at Leafpool. “Can’t it wait?” Her pelt was ruffled and her green eyes shone with temper. “Brambleclaw wants me to fetch soaked moss for the nursery, even though it’s an apprentice task. He hasn’t stopped giving out orders since Firestar made him deputy!”

  “I could come with you,” Leafpool offered.

  Squirrelflight twitched her ears. “Okay, if there’s really nothing more important you need to do.”

  They passed Mousefur on the way to the entrance. The elderly she-cat eyed Leafpool’s belly. “Plenty of mice at the Moonpool, was there? You’re looking plump, Leafpool!”

  Leafpool flinched and tried to tuck in her flanks. “StarClan has been generous with prey this leaf-bare,” she mewed, speeding up.

  Once they had pushed their way through the thorns, Squirrelflight looked at Leafpool. “Wow, that was rude of Mousefur! She’s right, though. Have you been taking more than your fair share?” Her tone was gentle and amused, but Leafpool felt hot beneath her pelt.

  “I’d never do that,” she meowed. She plunged into the ferns and headed down the slope toward the lake. The cool fronds brushed against her sides and made her feel calm again. Behind her, Squirrelflight was muttering.

  “Who does Brambleclaw think he is, treating me like I’m still wet behind my ears? Toms are so much trouble! You don’t know how lucky you are, Leafpool, not having to worry about things like that.” She broke off as she drew alongside her sister. “Well, I know there was Crowfeather . . .”

  Leafpool didn’t say anything. They emerged from the trees onto the edge
of the lakeshore. Pebbles crunched under their paws, and in front of them stretched the lake, flat and silver.

  Squirrelflight trotted ahead. “There’s a good clump of moss up here,” she called. “It won’t take long to soak some and take it back to the camp. I’m tempted to put it in Brambleclaw’s nest,” she added under her breath.

  Leafpool waited until her sister had stopped by a fallen tree and was prodding at the thick growth of moss. Her heart was pounding and her pelt felt strange and prickly. Inside her, the kits were still, as if they were waiting. I have no choice, Leafpool reminded herself.

  “I need your help, Squirrelflight,” she began.

  The ginger she-cat paused and looked up. “Sure. Do you want me to fetch some herbs for you?” She pulled a face. “You don’t need me to collect mouse bile, do you?”

  “No, nothing like that.”

  Squirrelflight’s eyes widened. “Do you want me to take a message to Crowfeather? Leafpool, you know I can’t do that!”

  Leafpool winced and closed her eyes for a moment. This is something Crowfeather must never find out!

  Stones rolled beneath Squirrelflight’s paws as she shifted her weight. “What is it, Leafpool? It’s obviously important.” She let out a sigh. “I always used to know what you were thinking, but recently—since . . . since the Crowfeather thing—it’s as if you’re hiding from me. Is something wrong? What is so terrible that you can’t tell me? I’m your sister!”

  Leafpool gazed out across the lake. Three tiny dots of light were dancing on the water, even though the sky above was gray with clouds.

  “I’m expecting kits.”

  “You’re what?” Squirrelflight jumped down from the fallen tree and faced her sister. “Are they Crowfeather’s?”

  “Of course they are,” Leafpool snapped.

  “Yes, of course.” Squirrelflight stared at her in dismay. “Are you going to leave again? I’ll miss you so much! Who’ll be our medicine cat instead?”

  Leafpool lifted her head. “I am ThunderClan’s medicine cat,” she meowed. “Nothing is more important than that. Squirrelflight, you have to help me find a way to raise these kits and still serve my Clan!”

  Squirrelflight took a step back. “That’s impossible!”

  “Without me, ThunderClan won’t have a medicine cat,” Leafpool insisted. “There’s not enough time to train an apprentice, and there are still wounds to be treated from the badger fight!”

  Squirrelflight’s eyes were troubled. “Other cats can take over your duties. Brightheart knows about herbs, doesn’t she? You don’t have to be a medicine cat, Leafpool. Everyone will get used to the idea eventually. It’s not like our Clanmates don’t know about you and Crowfeather.”

  “ThunderClan needs me to be their medicine cat. I cannot have these kits!”

  Squirrelflight looked at Leafpool’s swollen belly. “I don’t think you have a choice right now.” She moved closer and Leafpool felt the warmth of her sister’s breath against her cheek. “I’ll help you as much as I can, I promise,” Squirrelflight murmured. “Everything will be okay.”

  Leafpool looked at the tiny points of light being tossed on the lake, fragile and churned by the waves. Oh, Squirrelflight, you don’t understand. Nothing will ever be okay again.

  CHAPTER 5

  Leafpool looked up as Berrykit limped into the nursery. “What is it this time?” she mewed.

  Hazelkit’s head popped up behind her brother. “He stood on a giant thistle!” she squeaked. “His paw is full of prickles!”

  Berrykit miserably held up his forepaw. He screwed up his eyes and twisted his head away. “Will I ever be able to hunt?” he whimpered.

  Leafpool studied the tiny pink foot. She could just see the tip of a thorn, no bigger than a mouse’s whisker, in one of the pads. “I think you’ll be okay,” she meowed.

  “Can I come in?” called a voice from the entrance. It was Brightheart, rolling a bundle of cobwebs in front of her. “Here you are,” she puffed, tucking them into a little cleft in the stone wall. “I found loads under a piece of old bark by the shore.”

  “Thanks,” mewed Leafpool. “While you’re here, would you like to extract a gigantic thorn from this brave little warrior?”

  Brightheart blinked. “Sure, if you want me to.” She squinted down at Berrykit’s paw. “Wow, that’s huge! Okay, hold still.”

  Berrykit leaned against Hazelkit as Brightheart bent over his foot and nipped out the prickle. She spat it onto a leaf and straightened up. “All done,” she declared.

  “Did it hurt?” Hazelkit asked.

  Berrykit nodded. “A bit. But I’m nearly a warrior, so I don’t mind. Thanks, Brightheart!” With a flick of his stumpy tail, he trotted out of the den with his sister.

  Brightheart watched them leave, then turned to Leafpool. “Is there something you want to tell me?” she meowed, her single eye wide with concern. In the half-light of the den, the ginger patches of fur glowed against her white pelt.

  Leafpool flinched. “What do you mean?”

  “So far today I’ve treated an infected tick wound on Mousefur, sorted out the last of our yarrow stocks, collected cobwebs, and now dealt with the smallest thorn I’ve ever seen. You know I never mind helping you, Leafpool, but any cat would think you wanted me to be your apprentice!”

  “How would you feel about that?” Leafpool mewed quietly.

  Brightheart purred. “I’m flattered to be asked, but what about Cloudtail and Whitepaw? I am a mother and a mate, and I don’t want to give that up. No, Leafpool, you made a brave decision to follow your destiny, especially after the . . . the Crowfeather incident. But I am very happy as I am. I love helping you and I hope that never changes, but you’ll have to look to these new litters of kits for an apprentice. With so many of them, it won’t be hard!”

  She ducked under the brambles at the entrance and vanished into the cold sunshine. Leafpool stood in the middle of her den. She had never felt more alone in her life. Then her kits stirred inside her, and she reminded herself that the problem was that she wasn’t alone. She felt a flash of anger toward her unborn kits. Why did you have to come? Your father doesn’t even know you exist. You’re going to ruin everything!

  Three sunrises passed. Sleepless and feverish with fear, Leafpool watched each one appear over the tops of the trees. She felt exhausted, weighed down by her belly, and frightened to spend much time out of her den in case her Clanmates realized what was going on. In particular she hid from Mousefur, sending Brightheart to the elders’ den to check the old she-cat’s infection. They hadn’t discussed the issue of a new apprentice again.

  Leafpool was counting out her stock of poppy seeds when there was a commotion in the clearing. She stuck her head out and saw Cloudtail carrying Whitepaw’s still, pale body on his shoulders. The rest of the dawn patrol clustered around them.

  Thornclaw broke away and yowled, “Leafpool, come quick! Whitepaw is hurt!”

  Brightheart flew out of the warriors’ den. “What’s going on?” She helped Cloudtail lower their daughter to the ground. “Whitepaw! Wake up!”

  Leafpool ran over. “Stand back, Brightheart,” she mewed gently. “Let me see her.”

  Brightheart stepped away and pressed herself against Cloudtail. “Our baby!” she whimpered.

  The little white cat lay very still, her breathing shallow and her heartbeat weak. Leafpool looked up at Brackenfur, who was staring at his apprentice in distress. “Tell me exactly what happened,” she ordered.

  The golden brown warrior narrowed his eyes. “She was practicing for her final assessment. A hare crossed the WindClan border and Whitepaw went for it. She caught it, but it struggled and got away. By the time I reached her, she was like this.” His voice shook.

  Sorreltail padded up behind him, having heard the commotion from the nursery, and rested her tail on his shoulder to comfort him. “It wasn’t your fault,” she murmured.

  Leafpool traced the outline of Whitepaw’s body with her paws
, feeling for broken bones. There was a swelling on Whitepaw’s jaw which felt hot to the touch. “Did the hare strike her face?”

  Thornclaw nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

  “That’s what has knocked her out,” Leafpool mewed. “I’m guessing it was a large animal?”

  “Massive,” Brackenfur confirmed. “I can’t believe Whitepaw thought she could take it.”

  Brightheart let out a gasp. “My poor brave kit!”

  Leafpool continued her examination. She hoped Whitepaw would wake up on her own, but she needed to check if there were any other injuries. Her legs seemed fine but there was something wrong with the angle of her tail. . . .

  “I think she’s dislocated her tail,” Leafpool announced.

  Cloudtail blinked. “Is that possible?”

  “It’s rare, but I’ve heard of it happening.” Leafpool prodded the base of Whitepaw’s spine, feeling the joint crunch. Whitepaw stirred.

  “She’s waking up!” cried Brightheart. “Does that mean she’s in pain?”

  Leafpool nodded. “Putting her tail back will hurt a lot.”

  “Then you have to give her something to sleep through it!” Brightheart insisted. “Shall I fetch poppy seeds?”

  Leafpool thought for a moment. Poppy seeds would make Whitepaw sleep more deeply, and if she had already been knocked out, would that be dangerous? She wanted the apprentice to wake up as soon as possible and indicate if she was in pain anywhere else. “No,” she meowed at last. “The pain won’t last long, and if it helps to rouse Whitepaw, that might be a good thing.” Brightheart let out a yelp of dismay but Leafpool ignored her. “Thornclaw, fetch a stick and put it between Whitepaw’s jaws in case she bites down. Brackenfur, hold her hindquarters steady like this.” She demonstrated by placing her paws firmly on Whitepaw’s haunches. The little cat let out a murmur.

  Brackenfur gritted his teeth and followed Leafpool’s directions. “You’ll have to be quite strong,” Leafpool warned. “Her tail might not go back easily.”