Four Sides of an Attitude: A Cufflinks & Austen Novel

by Myers, Heather C.

  I exchange a look with Hannah that is just short of disgust. Taylor notices and she narrows her eyes at the two of us, even though her lips are curled up.

  “Oh, I worry about the two of you, you know,” she says, sliding her jacket off of her frame and placing it on our coat rack. “What are you going to do when the two of you start being chased after by the opposite sex?”

  “I have no problem with that,” Hannah says.

  “Obviously,” I point out. “You already have three guys who are nuts about you that you don’t even notice. Since you have yet to get a cell phone, I’ve been answering the house phone, constantly taking messages for you. ‘Could you tell Hannah it’s Brian?’ or ‘Could you tell Hannah to call Jay back?’ and I never see you do, Hannah.”

  “I don’t want to jump into a relationship already,” Hannah says innocently. “I have school to study for, thank you very much. I can’t be dashing off with a different bloke every Friday. What would you do without me, Ronnie? Have you even considered that? Without me, your Friday nights would be dull.”

  “Wow,” I say. “A shot at my lackluster social life, Hannah. Thanks for that.”

  “No problem.”

  “I’m serious, you know,” Taylor says, taking a seat across from me and next to Hannah at the table. She gives me a pointed stare. “What are you going to do when some guy tries to romance you, Ronnie? I know you’re not a big romance person, but would you really dismiss somebody because they are too romantic? Is there even such a thing as being too romantic?”

  “Absolutely,” Hannah answers as I nod my head.

  “Sometimes, guys mistake romantic for getting too close too fast,” I explain. “Listen, if some guy refuses to let me pay for a date, that’s admirable, but he better not expect anything from me as a result. Sometimes I just want to go out and have fun. That doesn’t mean I want a relationship.”

  “Exactly,” Hannah agrees. “And even though women are notorious for getting serious really fast, some guys are guilty of it too. I knew this guy who was probably the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated and he took me to this carnival. He was from France, but he was in the militia and no matter how hard I tried throughout the date to like him, I just couldn’t. I saw him as more of a friend than a date. I only kissed him afterwards because I felt like I should; because I didn’t want him to think I was leading him on. Then he kept texting me and remarking on how lovely it was to hold me and all that nonsense. I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship the next day which put him off because he kept pestering me about why that was and….” She runs her fingers through her hair. “Clingy guys are just plain ridiculous.”

  “He was in the militia though,” Taylor points out. “Men in in the militia probably have a different thought process. They have to make everything quick because they’re uncertain of when they’re going to get deployed and want someone to come back to.”

  “That’s a lot to put on me,” Hannah says defensively.

  “Personally, I find romantic gestures early on as something to question,” I say. “I mean, why is he doing all of these things so soon? What does he want from me?”

  “Exactly,” Hannah says.

  “Listen, you and Stephen are obviously different,” I say, and Taylor raises a brow, as though she’s asking me just how that is. “Stephen can barely speak when he’s around you, so one complete sentence is a romantic gesture. And Taylor, you’re very easy to please. Your personalities are similar so it’s okay. Plus, he’s adorable.”

  “He really is,” Hannah says, nodding her head.

  “But me, I want a guy who I’m attracted to,” I continue. “A guy who can give me butterflies but at the same time, challenge me. I don’t mind arguing with a guy as long as we’re not fighting. Plus, arguments are usually passion-induced, and I’ve always been attracted to passionate people, you know.”

  “You should date my brother,” Hannah remarks with a snort. I balk at her, but I don’t think she’s even realized what she said due to how dismissively she said it.

  “Please,” I say, throwing my hands up in surrender. “I had an amazing bread bowl filled with New England clam chowder from Boudin. I really would appreciate not throwing that up.”

  “Well, it’s true,” Hannah says, defending her lapse in judgment. “You guys are always arguing.”

  “Listen,” I say, cutting her off so she won’t continue. “This isn’t about me. It’s about Taylor and Stephen and their blooming relationship.” I turn to look back at my sister, whose porcelain face has now gone red. “Taylor, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Disregard what Hannah and I say about relationships because we have a different point of view on them, and I don’t want to ruin what you have.”

  “You won’t,” Taylor says, shaking her head. The same smile that she’s worn since she got in the apartment is still on her face and in her eyes. “Say whatever you like Ronnie, but I know you’re a closeted romantic.” I didn’t think it’s possible, but her smile deepens even more. “I didn’t expect to ever be this happy…but I am. I really am.”

  Despite the fact that I’m not into the whole hopeless romantic thing, I know that one day I would like to have what Taylor has now. And I know that I’m incredibly happy that Taylor’s happy. Because if anyone deserves happiness, it is most definitely Taylor. I just hope nothing will go wrong to ruin that for her.

  * * *

  It’s the first week of February, and Taylor and Stephen have been on four more dates. Every time, Taylor comes in with a bigger smile than the last one. Tonight, I plan to have The Talk with her. No, I don’t mean the Sex Talk. My mother did a horrible job of that, by the way. Basically, she threw a Cosmo magazine at us and told us to learn by reading.

  Right.

  No. I’m going to have the Relationship Talk with her because, quite frankly, I want to know if Stephen’s had the Relationship Talk with her yet. God forbid Taylor ever initiates one herself, but things seem to be going well for them.

  Growing up, I’ve learned a lot about romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Some had to do with personal experience while others I’ve learned indirectly, whether from friends, movies, or Cosmo. But the most fascinating thing I’ve come to realize is that just because two people might share the same romantic feelings for each other, it doesn’t mean they actually want to have a relationship with each other. And before that relationship is validated, a talk usually transpires between the participants in order to establish some ground rules concerning monogamy, the future, physical boundaries, and that sort of thing.

  My last real relationship was when I was in my naïve phase where kissing meant we were a couple, so I’m not attuned to the rules of when a Relationship Talk should actually happen, but I’m hoping, at least for Taylor’s sake, that it happens soon.

  I grab the mail on the way to the apartment, thanking the Lord above that it’s Thursday and that I refuse to take classes that require my presence on Fridays. I’m hoping for the latest Eminem CD, but all I can make out are bills, stuff for Hannah, and….

  A card for Taylor that doesn’t look postmarked and seems to be addressed to her in Stephen’s handwriting. I know what Stephen’s handwriting looks like because he wrote Taylor some cheesy, but, I will admit, very cute, eight-lined poem. This is probably another romantic gesture Stephen seems to be good at. It’s probably their monthaversary or something.

  I hand Taylor the mail once I get inside and drop my bag on the couch, refusing to acknowledge any and all potential homework until Saturday.

  “Oy!” Hannah calls, walking into the living room from her bedroom. “Do you have plans this weekend, Ronnie? I want to see that new Mark Walberg movie.”

  “You’re blushing,” I say with a grin.

  “Let me put it in a way you can understand,” Hannah says. “Marky-Mark is my Joel McHale.”

  Before I can tell Hannah that I would love to accompany her to the movies, I hear the book Taylor was reading drop to the floor. The moment
my eyes hit her face, I know something’s wrong.

  “What is it?” I ask, walking over to her.

  “He’s…I can’t believe….” Her soft voice is tainted with such sadness that my heart constricts painfully. “He’s going home.”

  “What?” Hannah asks, her head snapping over at the two of us.

  I grab Taylor’s letter after she offers it to me, and quickly muster up the patience I need to read it.

  My dearest Taylor,

  You have no idea how much I deeply regret having to write you this note. Apparently, I registered too late and the classes I was hoping to take aren’t available. As a result, I have no other choice but to return to England, and I can’t say when I’ll be back.

  You probably detest me right now, and I cannot blame you. I hope you know that those seven dates have meant the world to me and I will never forget them. Even more than that, I will never forget you.

  Yours,

  Stephen Downey

  I have to read the letter three times before the gravity of the situation sinks in.

  “He dumped you through hand-written note?” I ask, my voice filled with disbelief.

  “What?” Hannah says, her voice sharper than before. She walks over to me and snatches the letter out of my hands.

  I barely notice. My senses are completely focused on my sister.

  “I cannot believe this,” I say in a low murmur, running my fingers through my hair.

  Stephen Downey isn’t the type of person that just ups and leaves. And if he was to do something like that, I would hope that he would have told Taylor face-to-face. She deserves as much. What they had wasn’t one date; I think Taylor truly found herself falling in love with him. And to have her heart handed back to her in tatters….

  To say I am pissed at Stephen Downey is an understatement.

  But there’s something amiss here. Stephen Downey isn’t this person. He just isn’t. There has to be a reason other than school why he did this.

  “This doesn’t make any sense,” I state as my feet begin to pace up and down the room.

  “Why don’t you call him?” Hannah says when she’s finished with the note.

  “Love doesn’t make sense,” Taylor says, and though her eyes are hardened, her voice cracks just a bit. “And I don’t think calling him is a good idea. If he wants to speak to me, he’ll get in touch.”

  Instead of trying to explain Stephen’s uncharacteristic behavior, I head to my room to make a quick phone call to Kelly. This is a crisis situation and, as such, extreme measures have to be taken. Kelly agrees to meet us at the apartment with Coldstone ice cream while I head over to my impressive DVD collection. Hannah sees what I’m heading for and she nods, agreeing with my method of distraction. She goes over to Taylor in hopes to move her over to the couch while I buy some time in order for Kelly to make her appearance with the ice cream.

  These particular situations are what Hugh Grant movies are made for.

  Chapter 10

  It has been a week since we had our Hugh Grant marathon and Coldstone buffet. Taylor acts like she’s over the whole Stephen debacle, and maybe if someone is on the outside of the situation looking in, it might seem that way. She’s thrown herself in her studies, preparing for her upcoming graduation. Instead of worrying about what to wear on a date she will now never have, she’s debating whether to go to graduate school or start looking for a job in relation to her desired career.

  I see through it all, of course. But I don’t say anything nor do I ask if she needs to talk. Taylor’s always been the silently strong type, and when she needs me, she’ll come and talk to me. I do try to make sure she knows that I’m here for her when she does need to talk.

  I have tried my hand at sleuthing in regards to Stephen’s abrupt and uncharacteristic decision but as of yet, haven’t found any promising leads. There has to be an underlying reason why he would just return home and stop seeing Taylor when he seemed to be crazy about her. Taylor, of course, has no clue what I’m doing, but I’ve enlisted Hannah to help me solve this because Hannah has an in. She’s the younger sister of Stephen’s best friend.

  At first, I thought the note was shit and that while Stephen may have claimed he was leaving the country, he really wasn’t and was just trying to get rid of Taylor. However, Hannah found that not only had Stephen left the country in order to return home as he had claimed, but his sister left with him. After thanking God for that silver lining, I realized the answer might have been staring at us in the face all along: what if Farrah is behind this whole thing? As I continued to think about it, the more I came to believe it.

  For one, I know she never liked me which, in turn, may result in her not liking Taylor, a feat I had thought impossible. We are also middle-class Americans who say “like” too much, go to a regular UC school rather than some prestigious elite one, and eat edible food rather than starve ourselves and live off vodka and menthol cigarettes. I did force myself to play devil’s advocate, and I could see where Farrah might be right in her biased attitude against us. Farrah is Stephen’s older sister and they both come from a wealthy family. It would make sense that she’s protective of her brother who, while incredibly sweet, is probably also incredibly trusting. Farrah might have been through a heartbreak or two with Stephen and women who might have been with him only for his money. However, just because that might be true, Farrah has no right to separate the two lovers, resulting in heartbreak and sorrow. Taylor, while traditional, would never be with a man merely for his money, and if Farrah just took the time to get to know Taylor instead of judging her based on her environment and her affiliations, Farrah would learn that. But apparently Farrah finds such a thing beneath her and can’t be bothered to look into her brother’s happiness.

  But Farrah’s a bitch and that doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon.

  Earlier today, Taylor and I got into a fight over Farrah. I don’t think Taylor and I have fought in a few years, but we were both upset at her breakup and things just erupted. I told her my theory on Farrah and her bitchtastic ploy to separate Taylor and Stephen. Taylor wanted me to let it go. I told her that if she loved Stephen, she should at least fight for him. How is any sort of relationship supposed to work if he’s so easy to sacrifice in lieu of confrontation? That probably wasn’t the best thing to say, because Taylor said that I will never understand what it’s really like to be in love because I don’t believe in it, and instead of interfering in her life I should concentrate on my school work.

  I’m at work now, and since nobody has come in yet, I’m going through every single part of that fight. We both said things we didn’t mean, but it still hurts. I don’t like fighting with Taylor because she’s really my only ally in life. I know I have Hannah and Kelly, but sometimes a girl needs her sister. Well, hopefully both of us will cool down during our time apart and get over it. We normally do, so this shouldn’t be any different.

  Speaking of Kelly, the woman has practically been skipping up and the down the rows of bookshelves and there’s a ridiculous smile that seems permanently attached to her face. It amuses me and I’m grateful for it because it distracts me from feeling guilty about Taylor.

  “So,” I begin, casually arching a brow as I lean over the counter I’m behind. Kelly is currently arranging a bookshelf that she happened to arrange an hour ago. I guess she didn’t like the way she arranged it because she’s doing something different now. Or maybe it’s because she just needs something to do. “Are you going to tell me who he is?”

  Kelly looks at me. “What?” she asks, before turning back to the books.

  I know she’s purposefully avoiding the question, which is odd because Kelly always tells me about the newest guy she’s crushing on. I’m thinking that she wants to play it out for as long as she can. This means I’m supposed to ask her questions, she’s supposed to pretend not to know what I’m talking about until she can’t stand it anymore and tells me everything. She only uses this tactic if she’s serious about the
guy and knowing that only makes me infinitely more curious.

  “You know,” I say. “The guy. Who’s the guy you’re thinking about?”

  Kelly’s smile only deepens. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she tells me but her face goes red, pointing out the obvious lie.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I stand up and cross my arms over my chest. “Come on, Kell. This is me we’re talking about. Your friend Ronnie. You know you’re going to tell me eventually. You might as well tell me now because I really, really want to know.”

  “Okay!” She’s completely giddy and all but dashes over to me. “But Ronnie.” Her face drops slightly, and there’s a seriousness beside the sparkle in her eyes. “You have to promise you’re not going to flip out, okay?”

  “Why would I flip out?” I ask. I’m not sure if this is a new segment to our little game, but whatever it is, Kelly’s succeeding at making me want to know about whomever it is she’s crushing on. Is it someone in one of her classes? Some guy she’s met through her multitude of extracurricular activities? I know it can’t be a customer because nobody comes into the store. But who knows?

  “Okay,” Kelly says. She seems to take my question at face value instead of explaining. “Well, remember when we all went to Stephen’s New Year party?”

  How can I forget? That was the night I danced with Aiden Shawe, George never showed up, and Stephen asked Taylor out on their first date.

  I nod, and Kelly continues.

  “Right, well, okay, you know how Paul asked you to dance and you guys did? And then he sort of asked to be around you, but you asked him how he got invited anyway and then ditched him?”

  I nod again, and this time, Kelly starts fumbling with some imaginary lint on her blouse. This only happens when she gets nervous about something. But it doesn’t make any sense because there should be no reason for Kelly to be nervous about her new guy when—