Grace Lost

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  Chapter 16

   

  It was well past dark.  A nearly full moon was the only light in our hiding place, casting long shadows about the room.  From their breathing patterns, I could tell that Gus and Boggs were both also awake.  The tiny spark of unwelcome desire remained in my head, reminding me that there was still a creature out there waiting for something to hunt. 

  “The girls must be worried about us,” I whispered.

  “I’m sure they are,” said Gus quietly.  “But there’s nothing we can do.”

  “Try not to worry, Zo.  Emilie has a good head on her shoulders.  She’ll hold the fort down,” said Boggs.

  I turned to face Boggs, and cuddled close.

  “You cold?” he asked me.

  “Ya,” I whispered.  “Very.  And I can’t stand the feeling in my head,” I added. 

  “Try to sleep, Zo.  We’ll take care of you,” said my best friend and lover.  He put an arm around me and Gus crept closer, doing the same.  The men apparently had no qualms about protecting me together, or about sharing a bed to stay warm. 

   I tried to focus on breathing evenly and deeply.  I tried to ignore the unwelcome bits in my head.  As hard as I tried to sleep, it would not come.  The men must have thought I had succumbed to fatigue.  They began whispering after several long minutes, as if I weren’t listening.

  “Gus, Buddy?”

  “Ya?”

  “Do me a favor?”

  “Name it.”

  “Promise me that if anything happens to me, you’ll take care of her?”

  “It goes without saying, Boggs.”

  “You know I’d do the same for Emilie.”

  “I know man.  Thanks for saying so.”

  “I can still hear you guys,” I whispered. 

  I felt Boggs sigh beside me.  He shifted his weight to his back, causing me to roll onto my hip.  I had become used to it aching when zombies were near, but the sudden movement caused it to sting more than usual.  I winced.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Boggs, concerned.

  “My hip.  It’s just hurting.”

  “I’ll look at it once it’s light out,” said Gus quietly.

  “Ok,” I whispered back to him.  “Thanks.”

  I rolled onto my other side to relieve the pain, facing Gus.  Boggs nestled his face in against my neck.

  “Speaking of Emilie,” I whispered to Gus.  “You know she’s in love with you, right?”

  “I think the feeling’s mutual,” he chuckled under his breath.

  “She’s worried about the age difference.”

  “Ah, it’s not so bad.  Plus I don’t think there’s many people who will give us shit about it,” he replied.

  “I suppose not.”

  “Zo, is the creature still out there?” asked Boggs.  I felt his hand slide up my shirt, caressing my side.

  “Ya.  I think it’s sleeping.”

  “They sleep?” asked Gus.

  “It’s kind of like it’s zoned out.  I can’t see anything, but I feel it in my head.  I’m guessing its eyes are closed,” I whispered.

  “Should we try to make a run for it?” asked Boggs.

  “No,” was all I said.  I took comfort in Boggs’ warm hand resting against my bare skin. 

  The three of us lay like that for a long while without speaking.  I thought Boggs might be asleep at one point.  I could see enough in the moonlight that I knew Gus was staring at the ceiling.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” I said to the cowboy.

  “Just trying to map out in my head how we’ll get out of this,” he answered.

  “Do you think we will?”  I paused.  “Get out of this?”

  “I sure hope so, Zoe.  Try to get some sleep.  I’ll stay awake.  We’ll need you awake and alert on the drive out of here.”

  I nodded.  “Ok.”

  I closed my eyes.  If I slept, it was lightly.

   

  Sunlight filtered in through the bedroom window.  The rain and wind had stopped sometime overnight.  Boggs snored softly in my ear, his arm still resting on my side.  Gus was still awake and staring at the ceiling.  My mind seemed to be my own again with all traces of the lone zombie gone.  I felt groggy, though, my throat was dry, and my bladder full.  I sat up, which was a struggle.  My muscles had grown stiff during the night.

  Boggs woke up when I moved, and Gus looked at me.

  “Morning,” they said in tandem.

  “It’s gone.  We should go,” I said, no longer whispering.  “Now.”

  “You sure?” asked Gus, his face showing concern.

  “I’m sure.  Let’s get out of here before they come back.”

  Boggs sat beside me and tucked my hair behind my ear.   “Ok, Zo.”

  Gus stood, looking tired, sore, and stiff.  Boggs and I followed suit, standing as well. 

  “Zoe, if you sense anything at any point just signal us.  Let’s hurry to the Explorer,” suggested Gus. 

  The men took a moment to move the heavy dresser that blocked the bedroom door.  I held my breath while Boggs opened the door.  Even though my mind was void of intrusions, I was still fearful of what might be waiting.  Gus walked into the hallway and I followed.  Boggs brought up the rear.  The hallway floor was hardwood and shiny.  It creaked as I stepped onto an intricate runner rug.  I paused for just a moment, but Gus encouraged me on. 

  “I need to use the bathroom,” I mumbled.

  “We all should,” said Boggs.

  Gus nodded.  “Zoe, you go first.”

  I stepped into one of the large bathrooms and walked to the toilet, which was rather extravagant with paws molded on the bottom for decoration..  I hurried with my business and tried to focus on my mind to be aware of any unwelcomed intrusions, afraid the zombies would attack at any moment.  My hip still ached and I was feeling crampy.  I didn’t need either distraction and right now I didn’t want any reminders of how being a woman is supposed to be a special and lovely thing.  I sighed and stood, pulled up my pants, and walked to the mirror.  I had circles under my eyes.  I tried the tap, but no water flowed.  I went back to the hall and Gus went to take care of his needs next. 

  Before long we had all relieved ourselves and headed back to the main floor.  The toss pillow had fallen out of the broken window in the door, and the floor was wet from rain that had blown in.  The air smelled sickly sweet and foul, reminding me of the morning we had burned the zombie bodies in front of our cabin.

  “Do you smell it?” I asked.  I crept to the front door and peeked outside.  The dead zombie was still there, a soggy lump in the middle of the road.  The old man whose life I had ended was gone, and left in his place was a pile of bloody shredded clothes.  I felt sick to my stomach, imagining they had eaten what was left of him.  Even in death they had found a way to violate him.

  “Let’s get out of here,” whispered Boggs.

  “We’ll go out the back door.  It’s closest to the Explorer,” said Gus in reply.

  “Do you have the keys?” asked Boggs. 

  Gus reached into his front jeans pocket and pulled the key ring out.  “Right here.”

  Boggs took hold of my elbow and guided me through the bright kitchen to the broken back door.  We paused before walking outside, to double check my ‘radar.’  I studied the inside of my head while the guys opened the door.  I gave the all-clear, and we stepped into the sunlight together.  It hurt my eyes.

  “The car’s just around the corner,” whispered Boggs.

  I met his eyes with my own, and could tell he was afraid.  I’m sure we all were.  We walked along the back of the inn, and rounded the corner to where they had parked the SUV the day before.  We stopped short.  The SUV sat facing away from us.  Sitting on the gravel, also facing away, was a small child.  She was hugging her knees and rocking herself back and forth.  I started to step toward her, but Gus held his arm up to stop me.  I looked at him, studyi
ng his face.  He was watching the child, his eyes narrowed.  I looked at Boggs.  Surely he’d want to help a child?  Boggs met my eyes with his, and pointed to his head with a questioning look on his face.  I shook my head ‘no,’ assuming he wanted to know if I sensed one of the dead creatures in our midst.   I looked back to the child, who still hadn’t reacted to our approach.  She had dark pigtails and wore a blue and white checkered dress.  I guessed she was about four or five years old.  I looked back to Gus, who was slowly lowering his arm.

  “Call to her,” he said softly to me. 

  “Why me?” I asked in a whisper.

  “A female voice,” was all he said in reply.

  I nodded.

  “Sweetheart?” I called out.  “Can you hear me?  We can help you, honey.”

  She didn’t answer, but rather picked up speed in her rocking.

  I could tell Gus was suspicious, and Boggs was holding onto my elbow.

  “Sweetie?”  I tried again.

  Gus had taken hold of his shotgun with both hands, and Boggs copied him with his own gun.  I looked at them both, unsure what to do.  Gus used two fingers to make a ‘walking’ symbol and we proceeded forward, slowly.  Once we were only a couple of yards away, the little girl twisted around to face us.  She had looked beautiful from behind.  What faced us now made me lean forward and vomit violently.  The front of her dress was soaked in blood.  Her face was missing.  All that remained was a raw, bloodied hole where her eyes and nose and mouth should be.  The outline of her jawbone and sinuses were bright pink.  A few small white teeth stuck out at odd angles. 

  “Oh God,” I moaned.  “Oh God…”

  “Boggs, turn Zoe away,” ordered Gus.  Boggs hesitated.  “Turn her away NOW!”  He raised his sawed off-shotgun, walked to one side, and aimed at the mutilated child.

  Boggs held me close and forced me to look away.  It didn’t take much for me to submit.  I jumped when I heard the shotgun fire.  I proceeded to sob into Boggs’ chest.  “No,” I cried.  “God no!”

  “Later, Zoe,” said Gus.  “We’ll mourn later.”

  “No, they’re coming…”  My head was filled with hundreds of rapidly changing fragments of unwanted zombie thoughts, sights, and memories.

  “Get in the car!” shouted Gus.

  Boggs lifted me off my feet and ran with me in his arms the rest of the way toward the Explorer.  I kept my eyes closed as he slid into the car with me.  The vehicle door slammed behind me.  The ignition roared to life. 

  I opened my eyes.  “They’re close.  They see us, they see the car!  Fuck, Gus, go!” I yelled, near hysteria. 

  Boggs and I were in the rear seat together.  I looked out the back window of the SUV.  The little girl’s small body lay crumpled in the gravel, in a pool of dark red blood.   Zombies were pouring out of the woods toward us.  I could sense that they were livid over the girl being killed, but also excited by the meal she was about to provide.  They had been looking for her for days.  Several of them piled on her still warm corpse and began to rip her small body apart.  The attention of most swung to us and the escaping car and pursuit became their new mission.  The Explorer lurched forward forcefully, and the tires spat gravel out behind us.  I was thrown against the back of the rear seat.  Gus turned to the left sharply, trying to skirt the drive to get around the wrought iron fence that encompassed the rest of the property.  The motion threw me against Boggs.  I felt the vehicle swerve to the right and our ride smoothed momentarily.  I sat up, straightening myself.

  “Get your seatbelts on,” said Gus loudly.  His voice held authority.  I heard the ‘click’ as his buckle engaged.

  Boggs reached across me, grabbed my belt, and buckled me in.  I looked at him with wide eyes before looking forward.  There were two pale men standing in the road wearing military uniforms.  I had no doubt that they were both dead.  I looked at them and saw through their eyes as they looked back at us.  Gus started to slow the vehicle.

  “Gus, no!” I yelled.  “They’re dead!”

  Gus stepped on the gas, not hesitating, picking up enough speed to knock the corpses over as he ran into them with the front passenger fender and bumper.  The impact jolted us, making me glad for the seatbelts.  The car swerved, but Gus managed to keep control and straighten out.  The path in front of us was now clear.  I looked out the back window again.  The hoard of zombies was fading in the distance, as was the dizzying fog they had created in my mind.

  “We forgot the map,” said Boggs, breaking the silence.

  “It’s ok.  I’ve got the route in my head still,” replied Gus.

  “That little girl…” I moaned.  “What the hell was that?”

  “Zoe, I had no choice.  I couldn’t let her live like that,” said Gus.

  I tried to slow my breathing.  I was becoming light headed.

  “I know, Gus, I know,” I said between breaths.  “What’s happened?  What have we done to have lost all of God’s Grace?  What have we done to deserve this?”  I was having trouble keeping control of my own sanity and my voice was cracking.  “What did that little girl do to deserve...that?”

  “Boggs, get her to lean forward and take some deep breaths.”

  Boggs put his hand on my back to encourage me to lean forward.  I did, and tears fell freely.   I felt sick to my stomach again.  Try as I might, I couldn’t get rid of the image of the little girl’s missing face out of my head. 

  It felt like several miles passed before I was able to think clearly again.  Gus spoke from the front seat.  “We should be at the first turn off soon.  Boggs, I need Zoe to focus.”

  “Zo, can you sit up, Sweetheart?” asked Boggs sweetly.

  I lifted my head and leaned back.  I wiped my face with the backs of my hands.  “I want to go home, Boggs,” I moaned.

  “I know baby, we’re trying to get back.”

  “No, I want to go home,” I said more softly.

  “I know, but you know we can’t.”

  I nodded.  “I just hate this all.  I hate this so much.”

   “I need you to focus for us, ok?” said Boggs.

  I nodded.  “There’s no zombies here.  I feel so sick.  Those two in uniform, they wanted us to think they were living people.”

  “I know, Zo, I know,” soothed Boggs.

  Gus turned onto to a smaller roadway.  It was dotted with the occasional pothole, making for a rougher ride.

  “About two more miles and we’ll turn off again,” announced Gus. 

  We continued on.  The car was filled with an odd sort of tension.  We were all tired and overall weary.  The next turn evolved into many curves and a rise in elevation.  After about an hour, Gus turned off onto the road that hugged Lake Arrow.  I looked across the lake, wondering just where the cabin was.  The water was a brilliant blue in the sunlight.  My stomach was in knots, both from the curves in the road as well as knowing that soon we’d be without the protection of the Explorer. 

  “Ok, kids, this is it,” said Gus.  “We’ll need to follow the shoreline and if I’m right, the cabin will be back in the woods right about…”  He pointed to a large boulder on the shoreline across the lake.  “There.”

  “Let’s do it,” said Boggs.

  “We have maybe two hours of good daylight left,” said Gus.  We’ll need to keep a steady pace.  Zoe, anything lurking about in the woods?”

  “No.  Nothing I can sense.”

  “Ok, then, let’s go.  We can come back for the supplies later.  I just want to get back for now,” said Gus.

  We got out of the car and looked around to get our bearings.  I heard a bird twittering above, which I knew was a good sign.  The road had ended with concrete barriers that prevented people from going off-road.  We walked toward the shore, which meant traversing down a steep hill.  The ground was still rain-soaked, which made the way slippery.  I opted to scoot down the steepest section on my butt.  The day was quickly turning t
o evening and a chill was creeping in from the lake.  In the distance a mist had formed over the water.  We marched on, the path made difficult by rocks of all sizes and underbrush that threatened to grab our ankles and trip us.  The trees were thickening around us, causing the sunlight to be heavily filtered.  I walked between Gus and Boggs with my arms defensively wrapped around myself. 

  It took us at least two hours to reach the boulder that Gus had identified as a marker.  It was larger in person than it had seemed from across the lake.  It was covered in moss on one side and sat partly in the water.  The sun was almost set and we didn’t know how far the cabin was from the water’s edge.

  “We need to pick up our pace,” whispered Gus.  “Last thing I want is to be stuck out here after dark.”

  “You won’t hear me disagree,” I mumbled. 

  “Ok, then.  Onward we go,” said Boggs.

  We began our trek away from the edge of the lake.  The way became even more treacherous with overgrown bushes as we reentered the woods. 

  “Over there,” I said.  “It looks like a trail.”

  The three of us walked to an area that looked like it may have once been a path.  It was already filling in with vines and plants, but we hoped it would lead us home.  We all knew it may just be a pathway used by the animals of the forest.  We followed it in the general direction that the cabin should be situated. 

  “It seems like we should have been there by now,” I said.

  “Maybe,” said Gus.  “Maybe not.”  He sounded grumpy.

  We continued on for about five more minutes before the trees opened up to a familiar clearing.  I smiled and was so glad to see the familiar cabin and the old white step van sitting out front.  It looked just as we had left it.  Almost.  Something was off, but it was hard to pinpoint.

  “Stop,” I whispered as Gus was about to leave the tree line.

  He looked back at me like I was crazy.  “What is it, Zo?”

  “Something’s different.  I’m not sure what.  Give me a second.”  I sounded grouchy myself.  I looked around the cabin.  I studied the step van that was off to the side, the portion of the shed that was in view, the boarded up windows.

  “The bones,” said Boggs.  “The bones are gone.  We never buried them.”

  Gus used his thumb and forefinger to stroke his chin in thought.  “Huh,” he said with curiosity in his voice.  “Zoe?  Any company?”

  I studied my mind.  “No.”

  “Ok, let’s just proceed with extra caution.  I want to get home,” said Gus.

  We left the woods and walked toward the cabin.  It looked tranquil.  Nothing aside from the absent bones seemed out of place until we heard a loud scream.   It clearly came from within the cabin and sounded like someone was in utter agony.  We stopped in our tracks, and I looked at Gus.  He began walking quickly toward the building where we hoped to find our friends safe and sound.  The scream broke the silence of the clearing again, this time longer and drawn out.

  “Oh God,” said Gus as he broke out into a run.  Boggs and I sprinted behind him to the front porch.  We found the door boarded as we had left it, locked from the inside.  Gus began pounding on the door and shouted out.

  “Emilie!  Emilie it’s us! Let us in!”

  “Gus!  What is it?” I asked loudly.

  He continued pounding, ignoring my question.  “Emilie!  Susan!  Open the door!”

  I stepped close to Boggs and clung to his arm.

  Gus finally looked at us.  “It sounds like Louisa.”  He raised his fist to pound on the boarded up door again, when we heard the lock disengaging.  The outer layer of the rigged door opened outward toward us, exposing a scared and wide eyed Emilie.

  She rushed forward and clung to Gus.  “Oh, God. we thought you weren’t coming back!” She began crying.

  Gus held her back from himself to study her.  “Emilie what’s going on?”  Louisa screamed out again.  Gus looked toward the stairs.

  “Where is she?” he asked.

  “Upstairs.  Gus, her water broke.  She’s in horrible pain.”  Emilie was wiping at her tears.

  “How long ago?” he asked as he stepped into the cabin.

  “About eight hours now,” she said.  “She didn’t have pain until about an hour ago.”

  “Take me to her,” said Gus.  “Boggs, lock up?”  Gus handed his shotgun to Boggs and quickly followed Emilie up the stairs.

  “Boggs, I should go with, see if I can help.”

  “Zoe, isn’t it too early for the baby to come and make it?” asked Boggs.

  “I think so,” I said.  I knew very little about pregnancy and birth. 

  “Go,” he said.  “Let me know if I can help?”

  I nodded, and rushed up the stairs.

  I heard Louisa scream again, and reluctantly followed the sound to her room.  She was lying on the bed, naked from the waist down.  There was blood pooled on the mattress between her legs.  Susan sat beside her, holding her hand.  She held a cool washcloth to the girl’s forehead with her free hand.  Susan looked at me, tears in her eyes.  I walked to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.  As much as I disliked her, she looked like she needed human touch and kindness. 

  “Need a break?” I whispered to her.

  She nodded.  I slipped my hand between hers and Louisa’s and gripped the young girls hand with my own.  Susan stood and I took her place on the bed.  “Boggs is downstairs,” I said to Susan.  Crazy as it may seem, I figured they might take advantage of the alone time and talk.  I figured that might be a good thing.

   Louisa gripped at my hand, hard.  Her nails dug into my palm as she writhed in agony once again.  It was so difficult to watch.  Once the pain ebbed, Gus spoke softly to her.

  “Louisa, it’s Gus.  I’m here, darlin.’”

  She opened her eyes, and looked at him.  She was panting and had sweat on her face and chest.

  “Louisa, I know it hurts.  I need you tell me exactly how many weeks you are.”

  She nodded.  “Twenty-two now.”  A tear rolled down her cheek.  “It’s too early, he can’t come yet.  The baby can’t come yet.”

  “I know darlin,’” said Gus in a soothing tone.

  “Emilie, when her water broke what color was it?”

  Emilie sat on the bed opposite me, and took Louisa’s other hand in her own.  “It was a little bloody, and then clear,” she answered. 

  “Ok,” he said.  “Louisa.  I want to be honest with you darlin.’  If your water broke there’s nothing we can do.  It means the baby’s coming.”

  Louisa took a shuddering breath in, and then nodded quietly.  Her grip on my hand tightened again she struggled through the pain.  This bout seemed worse than the one before.

  “Gus,” I whispered. 

  He looked over at me.  I didn’t want to say it out loud, so I motioned to Louisa’s private area with my free hand.  He looked and nodded.  There was a lot more blood than when I had entered the room.  I tried to not look too closely, knowing it would make me sick to my stomach.  Gus must have read my face.

  “Zoe, do you mind fetching a couple towels for me?” he asked quietly.

  “Sure,” I said.  I let go of Louisa’s hand and stood.  I left the room quickly and walked to the bathroom, where I collected a couple of bath towels.  I thought again and also collected hand towels and a few wash cloths. 

  I walked back into the room, set the towels alongside Louisa, and sat back down beside her.  I didn’t want to be in the room but felt the need to stay with my friend through her pain. 

  Louisa had just finished an agonizing episode and looked so tired.  “I need to use the bathroom,” she mumbled quietly.

  “I think it’s best you stay in bed now, darlin,” said Gus.

  “No,” Louisa shook her head back and forth.  “I need to go number two.”

  Gus sighed.  “Louisa, you know I’m a nurse and birthing babies isn’t at a
ll my specialty, but I know when the baby’s about to come it can feel like you need to go.”

  “No,” cried Louisa.  “He can’t come!  He can’t.”

  “I know, darlin,’ but he is.  I’ll help you the best I can.”

  Her next contraction came closer this time.  The bed filled with fresh blood and amniotic fluid.  The smell made me cringe.

  “No,” moaned Louisa.  “No, sweet baby, not yet,” she said quietly.

  “Louisa do you feel like pushing?” asked Gus.

  “No, no no,” she moaned.  “No I can’t.  I won’t,” she moaned as another pain ripped through her body.  “No…”

  Her contractions were on top of one another now.  Her body took over somehow, even though her mind was unwilling to let go of her baby. 

  “Louisa,” said Gus firmly.  “You have to open your legs.  Pull your thighs back darlin.’”

  Emilie and I helped hold her legs up and back, not knowing what else to do.  Louisa began moaning in Spanish as her abdomen tensed.  A heavy gush of blood came out of her vagina, soaking both her legs and a towel that Gus had placed on the mattress by her bottom.  My eyes widened as I saw a tiny foot hanging out from between her legs.  I felt faint.

  Gus sat close to Louisa’s bottom, prepared to catch the baby who promised to come at any moment.  He reached behind him and grabbed one of the bath towels I had brought in.  Louisa’s body tensed again, and a tiny little human slid from her body.  My vision was blurry from tears, but I watched in amazement as Gus held the amazingly small baby in the faded green towel.  It looked so fragile.  It was limp and had skin that looked almost translucent.  It was a deep shade of purple.  A thin umbilical cord still connected baby to mother. 

  “It’s a boy,” said Gus quietly as he used the towel to wrap the newborn. 

  Louisa’s body shuddered with her crying, which intensified once the baby’s gender was announced.

  “Louisa, do you want to hold him?” asked Gus.

  She nodded, and Gus placed the little bundle on her chest.  Emilie and I both let go of her hands so she could hold the wee babe.  One of his little hands lay limp on her chest, sticking out from the towel.  She touched his tiny fingers with the tips of her own, and then traced his tiny brow with her index finger.  His eyes were closed.

  “He’s so tiny,” she whispered.  “He’s so still,” she said as fresh tears began to fall.  She unwrapped his little body and stroked his tiny back with her palm.  “Julio,” she whispered.  “Baby Julio I love you.”

  The new baby squeaked, the tiniest human cry I’ve ever heard.  He gasped for air, and cried one more time.  Gus hung his head.  I looked at Emilie, hopeful, but she just shook her head back and forth slowly.  I looked back to the baby, who was once again still and a deep shade of blue.  Gus covered Louisa’s hand and the infant with another towel, allowing her to stay in contact with him.  Gus began using more of the towels to sop up blood that still escaped from Louisa.

  “Louisa,” he said.  She didn’t answer. “Isa.”

  Louisa’s eyes flickered open. 

  “Isa, listen to me.  You’re bleeding.  We need to get the placenta out, darlin.’  I need you to push this time.  It won’t hurt baby Julio.”

  Louisa tried to push, but was too weak.  Her usual glowing copper skin was pale.  Gus wore a grave look on his face.  He held the umbilical cord with the towel and applied gentle traction.  A small clump of tissue slid out, attached to the umbilical cord, producing a sloppy suction-like sound.   I cringed quietly.  Following the lump of tissue was a large dark blood clot.  I had seen enough, so looked away.

  Gus sighed loudly.  “You can relax her legs, girls.”

  “Don’t we need to do something else?” I asked, sincerely not knowing. 

  Gus shook his head.  “No darlin, they’re both gone.”

  I looked at Emilie, not quite understanding.  My red-headed friend had bloodshot eyes and looked pale.

  “Gone?” I asked.  “What do you mean gone?”

  Emilie sniffled.  “They’re with Julio now,” said Emilie, who choked on the words.

  “Why?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.

  Gus looked up.  I think it was the first time I’d seen him really crying.  “There was nothing I could do, Zoe.  Louisa bled too much.  The baby was too young to live.  There’s just no way I could have saved either of them.  You both need to go downstairs,” he added solemnly.  “Zoe, leave your revolver with me?”

  “Why?” I asked again.

  Emilie stepped around the bed and came up beside me.  “Go down with Boggs,” she said softly.  I’ll be down soon.  I need to stay here with Gus.”

  “You don’t have to, Em,” he said

  “I want to,” she said back.  “I need to.”

  I knew in my heart what was going on, but was too numb to process it.  I left my revolver with Gus and walked to the door.  I turned to look back one last time.

  “Zoe?” asked Gus.  He sounded exhausted.  “Shut the door behind you?”

  I didn’t answer, but stepped into the hall and quietly closed the door.  The dim hallway spun around me.  I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, and breathed.  Just breathed.

  I started trembling and forced myself to walk down the hall, down the stairs, and into the living room where Boggs and Susan sat beside each other.  Susan leaned against Boggs.  They looked up at me.  Boggs stood immediately, rushing to my side.

  “Zoe?  What’s going on?”  His voice was full of concern and fear.

  I felt myself starting to fall, and Boggs caught me in his arms.

  “Susan, help me…”

  Susan stood and came to our side.  She wrapped an arm around me and she and Boggs helped me to the loveseat.  I slumped into it, frozen in sadness and from the surreal situation. 

  “The baby was born alive,” I said.  My voice sounded distant.  “They’re both gone now.”

  “Zoe?” Boggs asked.  “Dead?”

  “Ya,” I whispered.  I looked down at Boggs, who knelt in front of me.  The baby was too early.  She named him Julio.  Gus said Louisa bled too much.”  I started sobbing.  “She got to hold him before she died, Boggs.  He was so tiny.”

              Susan was sitting beside me, and she tenderly had an arm around me.  How she could be holding me, her competition for Boggs, was beyond my understanding.  How Louisa and her baby could be dead was beyond my understanding.  How the dead could be walking the earth and devouring the living was beyond my understanding.