Universally Challenged

by Anna Bell

  Out on the street the warm air hit her, almost stinging her eyes where she’d been crying. She didn’t care where she was walking to, she just had to be anywhere but that room looking at that damn snow globe.

  She walked for a few blocks, trying to pace out the anger. But the further she got into the village, the more familiar the scenery became. And eventually she came to a stop outside Flannigan’s: the bar that Benjy’s band practised at. She had to remind herself that she wouldn’t find Benjy inside; after all, he no longer had a band or lived in the city.

  She laughed as it was the night at Flannigan’s that had been her last memory of her normal life. After the huge argument in the middle of the bar she’d got monumentally hammered. The next thing she remembered was waking up in her room at The Grover, without a clue how she got there, or who she really was.

  She descended down the steps into the bar. It would just have opened, ready for those wanting to have a few drinks after work. The bar was the most familiar place she’d been all week. The smell of stale beer wasn’t high on her top smell lists, but tonight it smelt comforting and made her feel as if she’d come home.

  She smiled at Paul, the bartender, and he returned the smile. ‘Hey, Paul, can I get a Miller Lite?’ said Jess.

  Paul narrowed his eyes at Jess. ‘Sure.’

  Jess remembered that Paul wouldn’t have a clue who she was and she sighed. This was what it was going to be like for the rest of her life.

  Paul placed the drink down and she started drinking the ice cold beer. Before she realised she’d downed the entire bottle.

  ‘Wow, thirsty?’

  Jess nodded. ‘I didn’t realise how thirsty. Can I get a Jack and Coke?’

  ‘Sure.’

  Jess watched Paul as he made her the new drink.

  ‘I remember you,’ he said, placing the drink in front of her. ‘You were here the other night, talking to Jared from the band.’

  ‘I was?’ said Jess.

  ‘Ha, yeah, well you were trashed by the time you left, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember. Bet you were hung over on Monday?’

  Jess nodded. ‘You can say that again. Worst hangover ever.’

  Jess could categorically say that. It wasn’t everyday that she woke up with drums pounding in her head and in a whole different life.

  ‘Well, at least you’ll be safe from Jared trying to get you drunk tonight; his band is playing across in Brooklyn. You don’t want a repeat of how drunk you were then.’

  Jess looked up at Paul, as if he’d unlocked a magic door. ‘No, that’s exactly what I want to do.’ She downed her Jack and Coke and shook her glass towards Paul to indicate she wanted another on.

  ‘Oh boy, sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for?’

  ‘Nope, but it couldn’t be any worse than what happened on Sunday.’

  Paul laughed and went to pour her another drink. The alcohol had started to go to Jess’ head and she was enjoying the woozy light-headedness that had started sweeping over her. Slowly the bad week was starting to fade away and with each new drink she thought less and less of her week, until everything was hazy and fuzzy and she couldn’t remember anything at all.

  Chapter 41 - Jessica Anderson

  Jessica couldn’t believe what had just happened to Jake. She couldn’t believe that her life had come crashing down around her, and she’d brought Jake’s crashing down, too. It was like she’d reached out and dragged him down with her as her life spiralled out of control.

  She walked back into her apartment and looked around. She wasn’t ready to accept that this was her life. She couldn’t understand how any of this had happened to her. Usually the most exciting thing to happen to Jessica outside of work was when she accidentally bit into her Kit Kat and realised it was solid chocolate. But these life-changing decisions and fucking up other people’s lives, they happened to other people: not to Jessica.

  She looked round the apartment at the memories that her and Benjy shared. She picked up the photo of Benjy and her on their wedding day. He must have bought another frame. She stroked her hand over him. The more she looked at Benjy the more she realised she wasn’t still in love with him and she never could be.

  He was such a different man to the one he’d been when they’d been younger. Or maybe it was more that he was the same man he’d always been, only now Jessica had changed: she’d grown up.

  She couldn’t imagine living in the apartment supporting his teenage fantasies of being in a band. If she was really honest with herself she couldn’t imagine herself growing older with him.

  If this was going to be her life, she couldn’t live it with Benjy. That much was certain. But what else was she going to do? Would she be able to bluff her way into a financial job, having had no experience that she could prove?

  Her phone beeped, jolting her back to the room and away from her thoughts. She hoped it was Jake; she just wanted to know he was ok. Her heart sank. It was from Benjy.

  Benjy

  Hey babe, sorry about earlier. Guess we need to talk? Fancy stopping by the bar? I need to pop in on my way home to have a word with Paul. I'll see you there? X

  Jessica stared at the phone. She knew she needed to talk to Benjy, but she didn’t know if the bar was the best place to have that conversation. She looked around the apartment and the four walls seemed to be closing in on her. Perhaps going out was for the best; it was too much for her being alone in the apartment with her thoughts.

  She texted him back.

  Jessica

  Ok, see you there.

  Jessica reached the bar and looked around for Benjy, but she seemed to have beaten him to it.

  She sat down at the bar and laughed as it was the very same seat she’d sat on Sunday night. Before it had gone so horribly wrong. She watched the barman, with his pert little bum, make another customer a drink, just as she had that Sunday. The feeling of déjà vu washed over her, but she kept trying to remind herself that that was another time, another life.

  ‘Hey Jess, what can I get you?’ asked the barman, beaming away at her.

  ‘I’ll just have a beer, please?’

  ‘Lite?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Jessica, not caring as long as it was cold, wet and, more importantly, alcoholic.

  Paul placed a glass of beer in front of Jessica, and she almost downed half of it immediately.

  ‘Rough day?’ he said, watching her curiously.

  ‘You could say that.’

  ‘You still fighting with Benjy over the tour?’

  It reminded Jessica out of something from a movie, where the barman dries glasses with a soggy old tea towel and listens to the woes of their character’s day. Only Paul wasn’t drying glasses, he was propping himself up against the back of the bar with his arms folded, listening to Jessica to pass the time in the near empty bar.

  ‘A little.’ Jessica wasn’t too sure how close Paul and Benjy were. She felt uncomfortable talking about this with a perfect stranger.

  ‘I’m not surprised. I mean after the Rachel incident, I guess it’s only natural.’

  Bloody Rachel, Jessica wanted to scream, who the hell was she? Not that she cared; she understood what Rachel represented in Jessica’s marriage. But there was just something wrong with the fact that everyone seemed to know just who Rachel was and presumably they knew all the ins and outs about the affair, too.

  Jessica just dignified the question with a nod. She was sick of this not knowing what her past was and everyone else knowing her business. She downed the drink in front of her.

  ‘Steady, Jess, we don’t want you as drunk as you were last Sunday.’

  ‘Don’t we? Can I get a rum and coke?’

  Paul went over and poured her a drink.

  He placed it in front of her and Jessica nearly downed it straight back. It didn’t sit well in her stomach after downing nearly a pint of beer, but she didn’t care. As long as it started to numb the pain that she was feeling.

  She knew s
he probably should slow down her drinking. She didn’t know what she’d say to Benjy if she was in a complete state, but there was something inside of her that wouldn’t let up.

  By the time Paul had come back from refilling another customer’s drink at the other end of the bar she’d finished her rum and coke.

  ‘Can I get another?’

  Paul sighed. ‘Sure this is a good idea? You weren’t looking too hot on Monday when you came in after band practice. Sure you wanna do it to yourself again?’

  Jessica took a deep breath but the thoughts and feelings for Jake and Benjy were buzzing round her mind. ‘Fill it up,’ said Jessica holding out her glass.

  Paul reluctantly took the glass and started refilling the rum and coke. Jessica wondered just how many she’d need to drink to make herself feel better. She was guessing it would take a whole lot more.

  Chapter 42 – Jess Burns

  Jess tried to open her eyes, but the pain was searing in her skull. What an earth had happened? Her head hurt so much that she couldn’t concentrate long enough to make sense of what was going on.

  Slowly she started to remember. She’d been at the bar and drinking, again. Then she remembered Jake. The memory of him walking away with the cardboard box seemed to be burned into her retina.

  She sighed out loud. She’d give anything to go back in time and not have hurt Jake.

  She knew that without opening her eyes she was only delaying the inevitable. She opened one eye lid then the other, letting her eyes adjust to the hazy sunshine coming into the room.

  She looked around and cursed that she hadn’t tidied the room; her clothes were strewn all over the floor.

  It took her a few seconds to process the thought: her room was messy. She sat bolt up right. She didn’t care how sick it made her or if she threw up, here she was in the bed of her apartment.

  The bedroom door swung open and Jess screamed as Benjy walked in. She felt like she’d seen a ghost.

  ‘Woah, what’s spooked you? You feeling better?’

  ‘What the hell am I doing here? How did I get here?’

  Benjy sat down on the end of the bed, and Jess shrank back against the headboard bringing her knees protectively into her chest.

  ‘Well, by the time I got to the bar last night you were well and truly wasted. I mean, I have never seen you so bad. I had to call up Tom and we carried you home.’

  Jess remembered being in the bar but she had no recollection of Benjy being there. The last memory she had relating to Benjy was the phone call with him in Washington D.C, married to another woman.

  Jess wondered if all of it had been some trippy dream and that actually she was going to find out it was Monday morning and the whole weird week hadn’t happened. If it was, it was the most vivid-feeling dream that she’d ever had. Meeting Jake had felt so real. Her heart still ached at the thought of him.

  ‘What day is it, Benjy?’

  ‘Jeez, how hung over are you?’

  ‘Humour me.’

  ‘It’s Saturday, Saturday 10th August.’

  Chapter 43 – Jessica Anderson

  Jessica woke up for the second time that week feeling like she was at death’s door, only this time she felt like she was floating in her painful state. She wasn’t even going to think about what had happened the night before. Back tracking her way through what she’d drunk and what she’d done was only a recipe for making her feel worse. And she didn’t think she could cope with cringing on top of the pain.

  Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a beeping. It was the comforting little noise her Blackberry made when she got an email. She opened her eyes and reached over to the bedside cabinet to retrieve it, only as she lunged forward she rolled out of the bed. Her fall was cushioned by the soft carpet. It literally hit her that she wasn’t in the apartment with its wooden floors.

  She hit the floor with a bump, the hotel bed being fairly high off the ground. She sat for a minute, too stunned to move. The pounding of her headache had been replaced by a feeling of nausea in her stomach.

  She’d dreamt the whole week. She’d got so drunk at the bar after she arrived that she’d had a very vivid dream about her ex-boyfriend Benjy and about her work colleague. She collapsed back against the floor and laughed. She laughed so much that it started to make her ribs ache.

  She hadn’t gone mad after all; it had all been a terrible nightmare that she’d just woken up from.

  She leant over to get her Blackberry to see the email. No doubt it was from Jake Harrington, who she hadn’t yet met, arranging to meet her for breakfast.

  She clicked open the email before noticing it was from her boss.

  To: Anderson.Jessica@LMGGlobal.com

  From: Parker-Thomas.S@LMGGlobal.com]

  10/08 5.32AM (EST)

  Dear Jessica,

  Roger told me of your disappointing behaviour, and about losing the SinoDam deal thanks to your little stunt. I expect you to be in my office first thing Monday morning. And unless you have an extremely good explanation, then I don’t think you’ll be there for the rest of the day.

  Simon

  Jessica read the email twice. She looked at the date: Saturday 10th August. She hadn’t dreamt the whole week, the week had evidently happened, but losing the SinoDam deal – what the hell had happened?

  Chapter 44 – Jess Burns

  Jess started to calm down. So she’d lost a week, but at least she was back to her old life. Benjy was still the same Benjy; he certainly wasn’t acting any different. And there was no Jake Harrington in this life.

  She walked out into the living room and sat next to Benjy on their sofa. She felt like she’d had an out-of-body experience. She felt like she’d been watching her life from above and suddenly she could see things so clearly. All these years she hadn’t seen what she was missing, and now she knew exactly.

  ‘Hey, babe, you ok?’

  Jess smiled. ‘Yes, I’m fine now. I’m feeling much better.’

  She took a deep breath. She knew what she had to do, and she knew it wasn’t going to be easy. ‘Benjy, I think we should get a divorce.’

  ‘What?’ said Benjy, practically spitting out his coffee. ‘Where did that come from?’

  ‘Come on, Benjy, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it over the years?’

  Benjy shook his head. ‘No. I vowed we’d be together forever and I meant it.’

  ‘What, even after the whole Rachel incident,’ snorted Jess.

  ‘Hey, we said we’d never bring that up in a fight.’

  ‘This isn’t a fight, Benjy. It’s just me being honest.’

  ‘You have been so messed up all week. One minute you’re threatening to leave me, the next you’re having hot make-up sex with me. Make up your mind.’

  Jess wondered just what had gone on that week. But all she knew was that in her week, for the first time in years, she’d felt alive. She’d felt like she actually had a life, and it wasn’t one where she just sat around waiting and hoping that Benjy would give up on his dream of becoming a rock star.

  For years she’d thought about what her life would be without Benjy and she’d assumed she’d be a miserable, pining, mess. She’d never thought she’d be strong enough or independent enough to leave him. But what this crazy week had taught her was that she could do anything she put her mind to.

  She thought back to her night with Jake on top of the Empire State Building, and remembered how amazing it felt. She didn’t want to go through the rest of her life with Benjy never feeling like that again.

  ‘I have made up my mind. Think about it, Benjy, would you give up your dream to be in the band to be with me?’

  ‘You’re giving me the ultimatum?’

  ‘Yes. No. Sort of. I mean, could you imagine not going on this tour?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Right, well I can’t imagine spending my life waiting for you to change your mind, and I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t want to stop you living your dreams. If yo
u really want to be a rock star, then go be one, but I can’t be with you whilst you try.’

  ‘But I’m doing this for our future, so we can have a better life.’

  ‘I don’t want that life, Benjy. I don’t want the money, the big house, the Cristal in the fridge. I just want an ordinary life where I’m not worrying about whether my husband is banging a groupie. I want normal problems like mortgages and groceries, not what city and motel you’re in.’

  Benjy sighed. ‘Is this really it?’

  ‘I think so. I mean I love you, Benjy, I always have and always will, but I don’t think love is enough. I think we gave it our best shot, but it just didn’t work.’

  Benjy nodded. She knew deep down that he knew she was right; they both had probably known it for ages. They just hadn’t wanted to admit it.

  ‘I think I need some time on my own,’ said Benjy.

  ‘Ok, I’ll pop some clothes on and go for a walk.’

  Jess kissed Benjy on the top of his head and he squeezed her hand.

  Jess left the apartment building feeling like a million tons had been lifted off her shoulders. However messed up her week had been it had done her the world of good. As she pulled the door shut behind her, she saw Jake standing next to the building.

  She did a double take, as if her eyes were showing her what she wanted to see. She wanted to reach out and touch him to see if he was real.

  ‘Jess, I’m sorry about my behaviour yesterday.’

  Jess wanted to hug him and to tell him that she was sorry, too, but she got the impression that she didn’t really know what this Jake was sorry for. She wondered just how he’d come to know her in this world, the world where she was married to Benjy and she didn’t work for LMG Global.