Hearts Divided

by Masters, Ellie

  If he’s not watching Duke, he’s with Piper learning how to train the dog. The petite pixie is an excellent resource. She used to be a dog obedience trainer before becoming a physical therapist. He now has a small repertoire of voice and hand commands that Duke responds too. The dog is nothing like the hyper-alert Ranger, but he’s coming along.

  Piper sits beside him, reading a book. She puts it down when Duke crawls out of the pool and comes over to shake. Why the dog can’t shake off at the pool’s edge is beyond him. Every time Duke gets out, he checks in with Bash. Only then does he shake, spraying Bash in water. Piper covers herself with a towel and laughs her ass off.

  “Fucking dog,” he grumbles.

  “He does it because he loves you.” Her voice is sweet, angelic, and pitched an octave too high. How does Bent deal with that all the time?

  “Maybe he could love me a little less?”

  “I don’t think it’s possible.” She’s giggling now, peeking out from behind her towel to see if Duke is finished shaking.

  “Hey, I want to thank you for helping me train him. I’m really enjoying it.”

  “Duke is too, and you’re welcome. I’m glad to help and it’s good for you to bond with him. You needed it.”

  “What does that mean?”

  She cocks her head. “Bent can be a big Growly Bear, but you’re more of a Donkey’s Ass.”

  “That hurts.”

  “Well, the truth usually does.”

  He never took the time to get to know Piper when she came to Insanity. Forest hired her on as Bent’s physical therapist. Bent fired her more times than anyone can remember and she kept coming back. Her persistence is the only reason Bent recovered the use of his arm. Bash is thankful for that, but then she and Bent got involved. Just like Skye did with Ash, Piper took Bent away from him. He’s been pissed at her since, at least until she offered to help with Duke. Her brazen honesty is tough to take. For a small person, she’s fearless and surprisingly intuitive.

  “You should go back,” she says.

  “Back where?”

  “You know where. Find your girl. Go all superhero on her. Whisk her off her feet and give her that damn kiss you keep moping on and on about.”

  “I don’t mope.”

  “Says the Donkey’s Ass.”

  “Not funny Piper.”

  “Well, how about I tell Forest about her? Your choice, Donkey’s Ass or Lover Boy?”

  “There’s no way he’s getting away with calling me that. It’s annoying as hell.”

  She’s giggling again. “Isn’t that why he does it?”

  “And that’s exactly why you’re not going to say a word about Holly to Forest.”

  “You think he doesn’t know?”

  “Not unless you told him. Noodles is tight-lipped and won’t say a word, so if Forest finds out, I know who to blame.”

  “You’re no fun.”

  The moment Duke finishes shaking off, he eyes the water again.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” But it’s too late. Duke is flying through the air. He’s not one to walk into the pool using the sloped entrance. No, Duke leaps like a damn gazelle and splashes like a two-ton hippo.

  “You know, he’d love it if you get in with him.”

  “I’ve already been in and out more times than I care.”

  “I’ve been thinking.”

  It is rarely good when Piper sets her mind to thinking. She wants him to play along and ask what she’s thinking, but he’s not interested in playing games with her. If she has something to tell him, she will. He leans back, folds an arm over his eyes to shade them from the sun and waits. Sure as shit, Piper grows restless and spills what’s on her mind.

  “You said her dog is a drug dog?”

  “Drug or explosives. Honestly, I can’t remember.”

  “You should ask.”

  “Why?” He isn’t going to ever see Holly again.

  “Because.”

  “That’s not a reason.”

  “Well, don’t you think it’s strange for her to have an ex-drug dog?”

  “Not really. I think she said he was an explosives dog, ex-military maybe.”

  “There’s a story there. You should ask her when you see her again.”

  “I’m not seeing her. Don’t you remember what I said?”

  “You said Duke cock-blocked you.”

  “She pulled away from me.”

  “Right, and that bruised your fragile Donkey Ass ego. Seriously, men are exhausting.”

  “Well, so what if she did?”

  “Bash, she has no idea who you are. To her, you’re the creepy stalker dude who got a dog just to have an excuse to not look like a creep. Then you basically admitted you did just that, confirming that you are indeed creepy. Any sane woman would pull back, and it’s not sexy.”

  “I’m not a creep, and I’m sexy as fuck.”

  “Right. You’re the hot as fuck drummer for Angel Fire, but she doesn’t know that. You have no idea how women really work.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “Okay, other than fucking them, you have no idea how women work.”

  There she goes again, throwing the honest truth in his face.

  “Low blow.”

  “Truth hurts.”

  “So, what do I do?”

  “Stop moping about for one thing. Forest is going to clue in. If he wasn’t distracted with his operation, he’d be all over you. You should be thankful that’s all he’s thinking about.”

  “Maybe.”

  “No maybe about it. Get off your ass and go get the girl.”

  He’s not going after Holly because Piper tells him to. With a huff, he’s up and diving into the water to join Duke. This makes Duke ecstatic and his dog practically drowns him as he swims over to show Bash exactly how happy he is to have his master in the water. Bash plays with Duke for a little while, then drags the dog out of the pool. After washing the chlorine off Duke, he heads to his suite to shower and pack a bag.

  Less than two hours later, he and Duke are on the road. This time, Duke is riding shotgun and having the time of his life. The top to the Jeep is down and Duke doesn’t know whether to stick his head out the side of the Jeep or lift it over the roofline. Whoever thought getting a horse for a dog was a good idea had to be crazy. He reaches over and scratches his best buddy’s chest. Duke licks his hand then shoves his snout out the side window, letting the wind flap his jowls and make his eyes water.

  “Stupid dog.”

  He’s headed to Santa Barbara, but not because of anything Piper said. It’s time to visit a grave.

  14

  Bash

  The next morning, Bash stares into the mirror as he shaves his head. Fortunately, he only needs to shave once a day, a benefit to having blond hair. Not that anyone would know what color hair he has. It’s been almost two decades since he started shaving. There are many theories running around about Angel Fire’s drummer and his hair, or lack thereof. So far, knock on wood, the reason remains a mystery. Some think he’s prematurely bald, others disagree. The debate about his hair gives his fans something to do, and he’s happy to leave them to it.

  Duke sprawls on the bed. Soft snores come from his snout. He’s dreaming and his paws scrabble at the air as he chases something in his dream. Duke woke earlier and Bash took him out for a walk. When they returned to the hotel room, Duke hopped on the bed and went back to bed. Bash can’t sleep, but there’s a good reason for that. For once, it has nothing to do about a vibrant redhead named Holly.

  Today is the day his life changed.

  Fourteen-years-old is young to lose someone close, but a brother? And a twin? Cancer ate at Carter, leaving him in agony for a year before his last goodbye. Chemotherapy stole Carter’s strength with the same ravaging destruction as the cancer in his bones. It had been hard to watch his brother die, but he did. He spent every day standing by his brother, watching Carter fight and eventually lose. When Carter’s hair fell out after the firs
t round of chemotherapy, Bash shaved his head in solidarity. He never let it grow back. It’s a small thing, but it’s the only tie he has to his brother.

  No gravestone marks Carter’s grave. They hadn’t been rich enough to afford such luxuries, not that Carter wanted to rot in the earth. His ashes are sprinkled all around Santa Barbara and Bash is visiting each of those places today following a list Carter scrawled out in his last days.

  “Duke! You need to get up, boy.”

  Duke’s ears twitch.

  “We’ve got plans!”

  Carter’s wish for his brother to lead a full life and do all the things they’d dreamed about as boys, is something Bash honors each year on the day of Carter’s death. There’s a list, one he follows religiously. It begins at the beach and Bash is not sure how it’s going to work with Duke by his side.

  He finishes the morning shaving ritual and throws on a pair of board shorts before pushing Duke off the bed. “Up boy!”

  Duke gives him a withering stare and gives a shake. Then it’s all eagerness, bright eyes, and a thumping tail pushing Bash out the door.

  “That’s right. We’re headed out.” He clips the end of the lead to Duke’s collar and they head outside. It’s a perfect day for a run on the beach. With one look at Duke, he decides to buy extra towels. Duke’s never swam in the ocean and if Bash gets Ash’s Jeep full of sand, he’s never going to hear the end of it. Duke hops into the passenger seat and plops on his haunches. He’s so big, he’s sits higher than Bash in the seat. Bash grabs a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. It’s not much of a disguise, but surprisingly effective. The general public doesn’t expect to run into a rock star on the streets. He’s nearly invisible.

  Stop number one, Shoreline Park. A must see for tourists, he and Carter grew up here, getting in trouble as boys did. Tall, slender palms give it a tropical feel and they lived years of adventure pretending to be shipwrecked pirates on some hidden island paradise. Always a challenge, parking is a bitch, but he finds a spot a block away. A few minutes later, he and Duke are running down the beach. Carter hated it when the cancer ate so much of his bones that he could no longer run. It tops the list of things to do.

  Bash runs with the memory of his brother by his side. What would Carter think of his rock star life? Would he be proud of the choices Bash made? This isn’t a day to grieve, but rather celebrate his brother’s life. Duke trots beside him, tongue out, nostrils flaring, and keeps an exceptional heel. Thank you, Piper, for teaching him that.

  After a couple miles, he stops to get Duke a drink and grab water for himself. Next on the list is a little body surfing at Hendry’s Beach. Fortunately, it’s dog friendly and he lets Duke off the lead to play in the water. Duke eyes the rolling waves with skepticism, but when Bash enters the chilly waters, Duke refuses to be left behind. He snaps at the waves as Bash tries to bodysurf. It’s the worst time of the year for waves—the best swells hit the California coast in winter—and he gives up after a few minutes.

  Duke is a sandy mess, but Bash doesn’t care. This is generally a solo event for him, always has been. Ash tried to join him a few times in the years following Carter’s death, but this isn’t something he wants to share. Duke is different though. Carter always wanted a dog, but growing up in a tiny apartment they never had pets. Perhaps it’s fitting Duke is here.

  After the swim, he and Duke jog back to the car. Duke shows no signs of tiring, but Bash is getting winded. Once back where they started, it’s time for another quick break. Then they head to the pier to satisfy Carter’s sweet-tooth with the requisite cotton candy. The sweet treat was Carter’s favorite and Bash forces himself to eat the whole thing each year. Fortunately, Duke is here to help. Bash feeds him cotton candy, and Duke’s entranced by the cottony substance which disappears as soon as it hits his tongue. Duke keeps looking at the cotton candy as if he can figure out this great mystery.

  He takes Duke to the end of the pier and pays a guy ten bucks to borrow his fishing gear. Duke plops down beside him while he tosses the line out into the water. Two fish down and he hands the pole back to the fisherman. The fish stay behind. Carter was the one who liked eating fish.

  The list with Carter keeps Bash away from the dog park and hopes of running into Holly. He shouldn’t care. She’s just a girl who pulled away from his kiss. He doesn’t need that kind of shit, especially from a girl, but his thoughts keep drifting to the girl.

  After the pier, he takes Duke to one of the many public outdoor showers and washes out the salt and sand. Duke’s a mess, but loves the attention. Bash is simply happy to have someone to share this day with. Ash is busy with Skye and their unborn child. Bent is squirreled away with his girl, Piper. His friends are moving on, leaving him in the dust. They leave the pier and head to the hills. Carter loved hikes in the woods. For a boy of fourteen, Carter’s goals were simple. As a man over thirty, Bash sees the beauty in the innocence of youth and knows everything Carter missed.

  There’s nothing about drinking, getting high, or fucking girls on the list. Carter’s goals were defined by the vision of a future he would never live. At fourteen, he was a year away from Bash’s first kiss; two years from the loss of Bash’s virginity. Carter never suffered the devastation of a broken heart, and that soul-crushing feeling of being left behind. Carter never got the chance to grow up.

  Bash takes Duke up the trail, thinking of the past, while forging ahead to an uncertain future. They are all growing older. The constant parties and easy sex is getting old for them all. His friends seek a permanence to their existence; a reason to be. Perhaps Noodles understands this best, even if he seems to live the most transient existence of them all.

  Bash doesn’t feel grounded. He isn’t Ash. He doesn’t have a wife or a kid on the way. He’s not Bent who holds the love of his life in his arms every night. Instead, Bash finds himself wandering alone most nights. The only real connection to this world is in the soulful dark eyes of the mutt by his side. Perhaps in this he owes Holly the deepest thanks.

  “Sebastian?”

  He stops in his tracks, heart thudding because he knows that voice. Duke does too and is already racing to say hello. This is a good thing. While Duke sniffs and licks and dances around Holly, it gives Bash a moment to collect his thoughts and steady his nerves. Ranger is by her side, a constant companion. A few weeks ago, he would’ve thought it odd, but he and Duke are practically inseparable. He assumes it’s the same for Holly and Ranger. Unlike Duke, Ranger does not race forward to greet Bash. The German Shepard is stuck to her side, ears swiveling on high alert, as he watches Duke say his hellos.

  “Holly? What are you doing here?”

  They’re nearly two miles up a mountain trail. There’s a special rock pile up the trail where Carter said his last goodbyes. He lost his ability to walk months before his death, but managed to leave a string of instructions. Bash follows that list each and every year, winding up at a pile of rocks where he has a drink with his brother.

  “Ranger and I come up here on the weekends.” She stands twenty feet away, coming down the trail he’s traveling up. The sun glints off her hair, giving the illusion of a halo. She stands with her hands on her hip as the dogs complete their meet and greet. Duke is a mess, overly excited and dancing around. Ranger is more sedate and Bash can imagine the thoughts going through the older dog’s head.

  “Duke, come here.” To his surprise, Duke follows the command, leaving Holly and coming to sit by his side.

  “Looks like someone’s been training their dog. Duke has come a long way.”

  “Thanks.” His attention turns to Ranger and Piper’s words whisper through his head. He shouldn’t be nosey, but Piper’s put thoughts in his head. “Did you train Ranger?”

  She shakes her head. “No, my brother did.”

  “You have a brother?”

  “Had.”

  “Oh.” He’s going to kill Piper now. Talk about inserting foot and shoving in mouth. “I’m sorry.”

  “Than
k you, but it’s okay.”

  “What happened?” He’s already put his foot in it, might as well finish things off and dive right in.

  Why the fuck does he care about this girl’s brother? He’s not one to carry on conversations with girls. Other than a quick hello, he’s usually buried balls deep in them before finding out their names. The majority of the time he never takes the time to figure out their names. Why bother when he’ll never see them again? But, that’s the rub. There’s simply something about Holly which makes him need to know everything about her.

  “He committed suicide.”

  Well, shit, this is awkward now. “Shit Holly, I’m really sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It happened a year ago.”

  Her incredibly specific wording makes his scalp itch. “A year ago?”

  She gives a slow nod. “Yeah, one year.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories.”

  What were the chances they’d both lost a brother on the same damn day? Is this the universe’s idea of a joke? If so, there’s nothing funny about it.

  Ranger bumps the top of his head against her hand and she lets him nuzzle her palm. She seems to relax with the contact. He understands that reaction. Duke has a surprising ability to sense when he’s getting irritated. All it takes is a dopey, doggy look, a stupid lick, or just Duke leaning against his leg, to make him forget whatever is bugging him.

  Piper’s words whisper in his head.

  “Ranger was your brother’s dog?”

  “Yeah, my brother was in the Army. Ranger is an explosive’s dog. When my brother was medically discharged, Ranger retired. I retrained him as a service dog.”

  “Service?”

  “My brother suffered from post-traumatic stress following his injury. It’s one of the things I do.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I work with a charity which trains dogs as companion animals. Ranger knew when Michael was experiencing anxiety and…”