Hearts Divided

by Masters, Ellie

  “Please don’t do this.” Her words shred his heart and rip out his guts. He’s hemorrhaging from the inside out, bleeding emotional devastation into the space between them.

  Holly pushes Ranger out of her lap and stands. She pulls the zipper of her dress down and steps behind a changing curtain. The wedding dress is off. The ring is off. And there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. He won’t survive another broken heart. He can’t, but that choice no longer belongs to him.

  Holly comes out from behind the curtain, tight jeans hug her lean legs and a white tee-shirt stretches across her tits. She grabs a jacket and shrugs it on.

  “Find Valerie, Sebastian. Talk to her. Figure out what’s left between the two of you. Your daughter may be nearly grown, but you deserve happiness, and to have the family you want without regret. Angel deserves to have a dad and maybe you need to chase the forever you lost with Valerie.” She taps the side of her thigh and Ranger shadows her as she walks out. Duke follows them with his eyes, then looks to Bash as if wondering why they aren’t following. Bash wipes at his cheeks and the moisture rolling down his face, then hugs his dog.

  40

  Bash

  Holly is gone.

  No one knows where she went. She slipped inside a cab and disappeared. Bash is fairly certain Forest knows exactly where Holly is, only the bastard’s lips are sealed. His heart is breaking and Forest meets his demands with a stony determination to remain silent. Bastard is a prick.

  When he gets back to the hotel, Angel is still there. He and the guys gather to question her and find out what’s happening. On the night of what should be his wedding, he’s sitting on a couch, staring at a young woman who claims she’s his daughter, and dying inside.

  Ash is with him, along with Spike and Noodles. Bent is with the girls, settling Piper and Skye downstairs. Ash explains who Valerie is to the guys and the importance she once held in Bash’s life, saving him from traveling down that memory lane.

  Valerie is the one thing he kept from the band. It hurt too much and cut too deep. He always thought if he didn’t talk about her, the pain of her leaving him would fade. Only it never did. It festered inside, rotted out his heart, and set him on a path of using cheap copies as quick indulgences and poor substitutes for the real thing.

  Until Holly.

  Why she struck a chord with him is something he doesn’t understand. Except from the moment saw Holly, she became a new obsession. She healed his heart and it now belonged solely to her. It took time to understand the feeling in his gut and longer to realize his heart once again beat with feelings for another person. Holly is his. She always will be.

  It’s been over an hour and he still can’t believe the seventeen-year-old sitting across from him is his daughter. Forest demands proof and Angel agrees to testing. There’s only one problem. She’s not old enough to consent to a paternity test, which is why Forest is on the phone. Bash ignores that conversation.

  Ash sits at the other end of the couch, nursing a glass of water. Angel sips soda, while Bash downs his second beer. Spike and Noodles drag chairs from the dining suite and gather in a loose semi-circle around the couch. They haven’t said a word and are still soaking in the news of his status as a dad. Forest paces behind the couch, phone to one ear as he barks orders.

  Forest interrogated Angel mercilessly until Bash called him off a few minutes ago. The poor girl folded in on herself beneath the barrage of questions. Now, she huddles on the couch, knees drawn tight to her chest. Spike grabs a blanket and wraps it around her bare legs and short skirt.

  “I don’t understand,” Bash says, repeating what they’ve already discussed. “Valerie just told you who I was?” His brows pinch together. “I thought she said I left you.”

  “She did, but she never told me who my father was, only that he left when she got pregnant.”

  “She lied about him leaving.” Ash says. “Although, I don’t understand why. Bash would’ve done anything for Valerie. You don’t understand what they meant to each other.”

  “Then tell me.” She looks between Ash and Bash, seeking answers. “If they were soulmates then why would she leave? To be honest, it makes more sense the other way around. As I understand it, Angel Fire was making waves in the music scene. It makes more sense for him to have abandoned her.”

  “Gee thanks,” Bash mumbles. “Sorry to disappoint. I might be many things, but I’m not a guy who would walk out on a kid.”

  “Technically,” Ash asserts, “Angel Fire wasn’t a thing when she left. It was just me and Bash writing songs and trying to make things work.” He jerks a thumb at Spike and Noodles. “These guys didn’t come on board until a few months later. Then Bent joined us. We were nothing back then, a bunch of juniors in high school with dreams of hitting it big. We had nothing.”

  There’s a knock on the door. It opens before Bash can respond. Bent ducks his curly mop of a head inside. “Hey, just wondering if you were all still here.”

  It’s late, almost morning. Bash lifts his arm and ushers Bent inside. “Pull up a chair.”

  “Shit, this looks like the Spanish Inquisition.” He walks over to Angel and stretches out his meaty hand. “Hey there, name’s Bent. Are these guys treating you okay? You feel safe? Need an exit?”

  “Shit Bent, what the hell do you think is going on?” Bash is about ready to kick Bent’s ass.

  “I see one terrified girl and…let’s see.” He points to each of them in turn. “One, two, three, four, five men staring at her.” He turns his attention back to Angel. “Seriously, if you need an out…”

  “Thanks, but I’m good.” She rewards Bent’s protectiveness with a smile.

  Shit, Bash should be the one looking out for her…for his daughter, not Bent. It’s surreal. He’s a dad. Forest makes another pass behind the couch and Bash itches to ask if he knows where Holly is, but the expression on Forest’s face makes him wary.

  Ash clears his throat. “After all these years, why do you think she finally told you who he is? Shit, why didn’t she ask for child support?”

  “Yeah.” Bash stands and Angel flinches, pulling the blanket up against her chin. He bites his tongue and heads for the bar and another beer. “I could’ve given you everything.”

  Angel’s chin quivers. “I don’t know, but there’s something you need to know about my mom.” She turns to Bash and bites her lower lip.

  “What?” Bash stops and pivots. His entire attention focuses on Angel. “What do I need to know?”

  Forest comes around the couch. “Holly boarded a plane for Santa Barbara five minutes ago. She told Skye to pass along a message.”

  “What?” His attention shifts from Angel to Forest.

  “You’re not going to like it.”

  “Just fucking tell me.” His heart slams against his ribcage.

  “It goes something like, I won’t be second choice.”

  “She’s not my goddamn second choice!” He runs his hand over his head. “Shit, this is all fucked up.”

  Forest turns to Angel. “Can I speak with you in private?”

  Angel gives a nod, but Bash intercepts. “No way in hell are you talking to her alone.”

  “Good thing we’re not in hell then, because I’m doing exactly that.” He pulls out his phone. “Angel, your mother wants to speak to you. She told me everything.”

  Angel gives a little squeak before launching out of the couch. “You called my mom? How did you get her number?”

  “What did you think was going to happen?” Forest gives an exaggerated eye-roll. He holds out the phone and gestures to the bedroom. “I’m assuming you’ll want to take this call privately?” He gives Angel a look. “And I’ve been instructed not to leave your side until you’re home safe and sound.”

  Angel glances over her shoulder at Bash. “I’m sorry.”

  41

  Bash

  Bash looks to his bandmates. “My perfect day is perfectly fucked.”

  Ash leans back and glanc
es at the retreating form of Forest and Angel. He shakes his head, then leans forward and lowers his voice. “None of this makes sense. Why would Valerie tell her kid you left, but not tell her who you were until now? It’s fucked. That’s for sure.”

  Spike’s knee bounces. “There has to be a reason. I mean, I get why she left.”

  “You do?” Bash leans forward. “Mind sharing? Because she was my everything.”

  “I thought Holly was your everything,” Spike replies with a glare.

  “Holly is my everything, but back then Valerie was my every-fucking-thing. Why would she run off? Huh? Tell me, why would she leave?”

  “Because she was pregnant, idiot.” Spike kicks back in the chair as if that statement makes any sense.

  “That’s exactly why she should have stayed.” Bash gives a frustrated shake of his head, then cradles his head in his hands.

  “Get your head out of your ass for a second and think about it,” Spike says with a snort.

  “I’ve done nothing but think about it all night.”

  “Okay, rocket scientist, you were sixteen, right?”

  “Yeah. So was she.”

  “Okay, so let’s say neither of you were really thinking straight.”

  “Okay?” But he doesn’t get where Spike is going with this.

  “You say she was your everything, your soulmate, right?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Let’s assume she felt the same.”

  “Which is exactly why she shouldn’t have left.”

  Spike leans forward and fixes Bash with a hard stare. “Dumbass, that’s exactly why she left.”

  “You’re not making any sense.”

  “Okay, why did Holly leave?” Spike’s game of twenty-questions is no fun.

  “Spike,” Ash says in a low, warning tone, but Spike presses on.

  “He needs to hear this. So do you, because you haven’t figured it out either.” He looks between Ash and Bash, then shakes his head. “You’re too close to see the truth.”

  “See what?”

  “Holly left because she loves you. Isn’t that what you said? She left because she loves you? Weren’t those her words?”

  Bash told them about Holly’s last words.

  Spike kept pressing. “Did she say, ‘Sometimes that means walking away’?”

  “Dude!” Noodles bellows and leaps to his feet. “I totally get it.” He points to Spike. “You’re dead on right!”

  “What the fuck are you two talking about?” Bash looks between his friends, then notices Bent nodding.

  Spike comes around and sits on the coffee table in front of Bash. His knees practically touch Bash’s. He’s too close. “Holly left because she loves you too much to keep you from what you love. For her, that’s Valerie. Valerie did the same thing. Think about it.”

  “I am thinking about it, and it doesn’t make sense. I would’ve done anything for her, dropped everything to be with her, support her, and raise our baby. She took that from me.”

  “And she gave you something else.” Ash rubs at his neck. “Shit, I get it now.”

  “Enlighten me,” Bash says.

  “She left,” Spike explains, “because of what you and Ash were building. I bet she thought you had a real chance. She left because she didn’t want to hold you back from what Angel Fire became.”

  Bash shakes his head. It makes terrible sense. “But she had no right.”

  “You can’t change the past, dude,” Noodles says, “but you can determine your future.”

  “I need to talk to Valerie,” Bash says.

  Forest returns from the bedroom with Angel in tow. “Pack your shit, Bash. We leave in thirty minutes.”

  “What do you mean?” Bash looks to Forest. “We have one more concert in Vegas. We’re not cancelling the day of. I won’t do that to the fans.”

  “We’ll be back in plenty of time.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Helicopter is on its way.” Forest leans down and whispers in Angel’s ear. Her head bobs with resigned acceptance of whatever he says.

  “Forest?” Ash stands and presses his hands against his thighs. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re headed to San Diego. It’s time to take Angel home.”

  “To Valerie?” He turns and looks to Ash.

  Forest gives a slow nod. “Yes, and Bash is coming with.”

  “He’s not going alone.” Ash comes over and gives Bash a quick ‘bro hug. “I’m coming with you.”

  Bash gulps. He doesn’t want to see Valerie, but as bad as this is going to be, he needs to close out that chapter in his life. It’s the only way he’ll be able to move forward. His gut twists, however, because what if Holly is right? What if there’s still a spark?

  “We’re coming too.” Spike says.

  Noodles and Bent take to their feet.

  “Definitely,” Bent says. “Let me tell Piper I’ll be out for the day. I’ll be right back.”

  “You guys don’t need to go,” Forest says. “It’s been a long night and nobody’s slept yet.”

  “We’ll sleep when we’re dead,” Spike says. “We’re family, and family sticks together. Give us five to grab our shit. Ash, you want me to tell Skye, or are you coming down?”

  Ash gives Bash a long hard look. Bash can tell Ash is torn between telling Skye he’s leaving and staying with Bash.

  “Go ahead,” Bash says. “Forest is here, just…” He glances to Angel. “Just don’t take too long. I have a feeling the Jolly Nordic Giant isn’t going to wait.”

  The guys leave to get their things while Bash heads to the bedroom to change. There’s no reason to pack a bag. They have another concert to perform before heading to the next stop of the tour. With the helicopter, they’ll fly down and be back in plenty of time. What state he’ll be in when they return is anyone’s guess.

  42

  Bash

  The flight is long and does nothing to improve Bash’s mood. The guys try to be supportive, but they’re getting on his nerves. Noodles drones on and on about fate and the intersection of destiny and karma. Ash sits beside him and says nothing. No words of support to ease the swirling mess of emotions running through him.

  He’s angry and uncertain. How is he going to react when he sees Valerie for the first time in nearly eighteen years? Does he love her? Hate her? He’s pissed about Angel and it’s going to be hardest not going off on Valerie about keeping his daughter a secret all these years. He missed everything.

  Ash knows the devastation Valerie created when she left, maybe that’s why Ash has nothing to say? Bent keeps a brooding intensity scrawled across his face. He’s no help.

  Angel sits opposite Bash, sandwiched between Forest and Spike. Spike sits too close and keeps leaning down to talk to Angel, whispering in her ear. He’s trying to be helpful and ease Angel’s discomfort, but it’s too intrusive.

  Forest is a rock. Always formidable, the man spends the entire flight on the phone doing whatever it is Forest does when he handles shit. When Forest isn’t on the phone, his fingers fly over the tablet in his lap. The man is king of multitasking.

  Before Bash’s frustration and irritation get the best of him, they’re landing at the local airport. A limousine waits on the tarmac, evidence of Forest’s skill in arranging the tiniest details. When they all pile inside, they take up the same positions they had inside the helicopter, except Bent sits up front with the driver. Ash and Noodles sit on either side of him, while Spike and Forest sit with Angel between them.

  Bash leans forward and brushes Angel’s knee with the pad of his thumb. “You okay?”

  She worries her lower lip with her teeth and twists her fingers in her lap. “There’s something I haven’t told you about mom.”

  “I think there are a lot of things your mother and I need to discuss. Why are you so nervous?”

  “She didn’t know.”

  “Know what?”

  “That I went to Vegas.”

  “She
doesn’t know you came to find me?”

  Angel winces. “She knows now.” She jerks her thumb toward Forest. “Hulk told her.”

  “Hey,” Forest says, “watch with the name calling, little girl.”

  “I’m not a little girl! And you are.”

  “Am what?” Forest asks.

  “A hulk. What are you? Seven-feet tall?” Angel crosses her arms under her breasts, and Bash’s stomach turns with the knowledge of exactly what he’d been thinking the first time he laid eyes on her chest. He wishes he had a jacket to cover her up.

  “I’m not that tall.” Forest says with a huff.

  “Shut up, Forest,” he says. “What exactly are we walking into here?”

  “You going to tell him now?” Forest says, “Or, are you going to let him walk into it unprepared.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” He leans back with exasperation.

  Angel hunches in on herself and tucks her chin to her chest. “I don’t wanna.”

  “He deserves to know.” Forest’s rumbly voice fills with tenderness.

  “Know what?” He asks.

  Angel looks up and tears fill her eyes. “Why mom finally told me who you were.”

  “And?” He’s tired of games, but Angel clams up again.

  Forest shifts in his seat, looks at Angel, then to Bash. He groans and sucks in a deep breath. Outside, the limo driver pulls up to a small stucco home.

  “Bash,” he says, “I’m sorry, but Valerie is dying.”

  43

  Bash

  Stage four breast cancer. Inoperable. Hospice. These are the words Forest uses to explain the truth Angel can’t speak.

  The reunion Bash expects, the one he fears, is nothing like he imagines. Chemotherapy and cancer destroy the girl he once loved, devouring her from the inside out. Too frail to stand, Valerie greets him in an overstuffed chair, emaciated and as bald as him. Her long, flowing red hair is nothing but a distant memory. She stares at him with sunken cheeks, hollow eyes, and a smile he doesn’t deserve. He should’ve been there for her. For everything.