Hidden Princess

by M. A. Roth

  Ndee helps Mei up beside me. “Now be good, Mei,” she says before giving me a quick smile as she leaves us.

  “She never lets me have fun.” Her little grumpy face causes Alana and me to laugh.

  “She cares about you, Mei.” But I know that is a hard thing to understand at such a young age.

  “I wish you were my mammy.” That would mean I had her when I was fourteen.

  “Maybe sister would be better?” I smile at her thoughtful face.

  “Can I tell you a secret, princess?” I wink at Alana, and she looks away as if the wall is so interesting. I bend down so she can whisper in my ear. “My brother would really like you.” She looks around once she has it said.

  “Why is that a secret?” I whisper back to amuse her.

  Her little face looks bewildered that I didn’t know. “We don’t speak of excels.”

  My heart pounds in my chest. What was the chances? I know she means exiles. The more I look at her the deeper it sinks in. “What is your brother’s name?”

  She doesn’t whisper in my ear this time. She just whispers his name while looking in my face with her big brown eyes. “Carew.”

  Oh God. I close my eyes briefly. Of course Carew. He looked like this tribe, but what did he do to be exiled? I couldn’t ask this child. Alana clears her throat and Mei sits up straight, looking a little frightened.

  I give Alana a scowl. Before turning back to Mei. “Don’t worry, Mei. Your secret is safe with me.” I kiss her forehead, the poor child.

  She sits with us, telling us all about her friend who can make water balls they launch at other kids. The more I spend time with this child, the more I know I’m going to miss her.

  “It’s time to bury Neve.” Alana says, and I knew it was, I was just avoiding the inevitability.

  I rise and Ndee is there immediately to take Mei who demands another hug that I give easily.

  Kiar, Tristan and Morrick are already there and Neve’s body is tied to a wooden raft, ready to be set free into the water.

  “Would anyone like to say anything?” Morrick asks.

  Kiar moves up beside Morrick without looking at the rest of us. “Yes, I would.”

  I bow my head as he speaks and focus on my shoes.

  “You were the best guardian I have ever worked with, Neve. You were more than my friend; you became my brother and I will never forget you.”

  I keep focusing on my shoes as my heart beats too fast in my aching chest.

  Tristan speaks briefly then, saying he died an honorable death in the path of war. Alana shakes her head when she is asked if she wants to say anything.

  “Would you like to say anything Sarajane?“ Morrick’s words have me looking up. My stomach tightens. I feel I should say something. Taking a few steps towards the water I inhale quickly.

  “Neve, you made me laugh at times when it felt it was impossible. You put your life in danger for my sister, and I will always be grateful. I will miss your big smile and crooked nose, and I’ll always keep my promise to you.” I nod at Morrick that I’m finished. It doesn’t seem enough, but it’s the best I can do. Alana squeezes my hand as Morrick, Tristan and Kiar push the raft out and light it on fire. His body drifts out to sea.

  Kiar stands looking out. I can see by his shoulders he is crying. I rub his back, but he shrugs my arm off. “Go away, Sarajane.”

  His anger feels so tangible right now. “Kiar, please.”

  He turns to me. “Because of you I have no brother, so just leave me alone.”

  Tristan gives him a warning glare, before addressing me. “Nobody blames you, Sarajane. He died at war, the way most of us will go. Kiar knows that. Isn’t that right, Kiar?”

  Kiar doesn’t turn around. “Yes, that’s right.” But his body language says it all.

  “Don’t do that to yourself.” Tristan’s words are soft and spoken low. They are just for me.

  My vision shimmers as I look up at him. “I can’t help it.”

  Tristan takes a step closer to me and my stomach tightens. I take a step back not wanting his sympathy. “I have to meet Mirium so I better go.” I turn my back and leave. No one stops me and I’m not sure how that makes me feel.

  Mirium is waiting for me in my hut. I walk past him and pour myself a mug of water.

  “That was hard.”

  I gulp some water down. “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Mirium’s presence will be a good distraction. “So I ask any question and you answer it?” I take off my boots and sit cross legged on the couch.

  “I will be as honest and exact as I can.”

  “Okay, so there are really three angels here, right now as we speak?” I ask.

  “Yes, they are in Hummus.”

  This is hard to believe. I grip my crossed legs. “Real life angels with the wings and all?”

  Mirium smiles. “Yes, they are very much real.”

  “Can everyone see them?”

  Mirium considers this. “No, they are kept safe, as they are dying, and if they die, we die. Not many people even know they’re still here. If everyone knew, how would we keep them safe?”

  “So this fourth angel, Lucian, he is like a bad angel that I have to kill?”

  “You can’t kill him. You must vanquish him to the underworld, and yes, he is bad.” Mirium sits so still. It’s not with an awkwardness or anything. It’s with such surety of himself. There is a calm in Mirium that I envy.

  “So explain to me how Bellona ties into all of this and why she wants me.”

  “As far as we have gathered, Bellona is working with Lucian to capture you. She must be getting something in return to do this deed with Lucian. We are not sure if Lucian knows who you are or if he just wants your power. None of that is clear to us,” Mirium says.

  “What have the exiles got to do with this?” I ask.

  “We believe the exiles are being used by Lucian, but they are soulless creatures now, so they do not always follow orders as they should, but he seems to have recruited them.”

  This makes me think of Carew. “Will Carew become like them?”

  Mirium’s eyes widen briefly; then he smiles a little. “Ah, I should have seen this coming. So you met Carew?”

  I nod.

  “When someone is exiled from their community, they have committed a crime so they are banished to the mountains, never to return. They live, sleep and eat whatever they can scavenge. As you know, we live a long life, as in a couple hundred years, but the exiles can live to be a few thousand years old. That is why they take on the form of a creature, from the harsh weather and conditions. They usually go mad from the lack of living amongst people, and then we believe with their dark thoughts they lose their souls so they live forever as soulless and tormented creatures. The more intelligent ones can still communicate.”

  I feel sick. Why not just put them in prisons?

  “So if Carew carries on the path he is on, yes, one day a long time in the future he would become one of them.”

  My stomach tightens at the possibility of someone like him turning into one of them.

  “But if he has a reason to fight for his soul, he will remain human.”

  I look at Mirium. “How do you mean fight for his soul?”

  “If he truly asks for forgiveness for his crimes.”

  This sounds simple. “He seemed nice, well, kinda. So why would he not?”

  “Carew would never ask for forgiveness. He would do it all over again if he had to. You see, he killed his own father by stabbing him twenty times in the heart and then strangled his mother.”

  I am shocked at the level of violence. Jesus, he could have killed me. What a monster.

  “So I do not believe there is any way to save Carew. How did you meet him?”

  “He saved me when his exiles tried to kill me.”

  Mirium rises. “What do you mean his exiles?”

  “He said he was their master. Why?”

  Mirium sits back now “Sorry.
Nothing. We will leave it there for now. I have other matters to discuss with Musa.”

  Mirium’s abrupt departure rattles me. It has something to do with Carew.

  “Oh, I have chosen Tristan and Alana to be your guardians until you have fulfilled your calling.”

  “What about Kiar?” I ask.

  “Do you want him as one also?” Mirium looks ready to leave.

  “Yes, please.”

  Mirium waves his hand. “I will inform them all straight away. I must go. We shall talk tomorrow.”

  I hate being alone but it doesn’t last long. Mirium has only been gone five minutes when Kiar bursts in my door with Tristan and Alana trying to calm him down.

  “I will not guard you.” Kiar’s snarls.

  Tristan steps forward his face tight with barely controlled anger. When his eyes meet mine I shake my head and he stays still.

  I had made a promise to Neve, and I intended to keep it. Standing a little taller I face Kiar. “Yes, you will.” I tell him.

  Kiar’s fist curls into a ball as he takes a step towards me, Tristan moves too, but once again when I shake my head he stops. “Why are you doing this?”

  I try to act calm, even though his hate for me is tearing me apart. “I want to be protected by the best people, Kiar, so you’re one of my guardians.”

  He steps away from me before returning breathing heavy. “I won’t protect you.”

  “You will protect me.” My words come out louder than I intended. Kiar shakes his head before leaving. Alana doesn’t look at me as she chases after him.

  Tristan is still here, staring at me with too many questions in his eyes. “Why do you want him to protect you so bad?”

  “I just do Tristan, okay.” I feel exhausted suddenly. I sit down on the couch that I had just vacated only moments ago.

  Tristan’s steps are measured and controlled as he walks over and kneels down in front of me. His hands rest either side of my thighs. Too close, my mind is screaming.

  “I want an answer. Why Kiar?” Tristan’s question sounds like an accusation.

  My heart races. “I want a lot of things but we don’t always get what we want.”

  I look away from Tristan but his hand reaches up and holds my chin making me look at him. “You have feelings for Kiar?”

  I push his hand away from my face. “Don’t be so silly.”

  Tristan doesn’t look satisfied. “I’m not. I see how you look at him.”

  Laughter that I didn’t expect bubbles up my throat. “Are you jealous?”

  His answer is abrupt. “Yes.” He rises then, running his hand through his long hair. “You know how I feel. I make it perfectly clear, yet—” He cuts himself off, looking frustrated.

  My heart thrashes against my chest. “How do you feel about me?” My voice shakes.

  He turns to me, looking defeated. “I don’t want him near you, Sarajane, or any other man.” He runs his hand through his hair again.

  “I don’t like Kiar like that. I just made a promise to Neve to look out for him so what better way if he is always with me?” I confess easily. I’m stunned by what he is saying.

  He looks thrown off for a second and a little lost for words.

  “Good, that’s good.”

  I raise both eyebrows. “Yes?”

  He kneels back down and smiles at me, a real smile. My heart races again when he smiles at me. He is divine.

  “Yes,” he says and then kisses me. It isn’t gentle. The kiss feels urgent and full of need, but I return it with my own urgency. He is the first to break the kiss, both of us breathless.

  “You need your rest.” He kisses my nose and smiles his full-watt smile. My pulse spikes as he walks to the door. “Sleep, princess,” he says over his shoulder before he leaves.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  SARAJANE

  I’m smiling to myself long after Tristan has left. It’s the silence that creeps in first before all my troubles come pouring in. I’ve nothing to do to distract myself, only try and sleep. I’m surprised when I do fall asleep. Faces keep haunting me—Neve, Clive, Taurus and the guard I stabbed, who calls himself Ovid. When I awake, his name circles in my head. It isn’t possible for the dead to speak in your dreams. Yet this world teaches me that anything at all is possible.

  A shiver snakes up my spine and I jump out of bed not wanting that thought to linger. I change into fresh clothes and wash my face and teeth. Mum and Jessica are leaving today and I need to put on a brave face. I leave my hut and find Alana waiting outside for me.

  “Good morning.” She throws me an apple.

  “Is it poisoned?” I ask before taking a bite.

  She bats her eyelids innocently. “Would I?”

  I laugh and take a bite. “Yes, you would.”

  We make our way through the settlement. It is back to being full of people, but there’s an undercurrent of unease. “What’s going on?” I ask Alana.

  “I don’t think we are welcome anymore,” Alana says, but she sounds like she doesn’t care.

  We make our way to the main barn where Morrick, my mum, Jessica and Legis are waiting. I haven’t seen Legis in a long time. I feel bad that I haven’t missed his presence. Tristan and Kiar arrive after Alana and me, and then Mirium follows. I don’t sit down, but lean against a wall, eating my apple. Every bite I’m finding it hard to swallow, as Mum and Jessica’s departure shadows over me, so I give up.

  “Legis and myself will take both of you across,” Morrick says, holding my mum’s face. I look away, feeling like I’m invading a private moment. Alana must have felt the same. She comes over and stands beside me.

  “Really, you will come with me?” Astonishment sounds in my mother’s voice.

  “But I can’t stay, Marta.” He sounds like he wishes he could.

  “I understand,” my mum replies.

  “How are you holding up?” Alana asks while nudging my side.

  I shrug my shoulders, not sure how I feel. I’m trying not to allow myself to feel anything. “Fine.”

  Alana raises one of her pointed eyebrows. “Yes, you look the picture of calm.” Her sarcasm is always there and it makes this situation almost feel normal.

  “Sarajane.” Morrick’s voice makes me look up. “Tristan, Alana and Kiar are now your personal guardians, I believe?” he asks.

  “Yes, they are.”

  “Good, they will stay with you at all times as I cross over. On my return, we will leave for Hummus.”

  I just nod and look at Jessica and my mum. Bad idea. My stomach tightens with fear. What if I never seen them again? I am allowed to go with Morrick, Legis, Jessica and my mum to the front gates to say my good-byes.

  My mum is in a flood of tears and she won’t let go of me. “Mum, it will be fine. I am safe. Please don’t worry.”

  She kisses my forehead. “My brave child, how did you come to be so brave?”

  I smile back at her, “From you, of course.” My eyes burn. Next is Jessica. I hug her and speak into her neck. “I wish I could come, Jess. I really do.”

  “I know, Sarajane. I will miss you.” I give her another hug, but we can’t wait much longer. The drawbridge is being let down.

  “Mum, will you do something for me?” I ask before she climbs up on the horse.

  “Anything, sweetheart.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “Tell dad… Tell him I’m sorry.”

  My mother races back over to me, grabbing me, and I cling to her.

  “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”

  “Marta, I am sorry. We must go,” Morrick calls from the horse.

  My mother kisses both my cheeks. “I will see you soon. This isn’t good-bye, Sarajane.”

  A nod is all I can manage as she walks away and gets up on the horse. I’m glad when she doesn’t look back. I stand and watch as they pass the drawbridge.

  A hand slips into mine. It’s warm and strong. “Are you all right?”

  I glance at Tristan his face is tens
e with worry.

  “Distract me, Tristan.”

  He looks at me so seriously. “Okay.”

  He takes my hand, leading me to my hut. I’m not sure of exactly how he’s going to distract me. Once the door is closed, he stands right in front of me, just looking at me. I shift under his heavy gaze.

  “You are so beautiful,” he says while taking a step closer to me. I look away. I don’t feel very beautiful. He moves my face around, forcing me to look at him. “Look at me, Sarajane.”

  I swallow as his thumb strokes my cheek. “Your really good at distracting me.“ I say with half a smile.

  He doesn’t smile. He closes the distance between us. His lips touch mine. It’s brief and light but I feel it all the way down to my toes. I haven’t closed my eyes. I’m captured by his deep green ones. He kisses my bottom lip now and my hands move up to his chest for support. My heart feels like a trapped rabbit and I close my eyes as I deepen the kiss. My body trembles with a need I try to suppress. The caress of Tristan’s thumbs move to my neck before his hands get lost in my hair. I moan through half open lips.

  Tristan breaks the kiss while leaning his forehead against mine. I try to catch my breath before I look up at him. My stomach twists. Green eyes are locked onto me.

  “I love you, Sarajane.” He doesn’t shy away after saying it but keeps me in place with his hands in my hair.

  My pulse spikes as I inhale his breath that brushes against my lips. “I love you too.”

  His face breaks into his rare and divine smile and I melt as he bends his head down and kisses my neck, his hair tantalizing my skin.

  “Come on.” He releases me and takes my hand. I’m not sure where we are going but the couch isn’t what I expect. When Tristan sits down and pulls me beside him I can only stare. He sits back facing me and throws his arm over the back of the couch. The gesture is so … normal. I’m still frozen as he takes my hand in his and entwines our fingers. His smile has me dipping my head to try and hide my own smile.

  “This is nice.” I say. My heart is still racing every time I snatch a glance at him.

  Green moss eyes consume me and I try not to shift or squirm. Tristan looks at our joined hands and pulls my hand to his chest protectively. I don’t know why, but this makes me think of Liber.