Clarity Castle

by Marie-Hélène Lebeault

  On Wednesdays, I had a somewhat private chat with Dad for twenty minutes. Mom had to be visible in the shot, so she sat reading the paper at the dining room table and I angled my laptop so my back was to her and she could be seen through my bedroom door.

  Penny had her twenty minutes when I was done while Mom sat next to her and pretended not to be paying attention. It worked. It was like Dad was at an out-of-town conference.

  On Saturdays, we drove over to visit him and spent a couple of hours there. When the weather was warmer, we could have the visits in a special courtyard. But for now, it was in the visitors’ room.

  When the last day of March finally arrived, I was more than ready to go back to the yellow room. Before bed, I hugged Penny and drank in her features. Spending time with her and Dad had been a treat, and I got why April wanted to go back in time and try to change things. If she could convince Dad not to do it, her life was going to be awesome.

  Chapter 18

  When I opened my eyes and saw April sitting next to me, I wrapped my arms around her and said, “I’m so sorry that happened to you!”

  She nodded sadly and got up to leave. “I’ll let you get on with your visits. We’ll talk soon,” she said and faded out of sight.

  “Hey, I’m May,” said a girl from behind me. I twisted back to look at her, but she had already taken April’s seat.

  “Hi, I’m March,” I replied lamely. She smiled. She and I were wearing the same outfit; blue fleece pyjama bottoms and a black top with the words ‘Fabulous’ written in rainbow letters.

  “Do you need a break?” she asked.

  “That depends on what I’m about to walk into,” I said warily. I was not actually tired. I wondered if all this activity would upset my sleep cycle. Do I even have time to dream regular dreams when I’m here? I wondered.

  She had that secret smile I had when I was trying not to spill the beans. “Let’s just say you’ll feel right at home in my life,” she replied cryptically.

  I turned my palms face up and she slapped them like she was playing pattycake.

  * * *

  At first, I thought there had been a mistake and I had woken up at home in my reality. Same pyjamas, same room, same house. Mom was in the kitchen making coffee. She was in her pyjamas too.

  On the last three visits, I had arrived on Sunday night before March break begun. I was confused. May gave Mom a hug and took a sip from her coffee.

  “Make your own!” she exclaimed.

  “I only need a sip. If I take any more, I’ll get addicted. Like you,” I replied sweetly.

  Mom shook her head at me and asked what I had planned for the day.

  “I’m meeting Mel, Julie, and Sam at the lake after lunch,” I said, putting bread in the toaster.

  “Make sure you keep your distance,” she replied from her desk.

  May replied, “don’t worry, Mom. We’ll be safe.” Mom put her headphones on and started working. Was she working on a Sunday?

  May poured orange juice in a glass and took a sip while she waited for the toasts to pop out and I was left wondering about what Mom had said about distance. Was she worried I’d fall through the ice? The lake’s been frozen solid for over a month. We always checked the city website before heading out. I shook my head. Moms are weird.

  After breakfast, May settled on the couch to read The Giver. By the time I would have visited each of my other realities, there was a chance that it no longer would be one of my favourite books. For now, I read along.

  Right before lunch, Mom told me she’s going for a walk and asked if I wanted to join her. I declined, saying I would get enough fresh air and exercise when I went skating. It was a short walk and when she came back, I had warmed up some chilli for us to eat.

  Mom couldn’t give me a ride, she had to work. It turned out to be Monday. I walked the two and a half kilometres to the lake, cutting through the woods. What a difference six weeks made, I thought. When I walked this path a few days ago, it was mid-April and full-on spring. Now, the path was iced over, it was below freezing, and I was happy I had put on my long johns under my jeans.

  I was the last to arrive at the lake. The others were seated on outdoor benches putting their skates on. It was so weird, they were sitting really far apart. I was actually wondering why they were not inside where it was warm.

  May headed to an empty bench and started putting on her skates. I passed an elderly couple on my way and saw they were wearing surgical masks. I frowned, but May just kept walking. Once we all had our skates on, we took turns going down the ramp to the lake, so as not to bump into each other. Why would that matter? Wasn’t that half the fun, bumping into each other and falling on our butts?

  On the lake, all the adults were wearing masks like the elderly people. Only children and teenagers didn’t have them. This was very odd—to me anyway. No one else seemed bothered by it and my friends didn’t comment on it.

  We skated in a square formation, two meters apart. The two in front were skating backwards so we could talk and we switched places after a while. Now I knew something was wrong. It was like we were all in that movie, Six feet apart.

  I was trying to figure it out. Some people were close, holding hands even, while others were like us, keeping their distance. I guess they’re couples. The families were close too. This was so weird.

  After about an hour, we’re all frozen and decided to head back to put our freezing boots on. I was dying for a hot chocolate from the vendor inside, but there was a sign on the door saying that they were closed due to COVID-19. What the heck was that? Was there an outbreak of some kind? Was that why a lot of people were wearing masks?

  It’s so frustrating being a passenger in this life! I wanted answers and I couldn’t get online and look it up. I would just have to wait and see, which was not my strong suit!

  There were no hugs goodbye, only air kisses and a promise to meet up online later to play a game called ‘Among Us.’ I made the trek home, jumped in the shower to warm up, and then made myself a hot chocolate.

  Now that I thought about it, why was Mom working in her pyjamas? Though she mostly worked from home, she still put on her work clothes and a pair of earrings every day. Probably had something to do with that COVID-19 thing.

  I grabbed my laptop and headed for the living room in case our game got rowdy and disturbed Mom. We had a great time and all too soon Mom was telling me to come help with dinner.

  Other than having to wear masks and sit apart at the movies, March break turned out to be pretty much the same as the one I had. When school started up again, that’s where the biggest differences set in.

  First, Mom worked from home a hundred percent of the time now. Any interviews she needed to conduct were done through videoconference. This wouldn’t be an issue, except school was also online.

  Mom and I had to coordinate our schedules so we could talk freely while not disturbing the other. We set up a rolling workstation either of us could move to another room for added privacy.

  I really enjoyed remote school but May missed seeing her friends every day. It occurred to me that we didn’t see Nana as much, and only outside our respective homes. Since Nana hated the cold, she mostly dropped by and stayed in her car while Mom and I froze and talked through the window.

  I learned that this had been going on for about a year and folks were optimistic. They had just rolled out a vaccine and life would probably go back to being normal-ish within the year.

  I took two walks every day to stay sane and compensate for the lack of Phys. Ed. classes and sitting on my butt all day. Mom did the same, but we didn’t go at the same time. We spent enough time together as it was and this was the only alone time we got.

  Most of my friends complained about spending so much time with their families. The news reported an all-time high of domestic abuse cases as well as mental health issues, in addition to the daily mortality rate due to the virus.

  But things at home were great. Mom and I had actually grow
n closer from spending so much time together. She was checking that I was ok, worried I might feel isolated.

  She hardly left the house other than for exercise. She had our groceries delivered, shopped online, and didn’t see her friends. I was growing worried about her. But she said she liked it better this way, and that her friends understood.

  I, on the other hand, saw my friends as often as the weather permitted. The warmer it got, the happier we were. We mostly went sledding or skating, but soon we would be walking when the iced melted. And we played games or chatted online, which we used to do anyway.

  They said we humans could adapt to anything, and it had to be true. Otherwise, why would May stick it out if she didn’t have to? Technically, she could jump right into my life and put this whole pandemic behind her.

  Now I was wondering if the other girls even knew about my life. May had intimated that she knew it looked a lot like hers. Did my whole year load into their memories when I started coming to Clarity Castle? I’d have to ask the Teacher or January.

  Maybe I needed to get through all the March memories as well for any of us to be able to make significant changes, not just April.

  At the end of the month, I was a little sad to be leaving. I was very comfortable in May’s life and wondered if it was worth exploring a switch. I know it sounded crazy but it was a cozy life. Why would anyone willingly jump into a timeline where there was an outbreak of a killer virus?

  Chapter 19

  I woke up in my own bed. Had I gotten the dates wrong? Checking my phone, I saw that it was indeed the seventeenth of April. Why hadn’t I gone back to the Castle? Maybe they hadn’t meant for me to visit all the realities in one go.

  I was relieved. I felt like I had been gone for months when I had merely been asleep for ten hours. It boggled the mind.

  I got up and saw Mom at her computer, headphones off. She was on Facebook. When she heard me, she got up to give me a hug. I held her just a little longer than usual.

  “Are you feeling okay,” she asked as she checked my forehead.

  I kissed her cheeks and replied, “ I had a nightmare last night. Now that I see it was only a dream, I feel fantastic!”

  Which I realized was true. I berated myself for even entertaining the thought of choosing May’s reality. Okay, I was not thrilled about my upcoming Phys. Ed classes. The French classes, however, were actually worse when done online. There was so much more talking required!

  And if I wanted Mom and me to be closer, I could just intend it the way I had intended a better grade on my exam. For that matter, I could totally change my perspective about gym class. If February was any indication, I had some badass genes in me somewhere. I could activate them and enhance my physical performance. Or take a page from January’s playbook and increase my general confidence. Yes, that’s what I’d do.

  After breakfast, I went to my room to do my homework. At around ten, I got a text from Sam.

  “Do you need help going over the math concepts before the test?” he wrote.

  I lied and replied, “no, I’m good. Thanks for offering!” and added a “hug” emoji for good measure.

  His response came quickly, “you bet. TTL!”

  The truth was, I was still weirded out by the memories of him as my boyfriend. How would I ever look him in the eye again? I tried to imagine Sam as anything but my best friend and I couldn’t. It gave me the creeps.

  My concentration was shot and I checked the time. It was a little too early for lunch, so I decided to go for a walk. The weather was gorgeous and I was glad I had come out. I walked to the woods and headed for the quarry. No castle.

  I headed to the lake, but I didn’t sit to bask in the sun. I was afraid I’d pop right back to the Castle, and I would prefer to enjoy this moment. The weather had been unseasonable warm and a lot of people had come out to enjoy the trails. I didn’t want to risk zoning out and having people think there was something wrong with me. Hopefully, it was only a temporary glitch that I lately appeared at the Castle every time I relaxed. Otherwise, I’d never be relaxed again!

  Now that I knew I could choose to go anytime, and could for sure go every night, I assumed there was really no need to seize every opportunity.

  When I got home, Mom had made burgers on the grill. She was getting Spring fever too!

  “Do you want to eat outside?” she asked.

  I would normally decline on account of killer hornets and the like. But as they had likely not gotten the memo that spring had arrived early, I figured we’d be safe.

  “Sure,” I said while wondering how we would manage it without a table and chairs. As though reading my mind, mom said, “I’ll need your help getting the patio set out of the garage. For now, I think we can balance our plates on our laps and sit in the chairs around the firepit.”

  We had lunch and chatted about when we’d open the pool for the summer. Mom liked to do it early in the season because she said the water didn’t need so many chemicals and, with the solar cover, the water would be ready when we were.

  I got a few more hours of homework done before Mom reminded me about the patio set. It took us no more than fifteen minutes, but now that I was out, I didn’t want to go back in. I texted Mel and asked if she wanted to go for a bike ride. She replied with three side laugh-out-loud emojis.

  I replied with bicycle emoji and prayer hands.

  “We haven’t gone for a bike ride in ages. Why not? Let me just make sure I still have a bike and get back to you,” she texted back.

  I had to make sure as well, I realized. I went back into the garage and added air to my tires. I brought the bike out near the front of the house. Mom was putting away the shovels.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” she said when she saw the bike.

  Just then, Mel texted back and said she’d meet me at the lake in five minutes. Yes!

  “What? It’s Springtime and we’ve been cooped up inside all winter,” I said in my defence.

  Mom shrugged but reminded me I needed to wear a helmet. Ugh. I rode back to the garage, wiped the cobwebs from my helmet, and put it on. As I rode to the lake, I wondered why I stopped riding my bike. This was so much fun, a lot faster than walking. Okay, the helmet felt goofy, but I noticed I wasn’t the only one wearing one. Even Mel had one on when I got to the lake.

  We rode around town until it’s time to go home for dinner. Now that I could intend good grades, it seemed I’d have more time for fun and friends. We agreed to do it again tomorrow and to invite Julie and Sam too. I’d just have to push the memories of Sam and me as a couple at the back of my brain.

  As I rode home, I was fantasizing that Nana would be there with lasagna, garlic bread, and apple pie until I remembered she had left for her trip to Morocco. When I got home, however, Mom has ordered our favourite Hawaiian pizza and she had made brownies for dessert!

  After washing my hands, I asked if she wanted me to get the salad going and she replied, “let’s skip it, tonight.” She looked at my astonished face and added, “and how about we eat in front of the TV while we watch our movie?”

  I was slack jawed. No veggies and eating in front of the TV had to be among the restricted activities in every parent’s manual. Since it was not my birthday, I couldn’t imagine what had gotten into her. Before I even knew how to respond, I was saying, “I love you, Mom,” and rushing into her arms.

  She laughed and pulls me in closer. “If I had known that’s all it took, I’d have stunted your growth and done this years ago,” she joked.

  Aware that this display of affection was not entirely due to the meal, I was having a hard time expressing how much I appreciated the mom I had in this reality, and could only imagine how that would go over were I to say it out loud. Instead, I said, “that’s not it. I just don’t tell you often enough. And I really appreciate everything you do to make my life easier.”

  Mom got teary-eyed and waved her hands in front of her face. “I love you too, baby girl. You are God’s gift to
a single mother,” she replied and drew me back in for another hug.

  “Okay, we should get this show on the road before the pizza gets cold,” she said finally. “What movie do you want to watch?” she asked as we take our plates to the living room and set them on the tray tables we never used.

  “Can we watch Crazy Rich Asians again?” I asked. Mom and I had seen it at the movie theatre and we had absolutely adored it. We had watched it again when it came out on the streaming service. We tended to re-watch our favourite movies at regular intervals, and I was hoping there had been enough time since our last viewing for her to agree to it.

  “Why not? Set it up while I get a glass of wine,” she said and headed into the kitchen.

  The movie was as amazing the third time around as it had been the first. It’s so romantic. I’m sure this was why Mom wasn’t dating anyone and why I had no interest in the boys at school. We’ve been spoiled by perfect romantic lead males in the movies we watched. I was in no hurry, and Mom shouldn’t have to settle!

  After the movie, we did the dishes together and Mom asked if I wanted to go for a short stroll to digest all the goodies we ate. I was surprised at this new twist in our routine and started to wonder if this was the outcome of my intending a closer relationship with my mom. I agreed and we headed out for a quick walk around the block. The stars were out and the air was crisp and fragrant with new life as nature woke up.

  I went to bed refreshed and eager to visit my remaining alternate selves. Well, the ones from my group anyway. I fell asleep wondering when I’d get to visit selves from other groups and other times.

  Chapter 20

  When I arrived at the Castle, June, July, and August were waiting for me. They were wearing identical lavender silk pyjamas and all three were wearing their hair in a loose braid down their backs. They were indistinguishable and I assumed that meant their lives were rather similar.