Crazy Mad Life

by Candy J. Moon

Chapter Ten

  I gulped. There was no way out of this one, short of finding some magic clock which could turn back time.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “I’ve just been depressed …”

  “So you’ve gone off my music and I’m not to be trusted, eh?” He sounded hurt and angry. “Geez! What more can I say? Sorry it didn’t work out.” He terminated the call.

  I stared at my phone, then I stared at his posters, then I lay down and stared at the ceiling feeling like I’d just been hit by a speeding bus and hurled into the air. Sleep didn’t happen that night.

  Three miserable days passed, during which time I kept up a brave face at work, confiding only in Mum and Suki about what had happened. They both thought I was crazy.

  “How can being with your favourite star be depressing?” Mum asked angrily. “Going out with your favourite star is something most of us can only dream of.”

  “I can’t believe you blew it with Nutty,” Suki said unsympathetically.

  I sent Nutty several ‘sorry’ texts and tried phoning him numerous times, but I was ignored.

  On Saturday morning, I woke feeling like I couldn’t face the world and contemplated phoning in sick. But then I decided I wasn’t going to feel any better moping about at home, so I set out to face the day, getting a lift from Mum. At ten to nine, I entered the theatre, stomped miserably up the depressingly grey concrete stairs and strode into the phone room, still just about managing to keep up the brave face. I still hoped things would somehow be alright again.

  I walked through the door to find Suki, Dana, Rose, Kalisha and Mike gathered around Suki’s mobile watching a video. As soon as they saw me, they all looked up and stared. Confused, I stared back.

  Then Suki spoke. “Have you seen the Nutty Plonker footage?”

  I didn’t reply. Why were they calling him Nutty Plonker? I wondered for a moment if I was in the middle of some peculiar dream.

  “What’s wrong with Nutty?” Dana asked. “Is he on drugs?”

  Still unable to speak, I just stood there open-mouthed hoping I was right about it being a dream. I certainly felt like I was in some weird dreamlike state.

  “He was drunk onstage last night,” Suki said. “Dana’s daughter found this video on Twitter this morning under the nuttyplonker hashtag.”

  We sat down together and she showed me the two-minute footage of Nutty staggering about onstage at some club, dressed only in his boxer shorts, trainers and a beanie hat, forgetting half the words to Hi-Five - one of his best tunes. Then he fell sideways off the stage and could be heard crying and cursing before the filming ceased.

  I looked at Suki. “Oh my God!”

  “At least it shows he thought a lot about you for it to affect him like this,” she whispered. “Perhaps there’s still hope.”

  “He’s ignored all my texts and calls,” I replied. “I don’t know what else I can do. Perhaps something else has upset him.”

  Suki laughed. “I doubt it Yazmin. Looks to me like you’ve really hurt him.”

  I ended up explaining the situation to the office, who all thought I was a total wacko.

  I woke up the following morning to a horrible, grey, rainy day which did nothing to help my depression. At least it was Sunday, so I wouldn’t have to face everyone at work. There was also the slim hope Nutty might get in touch, but he could have his pick of girls, so the chance seemed very slim. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet for having been stupid enough to send that text to him in error.

  The morning was brightened just a little when I received a phone call from Suki.

  “Hiya!” she said excitedly. “You know that empty shop at the far end of the High Street?”

  “That ghastly depressing looking place with the posters stuck all over the windows?”

  “That’s it. Well, Mum’s just shown me a flyer. It’s been turned into a psychic shop with a café inside! Fancy a coffee?”

  “Today?” I asked hopefully.

  “Yeah - shall I pop round in about forty-five mins?”

  “That’d be fab!” I said, cheering up a little. “Look forward to it!”

  She arrived slightly earlier than expected and we strode into town through spitting rain. I gasped in delight as I saw the new shop for the first time. The formerly dark and depressing place now looked bright, sparkly and exciting. The wooden window and door frames had been painted a lovely shade of purple and the windows were full of all manner of mysterious and wonderful things.

  Suki went ahead of me and opened the door. Inside was like an Aladdin’s cave of treasures. The lilac walls were lined with shelves containing books, baskets of crystals, tarot decks, spell kits, incense sticks, tie-dye scarves and all sorts of interesting stuff. In the centre was a table draped in a black cloth and lain with mystical pewter and diamond figures - elves, wizards, fairies and dragons. Close to the window were two stands of new age greetings cards.

  Behind the counter stood an old, pale, eccentric-looking lady with pencilled on eyebrows and a big puff of orange hair. “Welcome!” she said warmly, gazing at us with a big smile plastered across her wrinkly face. She seemed very nice, although I found her demeanour a little frightening.

  “Hiya!” Suki said. “Is the café open?”

  “Indeed it is!” said the old lady, leading us through a beaded curtain at the back of the shop. “Welcome to The Fortune Café!”

  The sight took our breath away. The café was beautiful. Its deep purple walls were decorated with golden suns, silver moons, and brass zodiac signs. The dozen or so tables were draped with purple star-speckled cloths. A dark wood counter full of domed cakes stood on the left. Behind it was a gleaming coffee machine and a huge blackboard price-list with the menu painted on in an array of pastel colours.

  “Wow!” Suki gasped. “This is beautiful. I can’t believe we’re the only customers!”

  “We only opened yesterday,” the lady smiled. “It was almost full at one point yesterday morning. Give it time …”

  “We’ll certainly tell everyone about it!” Suki beamed. “We work at the theatre. My mum and gran will love it here too!”

  “That’s very kind,” the lady smiled. “Thank you for that. I feel your gran isn’t too well nowadays, at least with regards to her mind.”

  Suki looked taken aback. “How do you …?”

  “I’m a medium and clairvoyant,” the lady replied. “She’s in good hands anyway - your family are doing a wonderful job.”

  Suki’s jaw dropped in amazement.

  I was hoping the clairvoyant would have something positive to say about Nutty and me, but then a young, dark-haired girl dressed all in black entered the café.

  “This is Tabitha - my granddaughter,” the old lady said, gesturing toward the girl. “She’ll be happy to serve you. Oh, and I’m Esmerelda - the owner.”

  “Nice to meet you both,” Suki said, as I stood behind her, grinning.

  We studied the blackboard and browsed the cakes.

  “They’re all lovely,” Tabitha said. “Mum and I baked them. They’re very healthy - no animal products.”

  “Perfect!” Suki said. “I’ll have Merlin cake and a large black Americano please.”

  “Certainly!” Tabitha said, starting the coffee grinder.

  “I’ll have a large black coffee too,” I said. “And Carob Zodiac cake.”

  “Coming right up!” said Tabitha. “Take a seat.”

  We chose a table in the centre of the back wall, then Tabitha brought everything over.

  “Oh my goodness, thank you!” Suki beamed. “I love it here!”

  “Enjoy!” Tabitha said.

  “We will,” I replied, tucking into my Zodiac cake. The cake was second to none - velvety smooth and chocolatey.

  “Can I try a bit?” Suki asked. I gave her a small chunk and she let me try some of her Merlin cake - a light and delicious layered cake with blackcurrant jam and purple icing. “These are the best cakes ever!” she said. �
��So, I take it you’ve heard no more from Nutty.”

  I bowed my head. “No. I guess it’s over.”

  “It’s only been a few days,” Suki said. “You never know …”

  “I think I’ve definitely blown it,” I moaned. “He can have his choice of girls.”

  “But you saw the footage. He’s obviously sad about it. How about sending him a text?”

  “I’ve already sent him half a dozen and tried to phone but he’s ignored me. Mum said I’ve got more chance if I leave him alone. She thinks bombarding him will make things even worse.”

  “Yeah - I guess she has a point,” Suki said. “Anyway, perhaps you should wait a couple of days and then try again. Don’t go over the top - just say you saw the video and you were concerned about him.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. “Won’t it look a bit obvious though? I don’t know what to do.”

  “He looked really heartbroken in the video - you need to take positive action.”

  Something lit up inside me, but I said nothing. I still wasn’t sure what to do. Perhaps staying silent for a while would be best.

  “Thanks for bringing me here, anyway,” I said. “It’s cheered me up a bit.”

  Suki grinned. “Fab, isn’t it?”

  Then, a snooty-looking middle-aged woman entered the café with her nose in the air and snapped her fingers at Tabitha, who was filling in paperwork with her back to the seating area.

  Startled at the rude behaviour, Tabitha turned around.

  “Small hazelnut Americano!” the woman said rudely. “And make it snappy - I haven’t got long.” The bitch didn’t even say please.

  “Certainly!” Tabitha said with a smile.

  Suki and I looked at each other in disbelief.

  “If that was me,” I whispered. “I’d have refused to serve that scum.”

  “Me too,” Suki replied furiously.

  The woman turned around and looked at us. We scowled at her, but the disgusting bitch just looked through us.

  I took a gulp of coffee, then turned back to Suki. “How’s Cliff?” I asked. “I hope he hasn’t played anymore horrid pranks on you.”

  “One or two,” Suki said with a cheeky glint in her eye. “An ice cube down my back and a plastic spider in my handbag.”

  “That’s vile!”

  “It was only a bit of fun,” Suki said, as though she couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. Then she finished her coffee, made a funny little yelping sound and stared into her mug, eyes big as satellite dishes.

  “Are you OK?” I asked, thinking Cliff must have somehow sneaked in with another toy spider when we were distracted and put it in her mug.

  The snobby woman turned around and stared disapprovingly.

  “What a surprise!” Suki beamed. “There’s a fortune written in the bottom of my mug!”

  “A fortune?”

  Suki giggled. “It says I’m going to be rich!”

  I took a look. “So it does - hope it comes true!” I quickly finished my own coffee and my heart warmed as I read my fortune out loud, “Lucky in love!”

  “I told you!” Suki exclaimed.

  I smiled. “Shall we take a look around the shop when we’ve finished? Might find a couple of Christmas presents.”

  “Good idea,” Suki agreed.

  Then we saw the snobby woman sip down the last dregs of her coffee and gasp in horror.

  Tabitha winked at Suki and I as the snob slammed down her mug and fled the shop. Suki and I raced to the table and almost bumped heads as we read the message in the mug together. ‘Beware Misfortune.’

  The three of us giggled.

  Then Esmerelda appeared again. “Which mug did you give the vile hag?”

  “This one!” Tabitha said, handing it to her.

  Esmerelda laughed. “Well done!”

  “Great way to weed out undesirable customers,” Suki beamed.

  “Fantastic idea!” I said. “I love this place.”

  “The idea came to me in a dream twenty years ago,” Esmerelda said proudly. “It’s great to finally be able to put it into practice.”

  Again, I hoped she might give me some psychic insight into my situation with Nutty, but she didn’t say anything.

  We paid our bill and stepped back into the shop. I was very tempted by a love spell in a pouch. Then I spotted a beautiful deck of Tarot cards. I picked them up in delight, but put them back when I noticed the extortionate thirty-five pound price tag.

  “Might come back and have a look after payday,” I said.

  “Good idea,” Suki agreed.

  We stepped outside. The rain was now coming down in sheets. By the time I reached home, I was drenched. I threw my clothes in the washing machine and jumped into the shower. As I stood beneath the warm water jets, I began to wish I’d suggested going to Suki’s. I’d bought her a set of Tarot cards for her birthday back in October. I could have asked them a few questions about my future with the love of my life. Then I had an idea. If Suki wouldn’t mind, I could phone her with a couple of questions and ask her to draw some cards for me.

  After drying myself, I slipped into a warm dressing gown and roughly dried my hair. Then I phoned Suki.

  “Hiya!” she said.

  “Hi Suki,” I said slowly. “I wonder if you could do me a bit of a favour.”

  “Maybe!” she replied. “What is it?”

  “I’d like a quick phone Tarot reading, if you can spare a few minutes. I’m desperate to get Nutty back. I just hoped the cards might say something positive to cheer me up.”

  “Sure!” Suki said. “I’m just eating. I’ll phone you in fifteen.”

  “Great!” I said. “Thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  My appetite still wasn’t great, but I managed to eat a small sandwich, then waited for Suki’s call. Fifteen minutes passed, then twenty, then thirty and still no word from her. She finally phoned me a full three quarters of an hour later.

  “Sorry Yazmin. I’ve looked everywhere. The cards are missing. Gran’s dementia makes her take things and hide them all the time. I think she believes she’s putting them in a safe place, but she has almost no short-term memory now so never has any idea she’s even taken them. They’re nowhere to be seen. I think I’ll have to get a lock on my bedroom door.”

  My heart sank. “Never mind,” I said sadly. “How is your Gran now?”

  “Not good, I’m afraid. Looking after her is really exhausting for Mum. We’re really worried.”

  “Sorry to hear that.”

  “It’s dreadful. Anyway, Dad and I are going to help a bit more to take some of the strain off Mum, and we’ve got a meeting with a carer support woman just after Christmas. We’re hoping to get someone in to help Gran get washed and dressed in the morning, at very least, so Mum can wake up and feel she can face the day.”

  “Good you’re taking positive action - your Mum must be feeling a little better knowing more help is just around the corner.”

  “Yeah. She was crying this morning, but she seems much happier now. Anyway, there are some free tarot sites out there you can try. I’ll send you the links to a couple. Sorry about the cards - I just hope she hasn’t thrown them out with the rubbish!”

  “Me too. Thanks.”

  “Let me know how you get on with the sites. You’re not going to take them too seriously though, are you?”

  “No. I just don’t know where to turn or what to do, I thought the Tarot might just help me feel better somehow.”

  “Good luck then!”

  “Thanks!”

  I chose a site with simple yes or no answers. I asked four questions - Does Nutty love me? Is he seeing anyone else? Will we get married? Will we both be mega famous? The answers were all negative. I soon lost interest in the site. Time would tell if these answers were right, so I jotted them down in my diary for future reference and told Suki, who replied she’d asked questions about Cliff and all the answers had been really positive.
Apparently, they were getting married, having two children and would always be rich and happy and never divorce. Life was going to be all lovely and sunny for them, and they’d live happily ever after. I noted her results in my diary too!