An Amish Mother for His Twins

by Patricia Davids

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

  She was relieved when Jacob started fussing. She put her mending aside and picked him up. Holding him close, she rocked him until her painful memories faded. The Lord had taken her husband, her father and her sister, but he had given her two beautiful babies to love.

  “Shall I fix him a bottle?” Nathan asked.

  “I don’t think he’s hungry. I think he just wants to be held.”

  “You take good care of them. I’m grateful. I’ll hold him so you can get on with your work.”

  She didn’t want to give up Jacob, but she could see Nathan wanted to hold his son as much as she did, maybe more. She managed a smile. “Danki, that would be nice. I’ll even give you the rocker.”

  She rose and transferred the baby into Nathan’s arms. He gazed at his son so tenderly it brought a lump to her throat. She was close enough to catch his scent. Sweat, wood smoke, fresh pine sawdust, the saddle soap he had used to clean Sassy’s harness that evening—a day’s work all layered on top of his own unique smell. She felt her pulse jump and beat faster as a flush crept up her neck.

  She stepped back quickly. Her gaze flew to his face. Had he noticed? He was staring at her with a puzzled expression. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I need to get the rest of the clothes off the line.” She stumbled back another step then hurried outside. On the back porch she took a deep breath and leaned against the cabin wall until her racing heart slowed.

  There was no mistaking her reaction to Nathan. As much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn’t. She found him attractive, much more than she should have.

  She knew what a passing fancy was. This was not something as simple as that.

  How could it have happened without her knowing it? She thought back over their conversations and realized it had started the first night she arrived.

  When they stood together in the darkness out by the corral—she had sensed a connection with him then. She thought it was because of their shared grief. Or rather, she wanted to believe that was the reason she felt close to him. Her mind had refused to acknowledge anything else. Until tonight.

  He was her sister’s husband. A man who couldn’t look at her without seeing her sister’s betrayal. It would be foolish of her to think he might someday care for her. He would pity her or, worse, laugh at the idea.

  He had agreed she might see the children even if she couldn’t be their caregiver. She didn’t want to jeopardize that.

  No, Nathan must never learn how she felt. Now that she recognized what was happening, she would guard her heart and not give this emotion room to grow.

  She took a deep breath and went back in the house determined to act as if nothing had changed. Because it hadn’t. He didn’t want her here.

  Keeping her wayward heart in check was harder than Maisie had imagined it would be. She tossed and turned that night long after she heard Nathan leave the cabin. It was hopeless to care so much for him. He would never return those feelings.

  At least he was beginning to see her usefulness. He had thanked her for the care she gave the children. That was what she really wanted. To take care of the babies and love them as her own. If Nathan allowed that and nothing else, she would be content.

  She bit her lower lip. Would she? Or was she lying to herself?

  Chapter Seven

  Saturday morning Maisie came down the stairs determined to ignore her irrational attraction to Nathan and concentrate on providing the best possible care to him and his children. Both infants had slept for almost five hours before getting her up to feed them. They were awake again now. Jacob was making his wants known with a loud cry. Charity was making little whimpering noises. She was more patient than her brother.

  “I’m coming, Jacob. Don’t holler the house down.” She started into the kitchen and almost ran into Nathan coming in the back door. Her foolish heart gave a happy leap at the sight of his face. She quickly scooted around him, making sure they didn’t touch.

  “How are you this morning?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You seemed on edge last night.”

  It would never do for him to notice how he affected her.

  “I do get cranky when I’m short of sleep.” She glanced at his face. Did he believe her?

  He seemed to relax. “I thought that might be the case. I will take care of the babies tonight so you can catch up on some rest.”

  She opened the can of concentrated formula and added the recommended amount of water from the kettle she kept warming on the back of the stove. “That is not necessary.”

  “I’ve abused your generosity. They are my son and daughter. I want to do it. If Jacob’s bottle is ready, I’ll feed him first since he is so loud.”

  “I haven’t changed him yet.”

  “I’m not afraid of a dirty diaper or two.” To prove his point he went to take care of that chore while she finished mixing the formula. She was pouring the formula into Charity’s bottle when Nathan came up beside her to wash his hands at the sink. His shoulder brushed against hers. Her hand shook so badly that she splashed formula down the front of her dress.

  He looked at her with a slight frown on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Don’t worry. My clumsiness is not contagious,” she said, sounding more annoyed than she intended.

  He scowled at her. “I’m sorry I asked.”

  She screwed the nipple on top of the bottle. “I’m the one who is sorry. Forgive me.”

  He reached around her for the towel on the counter. She could smell the minty scent of his shaving cream. She closed her eyes and stopped breathing.

  “There’s nothing to forgive,” he said as he took the bottle from her hands and went to feed his son.

  Maisie turned to stare out the kitchen window. How long could she keep up the pretense that his closeness didn’t affect her?

  Charity began to cry in earnest. Maisie glanced over her shoulder. Nathan sat on the sofa with his boy in his arms while he rocked Charity’s cradle with his foot to soothe her.

  Maisie would keep her foolish heart in check for as long as the babies needed her. Because she needed them, too. She needed someone to love, and to be loved by in return. She was tired of being alone, first with her emotionally distant husband and then with her dying father, who’d constantly asked for Annie instead of the daughter who had cared for him for over a year.

  Maisie straightened her shoulders and finished fixing Charity’s bottle. She needed to be needed and wanted. Nathan might want her gone, but she wasn’t leaving.

  She lifted the baby from her cradle and settled into the rocking chair with her. Charity gazed up at her with wide baby-blue eyes.

  “Guder mariye, mie lieb,” Maisie whispered and kissed her forehead. “Every morning is a goot morning when I have you in my arms.”

  “They make our troubles seem insignificant, don’t they?” Nathan was gazing at his son with an expression of undisguised love on his face. Maisie’s heart expanded with happiness for him.

  “They do,” she answered. Annie had carelessly thrown away the love of this man. Maisie had only pity for her sister. She had made poor choices.

  Nathan looked up and met Maisie’s eyes. Something passed between them at that moment. A shared love, not for one another, but for the children God had so graciously given into their care.

  She saw his gaze slide away from her as his mouth tensed. “Annie could have been happy with me and these babies if she hadn’t left. We could have had a good life in Missouri.”

  Maisie’s heart ached for the pain he was sharing. “I think you’re right. I don’t believe she knew what she was giving up.”

  “You don’t think she knew she was pregnant when she left me?”

  Could her sister have been so cruel as to take
away a man’s children and leave him never knowing they existed? “I can’t believe that she did.”

  “But she had to know within a month or two. Yet she didn’t come back. Was there another man she wanted to be their father?”

  “You are asking questions without answers, Nathan. Let it be enough that she decided to bring them to you in the end. She has gone to stand before Gott and answer for her life. Only He knows her heart. Only He can judge her.”

  Nathan drew one finger along his son’s cheek. “My boy will have questions one day about why he doesn’t have a mother. I don’t know how I will answer him.”

  “You will find the words when the time comes. Until then, enjoy these amazing moments. Your children will be grown before you know it. You will never get these days back, Nathan.”

  “I do enjoy them.” He put aside Jacob’s empty bottle and raised the babe to his shoulder. He softly patted the boy’s back and rested his cheek on the baby’s head. Jacob drifted off to sleep, but Nathan didn’t put him down. Maisie finished feeding Charity, put her back in her cradle, then slipped out of the cabin, leaving Nathan alone with his children.

  She hiked to the top of the rise behind the cabin to her sister’s final resting place. She sat in the soft grass beside the grave, drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. “You left so much bitterness behind, Annie, but your babies are beautiful. Charity looks like us. Happily, she has your temperament and not mine. Jacob is going to be enough to handle without adding another hothead to the mix.”

  Maisie plucked a few weeds that had sprouted in the freshly turned earth. “Nathan is such a good man. He’s trying to be a good father. I don’t understand why you left him.”

  She groped for answers where there weren’t any. “Was it because you knew my marriage to John wasn’t a happy one? Were you afraid that you and Nathan would grow apart and come to resent each other?”

  Maisie thought back over the conversations she had with her sister about her unhappy marriage and wished she had kept those feelings to herself. Was that why Annie hadn’t confided in her, because she wanted to spare Maisie her unhappiness?

  “I never resented John. I don’t believe he resented me. We had known each other forever. Getting married seemed the thing to do. I thought our love would grow over time. I was wrong. I did care for him. I think he cared for me in his way, but he never could express that. It’s a sad way to live, always wishing something would spark that love into being. Forever waiting to hear words you know will never be spoken. Children might have saved us, but I will never know, will I?”

  Maisie got to her feet and brushed off her dress. “I hope you are at peace, sister. I pray you can rest easy knowing how much Nathan loves those children. Thank you for bringing them to him.”

  Maisie glanced around at the meadow and saw wildflowers growing near the edge of the woods. She went over and gathered an armful. Then she laid them gently on Annie’s grave. “I will try to help him forgive you, for I know that’s what he needs to do.”

  * * *

  Nathan stepped outside of his room the next morning and stared at the cabin. As usual, the front door was open and he heard the sound of singing. Maisie was always humming or singing. It was the Amish off Sunday. There wouldn’t be prayer services for her to attend. They were held every other week.

  He glanced longingly at the forest. Only essential work was allowed on any Sunday. He might not be a member of the local church group, but he abided by the rules of his faith. His tree cutting would have to wait. He sighed heavily and started toward the house. There was a full day ahead of him that he would have to spend with Annie’s sister.

  He entered the cabin to see her playing with his cat. She was teasing him with a small ball of yarn. The cat would dart out from under the sofa, pounce on it and then scurry back under the furniture. Maisie would laugh and start humming as she pulled the yarn ball closer to the sofa again.

  It was like hearing Annie’s laugh. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Morning.”

  Her smile faded. “Guder mariye, Nathan. Your breakfast is in the oven. I didn’t know what time you would be in.”

  He headed for the kitchen. “When my chores are done.”

  She stayed silent while he ate and cleaned up quickly after he was done. She sat down with his copy of the Martyrs Mirror and started reading. The book contained stories of the men and women who had been martyred for their Anabaptist beliefs. They were the founders of the Amish faith.

  He paced the room not knowing what to do. The babies were both quiet. He finally settled in his chair by the fireplace.

  Maisie cleared her throat. “My father used to read to us on the off Sundays and in the evenings. It’s a fond memory I have of him. Why don’t you read to the children now?”

  “Aren’t they too small to care?”

  “Who can say? We are born with open ears. Gott must want us to use them.”

  Nathan shrugged, got up and took his Bible down from the fireplace mantel. Maisie must have dusted it when she was cleaning because the black leather cover was shiny as new.

  He carried it back to the table, moved a lamp closer and opened the cover. “What shall I read?”

  “Daniel in the lions’ den,” she said without hesitation and picked up her yarn.

  The hint wasn’t subtle. “Are sure you don’t mean Maisie in the lions’ den?”

  “Don’t be silly. There is no story of Maisie in the Bible.”

  It had been a while since he had last opened this book. He leafed through the pages until he found the book of Daniel and began to read. When he was finished with the story, he looked over to see her smiling tenderly at Jacob. She glanced at Nathan. “His eyes are open. I think he likes the sound of your voice. Read something else.”

  “What would you like?”

  “The Book of Job.”

  He turned to those chapters and started reading about Job, his suffering and his unwavering faith in God. Nathan suspected Maisie had chosen that part of the Old Testament to help him see that he was not alone in being tested. Unlike Job, Nathan’s faith had wavered.

  He glanced at Maisie. She had kept her faith in the face of her own painful losses. She had lost her mother when she was young, her husband when she was little more than a bride, her father and then her only sister without questioning God’s plan or doubting His mercy. It was sobering to realize how strong she was. Jacob started stirring. Maisie got up to tend to him.

  * * *

  “Will anyone be visiting today?” Maisie asked after tucking the babies into their cradles later that day.

  “I’m not expecting anyone. Why?”

  She looked at him in surprise “It’s the off Sunday.”

  “So?”

  “It’s a day that people normally go visit each other, families, friends. In Missouri we were always going to someone’s house or expecting company on our off Sundays.”

  “I don’t like visiting. No one comes here.”

  Maisie just shook her head. “I don’t wonder why.”

  He finally looked up from the magazine he had decided to read. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You aren’t friendly with your Amish neighbors, Nathan.”

  “I don’t have neighbors. That’s why I live up here.”

  “Lilly Arnett is your neighbor. You said so yourself.”

  He turned the page of his magazine. “She isn’t Amish.”

  “Well, who is the closest Amish family?”

  “The Fishers, I reckon. They live a mile beyond Lilly’s place.”

  “And have you been to visit them?”

  “I purchased my harnesses there. Otherwise, I’ve never had a reason to.”

  “Have you been to visit the bishop and his wife? Constance is a lovely woman. I’m sure she would enjoy a visit today. I know she’d like t
o see the twins.”

  He turned another page. “It’s my day of rest.”

  “I see. I believe I will bake a cake.”

  His expression brightened. “I like cake.”

  “I thought that might be the case.” She spent the next ten minutes getting a chocolate sheet cake into the oven. Then she washed her hands and went upstairs. When she came down twenty minutes later, she had her Sunday dress on and her traveling bonnet in her hand. She checked on her cake and took it out of the oven. She began to pack some things for the babies and then moved them from their cradles into their carriers.

  Nathan gave her a puzzled look. “What are you doing?”

  “You may not like to go visiting, but I do. Constance Schultz was kind enough to loan me her sewing machine so I’m taking a cake to her home as a thank-you.”

  “I thought you were making the cake for me?”

  “If there is any left, I will bring some home. Would you please hitch up the buggy?”

  “It’s my day of rest.”

  She merely arched one eyebrow and stood waiting. He threw down his magazine and got out of his chair. “If you’re going to nag, I might as well get it over with. I’ll enjoy my peace and quiet while you’re gone.”

  “I’m sure you will. I’ll enjoy chocolate cake and kaffi with my new friends.”

  He grumbled when he went out the door, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. She bent down to pick up the babies. “He might sound like an old bear sometimes but your daed is a fine fellow at heart.”

  She was waiting on the porch with the babies’ carriers over each arm and the cake in a cardboard box by her feet when he led Sassy up to the steps. Maisie went around to the driver’s side and got in without waiting for his help. She smiled at him out the open side. “Would you fetch the cake for me, Nathan? It’s in that box on the porch.”

  He rolled his eyes but did as she asked. She put the cake on the other side of the babies. “I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

  “Be back before dark,” he said sternly.