Searching for Perfect

by Jennifer Probst

  "It's okay, sweetie. What are you doing up here?"

  She glanced out the window with a half smile. "I just needed a minute alone. I'm meeting a ton of David's friends and associates, which is hard now that I'm being introduced on an equal level. David's been my boss for two years, so it's just a bit strange. I don't want to disappoint him."

  Kennedy walked over and grabbed her hands. "Sit with me for a minute. I want to talk to you." They both sat on the padded bench next to three pink frilly pillows. "Why would you think such a thing? David loves you, and you couldn't be a disappointment to anyone. What's really wrong? We're worried about you, sweetheart."

  Gen gripped back with a surgeon's strength. She spoke carefully. "There are a lot of people who expect things from me. I don't want to let anyone down." She lifted her head and gazed at her directly. "I don't want to fail."

  Ken's heart broke. Another successful, gorgeous woman afraid of dropping the ball. Life was just overwhelming sometimes. Was David really right for her, after all? Shouldn't her friend be over the moon in love and happy to be planning a wedding? Or was it just societal pressure to have everything perfect?

  "There's nothing to fail at," she said. "Alexa, and I, and Kate will help you plan every last detail. You're our family. You need to take a step back and see what you're doing to yourself. Too much pressure won't make you happy, or David, or your patients, honey."

  Gen nodded. "I know you're right."

  "Have you talked to David? Maybe you can figure something out to slow things down?"

  Gen's grip tightened. Her hands suddenly went clammy. "No! No, he's under a lot of strain at work since they doubled his responsibilities. He's traveling back and forth to Manhattan, and he's doing the best he can. It will be fine."

  Kennedy studied her friend and took the plunge. "Are you happy with David?"

  She jerked back. "What do you mean? I'm marrying him!"

  "That wasn't the question, was it? I didn't even ask if you loved him. I asked if he made you happy."

  Those blue eyes widened. Seconds ticked. Ken felt on the verge of something hugely important, and she was afraid to breathe and break the moment. Her friend dragged in a breath. Opened her mouth. And--

  "Hey, is this where the party is?"

  The delicate moment shattered and was abruptly lost.

  Wolfe stood framed in the doorway, his head almost touching the top. Gen's face lit up and she raced over to give him a big hug. "'Bout time you got your ass here," she sassed. And just like that, the old Gen was back.

  Wolfe laughed and flicked her earlobe. "Nice rocks. Is that what med students get paid in now?"

  "Yeah, right. David gave them to me."

  "Niiiice," he drawled. "Hey, Ken, I haven't seen you in a while. Things good? Making millions matching up poor schmucks looking for love?"

  Ken rolled her eyes. "When are you going to break down and become my client? Really, Wolfe, I would've never picked the last woman I saw you with. Still together?"

  "Nah, she only wanted my body. I wanted respect."

  Gen snorted. "She was awful. She couldn't even throw a dart."

  "Speaking of darts, you owe me another opportunity to get even. You keep canceling on me. I can't drink and aim sharp weapons alone."

  "Sorry, Wolfe, I promise we'll do it next week. Wednesday night good? My shift gets out early."

  A chilly voice cut through the room. "I don't think that will work, Genevieve. We have the nurses meeting and the charity fund-raiser."

  Silence fell. Gen jumped up and ran to David's side, as if he normally had her on a short leash and the daily walk was over. Wolfe's jaw clenched along with his fists, but he forced a smile at Gen's fiancee. "Good to see you, David. Congrats."

  David was a powerful presence in a completely different manner than Wolfe was. His suit was tailored in a neutral gray and obviously custom cut. White shirt. Demure tie. Thick blond hair was tamed and smoothed back from his face. Not a speckle of stubble, and his face held the lines and grace of an aristocrat. Kennedy watched in fascination as their opposing male energies swirled and combated with each other on two separate planets. Damn. They did not like each other.

  She rose to her feet and walked over. "Hi, David, we met before. Gen's friend, Kennedy. Congratulations."

  His smile was impeccable. White teeth flashed. "Thank you, Kennedy, it's a pleasure to have you." The cool bite of his voice softened as he stared at Gen. "Darling, I'm sorry for interrupting. There are a few people downstairs I really need you to meet--they're on the board. You'll forgive me, right, Wolfe?"

  "Sure."

  David slipped his arm under Gen's elbow. "I promise you'll have time to hang with your friends in a bit."

  "Of course, no worries. I'll see you both later," Gen said, stiffly following him out.

  Ken caught Wolfe's expression. Pissed off described it well. Boy, something was going on here. They obviously hated each other, but was it because they were both competing for Gen's attention? Or did the whole subtle put-down verbal challenge mean more?

  She decided to talk to Wolfe about it while they were alone, but a toilet flushed, a door opened, and someone trudged toward them. Oh, well, she needed to get in conference with Kate anyway. Where was her champagne glass? She turned and scooped it up.

  "Oh, there you are. Hey, Ken, this is my friend, Nate."

  She froze. Turned her head. And gazed at Nate Ellison Raymond Dunkle.

  Wow. Just . . . wow.

  He pulled his own weight next to Wolfe in the "holy hotness, Batman" category. No tats, piercings, or staggering height, but Nate didn't need it. Those moss green eyes shimmered with heat and intensity, and the strong line of his jaw and cheekbones screamed command. Broad shoulders were clad in a hand-stitched black silk button-down. She'd picked it out personally. The fabric shimmered under the light and showed off his lean, muscled chest. The sleeves were rolled up and golden brown skin sprinkled with light hair confirmed his golfer's tan. His spectacular ass was cupped in dark-washed Banana Republic jeans, with a large silver belt buckle. He was completely . . . solid. Energy swirled and tightened around them in a familiar sensual challenge that had been there since day one. She just hadn't been ready to see or accept it.

  She still wasn't.

  His eyes widened in pure surprise at seeing her there. So this wasn't planned. Oh, no, this was some sort of crazy God universe thing who liked to laugh and torture her. What were the odds? And how the hell did he know Wolfe? She tried to squeak out something, but it took a few times before words took hold. She didn't need to worry. He said the exact thing she would've bet he'd come up with no matter what the situation was.

  "Hey."

  The worst part was the softening of her heart at the familiar greeting. "Hey."

  Wolfe looked back and forth between them. "You know each other?"

  "Yes," they both said together.

  Nate explained further. "Kennedy is my matchmaker."

  "No way. You're hooked up with Kinnections? Dude, you never told me."

  "Small world," Nate murmured. His gaze roved over her, hot and hungry and . . . knowing. He knew she loved when he nibbled and bit the crease where her neck met shoulder. Knew the exact pressure to use on her nipples to bring them to a point of pain/pleasure. Knew how to curl his fingers just right when he slipped inside her to bring her quickly to orgasm.

  Knew way too much.

  "How do you two know each other?" she asked.

  "Nate saved my ass showing me how to golf. I'm courting a big client for Purity, and the only way to get close is on the course. Of course, I sucked, and he took pity on me. He's got this scientific thing with figuring out a swing."

  "Yes, he's quite the teacher."

  Nate remained silent.

  The air between them grew heavy and thick with unspoken words and arousal. Wolfe seemed to catch something weird going on, because he kept shifting his glance as if trying to figure out what it was. "Nate's been a wonderful client. I'm excit
ed about his new match."

  Nate crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Yeah, Mary does seem perfect. Too bad I'm still stuck on that last woman I was with. Don't you think I need some time to get my head straight? Or convince her to take a chance on us?"

  She shook her head hard. "You need to look at the big picture. Mary is more suited to you; this other one will break your heart."

  He took a step in. "How do you know?"

  "Because she's a mess."

  "Maybe I like messes."

  "Maybe you don't know what's good for you because she fogged your head with sex."

  Wolfe whistled. "Way to go, Nate."

  Nate continued, staring Kennedy down with everything he had. "Maybe she should give me more credit to know what I want and see the situation clearly. Maybe she's so terrified of taking a chance on a real relationship because she's never had one before."

  "Maybe she's the only one seeing things clearly and trying to protect you."

  "Maybe she's full of shit." He took another step in. His eyes gleamed with a fierce light that shot sparks of fury and frustration. "Maybe she just doesn't want to know the truth."

  "What truth?" she asked.

  "That I love her."

  She gasped. Her heart stopped. Then took off at heart attack pace. The room spun and the glass almost slipped from her numb fingers.

  "Uh, dude, when I told you to admit your feelings, I meant to the woman herself. Not your matchmaker."

  They locked gazes and ignored Wolfe. "Don't say that," she whispered. "It's not true."

  "You don't get to tell me what I feel. You can throw a bunch of women at me, hide away, pretend this is something it's not, but I'm done with the lies. I love her, and it's not going away. Go ahead and make me date Mary, or Sue, or any other woman you toss in, but it won't change the outcome. I love her."

  Her body shook with mini convulsions. He had said he loved her. He thought he loved her. But how could he? How could he know all her secrets and still think she was a good match for him? Men loved her body, her face, her persona. They loved the way she looked on their arm, and her power career, and that she didn't need a man to make her happy. They didn't look into her damaged soul and love the hidden parts. How could they when she didn't even love them herself?

  Coldness seeped into her skin and bones. She couldn't do this anymore. He'd already become way too important, and she was slipping under his spell. She had to cut him loose.

  "You'll get over it."

  The words dropped like stones between them. He jerked back as if slapped, and her heart crumbled into tiny pieces that she feared would never be able to be sutured back together.

  "Is she that much of a coward?"

  "She's that much of a realist," she said brokenly. "You need to go out with Mary."

  Wolfe cleared his throat. "Okay, this is way over my head. Why don't I leave you two alone?"

  Nate clenched his jaw. Disappointment, and a deeper emotion she didn't want to name, emanated from his defeated stance. "No, Wolfe, that's okay. We're done here."

  He turned and paused in the doorway. "I'll text Mary and take her to dinner this weekend. Thanks for the advice, Ken. You truly are an excellent matchmaker."

  Her knees trembled as she watched them walk out the door. She stumbled to the bench to grab on to her composure, trying to settle her nauseous stomach. What had she done?

  The right thing. The only thing. Right?

  Feeling faint, she placed her head between her knees and dragged in long breaths. She heard her name being called from a distance, but she didn't look up, just concentrated on getting oxygen in her lungs. When she raised her head, Kate knelt in front of her.

  "Sweetie, did you drink that much champagne already? You need to pace yourself better. We found Gen, and she's with David. Are you okay?"

  "No. Something happened."

  Her friend's face lit with alarm. "What?"

  She gulped. "I slept with Nate Dunkle."

  "Oh, my God. When? You didn't tell us. Was it good? Are you happy? Is he off the client list?"

  Kennedy mashed her fingers against her mouth. "No, it's terrible, well, the sex was off-the-charts amazing, but this whole thing is terrible, I made a big mistake, and now I think I screwed him up. He needs to fall in love with Mary, not me. Oh, please let him fall in love with Mary this weekend so I can go back to my normal life."

  Kate sighed, rummaged for her phone, and tapped the screen. "This is too much for one of us. I'm going to Skype Arilyn in so we can discuss."

  "But she has the flu."

  "She can talk from bed. She probably needs a distraction anyway, she was so upset she couldn't make Gen's party. Hang on."

  Ken waited. After a few minutes of back-and-forth texting, her screen flashed on. Arilyn was propped up in bed, her nose bright red, glasses on, her hair a bird's nest of a mess, and a grim expression on her face. "Tell me nothing dramatic happened. Did Gen call off the engagement?"

  Kate frowned. "No. Why? Did you suspect something?"

  "Gen hasn't been happy lately. I got a bad feeling. What's up?"

  "Kennedy has a crisis. She slept with Nate Dunkle."

  A coughing fit mixed with a gulp of surprise. "The rocket scientist?"

  "Aerospace engineer," Kennedy corrected. "Yes. Him."

  "Once? Twice?"

  "About fifteen times over last weekend."

  "Bitch," Kate murmured. "You need a rest, not an intervention."

  "Kate, focus," Arilyn said.

  "Fine. But I think my record is twelve. Slade has to work harder."

  "Sweetie, why are you panicking? Kate slept with her client and they're happy. Sure, it's against the rules, but sometimes rules are meant to be broken. I can contact the dates you set him up with and straighten out the situation. I'm sure it will be fine."

  Kate sighed. "No, Arilyn, you don't get it. Kennedy wants him to fall in love with someone else and already set him up with Mary for a date."

  Arilyn cursed. "What is up with you guys pushing the men you want into another woman's arms? I feel like we're doing the Slade thing all over again."

  Kennedy shook her head. "No, it's different. I can't have a relationship with Nate."

  "Why?" Kate asked.

  "Because! I don't do long-term relationships. I get itchy and restless, and I'm a bitch to deal with, and he needs someone sweet and smart to complete his life and give him babies and all that stuff I can't."

  Arilyn sniffled, wiped her nose, and glared at the screen. "Back up. You are all of those things. You deserve happiness, too, Ken. Why are you so reluctant to take it?"

  "I'm not! I'm being realistic about what I can handle and give back. You guys are always saying I find things wrong with men all the time. I'm not ready for forever."

  "Okay, give me a list of everything wrong with Nate and why it wouldn't work," Kate demanded.

  Kennedy sniffed. "Too much to name."

  "Give me one."

  "He loves golf."

  Silence. Arilyn glared through Skype. "You went golfing with him and told us it wasn't bad."

  "Once was okay. Twice maybe. Not every weekend!"

  "Lame," Kate declared. "Next."

  "He's too intellectual."

  "So are you. You're a complete Gemini--two halves of a coin. You love Science Today as much as Vogue, and don't deny it."

  "He doesn't respect my food choices. Always makes me try unhealthy things."

  Kate laughed. "Well, amen, sister. About time to join the land of the living, and salad makes you a cranky bitch. You're toast. You love him."

  "No! I don't love him." She moaned and clutched her stomach. "I don't, he's going to marry Mary."

  Arilyn groaned. "God, you're just as delusional as Kate was. Listen, babe, we can beat you over the head with the truth, but you need to find it within yourself first. You need to let go of these restrictions from your past finally. You're worth everything, and Nate would be lucky to have you. Trust yourself to love him ba
ck."

  "No."

  "Bitch," Kate muttered. "I knew she'd be the toughest out of all of us. You are meant for Nate. I know this."

  "How?"

  Kate shrugged and didn't meet her gaze. "I just do."

  "I don't want this intervention anymore. My head hurts, I'm in a bad mood, and I just want to drink and celebrate Gen's engagement. Okay?"

  Kate and Arilyn shared a deep look over the iPhone. "Fine," Arilyn said. She sneezed. "Take some photos for me and give Gen a hug. Miss you guys."

  "Bye, A."

  Kate clicked off. Frustration beat from her in waves, but she stood up and offered her hand. Ken took it. "I am going on record to say your plan is asinine and you will end up together, either the hard way or the easy way. But I will drop the subject and drink with you. Slade is designated driver. Now, let's hit the fountain."

  "I love you, Kate."

  "Back atcha, babe. Back atcha."

  fifteen

  NATE CUPPED HIS hands around his microbrew and watched his brother trudge into the bar. It had been the week from hell, between endless work hours and coming to terms with the fact that Kennedy didn't want him. Of course, he was the biggest dumbass on the planet. Who else confessed his love in third person? In front of another guy? In code?

  He deserved for her to walk.

  Connor slid into the booth, and ordered a Coors Lite from the waitress. "Bad day, Con? You didn't even hit on her."

  He waited for his brother's easygoing laugh and a crude retort, but Connor only shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. What's going on with you?"

  Besides losing the woman he loved? "Thought we had a breakthrough with a formula, then found out we didn't. Wayne almost cried like a baby. Told him he needed to get out of the lab or he'd go loco. How's the new job?"

  "Fine. Same group of guys, so no surprises." His brother snorted. "Not that there's any surprises in my life."

  Nate frowned. The beer came, and his brother guzzled it down like water. "What's up? You're not yourself."

  Another shrug. "Nothing. Jay caught his girlfriend cheating on him and went nuts on the job. She's a nail technician, remember? Really hot blonde. Told you, little brother. Stay away from those women; they'll nail you and watch you bleed for fun."