Beautifully Shattered: Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One

by B. Livingstone

  “Cree, look at me. Really fucking look at me.” She pounds her hand against her chest as she speaks. “If you gave two shits about me, you wouldn’t be forcing this pain on me. Instead you would have talked to me about it first. Let me have a fucking say in my life. Worse, right this fucking minute you would not be sitting on your ass while I fucking stand before you shaking in pain, trying not to fucking puke my guts out. You’d fucking ease this pain!” Tears run down her face and she breaks my fucking heart. She has no idea just how much I want to take her pain, to wrap her up, keep her safe from anything that could cause her harm again. To just love her with every fiber of my being.

  She clutches her abdomen and falls to her knees, screaming as if something is ripping through her body. I grab her up in my arms cradling her against my body, trying to soothe the pain.

  She’s writhing in pain in my arms for Gods knows how long before I can’t take it anymore; my bear is pacing with his mate being in so much pain. He wants to break free, to stop it. I put pressure on her carotid sinus in her neck, holding it until she goes still in my arms, asleep or rather fainted. Releasing the pressure, I wait for her breathing to return to normal before standing. I rest my forehead on hers and breathe her in. “It’s going to be okay, Riley. You are going to get through this and come out stronger for it on the other side. You’ll see, baby, I’ve got faith in you, strong enough for the both of us,” I whisper softly in her ear and place a gentle kiss on her forehead before walking out with Riley in my arms to find Axel.

  Riley

  “Riley ... Riley ... Wake up, Riley,” a soft voice singsongs in my ear.

  Shifting, I open my eyes slowly to find Grace looking down on me. “Am I dreaming again? Never mind, don’t answer that. I know I am because you’re dead.” I close my eyes and cover my head with my pillow. “Go away, Grace, I need sleep.”

  Grace scoffs me, “Riley, you ruin all my fun, you know that?” She pulls my pillow away and I raise an eyebrow at her. “To answer your question, for the hundredth time, Riley, sort of. We are in your dream, but I am here. I am real. This is the only way I can reach you. When you’re drug free and asleep. Unfortunately, that is not very often these days so I can’t come to you as often as I’d like.” Her eyes are wide and pleading as she looks at me.

  Well, if the guys have their way with me, I’ll be drug free more often now.”

  “Ha, if the guys have their way with you. You won’t be able to walk or talk for a month. You’ll be tied to the bed, gagged, and writhing in ecstasy. Boxed in by all five of those sexy hunks.”

  I give her my best “yeah, right” eye roll along with a scoffing retort. “Right. I know of one, maybe two that might want to make me writhe in ecstasy. The rest just want to make me writhe in pain and not the toe-curling pleasant kind either.” She just giggles at that and shakes her head.

  “But that’s not important right now. What is important is why you are here. You keep telling me this is real, that it’s really you I’m talking to and not just my grieving mind playing tricks on me. So, tell me how and why you’re here, Grace. What happened to the whole rest in peace shit?”

  “The ‘how’ is complicated, but the short version goes like this. Like you, I’m not human but unlike you, I’m not a shifter either, even though Mom and Dad were both shifters. I am something else completely. My guys and I are working it out so there is nothing else to really tell you at this point.” She puts her hand in my face, seeing I have questions to ask and knowing I’m about to unload them all. “Before you ask. No, I will not elaborate on the ‘my guys’ part. And no, there is nothing you can do to help. Besides, you have enough work to do here already. Which leads us to why I am here.

  “I am here because you need me. Your life has become a shit-show, Riles. You’re drunk more often than you’re sober, even at work. You are almost always high on something; do you even know what you’re putting in your body these days? Really, Riley, I am terrified for you. I don’t want to come back one day and find your name on a tombstone. I want to be able to hug your physical form, not just your dream walk one.

  “You have incredible men in your life now. Let them help you walk through this. If you can’t walk through it then let them carry you.” She places her hands on my cheeks, cupping my face like I used to do to her as a kid. “I love you, Riles, but you have got to get your shit together. You’re scaring the fuck out of me. Please, for me. I really don’t want you to fucking join me here.”

  With the most serious expression I can muster I reply, “We need a swear jar in this realm. What a foul mouth you’ve developed. Look what being dead has done to you. My sweet, innocent, baby sister. Tsk, tsk, tsk.”

  I smile a big genuine smile. The first in months. Her eyes glisten and she smiles back before wrapping her arms around me and knocking me to the bed in an embrace.

  She softly speaks in my ear, “Riley, the next few months are going to be the most painful and hardest of your life. But I want you to promise me something. Promise me you won’t give up. That you’ll fight every second of every day no matter how hopeless it may seem. Promise me you’ll let your mates help you through it and that you’ll reconnect with your wolf so she can help you too.”

  Tears slide my cheeks; I don’t know how to promise all these things to her. I don’t think I can let the guys get that close. How do I open up to them when I’m scared as fuck that if I do I’ll just get hurt again? “I promise you, Grace. I will stop the drugs and I will fight like hell not to give up getting through the withdrawal. I can’t promise to let the guys in and no, I am not calling them my mates. I can’t go there, Grace. I’m sorry.”

  She nods in understanding. “You will, don’t sell yourself short. Or them.”

  “It’s time for me to go and time for you to start fighting. No worries, Riley, I’ll be back.” That last part spoken in her worst terminator impression ever, leaving me laughing. Still as corny as ever my baby sister. Gods, I love and fucking miss you so damn much. I will see you again, Gracey, I promise you that.

  My mind set and determination cemented, for her I will do this and I will survive this.

  Chapter Eleven

  Riley

  I lied, I can’t do this. I’m awoken by the most Gods awful pain. Every muscle in my body from my head to my toes is pulled so tight I can’t move. The fire in my body is turned up to raging inferno. Buckets of sweat pour from every inch of my body. Yet, I’m shivering as though I am in the arctic buck-ass naked.

  My stomach sours and nausea rolls over me. I try to turn over on my side, but the stabbing pain will not let me move. I try to turn my head just enough to vomit so I don’t choke on it, but I can’t fucking move. Gods please don’t let me die like this. I can’t stop the vomit from coming no matter how hard I try to hold it off. The pain is just too great. I start choking on it, trying to get air through the buildup. Vomit overflows my mouth and runs out of my nose, burning its way through. My lungs burn as they are denied the much-needed oxygen and tears pour from my eyes.

  “Fuck! Riley! Axel, get the fuck in here!” I’m grabbed from under my neck and back and rolled to my side. My mouth empties and I start to gag until I start vomiting again.

  “Breathe, Riley, fucking hell, breathe. Axel!” Gods, he sounds fucking pissed.

  Footsteps pound toward me and more hands grab my face turning me more to the side.

  “Cree, relax, she's breathing. Be gentle, help me prop her up and we’ll get her cleaned up.” Axel’s soothing tone washes over me, soothing my wolf and my soul much like his gentle touch on my body. I can feel the tense body next to mine relax a little more as well, must be Cree.

  Four strong hands on either side of my body help me to sit up, a whimper escapes me as they lift and shift my body. Another body slides in behind me and gently pulls me back against a warm bare chest. The heat radiating from who I believe is Cree warms my center and the muscles pulling in my back start to relax, causing me to sink back into him. A bucket of some kind is
placed beside us and my hand is placed on the rim of it. “Just in case you need it,” Axel whispers. A cool cloth is run along my face, wiping away the sweat and cooling my skin. A sigh of relief is pulled from me and I relax back into the body behind me just before another wave of white-hot pain flashes through me. My body curls in on itself and my mouth opens in a silent scream as tears pour from my eyes. Gods, make it stop, make it stop. Please. Make. It. Stop.

  Sound finally leaves my mouth in the form of a broken sob and a plea for relief. “Make it stop. Please. Please, just make it stop.”

  I don’t know how long that pain wave lasts, it seems to go on forever. I sit there in Cree’s arms, his big hands running circles over my spine. The pain finally recedes, giving me a moment of relief. Someone else wipes my face, neck, and hair off with a cool cloth, removing the remaining vomit and leaving behind a renewed sense of relief. Taking a deep breath, blackness clouds my vision and I am sucked back down into nothingness.

  Cree

  Watching Riley writhe around in pain has been killing me. My bear is on edge, pacing as though he’s stuck in an eight by eight cell just dying to get out and kill whoever or whatever dares to hurt his mate. I know my hovering is driving the wolves crazy, but I just can’t stop. I cannot, will not leave her side, we just found her. It's in a bear's nature to be the guardian of their mate. So not being able to guard Riley from her pain is like being stabbed through the heart over and over again. Fucking killer.

  “For fucks sake, Cree, go hunting or something. Take Enzo with you, he needs to kill something before he snaps,” Reed demands from Riley’s side.

  “Fuck off, Reed,” Enzo mutters as he storms from the room. Yeah he’s on edge. Truthfully, we all are.

  Holding Riley as she lies here groaning in pain, I’m torn. I know I should let my bear run and hunt so he’ll settle, however, I really don’t want to fucking leave her side. Reed stands and comes to my side. Placing a hand on my shoulder he gives it a little squeeze. “Listen, Cree. I get it, I really do. It’s hard to stand by and watch her in pain, knowing you can’t do anything to take that pain away. All we can do is be there for her. Let her know she’s not alone and we’re here to support her with whatever she needs.” I turn to look him in the eye finding the truth and honesty in his words. “You need to be strong for her, Cree. In your current state you can hardly contain your bear. The last thing she or any of us need is you losing control and shifting right here in her bedroom and going into a full-blown rage. You need to take care of your bear, right now, he needs you a hell of a lot more than Riley. He needs you to let him run free, to get out your aggravation and his worry. Enzo’s wolf needs the same. He knows it even if he won’t admit to it.” That last line is delivered with a little more volume and over his shoulder.

  “Yeah, yeah,” is Enzo’s only reply.

  I chuckle slightly as I slide out from under Riley and tuck her in under the covers before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead.

  Reed continues ignoring Enzo’s endless muttering from the front door. “Besides, if Enzo is with you I can call you back through our connection if anything happens. I promise you; I’ll look after her until you both get back. She’ll be okay, Cree. Have a little faith in her. Our girl is strong.”

  My eyes snap back to his at the word ‘our’. I know we all agreed that we are mates to Riley but I haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that all five of us are connecting with Riley and she with each of us; that there is a ‘we’ and an ‘our’ to us all now. Reed smiles an understanding smile at me, “Yeah, I know.”

  Reed

  As soon as Cree and Enzo step out the door the agitated energy in the room dramatically decreases and I breathe easier. I am trying to put on a brave face and straight spine for the other guys. They are looking to me for strength and leadership and that weight sits heavily on my shoulders.

  Peeking in the spare room I find Wild and Axel sleeping, though not very peacefully. Their wolves are restless, they can feel Riley’s physical and emotional distress. Feelings of helplessness flood my soul, while thoughts of failure and guilt invade my mind.

  The guys have been finding it harder to leave at the end of every day. With Riley in so much pain and her wolf in distress, she needs her mates around her now more than ever. And if I’m being honest my wolf wants them close, he views them all as his pack. He feels protective over each of them, not just physically but also over their emotions, even the bear. While we fight for dominance status, he still wants him close. I wrestled with the decision on how to ask, but I’ve decided that it would just be wiser for everyone to stay in one place while Riley is healing. So while I was out earlier in the day I had keys made for each of the guys, and I’ve decided that I’ll ask them to stay for as long as it takes. My wolf’s contentment with this decision tells me it's the right one.

  Walking back into Riley’s room, a wave of excruciating pain hits me like a Mack truck and I double over. My knees hit the floor and the pain increases tenfold. Riley’s wolf howls in my head, her panic and pain radiating through me. I make it to her bedside and lay my hand on her abdomen and her wolf immediately settles.

  I keep my hand on her as I sit on the edge of her bed, connecting to her wolf to let her know she’s not alone. “It’s going to be okay, little wolf. You’re strong and so is Riley.” Sliding her hair off her forehead I whisper my heart to her.

  “I need you to keep fighting, Riley. Fight to live. Fight to love. Fight for me and the others. Fight for yourself and your wolf. Please, I don’t know how much longer I can do this, be strong for everyone else when I’m breaking without you,” my voice breaking on the plea. I had finally found my mate after being alone for so long and I am terrified of losing her. I’m not strong anymore; I do not know how to be.

  Wilder

  The sound of a soft clicking jars me from my dream walk. Reed's on watch tonight over Riley and as I reach out with my wolf I can’t sense Cree or Enzo anywhere. They must have finally taken Reed up on his advice to go hunting. Good for them.

  I can hear the soft murmurs of Reed in with Riley, hearing his confession I know that it’s time. Reaching into my bag I grab the burner phone that’s hidden there and I softly step out of the bedroom so I don’t wake Axel. Hitting dial on the only number in the phone I listen and wait for it to connect.

  “Hello,” the voice on the other end states.

  “It’s me,” I reply, “I think it’s time or at least it should be soon. Emotions are starting to run higher here. And the bonds are starting to form. If we’re going to do anything it needs to be soon.”

  “I don’t think it’s time yet, we’re not ready.”

  “Do you hear what I’m saying? If you’re gonna act it needs to be soon before the bonds are set.” I hear the front door open quickly and with the start I spin around and spot Cree rushing down the hall towards Riley’s room. My brows furrow as I try to listen, wondering if there’s something wrong. “I've gotta go, just think about what I said.” I quickly hang up the phone and stuff it in my back pocket, starting down the hall.

  Reed

  My head snaps up at the sound of the front door slamming shut. Cree storms through the bedroom door, his chest heaving. “Is she okay?” he growls out as I shake my head to clear the fog of sleep from my mind. I must have dozed off for moment, I have no idea what time it is but the sun has started to set outside the window, so it has been a few hours at least since Cree left.

  I look down at Riley, my hand still resting on her abdomen and mentally reach out to her wolf. “She’s better, more settled. Her pain has lessened greatly, and her wolf is much stronger. She’s ... resting.” I breathe lighter, letting the calm I feel now from Riley leak out to the others in my words. I can see they have an effect on Cree as he visibly relaxes his stance, shoulders dropping not in defeat but in relief at knowing his mate is going to be okay. The worst of the withdrawals is past her now. It’s up to her to decide where she goes now, but at least she can make the choi
ce with a clearer mind.

  Riley

  I wake with a groan and wince. My head is pounding, and my entire body is throbbing in pain. The smell around me is rancid, making me feel like I’m going to vomit. The light is blinding on the other side of my closed eyelids. I open my mouth to ask them to shut off the fucking light only nothing comes out. I try to cover my eyes to express the pain the light is causing, but I’m not sure the gesture is communicating the way I envision it. I feel a bit like fucking Ariel in this moment, trying to explain to dipshit Prince Eric that she lost her fucking voice to the sea witch. Taking a deep sigh of frustration, Disney got that part correct at least.

  Suddenly the light is gone, and a warm hand covers mine over my eyes. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m glad to see you awake. I’ve got a glass of water here for you. Think you can take a few sips for me?” Axel, my sweet, lighthearted Axel…. You are a God among men. Water, oh Gods sweet fucking water, give it to me. I try to show my enthusiasm at the idea of drinking but am slow to move. My eyes slowly open as I try to sit up but I don’t even have the fucking strength to manage that. A warm arm slides under my shoulders and sits me up as their body slides behind me to act as a prop. I know that warm and solid body now. Cree. My head lolls back against him and I manage a low hum of approval before a straw is placed on my lips. I part my lips and the straw is inserted. It takes a moment to work the energy up to suck on the straw and draw the sweet water into my mouth and down my throat. Once I’ve had my fill, I gently clear my throat and manage a weak harsh, “Thank you.”