House Swap

by Olivia Beirne

  I rest my head in my hands as a headache thumps around the back of my neck. I should have stayed. I should have stayed and spoken to Katy. I knew that the moment the car sped out of the village and towards London, but as we slipped onto the motorway and flashes of amber light seeped through the windows, I couldn’t bring myself to tell the driver to turn around. I couldn’t even bring myself to ask to be dropped at the station; I just needed to get to London.

  I look up as I hear a small knock on the window. Jasmine’s eyes are gleaming at me expectantly. I push the feeling of fear to the back of my mind as I carefully manoeuvre my way to standing. As soon as I open the door, she explodes into chatter.

  ‘Rachel!’ she cries. ‘You’re back! Katy was here yesterday because she got back from her holiday and Mummy said that you weren’t staying here any more, only Katy, but now you’re here! Is Katy there too? Are you back because you missed us? I got full marks in my spelling test yesterday and Mummy said she was so impressed she would buy me a doll to say well done.’

  I try and smile at her, but a sudden hot flash of pain shoots through my body, forcing me to double over and clutch the door frame.

  Oh my God.

  ‘Jasmine,’ I say, trying to keep my voice steady, ‘go get your mum.’

  Jasmine nods and races up the garden.

  Panic floods through my body as I cling onto my stomach. What’s happening? Why is this happening?

  Is there something wrong with the baby?

  I glance up as Fiona comes racing down the garden. Her silk dressing gown flies behind her and Jasmine gallops alongside her like a faithful steed. I see her confused eyes scanning my body as she reaches me.

  ‘Rachel!’ she cries, her voice high with bewilderment. ‘What are you doing here? I just sent Katy back to Wales so that she can be with you when the baby is born!’

  I try and flash her a smile, but my face is still contorted in pain.

  ‘Oh my God,’ she mutters under her breath. Her eyes snap back up to me and I flinch. ‘Are you in labour?’

  My fingers curl around the door frame, unsure if that’s a question that needs answering, and then before I can stop myself, I burst into tears.

  ‘I can’t be!’ I cry desperately. ‘I’m not due for another two weeks! That’s what the doctor said. I don’t know what’s going on, but it hurts!’

  I try and swipe the tears off my face, and Fiona suddenly stiffens as though my words have commanded her to stand like a guard ready for orders.

  ‘Right,’ she turns to Jasmine, ‘go get William and tell him to get dressed, now.’

  ‘But Mummy, I—’

  ‘Now,’ Fiona says sharply, and Jasmine skids back up the garden. Fiona reaches forward and grabs my damp hand off the door frame. ‘Right,’ she says calmly, ‘it’s okay. This is unexpected, but you’re not the first person this has happened to, and it could just be Braxton Hicks, but we’re going to get you checked out anyway. William was two weeks late and he decided to arrive when I’d just sat down for a meal with Tristan’s parents.’ She fixes her eyes on mine. ‘First of all we need to call your husband and tell him to get to London as soon as he can.’

  Her words wind me, and I scrunch up my face. My mind races, trying to think of a suitable explanation as to why I can’t do what she’s asking, but I can’t lie any more.

  ‘I don’t have a husband,’ I manage, the truth ripping through me. ‘He left me. This isn’t his baby. I’m on my own.’

  For a second I feel Fiona waver. I force myself to look at her, desperate to catch sight of any hint of her reaction now that I’ve finally admitted my secret. A shadow of sadness creeps over her face for a second before a still, calm expression takes over. I fear she’s going to try and question me, angry that I’ve lied to her, but she doesn’t.

  ‘You are not on your own,’ she says, her grip on my hand tightening. I blink back at her. ‘Who do you want with you?’

  I hear my answer before I think it. ‘Katy. But she won’t be able to get here,’ I cry. ‘She doesn’t drive and there are works on the train line and she doesn’t know. I still haven’t told her anything.’

  Fiona narrows her eyes at me. She whips her head over her shoulder and yells up the garden.

  ‘Jasmine! Make sure you and William have your shoes on.’

  My stomach flips over as Fiona turns back to face me, a flicker of adventure gleaming in her eyes as she gives my hand a firm squeeze.

  ‘We’re going to Wales.’

  *

  I wring my hands and stare out of the car window as we shoot up the same motorway I travelled down less than twelve hours before. As soon as Fiona took charge, it felt as though she had removed a huge weight that had been sitting on my shoulders. Finally, someone else was taking control of the situation. She didn’t let me have much of a say in it and I was too blinded by fear to question her.

  She piled us all into her four-by-four and sped us towards the motorway, trying to hush Jasmine, who was practically levitating with excitement at the idea of missing school to go and see my house. As soon as I realised Fiona was going to pull the children out of school to take me to Wales, I tried to argue, but she batted me away, saying that they hadn’t had a sick day all year and her mum wasn’t around to pick them up if we weren’t there. My next worry was how Fiona could miss a day of work, but she shot me a look that silenced me pretty quickly. There are some perks to being the boss, I guess.

  ‘I’m really sorry,’ I say quietly, keeping my eyes fixed on my hands. ‘I feel fine now, I don’t feel like I’m in labour at all.’

  This is the worst part, the fact that almost as soon as we left Chiswick all my pain seemed to vanish and I started having a simmering fear that I just had some unpredictable gas.

  ‘It’s better to check,’ Fiona says matter-of-factly. ‘Thankfully it’s your first, so even if you are in labour, we’ve got time.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘I was in labour for thirty hours with Jasmine.’

  I wince.

  Thirty hours? Jesus Christ.

  ‘So,’ Fiona says, turning down the radio, ‘are you going to tell me why you turned up at the lodge unannounced?’

  Automatically I feel my mind spring into action to come up with a feasible story, but every idea sinks through my brain with all the strength of damp tissue paper.

  ‘I found out Katy was throwing me a surprise birthday party.’

  Fiona flicks her eyes towards me and then immediately fixes them back on the road.

  ‘Is that it?’ she says eventually. ‘You travelled hundreds of miles not to attend a party?’ She laughs, pushing her hair off her face. ‘Gosh, I know sometimes we want to avoid a night out, but that’s real commitment.’

  ‘It’s not like that,’ I mumble. ‘Nobody knows I’m pregnant. I haven’t told anyone, and she’d planned to have everyone at my house. I just couldn’t face it . . .’ I trail off feebly, my body hot with embarrassment as I hammer another nail into the ‘I’m a failure’ coffin.

  Fiona flicks the indicator and slides the car into the fast lane. As she does so, she glances in the rear-view mirror and a small smile plays on her lips.

  ‘Look,’ she whispers. I follow her gaze and see William propped up in his car seat, his chubby face lopsided as he sleeps peacefully.

  ‘He always falls asleep on car journeys,’ she says fondly.

  As I watch William sleep, the fear roaring in my body melts away. His left hand is clutching a toy giraffe and his thick eyelashes flutter slightly against his full cheeks as he dreams effortlessly.

  ‘They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,’ Fiona says quietly. ‘I never thought of myself as a mum before they arrived, and now I can’t even remember my life without them.’

  Instinctively my hand touches my stomach and I feel a shock of emotion.

  ‘Why are you so scared of everyone knowing the truth?’

  I move my eyes away from William and fix my gaze on an inky-black car t
hat is skimming along the motorway parallel to us.

  ‘Because I’ve lied,’ I say simply. ‘I’m not the person I’ve been pretending to be. I’ve always been Rachel and Danny.’ Fresh tears pop out of my eyes and I brush them away quickly. ‘I’m scared what people will say.’

  ‘Katy?’ Fiona says.

  I nod, pushing the tears off my face. Fiona notices, and reaches over to squeeze my hand.

  ‘Well,’ she says, ‘I think there’s only one way to find out.’

  My phone vibrates in my hand. Without thinking, I answer, and Isaac’s voice tumbles down the phone.

  ‘Rachel,’ he says, ‘it’s me. Where are you? We’re all really worried. Katy’s asking me all kinds of questions and I don’t know what to say.’

  My grip tightens on my bump. I feel a swell of emotion, and take a deep breath.

  ‘Tell her I’m coming home.’

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  KATY

  ‘Did she say what time she’d be here?’ I ask.

  Isaac nods and drops onto the sofa. Bruno takes this as an invitation to be stroked and flops his body next to Isaac’s feet.

  ‘Yeah,’ he says, ‘about an hour.’

  ‘Right.’ I nod, my eyes flicking up to the clock. ‘Okay. Well, that’s earlier than the party was supposed to start, but that’s okay, I’ll text Ellie.’

  As I pick up my phone to punch in a message, I notice Isaac staring at Grandma’s ashes. I moved them downstairs this morning; I hated the idea of them being hidden under my old bed like some sort of secret. As I look at the urn, I feel an unwanted flash of anger.

  ‘She asked us to scatter them on the cliff,’ I say, leaning my weight against the kitchen counter as the kettle bubbles behind me. ‘That was the last thing she asked us to do. She wanted to watch over us.’

  ‘And you couldn’t do it?’ he says.

  I shrug. ‘I could have done. I needed to. After the funeral, I asked Rachel about it every day for weeks, but she told me our mum had taken the ashes, so after a while I gave up. I tried asking Mum myself once or twice, but when she said she didn’t have them, I just assumed she was lying.’ I give a light laugh. ‘She lies about everything else.’

  Isaac leans on his elbows as Bruno rolls onto his back, his legs stuck in the air like oddly shaped twigs.

  ‘Maybe Rachel couldn’t do it,’ he says.

  As I begin to reply, there is a knock on the door. I feel myself jump.

  Is that Rachel already? We’re not ready for her! Nobody is here! She’s early!

  Isaac stands as Felix appears at the window. Bruno scrabbles to his feet and bounds towards the door.

  ‘One sec,’ Isaac says. ‘Sorry, I told him I was here if he needed anything.’

  He disappears into the porch, shutting a confused Bruno out. Bruno starts to whine and I sink to my knees, holding out my arms. He pads over, dropping his body weight onto mine as he attempts to sit on my lap. I laugh.

  ‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘How did we not get on when I first arrived, huh? Now we’re best of friends.’

  I give his ears a stroke and he looks at me.

  ‘Everything will get back to normal soon,’ I say quietly. ‘Don’t worry. It will all be okay.’

  I cup Bruno’s face with my hands, suddenly unsure as to whether I’m speaking to him or myself.

  ‘Sorry about that.’ Isaac reappears.

  I get to my feet and drop two tea bags into a pair of my hand-made mugs. Isaac’s is big, more like a bucket than a mug, and is painted different shades of blue with a buttercup-yellow blob in the corner, smiling down like the sun. Mine is much smaller, and light pink, with a girl’s face reading a book. It’s not until I really look at it that I realise I’ve chosen the mug I made Rachel for our sixteenth birthday.

  ‘So,’ Isaac says, trying to keep his voice light but failing, ‘what did your boss want in London? Did you get that job?’

  I hand him his mug, trying to stop my cheeks flushing pink.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘I did. I start next week.’

  He cradles the mug in his hands and nods.

  ‘Great,’ he says quietly, ‘good for you. Well done, Katy.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I say, perching on a kitchen chair and keeping my eyes fixed on the steaming mug on my lap.

  ‘So you’ll be back to breakfast at the Shard in no time then?’ he says, giving an odd laugh as he flicks his green eyes towards me.

  My body aches as I watch him trying to make light of the situation and not admit what we both know: that me accepting the job means we will still be apart, and when we’re apart, we can’t be together.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, a limp smile pushing its way onto my face, ‘something like that.’

  I jump as I hear the front door clatter open and Peggy’s sing-song voice as she bustles in.

  ‘Hello!’ she calls. Her arms are laden with carrier bags. ‘I made all the party food.’ She starts unloading plastic boxes onto the kitchen table. ‘Cheese puffs, jam tarts and sausage rolls.’ She beams at us both. ‘Now, what time is she getting here?’

  For a second I notice a small glance between Peggy and Isaac, but quickly dismiss it.

  ‘She’s on her way,’ I say.

  Peggy nods. ‘Perfect.’

  *

  ‘Okay. So if you hide behind the sofa, and if you maybe just squat there for a bit, is that okay? And then maybe . . . oh Bruno!’

  I grab Bruno’s collar as he tries to jump on one of Rachel’s friends. Isaac laughs and leans over, gently moving Bruno towards him behind the kitchen table.

  ‘Look, you just stay here,’ he says, forcing Bruno onto his lap and wrapping his arms around his middle. ‘Okay, buddy? She’ll be here soon.’

  I flash him a smile of thanks and look around the room. Ellie brought six friends with her in the end, and including Isaac, Felix and Peggy, that gave me ten hiding places to find in our smaller-than-average cottage. Well, eleven, if you count Bruno, who keeps leaping around from person to person like he’s the bloody guest of honour. I was half tempted to lock him outside, but the last thing anyone needs is for him to run away again.

  ‘Shall we light the candles when she comes in?’ Ellie asks, glancing over at the staggering chocolate cake that Maura baked.

  ‘Er,’ I say stupidly, pulling my sleeve off my watch to check the time, ‘yeah, maybe that’s a good idea?’

  ‘Katy.’ Isaac’s voice comes from under the table, and I glance over to see that Bruno is now fully slumped on his lap. ‘Do you think maybe you should see Rachel before the party? Like, meet her at the train station and bring her here?’

  His voice carries an edge of urgency, and I frown. Peggy is hovering behind him, trying to look busy by rearranging fondant fancies on a plate, but I can tell she’s listening.

  I don’t actually know how Rachel is getting here. I assumed she would get the train and a taxi like we always do, but I’m sure I saw work on the track planned for today when I arrived last night.

  ‘No,’ I say, waving his question away, ‘it’ll be nice this way. I want her to feel immediately happy, you know? I don’t want her to feel guilty when we see each other, or worry that I’m going to have a go at her.’

  I feel a stab of guilt as I remember the message I sent when I found the ashes. I can’t pretend I’m not still angry, but some things are better spoken about face to face, and I can hardly do it at her party.

  To my surprise, Peggy suddenly leans forward and pulls me into a tight hug. When she lets me go, her cheeks are wet.

  ‘That’s the spirit, love,’ she says warmly. ‘She’ll be so happy to see you.’

  ‘Katy,’ Isaac calls, distracting me from the weirdly intense moment with Peggy, ‘I’ve just had a message from Rachel. She’s about five minutes away.’

  ‘Right!’ I call, clapping my hands together as excitement shoots through me. ‘Places, everyone! Please make sure you’re hidden!’

  I step forward and hide behind the front door, holdin
g my breath as I watch out of the window.

  This is it. Finally I’m about to see my sister.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  RACHEL

  Fiona flashes me a look of alarm as I fold my body in half, letting out a low groan.

  ‘What?’ she barks. ‘What is it? Are you okay?’

  I take a deep breath as hot daggers of pain ripple up my body. I’ve been trying to hide them, but for the past half an hour they’ve become more steady.

  ‘Have your waters broken?’ Fiona says, manically flitting her eyes between the road and my legs. ‘Has it happened?’

  ‘No,’ I wheeze, although if I’m being honest, I’m not sure.

  Have they broken, or is my vagina just coming out in a fierce sweat?

  ‘What’s wrong with Rachel?’ Jasmine pipes up, pulling the large headphones off her head.

  ‘Nothing,’ Fiona snaps. ‘Put your headphones back on.’

  Jasmine jumps and does what she’s told. The sat nav sings out another direction for Fiona and she turns a corner obediently.

  ‘Rachel, if the pains are getting worse, I need to take you to hospital,’ she says sternly.

  ‘No,’ I snap, my teeth gritted. ‘I need to see Katy first.’ I flick my eyes up and notice that we’re pulling into the village. ‘We’re two minutes away. I need to see Katy before I go into labour. I need to give her the choice. Look!’ I cry, as Fiona starts to argue. ‘My house is just here.’

  I hold up a limp hand and point to the cottage. My stomach flips as I spot Katy peering through the window and then ducking back behind the curtain, and for a second the searing pain in my body is silenced.

  ‘Are we here?’ Jasmine cries excitedly, snapping off the headphones again. ‘William, wake up. This is where Rachel lives!’

  She shakes him awake and unclips her seat belt. Fiona wrenches up the handbrake and whips her head round to the back seat.