Rebel Without a Clue

by Cathy Gaitan

  When I stop in front of them DaniElle reaches over and yanks a few strands of my hair from my head. “Ouch,” I growl because that hurt! “Why are you doing that,” I ask when she tosses it into her bubbling pot of ick.

  “We have a theory,” Hildie says as she stabs me in the arm with a small but really sharp dagger. What the hell is with these Witches today? I’m clutching my bleeding arm in shock.

  Hildie catches the drops of blood in a small glass bowl and tosses it into the pot as well. It hisses and blue smoke starts emanating from the brew.

  “What theory,” asks Julia standing back and watching the process. Not in the least bothered that they just sliced open my arm.

  Boom Hildie and Australian Witch exchange a glance as though trying to decide how much to divulge. Seeing as it’s my hair and blood they swiped they better come clean with everything. They shrug at one another. Then Hildie says, “We think we might be able to borrow a Zombie’s restorative properties.”

  “What does that mean,” Julia persists, thankfully.

  “We want to cheat death like Zombies and we think we can do it by using traces of Mercy’s DNA in a potion,” Hildie replies.

  “What’s in it for us,” Pink asks from out of nowhere. I didn’t even know he was in the room.

  Hildie glares at him. “I already gave Mercy her own magic. You could call this quid pro quo.” She has a point there.

  “Is the magic permanent,” I kept forgetting to ask.

  “As permanent as anything in magic is,” was Hildie’s vague answer.

  “So, you would drink my DNA?” It’s kind of weird but no weirder than eating brains I guess.

  Hildie and Australian Witch nod.

  “I guess, do what you gotta do,” I tell them. I don’t really want to watch while they drink. Mainly because of the rodents they added rather than my DNA.

  Bibidee Bea chooses that moment to march into the hotel suite slamming the door loudly behind her. “One of these days I’m going to zap that Warlock so long and so hard his eyes will roll,” she growls.

  “Spare us your kinky fantasies,” yawns Julia.

  “Why is she here,” complains Bea as she kicks her shoes off almost taking out a lamp in the process. She looks around the suite to see us all lounging around in her space and squints in every direction. “Why has our suite become Zombie central?”

  “I needed this one,” Hildie hooks a thumb in my direction. “The others came with the package.”

  “We didn’t trust you not to shove her under the bed again,” Pinkerton says with a pointed look in Hildie’s direction.

  Bea rolls her eyes. “We would have put her on the bed but it was too hard to lift her. We knew she’d wake up eventually.”

  “I was never asleep,” I grumble. These Witches are so aggravating.

  “Whatever,” DaniElle blows off the whole conversation. She hands a cup of nasty to both Bea and Hildie. “Long live the Witches. Bottoms up.”

  Bibidee Bea didn’t even hesitate. She tossed back the brew without even asking why. That’s trust. I gotta admit if Titus handed that to me I would have tossed it back at him.

  Witchy Bea’s face scrunched as she swallowed the concoction. “What did I just drink,” she asks Boom Hildie when she’s done.

  “Mercy’s DNA. If all goes well we’ll be as hard to kill as she is,” Hildie replies.

  “Well, hopefully we won’t have to cross that bridge,” Bea retorts. “Because I have plans and they don’t include a walk on the dead side.” She glances at Titus. “On second thought, a side trip never hurt anyone,” she murmurs with a wink in the twisted one’s direction.

  For once Julia Caesar didn’t rise to the bait. She just rolls her eyes and asks, “How long before we can engage the Dragon Lady?”

  Bibidee sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “I was hoping Oz could get the Warlocks to switch teams but that was a bust.” She looks back at Hildie and Australian Witch and smiles. “But he actually had some pretty good advice for once.”

  “I doubt that,” muttered Boom Hildie under her breath.

  Bea ignores her and continues, “Oz suggested we do a blood bond.”

  Hildie and DaniElle look at one another and nod in agreement. “Okay, that’s not a bad idea,” she admits. “The Warlock tripped on a good one I guess.”

  Boom Hildie pulls out that sharp little dagger again and slices the palms of both hands. She passes it to Australian Witch who does the same. It continues down the line. Bea, Julia, Titus, Pinkerton, me and Carmony.

  “Now clasp hands and form a circle,” Bibidee instructs. We do as she suggests. I clasp hands with Pinkerton and Carmony. The blood pools in our intertwined hands. As our blood combines it burns like battery acid. I know it’s not just me because I hear Carmony hiss in reaction. Then the strangest thing happens, I feel a pull in the center of my chest snapping into place like a rubber band stretched too tight.

  When I look up I’m not in the hotel suite any longer. I’m in Happyville. I can see everyone chained up like cattle in the training facility. Mary Mary’s crying and yanking on her chains. Somebody is crumpled on the floor covered in blood. I’m not certain but I think it may be one of the Woodley twins.

  I look down and see hands, not my own, chained in front of me. I see rings of silver and onyx. I know those rings. They belong to Kailani. I hear her say, “The Witch comes in three days. We need to be gone before then. Tell the others Mercy. We need to be gone.”

  When I next open my eyes I’m back in the hotel suite and everyone is staring at me.

  “Mercy, when did you do a blood bond with Kailani,” asks Bibidee Bea dumbfounded. “And why didn’t you tell me.”

  “It was on girl’s night. We were both a little drunk. I was going on about the sisterhood and how it didn’t seem to mean the same to everyone else as it did to me. Then Kailani said some Native Americans do blood bonds and we should try it. So we did.” Julia’s looking at me like she doesn’t even know me. “The cut wasn’t deep and it was gone by morning. I kind of thought I had dreamed the whole thing.”

  “This is good!” Bea is super excited. “We can use this. If Kailani can somehow find a way to blood bond with a few of the others that will give us a huge advantage. Plus, we now have a timeline for the hag’s arrival. We can work with this.”

  “But how do I let her know?” All of this is like a whole new universe to me.

  “The same way you wished for that stupid Pez,” DaniElle says. “Just focus on Kailani and the message you are trying to convey to her.”

  “Oh, okay. I can do that,” at least I think I can. I try to focus on Kailani’s rings. It seemed to work the last time. The thoughts I’m sending are kind of jumbled. I’m hoping she’s familiar enough with me to be able to cut through the nonsense and understand what I’m trying to tell her.

  In my head I hear Kailani answer, “I’ll try.” I sigh in relief because I wasn’t completely convinced it would work.

  “Why can’t I just wish for them to be here,” I say in frustration. “It would be so much easier.”

  “You’re not strong enough,” Boom Hildie informs me. “It takes a lot of skill to transport people. Even Bibidee Bea can’t do it.”

  “It’s hard when the object your transporting has emotions and thoughts contrary to your own,” Bibidee Bea explains. “You might, at some point, be able to transport your cat but other Zombies will probably forever be off limits.”

  The pounding at the door causes us all to jump. “Bibidee Bea, open up,” growls Oz through the door.

  “What does he want now,” she complains.

  “Open the door and find out,” Australian Witch straightens her clothes and pats her hair in anticipation.

  “Are you seriously preening for that Warlock,” Bibidee Bea asks in disgust. She marches to the door and swings it open.

  “Where the hell is my phone,” asks Oz in place of a civil greeting.

  “If you don’t have it then it must still be where
I left it. Under the left tire of that city bus,” she bitingly replies. “You’re welcome,” Bea tells him as she attempts to shut the door in his face.

  “You owe me a phone,” he growls.

  “Why? You don’t know how to use one,” she growls back.

  “Finally we’re on the same page with the Warlock,” Boom Hildie crows triumphantly.

  “You, back off,” Oz orders as he points a finger in Hildie’s direction. “This is between Bibidee Bea and me. Lesser Witches need not reply.”

  Boom Hildie looked ready to toss a hex at his head but Witchy Bea seemed to like his comment. She actually smiled.

  “What is this? A group meeting,” Oz asks, just now noticing it wasn’t just the Witches witnessing the exchange.

  “An impromptu meeting,” Bea answers. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

  He completely ignores the last part. “Did you tell them about my blood bond suggestion?” This Warlock is as boastful as Titus.

  “We just finished doing it,” Julia Caesar answers when Bibidee Bea refuses to. “Thank you, Oz. We really appreciate your help.”

  Titus gets up and saunters over to Julia’s side apparently not liking her attention on the Warlock. “Yes, thanks for your help,” he says, while sliding his hand over her shoulder not so very subtly.

  Oz looks at Bea with a hurt expression. “Why wasn’t I included?”

  Bibidee Bea is actually flustered by his question. “Why would you be? You’re a Warlock. Your kind are allies with the Humans. It would be crazy for us to blood bond with you right now.”

  “If I wanted to betray you I could have done it a hundred times over by now,” He objects. “You know I’m loyal to you Bea. Only you.” He gives Hildie a withering look.

  “But that’s the thing. Hildie’s my sister. I need to know she’s safe with you,” Bea tells him. “And you with her.” She gives Hildie a side eyed glance.

  “I won’t hurt her,” he agrees. “Much,” Oz whispers under his breath.

  “I’m not afraid of the Warlock,” Hildie brags. “I’m feeling invincible lately,” she grins at Australian Witch. When Bibidee Bea gives her an expectant look she mumbles, “I won’t kill him.”

  Bea grins at her. “No you won’t.” She turns and serves him up a big cup of Boom Hildie’s longevity potion. When he looks at it questioningly she says, “Zombie DNA to make you extra resilient.”

  He shrugs and downs the whole thing in one gulp. Wow. Apparently magic makes you fearless.

  Hildie reluctantly pulls out her dagger and we begin the whole bonding process again. I don’t know what Oz has in his blood but it didn’t sting this time. It felt like a million tiny bubbles were dancing along my veins. My communication with Kailani was magnified. It felt like she was in my head. It’s a weird thing to say but I felt stronger. I kind of felt like Kailani was stronger through me.

  When it’s done Oz looks at me and says, “Stop worrying. Everything will work out. Just wait and see.” For some reason I believe him.

  Oz agrees with Bea that my bond with Kailani increases the probability of a successful rescue. We’re all happy that the Dragon Lady hasn’t stepped foot in Happyville yet.

  Oz heads back to his room. The minute he leaves Boom Hildie lays into Bibidee Bea for sharing her longevity potion with him. “Thanks to you I’m stuck having to see his obnoxious face forever,” Hildie complains.

  Australian Witch sighs, “Yes, we get to see him forever.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” hisses Hildie. “I mean it in a bad way not a good way.”

  The Aussie looks confused. “Why is that bad? Are you not seeing the same face I’m seeing?”

  Boom Hildie looks at me in consternation. “How does she not understand what I’m saying.”

  “I don’t know,” I say. No way am I getting in the middle of this.

  “I’m going to bed,” announces Carmony heading for the door. Titus and Julia exit not long after Carmony.

  Pinkerton and I leave together. “Do you think they’ll be okay,” I ask him.

  He considers it then says, “Yes, but I’m nervous as hell about that Dragon Lady. Kailani said three days but I don’t trust the Witch to follow that schedule.”

  That right there is why I’m friends with Pink. He gets it. “I don’t either. She sounds devious.” Oz told me not to worry but I can’t help it. Just the thought of my family being exposed to that mad Witch is nerve wracking. Right now they’re in the hands of Humans who already proved they are as sick as that hag. When I think of the way they have them caged in the training center I want to vomit.

  “Hey,” Pink shakes me out of my thoughts. “Don’t borrow trouble. We can’t do anything for them right now.”

  “I know. It’s just so frustrating to have our hands tied. I’m so tired of feeling useless,” I tell him. It’s the truth. Sitting on our hands while those sick Humans do whatever they want with them makes me want to scream.

  “Maybe you can do something,” Pink tells me. When I look at him questioningly he says, “You can’t wish any of them here but maybe you can wish something to them.”

  I think about that. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Maybe food or a weapon.”

  I hadn’t thought of that but he’s right. Maybe I can send something useful to them. “I’ll ask Kailani”.

  “Great. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Pinkerton says as I open my hotel room door. He turns toward the elevator rather than his own room.

  “Wait,” I call. “Where are you going?”

  Pink grins at me as the elevator doors open. “Clubbing. I’m tired of sitting on my hands too. I’ve decided a Pinkerton Floyd army is in order.” The doors close and he’s gone. A Pinkerton Floyd army? I can’t decide whether to be apprehensive or jealous. Jealousy wins. Why didn’t I think of that? I want my own army too!

  Chapter Six

  I’ve decided to convert to Zombieism.

  It’s a personal choice that every Witch has got to make on her own.

  -Boom Hildie’s twitter feed

  Pinkerton Floyd

  Building an army on borrowed time

  I made some headway last night with my army. I hit a punk club called Rabble Rouser. There were potentials everywhere I looked. Those with tats, piercings, Mohawks and ear plugs received extra consideration. So, just about everyone in the club.

  There were a few that I eliminated right off. The dude in the kilt that kept flashing his speedo every time he jumped which was often. He was a ‘hell no’ for sure. Nobody wants that around forever. Then there was the kid wearing a maple leaf t-shirt. He must have been lost because he was definitely in the wrong place. The guy in a black turtleneck and gold chain was also a pass. Do these people not know what it is to be punk? They must have been throwing down some serious cash because I don’t see how those three didn’t get tossed out on their asses.

  I chose fifteen solid candidates. I know Titus and Julia are into hard core training for our initiates. I, personally, don’t subscribe to that theory. I chat them up, see where their mind’s at, and if all goes well, convert them. No fuss, no muss. When it’s done I leave them with an information flyer:

  YOU ARE A ZOMBIE!! Brains are good. Eat them. You have the power to multiply so make good choices. Half portions don’t work unless you intend for your meal to walk forever. If you don’t like the brain you chose finish it anyway. For some a sprinkle of candy helps the nasty brain go down. I prefer to wash it down with a Corona and a slice of mango. Don’t judge it unless you’ve tried it!

  Word of warning: Don’t trust anyone! There are Humans that will flay you. Warlocks that will betray you. And an old Witch called the Dragon Lady that will flambé you. What can I say? It’s a mad world.

  Luckily you were selected for Pinkerton Floyd’s Army. That means you have the freedom to choose your own path. When you’re ready, pass this favor on. Remember, choose carefully. The decisions you make today could become the obstac
les you face tomorrow.

  We’re in the middle of an apocalypse, Zombies vs Humans. You could say you’ve been drafted. I hand selected you for our team because you’re a badass like the rest of us. Don’t waste time overthinking this. The stakes are too high. Just embrace what you are and do what we do best. Rebel!!

  Welcome to the Zombie Club!

  P.S. If you need assistance you can reach us on all social media sites.

  I’m more of a catch and release kind of Zombie. I don’t need an army that thinks like me. There’s only one me and that’s enough. I want my army to be composed of free thinkers. I mean, just imagine if the world was only one color. How boring would that be?

  I feel good about my selections. And I’m really pleased with the way I chose to go about this. It feels like me. Finally, I’m doing something that has my own personal stamp. I’ve decided I’m not going back to the way things were. If I’m doing something it will be my way or no way. Starting with this sacrificial Mercy thing. It’s not happening. There’s bound to be another way. We just need to find it.

  This blood bond changes the game for us. I don’t think even the Witches know how that all plays out but we have two more days, give or take, to figure it out.

  Mercy was going to attempt to use her borrowed magic to send items to Kailani. I need to check in with her to see how that fared. If it worked maybe she could send one of Hildie’s potions. I don’t know if that’s possible but I figure it’s worth an attempt. After all, failure and success are flip sides of the same coin.

  I pull out my phone and text the ninja nerd: How goes the black market business?

  That’s right, I text in full sentences. So what!

  Mercy texts back: Thriving! A bag of apples and a set of Ginsu Knives!! Success!

  She texts like she talks, with a lot of enthusiasm. And, yes, she also texts in full sentences. Zombies do that!

  It’s good news, thankfully, that she was able to transport items into Happyville. Hopefully Kailani had as much success with the blood bonding.