Rebel Without a Clue

by Cathy Gaitan

  “This hotel room is clean,” declares DaniElle.

  Boom Hildie lifts a shaky hand to tuck her tangled hair behind her ear. “We survived.”

  Everyone looks at Mercy and starts laughing.

  “You all suck,” she says with a disgruntled frown. “It wasn’t that bad,” she murmurs under her breath.

  “We need to be out of this hotel in 7 minutes,” warns Julia. “Witches, Oz shake a leg. The clock is ticking. We’ll wait for you in the van.”

  They all hurry off. “That damn Queen Z always has to be in control,” Bibidee Bea complains in a loud whisper.

  Julia’s not bothered in the least. She looks at us with a raised brow,” Well, grab your things. Let’s go.”

  **********************************************************************************

  Mercy Mayhem

  “Where are we going,” Oz asks.

  We all look at Julia. “Home. We need to stop reacting and start attacking. I’m done letting the Humans call all the shots.”

  “Hell yeah,” shouts Titus with a punch to the air. “It’s time we got our town back.”

  I look at Pink, “I guess it’s goat time.”

  “Yes, but he’s the goat,” Bibidee Bea points toward Oz. “My Witches and I decided it would be better to have a more experienced goat.”

  “That wasn’t the plan,” objects Oz. “I was just going to be close to make sure she,” he points in my direction, “remains staked.”

  “Well, I guess the plan changed,” Pinkerton grins smugly. “Sucks for you.”

  Oz grins back demonically. He has blue flames dancing in his eyes. “You really think you have what it takes to tangle with me, Pink?”

  “Right back at you, magic boy,” says Pinkerton.

  “Pink blew some Human’s heads off with his mind last night,” I tell Bibidee Bea in hopes she’ll intercede before things get ugly between Oz and him. This may have backfired on me though because Pink is looking at me like I betrayed him.

  “You did what,” Witchy Bea stares at him like she’s trying to take his measure. Oz is doing the same. “How many are we talking,” he asks.

  Pinkerton ignores them. He’s too busy trying to guilt me with his eyes. I don’t care. Last night he was struggling to deal with what his powers did to those Humans. I didn’t want the situation between him and Oz to escalate to the point that he ended up hurting the Warlock.

  “When are you going to learn to stay out of other people’s business.” His voice is dark and a little threatening but I’m not scared. Much.

  “When my heart dies,” I reply cheekily. “In other words, never!”

  His lips twitch and I relax a little. He doesn’t hate me. This is good. “You don’t have any common sense do you? I could have hurt you.”

  I laugh. “You’re the one who doesn’t have common sense if you believe that,” I tell him. “You wouldn’t hurt me. If I wasn’t around who would you manipulate?”

  He thinks about it then says, “Carmony, probably. She’s not a marshmallow, like you, but she’s the closest thing to it.”

  “Can we just get back to the part about you blowing off Human Heads,” Bea interrupts. “Why am I just finding out about this now?” She crosses her arms and glares at Pink. “I clearly recall telling you I needed to know the minute you discovered your power.”

  Pink looks at her like she’s a pesky fly. “If you want someone to obey you get a dog because that ain’t me.”

  “I told you they’d make you regret giving them powers,” Oz can’t resist saying.

  “We need to leave,” Julia declares. “Now! We can discuss all of this on the plane.” Surprisingly, everyone does as she orders.

  We take off in silence which is such a contrast to the way we were when we left Happyville. As with most things we do, nothing went according to plan. Things are going to turn around though. Just you wait and see. Somehow we are going to end up on top of this mess instead of crushed beneath it. I’m not sure exactly how but it will happen!

  We’re about to jump feet first into the belly of the beast and everybody seems to be at odds. Oz isn’t speaking to Bea. Bea isn’t speaking to Pink. Pink is barely speaking to me. Julia and Titus are only speaking to one another. Carmony isn’t speaking to anyone. Hildie and the Australian are speaking to everyone but ignoring the fact that nobody responds. Some might call it a catastrophe in the making but I prefer to think of it as preparation for the battle ahead of us.

  I haven’t been able to reach Kailani since just after I sent the Witch’s potion to her. I’ve tried to relay a message about our impending arrival but I have no way of knowing if she received it. If I can’t reach her by the time we land, I’ll see if Oz can make a connection. Maybe his telepathy can be used for something good instead of just to aggravate the rest of us.

  Right now I’m trying to psych myself up for this battle. I’m strong now both mentally and physically. Really! I’ve also got powers. If the Humans come at me they best be prepared to be knocked on their asses. I am not a pushover! Not anymore. I’m a Ninja. I’m pretty sure Ninjas invented the word badass. Don’t tell Pink I said that!

  I raise my fist by my face and pull it down to my side. “Fighting,” I whisper to myself. I don’t really want to do it in front of Pinkerton but I don’t have a choice. It’s my ritual and he’s right there. I can’t really escape him and I can’t zap him. He could literally blow my head off. I don’t think he would but it’s best not to risk it.

  “Ah, Ninja nerd prep time,” chuckles Pinkerton making fun of me as I knew he would. One day he will learn to appreciate the awesomeness that is me. Until then, I give him a karate chop to the side of his neck.

  “Ow, what the hell was that for,” he whines like a little Zombie baby. I barely touched him.

  “I’m practicing. Ninjas do that,” I tell him. If he’s gonna mess with me he needs to expect retaliation. It’s the Ninja way. Really!

  Bibidee Bea shoves her head between our seats. She looks at Pink. “Switch places with me,” she demands. I almost shook my head. When is she going to learn, Pink does not respond well to orders.

  “Forget it.” He puts his hand in her forehead and shoves her back. “Go back from whence you came, Witch.”

  Bea shows him her pointer finger which is sparking. “Are you sure you want to disrespect me like that Zombie?”

  Pinkerton rolls his eyes at her. “I blew the heads off ten humans. I’m pretty sure I can handle one average sized Witch.” Wow, he doesn’t pull any punches.

  Witchy Bea sucks in a breath. “First of all, I am not average anything. You’d do well to remember that.” She’s glaring hard at him. “Second I gave you that power and I can find a way to take it back.”

  Pink grins. “But could you manage to take it back before you lose your head?”

  Bibidee Bea doesn’t back down. “I can shield. I could send that power ricocheting back to you,” she pauses for a moment and smiles. Hooking her thumb in my direction she says, “Or maybe to her. That would be unfortunate wouldn’t it?”

  “Why me?” Seriously, why am I always the go-to person for threats and sacrifices?

  “Because that’s what would hurt him the most. Am I right Pink?”

  Pink doesn’t bother arguing. He just stands up and points at his vacant seat. “Fine. Take it. “

  Bea doesn’t waste time moving. She sits next to me and looks at me with a fake sad expression. “I’m sorry to break up your love fest but a Witch has to do what a Witch has to do.”

  I look back as Pink takes the seat Witchy Bea had vacated next to a snoring Boom Hildie. When Pinkerton sits down Hildie scoots over and rests her face against his chest. He tries to shove her back but she just keeps coming. When she starts drooling Pink curses and growls, “You better watch your back, Witch.”

  Bibidee Bea winks at him. “Oh, I always do Zombie but I appreciate the warning.” She stretches out her legs with a sigh. “Lots of leg room. That’s nice. The other
seat felt so cramped.”

  I wince and sneak a peek at Pink. Sure enough, his long legs are flush against the back of Bea’s seat. When she reclines her seat I fear Pink might just try to strangle her.

  “Why don’t we switch seats,” I suggest to her. I can’t help it. I feel a little bad for Pink.

  “No can do. Window seats make me nauseous,” she informs me. I risk another glance at Pinkerton and he’s glaring holes into the back of her head.

  I’m about to offer to change with him when he grabs Boom Hildie and rolls her over him so he can switch with her. When he plops her down into his now vacated seat she rolls off into the aisle then curls into a contented ball. Instead of helping her up he stretches his legs out across the two seats and closes his eyes.

  Bibidee Bea looks at Hildie sleeping on the floor. “Why didn’t I think to do that,” she muses. She waves it off and asks, “Are you ready to rumble?”

  “Are you kidding? I was born for this,” I announce with far more bravado than I actually felt. “The real question is: Are the Humans ready for us?”

  “I’m not sure about the Humans but the ghost of Witches past is chomping at the bit to get a drop of Zombie blood.” She says it like it’s no big deal. Am I the only one freaked out at the thought of facing the Dragon Lady? Not scared mind you just anxious.

  “So, what’s the plan? How exactly is Oz supposed to draw in the Dragon Lady,” I ask. I was always unclear on this part.

  “Oh, that’s easy for him. All he has to do is attack her shield. She’ll come at him like a mother protecting her cub. You know with hell and fury. That’s when we make a run at her.”

  “Do you really think it will be that easy?”

  “Easy? No, no at all,” she laughs. “That old bag was hard to take out once. To do it a second time would be nearly impossible but goals are important. Don’t you think?”

  “Yeah! Absolutely,” I exclaim. It’s true. For instance, my goal is to not be torched, mutilated or tortured in any way. I think those are some pretty solid #goals and not just for this battle but for life in general.

  Bibidee Bea smiles at me knowingly. “When I say goals I don’t just mean avoiding pain.”

  I don’t think she quite understands what a priority pain avoidance is for me. If she did she wouldn’t have said that. “Well, when I think goals I immediately think pain avoidance,” I say. “You don’t have to agree with it but don’t diminish how important it is to me. It’s a Ninja thing.” I’ve decided when people don’t understand my actions I’m just gonna refer to it as a ‘Ninja thing’.

  “If you say so,” Bea says skeptically. “But I have bigger goals in mind. Like destroying that dusty pile of ancient evil and hitting the top of the Wiccan chart again. If I manage the first the second will be a lock-in.

  “Well, good luck with that. I hope you succeed for all our sakes. The sooner the Dragon Lady bites it, the better.” It’s the truth. We’ve got enough to handle with the Humans and the Warlocks. We don’t need that old Witch stirring up even more trouble for us.

  “I’m glad you see it my way. I’m kind of digging this alliance.” She grabs her phone and snaps a pic of me.

  “Um, why did you do that,” I don’t like surprise pictures. Of course, posed photos are worse. They’re kind of creepy.

  “To document the day. This battle is going to be big I can feel it,” she slides over so she’s positioned between our seats and snaps a selfie. When she shows it to me I can see Pink in the background. “Nice one, right?” I nod in agreement. No fake smiles so it’s not horrible.

  She hands me her phone. “Can you snap one of Hildie,” she asks. I do as she asks. It’s a little crooked and cuts off part of her head. Whatever, you can tell it’s her. I shrug and hand the phone back to her.

  She looks at it and laughs. “Geez, you take worse photos than Australian Witch.”

  “It’s a ninja thing,” I tell her as DaniElle shouts from across the aisle. “The thunder made me do it!”

  Bea shouts back to her, “You snapped that whack pic before we’d even cracked open the thunder. That photo stone cold sober sucked. Admit it.”

  “It really did suck,” laughs Boom Hildie from her bed on the floor. “It was a photo of your feet.”

  “Luckily my shoes were killer,” Bibidee Bea says. She leans toward me. “No joke, they were red stiletto heels. I could have done some major damage to someone with those things if I’d had a mind to.”

  “Too bad you didn’t,” I tell her. “That would have been an epic photo.” Seriously, going ninja on someone with a stiletto heel would be even better than a spoon. Is it wrong that I really want to see that? So what! Stop judging me.

  “That would have been amazing,” she exclaims. “Dammit, why didn’t I do it?”

  “Maybe you’re slipping, Bea.” Hildie rises from the floor and shoves Pink’s feet off the aisle seat. “There was a time you would have been all over that.”

  “Bite your tongue, Boom Hildie. I’m as sharp as I ever was. You’ll see for yourself in a less than an hour. “

  I hope to hell she’s right. I’m starting to get nervous. I look behind me at Pinkerton. He’s staring out the window and chewing on his lip ring. I think he may be nervous too. He’s probably worrying that he won’t be able to control his power. I want to reassure him in some way. Hold his hand or something but it’s awkward with the way we’re seated. I go ahead and give it a try anyway. I slide my hand between the seats and hold it out for him.

  Boom Hildie grabs hold. “Just for the record you’re not the type I usually go for. You’re a little messy all around but I like to hold hands,” she tells me.

  “It wasn’t meant for you,” Pink yanks her hand away and replaces it with his.

  Bibidee Bea looks at us and rolls her eyes. “Oh, barf! Just make it official already.” She grabs a nail file from her pocket and waves it over our clasped hands. “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Zombie Nerd.”

  “It’s just for comfort. It doesn’t mean anything,” I tell her. “Right, Pink?”

  He squeezes my hand harder and says, “Right. It only counts in the deluded Witch’s magic kingdom.”

  “Hey, Witch,” calls Titus from the other side of the plane. “Wave some of that magic over here,” he tells her, holding his and Julia’s intertwined hands in the air for her magical attention.

  “Oh, hell no,” mutters Bibidee Bea under her breath. “Sorry, I’m only allowed to do one ceremony a year.” She hooks her thumb in our direction. “Done.”

  “Great,” I whisper as Pinkerton yanks on me until my shoulders are halfway between the seat opening.

  “Remind me to get you a lip ring to seal the deal,” he laughs when I glare at him.

  The plane jerks when it hits an air pocket and I almost fall through the seats. Pink shoves me back. “You better sit back before you fall.”

  “That’s right. Take care of your Mrs. Pinkerton,” declares Bibidee Bea.

  “Bite me Bibidee Bea,” replies Pink with a kick to the back of her seat.

  “Don’t get your facts twisted, Pink,” she chirps. “That’s purely a Zombie trait.”

  “Speak for yourself, Bea,” chimes Boom Hildie. “This Witch has teeth and she ain’t afraid to use them.” She winks at Pinkerton. “Know what I’m saying?”

  “Yes,’ he says. “But I’d really rather not,” Pink mutters under his breath.

  I put on my headphones and ignore the rest of their chatter. I have a battle to prepare for. It requires extreme concentration so I put on ‘The Eye of the Tiger’ and channel my inner Rocky. We got this. Nothing the Dragon Lady throws our way will be enough to stop us. Zombies versus Humans? Please, it’s not even a contest! Witches versus Warlocks? It’s not even fair! Rogue Witch facing off with rogue Warlock? Okay, they may have the edge there but he’s not a pushover. I don’t think. Whatever, like I was saying, we got this.

  Our Zombies have magic now. We can’t die and neither can our Witches or Oz. That g
ives us an advantage. One they, hopefully, won’t see coming. I’m not nervous anymore, I tell myself. I choose to toss anxiety in the garbage can. It can’t help me. It can only hold me back.

  I’ll admit I am nervous, not anxious mind you, about the fact that Kailani hasn’t responded to any of my attempts to reach out to her. I’m a tiny bit worried that something might have gone wrong. They’re strong, I tell myself. If something happened they weathered it. They’re Zombies after all.

  The plane jerks again and I buckle my seatbelt. Oz is getting ready to land. I can see lightning flashes through the plane windows. The lights inside the plane are flickering on and off. I can feel my teeth chattering together from the turbulence. I’m gripping the armrest with shaky hands. Have I mentioned I hate to fly? Well, I do!

  Thankfully Bibidee Bea was too preoccupied with the weather and the rough flight to even bother glancing at me. I still have my headphones on I realize as Crazy Train starts blasting in my ears. Yep, it feels like I’m home.

  I can see Bea shouting something at Oz. I don’t think it’s good because she’s flipping his back the finger as she yells.

  I take off the headphones and immediately hear Witchy Bea shouting, “You couldn’t get a real plane? You had to settle for a sardine can? Way to go Oz!”

  “If it was a tin can you’d already be flying out of a hole in the ceiling instead of sitting there yelling at me while I save your sorry self,” Oz growled.

  Bibidee Bea’s eyes start swirling in the darkness of the plane. It was kind of eerie the way they glowed like beams of light in the inkiness of the dark. “I can actually taste that hag’s magic right now. And it is nasty! “

  I can’t help asking, “How can you taste magic?”

  “It’s like Pink’s mango scent. It leaves the air reeking and coats your tongue,” Bea answers.

  “Hey! I don’t reek,” he denies. I have to agree with him.

  “Personally I like Pink’s mango scent but I don’t taste it. No hidden meaning so don’t go drawing unnecessary conclusions,” I tell her.

  Of course Bea ignores my disclaimer. “Hey, Pink. Did you hear that? Mercy wants a taste.”