by Nana Malone
No, Mayzie needs you. Neela is along for the ride. And she made it clear that she really didn't need me.
But I definitely needed her.
I shook my head. "I hear you. But whatever you're thinking, it's not happening."
He shrugged. "If you say so. But, from what little you said about the woman you're guarding, I can hear it in your voice. You like her. And she doesn't need you, huh?"
"She doesn't know she does."
He laughed. "Man, maybe she doesn't. But someone like that is good for you. It’ll keep you on your toes, but you can't rescue everyone. Maybe, just maybe, you can be with someone and know she won't do you dirty like the other one."
It was always fascinating to me.
Trevor seemed all happy-go-lucky. Like he had not a care in the world. But every now and then he would drop something meaningful like that. See through the heart of it. See that part of my problem with Neela wasn't that I worked for her or that I was lying to her. The real crux of it was there was a part of me that didn't trust her. I also didn't trust my ability to see all that bad shit coming.
Not every woman is she-who-shall-not-be-named. Sometimes what you see is really what you get.
The problem was the more I liked Neela, the more likely it was she was going to feel betrayed.
And I knew from experience what a secret like that could do to someone.
Twenty
Neela...
I stared down at myself. What in the hell was I thinking?
You were thinking that Bex was right. That maybe he's worried that you're his boss, so he thinks he overstepped the line.
God, I hoped that was right. I hadn't seen him all day. The other nanny, Tamsin, had been here. She’d told me that Jax would be back by nine. She’d volunteered to stay with me until Jax got back, but I still wasn’t used to having people underfoot. How had Willa dealt with it?
I also got the distinct impression she really didn't want me to leave the house at all. I didn't have any intention of leaving the house, but still, did they think I was completely helpless?
I was all clear to do this. Then, why was I so scared?
Maybe because you're wearing Willa's lingerie that barely covers anything and you're intent on seducing your manny.
I was an idiot. I swore it would be the last time I listened to Bex.
My phone buzzed on my vanity. And sure enough, there she was, Bex. I answered. "This is a bad idea."
"I knew you were chickening out."
"Yes, because this is insane. How in the world am I supposed to seduce him? He kissed me and ran away. That tells me he doesn't want this. And, oh my God, Willa's lingerie has not a scrap of fabric on it." I tugged at the lace see-through bra. It made my boobs look awesome. But also, you could basically see my boobs through the lace.
"That's the point of lingerie. It's not actually supposed to cover anything."
I scrutinized myself in the mirror. Okay, the yoga was working, but the thong... my ass was the size of the main island. Luckily, it had a little cover-up thing, but again, it was see-through. “It covers nothing."
Bex laughed. "Oh my God, it sounds so hot. Take a selfie."
I coughed. "A what?"
"A selfie. Better yet, send him a selfie and tell him to come find you somewhere in the house."
"No! I will not do that. Those things last forever."
"You want it to last forever. Trust me. You want him to have that one for the spank bank for years."
"God, Bex, do you have to say things like spank bank?"
"Spank bank. Spank bank. Spank bank."
"Real mature."
"I mean, come on, Neela. You have spent your whole life trying to make yourself small and be as little bother to anyone as possible. It's time that you stepped front and center for once. Be the hot girl that you already are but just don't know you are. For once, take the goddamn stage. You already know he wants you. From what you said about that kiss, it was the hottest. So just be you. Take a picture. Send it to that man. If you're wearing Willa's lingerie, then be Willa for a night. Just pretend. You want him, don't you?"
I groaned. "Yes."
It wasn't just that. I liked feeling sexy and fun. I also liked feeling like a woman. For so long, I had just been Richard's partner. Like he didn't really see me. But Jax… he seemed like he saw me. But then he pulled back, so yeah.
"This just isn't me."
"That's it exactly. You are so used to making yourself small so that you're not a bother, you don't know how to stand up and just be you and own it. That's all you have to do. Hell, you could be wearing a head to toe muumuu, and those moments when you are shining through would still be unbelievably sexy. You don't need to wear see-through lingerie for that. He already thinks you're sexy. So that's already a win. You just have to ovary up and tell him what you want."
I swallowed hard. I really did love her. "Oh God, this feels insane, but you're right. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to pretend to be small to make someone else more comfortable."
"Yes. That's the ticket. You're gorgeous. If I had your ass, I would basically walk around naked all the time."
"Bex, you do have my ass."
Bex choked a laugh then. "What? You're insane. I have a boy's body. Barely any hips, barely any tits. The moment you start paying me more or I marry a billionaire, I'm getting my boobs done."
"You don't need your boobs done, Bex."
"Not something ungodly, right? Because I'm small, but a nice tasteful C-cup. Like a small C. Just to fit into clothes better."
"Well, if that will make you happy, the second we get in some more clients, you'll get a big bonus and you can go get your big fake tits."
"Pamela Anderson, here I come."
"Oh my God, I'm so nervous."
She laughed. "I know. Look, just stand back, okay? Send me a picture."
I laughed. "What? I'm not sending you a picture."
"Yeah, you have to practice your selfie game. Come on, get on the bed. Take the picture and send it to me."
"Oh my God, why do I do these things with you?"
"Because you love me, and I'm fun. And you know that my selfie game is strong. Have you seen my Facestagram? It's fantastic."
Her social media account was pretty amazing. Bex was gorgeous. Pixie like. She was cute and engaging. People loved her. "Okay, okay. Fine."
I climbed on the bed, still wearing the ridiculous see-through wrap, tried to pose myself, and then took the picture.
I heard the chime on the phone, and then Bex laughed.
"Oh my God, stop with that face. Like, honestly, look at the camera like it’s Jax, okay? And then arch your back a little, tits out. You have a great set, show it off. And holy crap, is that thing see-through?"
"Yes! You see my problem?"
"Yeah, it's hot."
I groaned. "I—You know what? I don't even know what to do with you."
She laughed. "Love me forever. Okay, take another one."
I tried to follow her instructions. Sent another one. Rinse, repeat. Finally, I sent her one that she approved of. "Yaaass! That's the one."
I laughed. "You know I'm not sending that to him, right?"
"Of course, you're not. Even though I told you to. That's why I'm doing it for you."
I sat up with a start. "What?"
"You forget, I have access to your chat account, the one that we're all on. I can log in as you."
"You wouldn't."
"Um, and by wouldn't, you mean already did?"
"Bex!"
"You weren't going to do it. And well, you look hot."
"I hate you."
"I love you too. Byyee!"
And she was off the phone. I quickly opened up my chat app. And sure enough, there was me, sending a holy hotness picture to Jax. So far, he hadn't checked it. Oh God, how did I erase it?
I pulled up a website on my laptop with quickness, trying to figure out how I could recall a message. Holy shit. There was no recall
ing it. No recall.
Okay, maybe if I could hack into his account, I could delete it before he ever saw it. Also, I had no idea what he might use for a password.
"Oh God, this is terrible." I was going to kill Bex. That was it. No more best friend. Best friend was going to die.
Because she did the thing that you couldn't.
I slapped my laptop shut and placed it on my bedside table. Oh my God! I clutched my phone to me. Okay, I just needed a glass of wine. Everything would be fine.
I kept checking the app to make sure he hadn't seen it yet, and he hadn't. So there was that. Maybe he wouldn't see it. Maybe I could just pretend the whole thing had never happened.
I went downstairs and into the kitchen, pouring myself a very generous glass of wine. I downed it in one fell swoop, and then I poured another. It was the wine from dinner the other night. It wasn't likely we were going to drink it again, so I drained it and went back to my room.
I checked again to see if he had seen his chat messages, but he hadn't. Okay. I would just wait for him to come home, and then I’d explain that Bex was playing a joke. Of course, that was totally fine. I could do this.
I climbed into bed and waited for him. God, I was tired.
I checked the clock again. 8:50. Where the hell was he?
Before I knew it, my eyes were drifting shut. But I could do this. I'd just wait for him and explain. It was all a big misunderstanding.
Jax…
I passed the security gate, nodded at Ted, who was on duty, and asked him what time Tamsin had left. He told me, and I nodded, knowing it meant that Neela had probably been antsy and wanted the house to herself. So Tamsin had been watching the house from the street.
I might not have wanted the night off, but I certainly needed it. I felt more normal now. Less on edge. Luckily, with the rest of the team finally hired, rotations would be a lot easier. It was more and more difficult to be in the house with Neela.
Especially since you touched her.
I'd done a whole hell of a lot more than touch her.
There were not enough showers in the world to take care of the perpetual hard-ons I had around her. Those constant interruptions to my flow were the reason I'd started taking Mayzie to the park more. It was easier to be out of the house than smell her perfume everywhere. Or maybe that was her shampoo? That honey and lime scent, I might as well be watching porn or something, because every time I sniffed it, instant blood diversion to my dick.
It wasn't exactly conducive to doing my job, keeping Mayzie safe.
And Neela. Don’t forget her.
As if I could.
You just had to have a taste, didn't you?
I scrubbed a hand over my face as I parked the car.
Chill. You can do this. Just go inside, go straight to bed. In the morning, wake up early, and get another grueling workout in.
Hopefully, I could exhaust myself into not wanting her.
Good luck with that.
I locked up the car, went to the front door, and typed in my code. All the lights downstairs were on dim, so I turned them off as I went. It was only when I hit the stairs that I checked my messages.
I froze with a foot hovering over the first step. Holy fuck. All the blood in my body went torpedoing south of my heart as it raced to keep up with the flow and into my dick as it woke the fuck up.
Jesus Christ.
The chat app she'd gotten us all on so that I could communicate with Adam and Bex had one message from her today. A photo.
A photo of her wearing a lace see-through outfit of some sort. Her olive tanned skin was on full display as she wore a red sheer bra-and-panty combination that made my mouth drier than the Sahara. The expression on her face said it all. 'I cannot wait to fuck you.'
Jesus…
I clamped my hand hard on the banister and took several deep breaths. That didn't help, because what I wanted, what I needed, was to taste her again, to be with her.
Didn't you just have this conversation?
Trevor had said it. I was that guy. Even when I knew something was a bad idea, if my brain thought I could fix it, I would commit to fixing it.
Difference is Neela doesn’t need saving.
I knew this was a bad idea, but I wanted her. It didn't matter that I knew it was going to end in a disaster. She was the client.
You technically work for Bipps.
I was Mayzie’s fucking manny, so that might get awkward.
The baby loves you and has no idea what's going on, and you're actually good with the kid.
Also, I was lying to her.
I waited for the rationalization that would help with that one, but it never came because it was the truth. There was no rationalization for that one. I was lying to her, and when she found out, she was going to feel betrayed. It was going to hurt. And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. She didn't deserve that.
Okay, then keep your hands to yourself if you can.
I took another step, but my damn dick just swelled again, pushing against the metal fly of my jeans and making me wince. Down boy.
I could do this. Maybe I could pretend I hadn't seen it.
Except the damn app had read receipts, so she would know.
I finally climbed the rest of the way upstairs, my dick protesting the entire time, knowing that I was going to go the Boy Scout route. Hell, what was wrong with me?
There is another way. You could tell her the truth.
Yeah, I could do that, except that wasn't the job. The job was undercover, so Ariel would skin me alive, which also meant there would be no getting back in the Royal Guard. So as much as I wanted her, I couldn't jeopardize that future.
I knew I couldn't see her with my dick like this. But what choice did I have?
I knocked quietly on her door, which was slightly ajar, but she didn't come to the door. I knocked again. Finally, I pushed it open slowly, and the first thing I saw were her feet. One over the other, delicately arched, her toes painted in multi colors of pink and purple. I smiled because Mayzie had been the one to pick the colors.
Her toe color choice didn't match that flimsy piece of nothing she was wearing, but that was the last thing I cared about. The next thing I saw was tanned, smooth legs that definitely deserved worshipping.
No, that's not why you're here.
I knocked again. But she didn't stir. And then I poked my head in, yeah, she was definitely still wearing lingerie. And she was also definitely… asleep.
My dick roared in protest as if practically begging me to wake her. But there was no way I was doing that. Instead, I grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed, and I gently pulled it over her. I also turned off the bedside lamp beside her and then forced myself to turn around and walk away.
Twenty-One
Neela…
I’ll take awkward for $300, Alex.
Things with Jax were… fine. Totally fine. So fine we were exceptionally polite to each other. Never mind that he’d made it a distinct point not to touch me.
Just the idea of leaving the office and going into the main house was slightly nerve-racking. Matter of fact, I considered sleeping in the guesthouse. There was a bed and a bathroom after all.
When Bex was leaving, she glanced at the clock. "Aren't you usually at home by now?"
"I’m already home. You forget I live here."
She narrowed her gaze at me. "Are you avoiding the hot manny?"
"I'm not avoiding anyone. It's just less tense over here," I lied through my teeth.
She rolled her eyes. "Honey. You can't avoid the man. How will you ever get boned?"
"Yeah, no boning here. I promise you that."
"That is a shame. Such a shame. Because clearly you could use a good boning. And he wants to be the one to give it to you."
"No, no he doesn't. He's avoiding me. I'm avoiding him. We’ve both bought property in avoidance city. Even Mayzie's noticing it. She'll lean over with her doll and have her doll give us kisses and then look a
t us expectantly like she expects us to kiss or something."
Bex choked out a laugh. "See, even the baby thinks you need a good kissing. She doesn't know about the other stuff."
"Bex, stop it."
She laughed and then set the mail on my desk. "I checked the mail for you from the PO box. It's quite the stack, so you'll want to go through it. Just from the top I can see most of it is for fuckface, so you'll be able to shred those."
"I still have to tell him."
"No, you don't. Because they may be addressed to fuckface, but the next line is the company, which you still retain the name of, so fuck him."
"Okay, Bex."
Bex had two speeds; off or raging lunatic. And when it came to Richard, it was raging lunatic. “Sorry. I just still think you deserved better.”
"Okay, thanks. I guess I'll go home."
She gave me a wink. "Please, get boned or at least bust out your vibrator. I'm pretty sure that thing has dust on it. But if you wash it it's still usable."
I rolled my eyes and ignored her. She went out the front, and I locked the door behind her then went out the back and set the alarm. Old habits die hard. Everything was as it should be. I glanced back at the safe security of my office. I could stay there for the night and order food, but likely Jax would bring it out to me and I'd still have to see him. But the awkwardness I’d have to deal with would be for a much shorter time. I could catch my favorite shows on my laptop, and I wouldn't have to walk in the house.
But then you'd also miss kissing Mayzie's sweet cheeks goodnight.
I groaned. "Fine, I'll be a fucking adult."
With the mail in my arms, I trudged over to the main house. I didn't even need my key. I pushed the door right open. Lucky for me, Jax wasn't even downstairs.
The baby monitor told me he and Mayzie were upstairs and he was changing her. The low crooning sound of his voice washed over me like melted chocolate. Also, it made me clamp my thighs closer together. I knew from personal experience just how low that voice could go. The things it could say.
