by Nana Malone
Lord, Bex was right. I needed to get laid. Or at the very least go a really solid round with the vibrator, because I could not go on like this.
I started sifting through the mail and then got engrossed. It was that easy. The mindless task blocked everything out. I didn't even notice anything else until that sexy-as-sin voice was right behind me. "Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something?"
I jumped. "Jesus Christ. You scared me."
Mayzie clapped at my exaggerated movement.
He lifted a brow. “Well, you knew we were in the house, right?"
"Yes, I did. I just…” I shook my head. "Sorry, I just was engrossed and wasn't paying attention."
He studied me. He was still only a foot away from me and God, those eyes. The ice-blue color. Direct and piercing. Jesus Christ. I clamped my thighs together again.
Nope. We are closed for business. He works for you. He is your manny. You need him. And he clearly doesn't want to bone you, so stop it.
He held out Mayzie to me, and I gratefully took her. "Hey, baby May."
She gave me a pseudo toothless grin. The little nublets of her bottom two teeth were still pushing their way through, but at least she was much happier. And she was so damn soft. The smell of her shampoo instantly comforted me. She held on tight, spreading drool along my neck as I held her.
Gross, but also the most comforting thing in the world. For several moments as I held her, everything else shut down. Okay, now I got it. The reason that moms, even in their most tired states, ran and had another baby immediately after their first one. They wanted more snuggles. For as long as humanly possible.
"Neela?”
I lifted my gaze to Jax. "Hmm?"
"Food? Are you hungry?"
Libido: Hell, yes, mama is hungry!
"Oh, uh, I was just going to order something."
He shook his head. "It’s no trouble. I can make you something. I'm just going to toss something together for myself, and I'll leave some for lunch tomorrow."
Don’t be petty because you're horny. Eat the man’s food. "Okay. Has Mayzie eaten?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm just going to make dinner. Then I'll give her a bath and put her down."
I shook my head. And not just because I wanted to get the hell out of his presence before I did something stupid, but also because he deserved it. He'd been on eighteen-hour shifts, and well, I sort of wanted to give her a bath. "No, I'll do it. Consider yourself off for the night."
His gaze bore into me, and it looked like maybe he wanted to say something.
Something along the lines of ‘Hey, put the baby down and I'll bone you against the wall.’
No, that wasn't what he was going to say. I knew better.
"Thanks. But I can do it."
"No. You've done enough." Shit. That was not how I wanted to sound. And from the slight narrowing of his gaze and the way his eyes flickered to my lips, that was exactly how it sounded.
"Neela…"
I didn't let him finish. "I'm going to take her up. Come on, baby May."
Mayzie started with her baby chatter, possibly telling me about her day. Block building and Sesame Street and all that good shit.
Giving her a bath helped soothe the frayed edges. Maybe it was the scent of her lavender shampoo that was meant to make her sleepy and calm. Instead it made me much, much calmer, which was good. Because I couldn't go back downstairs and grab the mail without some level of zen. When we were done, and my shirt was wet, I put Mayzie down and gave her kisses and turned on her animal mobile that doubled as a nightlight.
In her little sleep sack, she kicked her little feet and then plopped two fingers in her mouth and started sucking. Before I was even out the door, her eyes had started to drift shut. Man, to have it that easy.
I shut the door quietly behind me and then faced the doom of having to go back downstairs. Maybe he was in his room. He seemed to be working on something the last week or so, but he hadn't said anything about it. My brain immediately tried to unravel the puzzle that was Jax Reynolds. He didn't talk about himself much. Didn't say much about his past, save our early conversations before things got… awkward.
When I went downstairs, shirt still damp. he was nowhere in sight. I sifted through the rest of the mail, set aside the ones that were for fuckface, as Bex called him, and put those by the door so I’d remember to take them back over to the office. Then I sifted through the ones that were addressed to me. Mostly solicitations. A couple from clients who still hadn't remembered that they were supposed to set up auto debit, so those were checks.
Yay, money. And there was one I didn't recognize. I slid that one open. There was no post mark.
The lines on the side of the page were clear and easy to read though.
Give it to us and we won't hurt the baby.
The sledgehammer to the sternum was swift and painful. The bottom fell out of my stomach, and all of a sudden, the air whooshed out of the room. My head spun, and I had to clutch onto the edge of the table to steady myself. But something else steadied me. Jax’s arms around me.
"Neela? What's the matter? Neela?" His voice was low, but steely.
"I… Oh God."
The bile rose up, and I had to swallow hard to keep it down. Instead I just handed him the letter.
He cursed under his breath, took it by the corner, and placed it down. "Hey, we're going to put that in a plastic bag and then give it to the police, okay?"
"Jesus . What the hell do they want from me? I don't know what I've done."
Jax turned me in his arms and pulled me to his chest. He tucked me easily under his chin, his big body completely enveloping mine in his warmth. He smelled so good. Like musk and the outdoors. All I wanted to do was lean in and inhale deeply.
"We will fix this. Okay? We'll figure it out."
"How? My number one job is to protect that little girl, and I don't even know how I'm supposed to do that. This is dumb. I should have just taken Mr. Bipps up on his offer for a security team."
He swallowed hard. "You want a security team?"
"I don't want one. But after a letter like that, threatening Mayzie? I know I haven’t got anything anyone would want, but shit, maybe Willa did and I just don't know about it."
He held me close and kissed my temple. "You're okay. For now, you're okay. And we'll deal with that letter in the morning. All right?"
He ran his hand up my back, pressing me closer to him. And I wrapped my arms around his waist and for once, just let myself be held.
I wasn't usually one for hugging or really having anyone touch me. Mostly because from the age of eight to college, nobody touched me for any loving reason.
The MacKenzies barely ever touched me. And if they did it was to move me out of the way for something. Usually Willa. There were no hugs, no pats on the shoulder, no high fives.
Willa hugged. But even that felt weird to me. She was always holding me or hanging on. It always felt a little like I was drowning when she did it. Almost like she was shoving me under.
Wasn't she though?
And then in college, sure, guys touched me. All the time. Usually because they wanted sex. But that was men… so it was expected.
But it was rare that I got comfort for comfort's sake.
The problem was my body wanted a whole different kind of comfort.
Jax’s tone was low and crooning. He whispered things in my ear. Things I didn't necessarily understand. In some other language I didn't quite get. But they soothed me nonetheless.
Into his chest I mumbled, "What language is that?"
"It's Welsh. It's something my mother used to say to me whenever I was upset."
"What does it mean?"
He chuckled. "Loosely translated it means ‘have a brandy and everything will be okay.’"
I chuckled. "I think I like your mother."
"You would have loved her."
I tipped my head back. "Oh shit, has she passed?"
He nodded slowly. "
Yeah. Three years ago."
"I am so sorry. I didn't mean…”
He shook his head. "First, no, how could you have known? Second, stop. I'm comforting you. Not the other way around. Just take it. And third…"
His gaze flickered to my lips again. And self-consciously I licked them.
I knew he wasn't looking at them to kiss me. He'd already made it pretty clear he wasn't interested. Hadn’t he?
Jax…
I knew all the reasons this was a bad idea. I could list them.
I technically worked for her.
She made me want too much.
My control was already shot to hell.
Oh, and I was lying to her.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I couldn’t do this. “Neela—please don’t lick your lips like that. You’re killing me.” Jesus. Why did it sound like I was growling? Any moment now I was going to morph into a Neanderthal and toss her over my shoulder.
That doesn’t sound so terrible.
Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “Why? You want to do it for me?”
My dick practically hummed. Asshole. “We can’t. I haven’t told you—”
She shook her head. “You make me feel all these things. For once, I don’t want to think. I just want to give over and be present. Can we do that?”
Shit.
When I teased my tongue between her lips, she sighed as I licked into her mouth, stroking deep, turning up the temperature. I was so fucked.
She was very quickly becoming an addiction. With every taste I was falling further and further into the abyss.
Deepening the kiss, I angled her head so I could slide my tongue in deeper, tasting her more fully. Her lips were so soft. So perfect. I could kiss her for hours and never get bored. When she made a happy purring sound in the back of her throat, my blood hummed.
As I kissed her, I pressed my body into hers, needing to be in contact with as much of her as possible. I wanted to bury my cock deep inside her tight walls. All I’d dreamed about was pulling orgasm after orgasm out of her.
Muffling a curse, I lifted her and sat her on the countertop, stepping between her legs. A charge of electricity ran through me the moment my jeans-clad cock came into contact with the heat of her sweet center. All that separated us was the fabric of her skirt and my jeans.
She lifted her hips, bringing her core closer to me and I groaned, not daring to stop. I needed her. And it scared the shit out of me. But I didn’t dare stop. Wouldn’t stop.
When Neela rolled her hips into me, my hips jerked. She was so responsive. I snuck my hands under her top and she sucked in a shuddering breath.
God, she was so bloody soft. It had been easy to imagine that I’d fabricated how soft she was, but I hadn’t.
My thumbs skimmed up her ribcage and I could feel her holding her breath as I traversed each of her ribs. When I reached the underside of her breasts, a shudder rolled through her body.
I wanted her to need me as much as I needed her. Gently, I palmed her breasts. Her breathing shallowed, and she threw her head back. “Jax.”
Jesus, fuck. Her breasts spilled out of my palms as I nuzzled her neck, seeking out my favorite spot, just behind her ear. Her thready pulse jumped under my lips, and I wanted to make her feel like this forever. I inhaled deeply before tracing my thumbs over her nipples. Groaning low, Neela locked her legs around my waist and cried out.
The words slid off my tongue in a whimper. “Darling, you are so goddamned beautiful.” Her scent completely intoxicated me, making me shake. “I can’t get you out of my head.”
When she dug her hands into my hair, I growled against her throat.
Control, I needed to find some goddamned control. All I had to do was relax a little. Don’t rush. But fuck, I wanted to rush. She was rubbing her body against mine, writhing in my arms, and I wanted to do lots of other things to elicit that reaction.
Neela arched her back and the last tenuous hold I had on my control evaporated.
Picking her up easily, I blindly marched us upstairs and into the bedroom before I deposited her in the middle of the bed without breaking the kiss. Well aware of how much smaller she was, I was careful not to lay my whole weight over her. Instead, I shifted us to our sides and settled her against me fully. With a rough groan, I hiked up a handful of her skirt, exposing her flesh to my hands.
“Fuuuuck.”
The tingling in my spine spread quickly and the thundering roar of my heartbeat drowned out any other sound but her moans, mewls and little gasps.
Frustration riding me, I shifted our bodies again so I could yank my shirt over my head before settling myself back against her. My cock aligned against the hot center of her body and I bit back a moan when Neela lifted her hips into mine.
I dropped my forehead to hers, breaking the kiss, then gnashed my teeth together while I tried to quiet the tornado of emotions. With a feather-soft touch, she cupped my cheek and kissed me softly. There was something so tender, unguarded, and vulnerable about her in that moment, and I was lost. Her soft touch was enough to force honesty out of me.
“What are you doing to me? I am so desperate to be inside of you right now."
Her fingers drifted down my face, over my collarbone. And I held my breath as she grazed my nipple. It made her smile. Sliding lower, she traced each of my abs as if counting them. But it wasn’t until she traced her fingers over my happy trail that I started to shake. Shit, I had to get myself under control.
I released her and in record time shed my belt, leaving my jeans hanging low on my hips. I didn’t want to rush this. I didn’t want to lose the way this felt. Didn’t want it to evaporate.
When I slid back into bed, I gripped her hips reflexively as I kissed her again, rolling my hips into hers. The only sounds permeating the room were our gasps and groans as I devoured her with my mouth. From the way my skin hummed everywhere she touched me, I knew sliding into her would be heaven. I knew we would be combustible. Knew that she would own me. Because a small part of her did already.
Neela arched into my body with a satisfied groan when I captured her breast in my palm, filling my hand and then some. I teased the peak with my thumb, moaning in satisfaction when it pebbled under my touch. I wanted her crazy for me, desperate for release, desperate for connection. I wanted her to feel what I felt.
“Fuck, this has to go.” With an impatient yank, I dragged her top up and shoved her skirt down. Neela fumbled with the straps and I stilled her hands. “Let me.” Her hands shook as they fell away, and her gaze never left me. Deftly, I unsnapped the hooks holding the blouse together on her slim shoulders and tugged it up over her head.
She lay back and my eyes devoured every inch of her from her firm, toned legs to the lush curve of her hips, to her flat stomach with the hint of a six-pack. But my focus strayed to her full breasts and dark nipples peeking at me behind delicate lace.
I dipped my head, teasing the nipple by blowing a warm breath across the peak and her breath caught.
When I grazed the tip with my teeth, Neela laced her fingers into my hair and tugged me closer, as if willing me to take her into my mouth, to suckle her. It wasn't until I wrapped my lips around the nipple that she rocked her heated core along my cock, stroking me with the satin and lace of her panties. Teasing me with the promised heat and slickness of her sex.
My hands coasted up her silky-smooth thigh to the elastic of the flimsy material. Shifting the fabric aside, I stroked my fingers over her slippery folds. As soon as my questing fingers tentatively dipped inside her, she raked her nails over my scalp and a harsh cry tore from her throat.
I retracted my finger then stroked her again, sliding my finger a little deeper. With each glide, I took more of her. Eventually adding another finger as my palm rubbed over her clit. I wanted her as mine. Wanted to know that I'd made her come. "That's it, darling, come for me, don’t hold back. I want to see it. I need your pussy milking my fingers—your slickness coating them. Show me what you’ll do to my cock when
I fuck you.”
She dragged her eyes open and blinked up at me, our gazes locking as her back bowed. She was coming—and she was fucking incredible. As if timed perfectly to hers, my body fought against the restraint I tried to apply.
Fuck. Oh God. Blinding light danced on the edges of my vision. As quivers wracked her body and her pussy pulsed around my fingers like they were my cock, I felt pleasure with the force of a tsunami chasing up my spine. No. No, no, no.
Not now, not like this. I wanted to be inside her.
With a low growl, I shifted her so that she lay flat on her back against the pillows and I lay next to her, still nuzzling her neck. Slowly, I slid a hand over her stomach, up and over her ribcage again to gently palm her breast.
My gaze dropped to her lips as I said, “I wonder if you can come just from me touching your breasts. You think you’ll like it if I take that pretty nipple into my mouth?”
She squirmed underneath me. “Jax, please.”
“Maybe there’s somewhere else you want me to touch? Somewhere else I can make you feel good?”
She raised her hips giving me a direct hint. My chuckle was low. “I’ll get there, I promise. Since I only get one shot at this, I’m going to take my time.”
“Yes, please.”
I dropped my head and took a nipple into my mouth as Neela arched her back. As I sucked her deep, my thumb teased the other nipple, and I laved at her, teasing her with my teeth and tongue, worshiping her.
I released her breast and skimmed a hand down her torso and past her belly. Neela threaded her fingers into my hair and I shifted her legs wider to give me access. Lifting my head from her breast, I watched her intently as I slid a finger inside her. “My God, you are so fucking wet.” With a shiver rolling through her, Neela let her lids flutter closed as I coaxed a response out of her. “No, sweetheart. I like you to look at me.”
Neela forced her lids open even as her body started to quake. With my eyes and my body and my fingers, I demanded she be present right there with me. There was no hiding her response. No hiding what I did to her. No hiding that she needed it.
The fingers on my other hand busied themselves by penetrating her slow and steady with a measured retreat. Only to dip back inside her, stretching her. I refused to break eye contact with her. Refused to let her hide from what I was doing to her. I insisted that she be vulnerable and gave her no less in return.
