Dan's Hauntastic Haunts Investigates

by Alex Silver

  That and I lived for new subs. My view count and my likes were the difference between continuing to do what I loved for a living and giving it all up for a steady paycheck.

  I shuddered at the thought of going to a cubicle farm and turning into someone like my dad. Or Chad the insurance agent. Someone who spoke in a customer service voice and couldn’t loosen up if my life depended on it.

  Lucky for me, I could film the “Old Miller House” wrap up vid from my hospital bed. It would boost my credibility and perhaps gain sympathy donations from my regulars. I should do a live Q&A from the hospital too.

  That was the marketing stuff that Stacy had excelled at. She’d posted a promise to do a live video in the update to the site, assuring my patrons I wasn’t dead before ditching me here.

  For all that we’d parted ways, Stacy had been good at the job. I would miss her. But I had too much to do to dwell on her departure.

  I posted a notification to all my patrons that I would go live to answer their questions about the Miller House haunting at six. Then I set up my phone to film the wrap up episode in the meantime.

  I had filmed most of what I wanted to say plus extra material to make the editing process more smooth by the time the Q&A rolled around. I still wanted more footage from the site, but that would have to wait until the hospital released me.

  I went live at six on the dot and there were already two dozen patrons signed in. Not a bad turnout for the short notice. Though it was better when Stacy announced a live feed in advance.

  File that under things to delegate to my new assistant. I greeted my fans and gave them a quick update on my health.

  “Hey, everyone! It’s me, Dan,” I waved, then I panned the camera around the room. “As you can see, I’m still in the hospital.”

  A wave of messages wishing me a speedy recovery and expressing their sympathies scrolled by, replacing a bunch of generic greetings.

  “So, I figured since I’m a captive audience at the moment I’d take a moment to catch up with my most loyal viewers, you all.”

  I responded to a few of my most devoted followers as they commented. Then my elusive top tier patron, RedHerring99, popped into the message stream.

  RedHerring99: Glad to see you recovering.

  “Aw, thanks, Red. Thank you all for your well wishes. So they’ve got me comfortable for now. The staff here at Saint Vincent’s have been treating me fantastic. My recovery is going well. They had me walking with crutches earlier. They say I should be mobile again soon. So, hit me up with your questions about the show.”

  RadRaf: What are you working on next?

  BriBri: Are you going back to the Miller House?

  “Okay, so, Raf, glad you asked. I just finished filming part of the wrap up vid for the Miller House. Unfortunately, BriBri, after the incident, I they won’t allow anyone back inside the property as the city has condemned it as unsafe.

  “I want to see about getting more footage of the exterior once I blow this popsicle stand though. So, stay tuned for the wrap up video next week and the big reveal of August’s site going live in two weeks.”

  Collins4life: Where is Stacy?

  GhastLee: Do you have your next haunting picked yet?

  “Collins4life, Stace has been a great asset, huh? I know I appreciated her help, but we have parted ways. So I need to hire a new assistant.

  “Before the accident, I had a few options in contention for the August haunting. My doctors are telling me I need to avoid abandoned buildings until my leg is healed. I’ll have to look for more accessible sites for the next couple months. And as always, I’ve got something big coming up for the October haunting.”

  I ignored the handful of comments about Stacy’s appearance. She was an attractive girl, but Zack had been more appealing to my personal tastes. Not that I would make a move with my employee. That would cross a line.

  Considering that we bunked together and lived in each other’s pockets, the arrangement would be inappropriate for anything other than a working relationship. So, yeah, Stace may have been smoking hot. And Zack might have starred in several of my fantasies, but they were off limits.

  I ignored the questions about my dating life. It was DOA anyway. I never stayed in one place longer than the month it took to film a haunting, dating would be a fruitless effort.

  Funny how that only bothered me recently. I shoved the thought aside and focused on my fans. I was only twenty-six, I had plenty of time to worry about dating when I wasn’t living out my dreams on the open road.

  RadRaf: Check out the old Cedar Creek asylum here in Michigan.

  Drew: Hauntoween is gonna be lit!

  I chuckled, “Yeah, Drew, it will be hauntastic. I’ll add that to my research list, thanks, Raf. Getting back the PA thing, if joining me on the road interests any of you, or you know someone who would like the PA gig, shoot me an email.” I reminded them of my email address.

  RadRaf: If I were a few decades younger I’d take you up on that.

  “Thanks, Raf,” I chuckled. He wasn’t the biggest donor, but he was consistent and he was among the most vocal of my supporters.

  Redherring99: How do you find assistants willing to gallivant around the country with you?

  “Well, Red, that’s one perk of the job. We travel the country on my dime, right? I’d say that’s living the dream. I found Stace through a mutual friend. Zack and I attended college together. The others I found on Craigslist. I know, glamorous, right?”

  RadRaf: You be careful meeting internet strangers.

  Drew: Wish my mom would let me do something like that.

  Christie: Were you and Stacy dating?

  BriBri: Did you break up, is that why she left?

  I suppressed a sigh, ignoring those questions didn’t make them go away. The chat box had too many comments along those lines to ignore now.

  I resigned myself to coming out again for the new subscribers. Not my favorite part of being an out social media personality, but it came with the territory.

  “Raf, thanks for your concern, I do my best to stay safe about it. I run a background check before I hire anyone. Drew, hit me up if you’re ever able to join me on the road.

  “Um, since I’m seeing lots of speculation and comments, Stace and I were never an item. I’m not seeing anyone to be honest with you all. Right now my focus is on the channel and trying to put lingering spirits to rest.”

  I’d done this before, but I had a bunch of new subs after the Miller house. BriBri had no excuse, she was a longtime fan. Maybe she just forgot.

  No sense putting off the inevitable. I braced myself to the reactions and came out to my patrons, yet again, “Besides, as my longtime patrons know—I’m gay. Stacy isn’t my type.”

  Drew: Love you, Dan.

  RadRaf sent a heart emoji. My longtime patrons spammed the channel with hearts, messages of support, and pride flag emojis. BriBri made a comment about sexuality being fluid, skirting the line between supportive and hoping that I would change my mind.

  She liked to flirt with me though. So it might be more wishful thinking than an actual belief the right girl could turn my head.

  Christie and a handful of others left the chat. I expected a few unsubscribes. That could have gone worse.

  At least they didn’t stick around to harass me. Or recruit their friends to join in a hate campaign. I’d dealt with instances of that early in my vlogging career.

  “Aw, thanks for the love, everyone. I have the best patrons.”

  RedHerring99: Solidarity, man.

  Whoa. Hold the phone. The elusive Red was gay too? I was reading too much into it. He was more likely just an ally.

  For all I knew Red wasn’t even a guy. What if Red was a lesbian? Solidarity could mean anything.

  Not that it mattered. I just appreciated the support, financial and otherwise, I got from my number one patron.

  “Thanks, Red. Okay, so, back to the Q&A, right?”

  Drew: How did you know for sure yo
u were gay?

  “Drew, buddy, I’d prefer to keep the questions related to the channel. I’m not here to talk about my sexuality. If you’re questioning your sexuality or looking for mentorship or something you can email me. I would love to point you to local resources or provide a listening ear one-on-one. This isn’t the forum for that.”

  Drew: Sorry, I’ll message you.

  “No problem. I need to wrap this up soon. Does anyone else have questions for me before I sign off?”

  Bribri: Are any of the sites you’re considering in the Midwest again?

  RadRaf: Are you attending the fan expo in Detroit this year?

  Drew: Has that medium you mentioned in the video two weeks ago been in touch again?

  “I am considering several sites all across the country for future filming. As you know, I don’t reveal my selected sites until the unboxing video drops.

  “A big part of that is the liability involved. As the Miller House proved, this can be a dangerous profession. I’d hate for any of you to put yourselves in danger scoping out our filming sites in advance.

  “As to cons, we’ll see. This leg will put a crimp in my filming schedule so I might have to scrap my con appearances for the time being. The situation is fluid. And, no, I haven’t heard from Madame Karen again since my last video dropped. I’ll share it on the site if I do though.

  “Keep an eye out for a short bonus video I’m planning on doing to review some new gear in the next week. So, I think I’ll leave it there for tonight. Thanks for tuning in and asking questions, I couldn’t keep Hauntastic Haunts going without you, have a hauntastic evening!”

  I ended the livestream. A few more messages rolled by, people saying goodbye. Some thanking me for being available to my fans. A scattering of last minute well wishes over my leg.

  I logged out and put my phone aside in favor of my meal tray.

  That went well. And the new patrons my viral status had attracted hadn’t derailed the group. That aspect surpassed expectations too. Now I just needed to find an assistant and a couple hauntings that took place at sites I could explore with a cast and crutches.

  FOUR

  Chad

  Daniel was looking for a new assistant. I closed the tab from his live feed. The dashboard clock confirmed that my lunch hour was fast approaching its end.

  I typed out a quick message from my RedHerring99 email account. Before I could overthink it, I hit send and hurried from my car back to my cubicle.

  Six was not the most convenient time for a Q&A since it was only a couple hours into my shift tonight. But it was Dan, so I’d finagled my break to align with the time for the livestream.

  I was glad I caught it too. It was nice to see visual evidence he was on the road to recovery and in good spirits.

  I was glad to be a supportive presence in the chat when he had to come out, yet again, to allay suspicions about his relationship with Stacy. She was his PA for Pete’s sake. People were always looking for the next scandal I supposed.

  I clocked back into work with moments to spare. A yellow post-it note adorned my monitor. I recognized the writing on it. Harold, the evening manager, demanded my presence in his office. It was five of seven. He would leave for the night soon.

  With a resigned sigh, I strode to his office.

  “You wanted to see me, sir?” I asked from the open door to his domain.

  Harold glanced up from his desk, “Brewer, yeah, you’re fired.”

  “What?”

  “Last night you put through a claim for a policy on hold pending review. That goes against regulations. It wasn’t the first time you’ve pulled something like that. You’re still on probation from the last incident, so, you’re fired.”

  I blinked at him. “You mean the claim for Daniel Collins’ broken leg? He paid his policy in full. The claim was legit, how is that against protocol?”

  “His file is pending review. Standard procedure is not to pay claims until that process resolves. Regardless of the outcome, you stepped over the line. This isn’t the first time I’ve talked to you about it either. Three strikes, you’re out—pack your things, Brewer.”

  My mouth went dry. But what else could I say?

  “Don’t I at least get severance pay?”

  “Two weeks pay, so that’s two more paychecks for you. HR will mail you the relevant documents, including information on your insurance policy and how you can continue to pay for it out of pocket.

  “If you have questions, you can refer them to Lucy in HR. You have half an hour to clear out your cubicle and exit the premises, am I clear?”

  “Yeah, crystal clear,” I said. No point arguing. I didn’t leave many personal effects at work, anyway. Within five minutes I had taken down the pictures of my nieces and colorful art I’d tacked to the cubicle walls. I gathered up the few knick knacks from the desk along with a well-used stress ball. The stash of good pens I bought for myself since the company only sprung for cheapo ones completed my collection.

  As I was turning to leave, my desk phone rang. I should have ignored it. I wasn’t on the clock, heck, as of tonight I wasn’t on the payroll. But a glance at the caller ID showed a familiar number.

  Daniel.

  “Chorus Insurance, Chad speaking, how can I help you this evening?” I said as I dropped into my chair, the familiar phrase rolling off my tongue.

  “Chad, buddy, pal. So, I just got an official email saying Chorus is dropping me from the premium plan and offering me a high risk policy at double my prior rate—what gives?”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. Collins. Unfortunately, I am no longer an employee at Chorus Insurance, effective about five minutes ago, so I can’t help you.”

  A beat of silence.

  “Uh, if you aren’t working for Chorus anymore, why are you still answering your work phone?”

  I sighed, my answer would go straight to his head and inflate his ego, “I saw that it was your number calling.”

  “Yes! I knew it! We are friends, hah! So, Chad, should I take the new policy, fight them, or what?”

  “In my professional opinion?”

  “As my friend,” Daniel said.

  “You should take the policy for now to avoid having a gap in coverage and then you need to find a policy through another insurer that covers your needs. I can help you with that, if you want to send me an email later,” I gave him my personal address. Not the RedHerring99 one, that would be as much as admitting I’d internet stalked him.

  “Thanks, you don’t know how much I will miss you. You make me feel like I have a direct line to the insurance gods.”

  I laughed, “Well, apparently I had the same delusion. Turns out I can’t right the world’s wrongs for you though.”

  “Oh, shit, am I the reason you lost your job?”

  “No, of course not,” I fibbed, he was one of the patients I’d stuck my neck out for, but not the only one. “Just moving on to bigger and better things, it’s been a pleasure meeting your insurance needs, Mr. Collins. Message me and I’ll send that email your way when I get home.”

  “Great, I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Later.”

  “Goodbye.”

  I didn’t bother with the signature BS sign-off about we at Chorus Insurance wishing health and happiness to you and yours. I hung up the receiver for the final time, gathered up my meager belongings and left without a backward glance.

  FIVE

  Dan

  My emails weren’t all bad. The bump in volume to my fan mail from the viral video was tapering off. I received a few negative messages out of the live chat. Christie among them, asking for a refund on her two dollar pledge for the month. I offered to refund her through PayPal.

  Messages of support and encouragement from my regulars balanced those negative messages. RadRaf sent me a digital gift card for a coffee and told me how much it meant to him that the younger generation could be out and proud.

  Drew came out to me. He thanked me for being a role model he
looked up to. That alone was priceless.

  We’d talked a little before, but I made a mental note to message the kid more often. Drew was one of my younger subs, and he seemed lonely. Like he needed all the support I had to offer.

  Overall, the good outweighed the bad in my inbox. Sure I had the irritating notice of policy termination from Chorus Insurance, but Chad would help me figure out that whole mess.

  I got a handful of replies to the hiring call for a PA from my livestream too. That helped brighten my mood. The sooner I hired a replacement, the better.

  Unfortunately, none of the candidates seemed like a good fit for the position. My fans didn’t seem to understand how much actual work the job involved.

  I doubted BriBri would do well with the tiny bathroom in my converted van when we were on location. The amount she hit on me online was enough to make her an automatic no, anyway.

  Drew was still a teenager, or I might consider him. I suspected he might have a slight crush though, so maybe not. I sent him information on PFLAG and an encouraging note about his home situation.

  RedHerring99 sent me an email too. Just a few lines encouraging me to keep being unashamed to be myself and wishing me luck in finding a replacement PA. I shot back a quick response thanking them for their continued support.

  Then I opened the email from Chad. He encouraged me to accept the policy changes for now so I’d have gap coverage through the fall. Then I should find a new policy in November during open enrollment season.

  He included loads of technical jargon and suggested companies that offered policies that might meet my needs. The TL; DR matched what he told me on the phone. I would miss having him as a resource.

  I sent a reply thanking him for the advice. On an impulse, I added in a casual mention that I was hiring a new PA, if he was looking for work. I needed someone detail-oriented like him for the role.

  I attached the google doc with the job description before I overthought the offer. It was stupid to consider it. He was an office worker, a stereotypical professional. Used to set hours and being beholden to the man.

  Chad wasn’t just going to uproot his life to follow me around the country. I highlighted the job offer, considered deleting it. Paused with my finger over the key.