by Ivy Smoak
Damien topped off my glass without asking this time. I knew he was trying to do what I thought Tucker had tried to originally do to me. If I was indisposed it would be easy to search my place. Or maybe get a drunken confession. Tucker wasn’t guilty of those things though. And maybe tonight would be easier if I just flat out asked Damien what he wanted to know. The only problem was that I wasn’t sure I could give him the answers he wanted. I wanted to open up to Tucker tonight, not his friend.
He’ll run. He’ll turn you in. You’ll lose Zeke. I grabbed the glass and took another sip. Liquid courage was a thing, right?
“Violet?” Damien asked.
I looked over at him. It seemed like he had been trying to get my attention for a while. “Sorry, what did you say?”
He smiled. “I was wondering if you ever hear from Joel anymore?”
“No. Not since high school.” I could feel all three sets of eyes staring at me.
“Who’s Joel?” Zeke asked.
“Just an old friend. Are you ready for bed, little dude?”
“No way. I want to hang out with you guys.”
“But it’s late and you have school tomorrow.” I walked around the counter and pulled him off.
“But Mom.” He wiggled around in my arms. It was the second time tonight he had said my name in that way. Like I was torturing him.
“Come on. Let’s go wash up. I’ll be back down in a few minutes,” I said to no one in particular. The wimp in me kind of just wanted them to both be gone when I came back down. The pessimist in me thought they’d both be pulling up floorboards when I reappeared. But I couldn’t exactly tell them it was time to go to bed like I’d just told Zeke. I wasn’t their mother.
After I finally wrassled Zeke into a pair of pajamas, I sat down on the edge of his bed. Despite his insistence that he wasn’t tired, his eyelids were starting to droop.
I tucked the covers under his chin. “Hey, Zeke?”
“Mhm?”
“What other rumors have you heard? About me?” I smoothed his dreadlocks away from his face.
He yawned as he rolled over on his side. “That you killed my daddy.”
Tears prickled in the corners of my eyes. Why would someone say that to him? He was just a kid. I didn’t know how to reply to what he said. I was so tired of lying. “Zeke?”
His only reply was a light snore.
I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I didn’t have a choice.” One of my tears landed on his cheek. I wiped it away. “I had to protect you.”
Chapter 22
Tucker
“You gonna try to nail her tonight?” Damien asked as I handed him a plate to dry.
“No.” What the hell was he even still doing here? He had invited himself to dinner and now he just wouldn’t leave. I needed to talk to Violet alone.
“Why? I thought you liked her.”
He was being an idiot. I wasn’t looking for a one night stand. Violet was too good for that.
“You’re that bad in the sack, huh? Don’t want to scare her away?”
“I’m still getting to know her.”
“You can look for those scars if you get her naked.”
I squeezed the water from the sponge and turned off the faucet. “Does that mean you agree with me?” I was trying to study Violet all day, but I didn’t exactly know what to look for in abuse victims. She hadn’t resisted my touch when we were in public. Honestly, she seemed comforted when her hand was in mine. I hadn’t tried it during dinner because I didn’t know how she felt about it in front of Zeke. It was one of the things I wanted to discuss tonight.
“I mean if her son can talk about dead bodies under the floor like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world…it kind of makes it seem untrue. But that doesn’t mean that the bodies aren’t somewhere else.”
“I was actually asking if you thought maybe she was abused when she was little?”
Damien shrugged. “I don’t know. She didn’t seem to mind putting her hands all over me.”
I had been pissed when I walked into the kitchen and she was doting on him. But I wasn’t going to stoop to his level. “I thought you’d have it all figured out after your inquest.”
He laughed. “I barely got to ask her anything. Zeke was the one leading the onslaught of questions.”
“He’s cute, right?”
“Yeah. He’s got no fashion sense, but maybe you can help him with that when you become his new daddy.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what kind of reaction he was trying to get from me. I just ignored him again. “What do you think of Violet after the few questions you did get in?”
“Well, she seems sweet. But she’s also a psychopath.”
“She can’t be both. She’s one or the other. And you know she’s not capable of hurting anyone. Look how she took care of you after you hit your head.”
“Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive, man. She’s sweet like a psycho.”
“What did she say tonight that led you to that conclusion? I thought you were having fun.”
“I think being a detective is fun or else I wouldn’t have gone this route. And how can you not see all the signs? All her answers are very calculated. I feel like you can’t see it because of your rose-colored glasses. But she’s…”
“What?” Violet asked as she walked back into the kitchen. “I’m what?”
“Vi…” I started but she held up her hand to stop me.
“What do you want to know so badly, Damien? Do you need me to rip up my floors to prove to you that the rumors are false? What? Just tell me what I have to do to get you off my back.”
“I want to know if you killed Joel Walker six years ago,” he said in such a calm voice that it didn’t even sound like the horrible question that it was.
Jesus. I thought he’d start apologizing, but instead he acted in complete Damien fashion and dug his heels in.
“If I’m being honest, I wanted to. I loved him and he just…left. Everything he ever said to me was a lie. I hate him.” It looked like she had more to say, but she pressed her lips together like she was trying not to let the words escape.
“So you gave in to the temptation?” Damien asked. “You axed him?”
She laughed. “I don’t even know how to wield an ax. He’s a piece of shit, but no, I didn’t kill him. He up and went to Los Angeles. Ask any of his old friends. He’d been planning it for years.”
“But he left before he even got his diploma. And no one’s heard from him since.”
“Because he doesn’t have any family here. He was in the foster system. All he had was me.”
“So you just expect me to believe that he left you? If you’re the only person he cared about…why did he leave you?”
“Because he didn’t love me.”
“Then why did he leave before graduation? He could have waited a few weeks.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I haven’t heard from him in six years. For all I know, he’s dead now. But that doesn’t mean I had anything to do with it.”
“That doesn’t answer the question, Violet. Why did he leave before graduation?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
“That’s enough,” I finally said. “She’s already answered your question. She doesn’t know why he left.”
“She answered it, but she’s lying. You’re too blind to see it.” He focused his attention back on Violet. “Joel Walker disappeared under suspicious circumstances and you’re the only one who knows why. Why did he leave?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Why, Violet?”
“Because I broke his heart!” She spat out the words like she hated them.
“You implied earlier that he broke yours.”
“Can’t two hearts break together?” She wiped a few tears away that had fallen down her cheeks.
“Yes. But usually one of the people doesn’t go missing. What did you do to make him run so
fast?”
One of her hands fell to her stomach and then she looked toward the stairs. “Zeke’s five years old. How hard is this to figure out? Look, this has been a lot of fun, but it’s late and…”
“He left you when he found out you were pregnant?”
Her hand fell from her stomach. “Yeah. I needed him and he ran. Just like you said.”
I wasn’t as blind as Damien thought I was. I wanted to believe Violet, but I was well trained in deception. There was more to this story. I could feel it in my bones. But I wasn’t going to ask her about it in front of Damien. I wasn’t looking for a confession like him. I just wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know how I could help her. “It's getting late,” I said.
Violet nodded. “I’ll show you both out.”
Ouch. I deserved that. I had barely tried to stop Damien’s questioning. It was hard when I was dying to know the answer too.
She brushed past us toward the front door.
“Sounds like no matter what you do, you’ll be better than her ex,” Damien said.
“If she’ll ever speak to me again after tonight.” We both followed her to the door.
Damien apologized for the accusations and then stepped out into the brisk night. I kept my hand on the door, trying to find the right words.
“You deserve better than Joel. And better than how I behaved tonight.”
“At least you did the dishes.”
I started to laugh, but it didn’t look like she was making a joke, so I ended up coughing into my hand.
“Do you think I killed him?” she asked.
I stared at her. “No.”
“You hesitated.”
“I didn’t hesitate. I was just processing the question.”
“If there was a new case being opened against me, would you tell me?”
I wasn’t sure how I kept digging myself into a deeper hole here. “There’s no case. I just got curious about a few details of your life when I started looking into you. There’s some things that don’t really add up.”
“So you’ve been looking into my past this whole time?”
“No.” Fuck. “Yes.” I shook my head. “This is what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. It’s complicated.”
“Get out.”
“Vi…”
“Don’t Vi me.” She shoved my chest, pushing me toward the door. “You’re not my friend, Tucker.”
She was pushing me away, but all I could focus on was her fingertips on my chest. They were on the edge of driving me insane. We’d barely touched and I’d done nothing but dream of having her ever since we met. “Tell me what you really want.”
“For you to get out of my house.” She shoved me harder.
I was tiptoeing on a very thin line. But her eyes didn’t match her words. She didn’t want me to leave. I knew that she didn’t. “Tell me to stay.” I took a step toward her.
She stepped back, keeping the distance between us. “I overheard you and Damien talking outside earlier. And a few minutes ago. You’re trying to tie me to something.”
“I’m trying to stop the rumors.”
“Liar.”
“Me?” Was she kidding right now? “I’m trying to help you, but you won’t give me anything.”
“I didn’t ask for your help.”
I took another step toward her, and she took another step back.
She shook her head.
I wasn’t sure if this was the best approach. She had already called the freaking cops on me once. But I was done playing games. One more step forward.
She retreated her last step. Her back was pressed against the wall.
It wasn’t the chemistry between us she was shrinking away from. That much was clear from the way that her hand had formed a fist around the fabric of my shirt. She was practically pulling me toward her. She was just scared. It was all the what-ifs that surrounded our relationship. All the skeletons she had hidden in her closet. It would all come out. Every single lie. Every single secret. “You have to meet me halfway here.” I tilted my head down toward hers.
“Knowing the truth might ruin your life,” she whispered against my lips.
“Then ruin my life.”
Her throat made a weird squeaking noise when I cupped the side of her face in my hand.
“I’m going to kiss you now. If that’s okay?” I knew this situation was delicate. I had every reason to believe someone used to lay their hands on her without permission. I wasn’t going to be that guy.
She didn’t respond. Instead, she stood on her tiptoes and lightly brushed her lips against mine for a fraction of second before she attacked me in a kiss. There was no softness or insecurity behind her lips. The kiss was frantic. She was as desperate as me. Carnal. It was like she had been waiting for this moment her whole life.
I closed the final distance between us, pushing her back against the wall.
She moaned into my mouth in the most soul-crushing way. I wanted to swallow every moan that escaped her lips. I wanted every single one to be because of me. My fingers slid down the side of her neck. Farther. I pushed her sweater off her shoulder as I trailed kisses across the side of her jaw. “Just say the word and I’ll stop.” I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop even if she begged me. The taste of her skin was as sweet as the taste of her lips.
Luckily she didn’t ask me to stop. Instead, she wrapped her arms behind my neck, drawing me closer. “Only stop if you’re planning on breaking my heart. I barely survived the last time that happened.”
“I’m not Joel. I’d never skip town when you needed me. I’d never be able to leave you.” I wasn’t sure what made me say it. I barely knew her. But I had been hit hard and fast. I was pretty sure I was addicted to her.
She nodded but it looked like she was about to cry.
There were warning bells going off in my head. I was not going to go farther than a kiss when she looked like that. “This can wait. We don’t have to rush anything. I just planned on talking tonight.”
“I’m so sick of talking.” She buried her fingers in my hair, guiding my mouth back to hers.
I didn’t want to second guess anything. I’d been torn with my feelings for her ever since we met. Guilty. Not guilty. Did it matter? I’d already lied for her once. I’d lie for her again and again if I had to. Her secrets didn’t matter. I was already hooked. I grabbed her ass and lifted her legs around me. I captured another of her moans and dismissed the rest of my thoughts. All that mattered was that she wanted me. And God, I wanted her too.
Chapter 23
Violet
Last night was amazing. I stared at the rise and fall of Tucker’s chest as he slept peacefully. He was amazing. Part of me thought I had dreamed him to life. I didn’t just want someone like him, I wanted him. Only him. And that meant I needed to make sure I could keep him.
There were a lot of what-ifs floating around in my head. They were all part of the reason I had succumbed to temptation. I needed last night. I just wanted to be with him once before he knew the truth. Just once before he looked at me differently. I didn’t know if what we had was love. But it would be tainted soon enough regardless. He’d only ever look at me the way he did last night before he knew the truth. Even if he stayed, it wouldn’t be the same. He’d always wonder. Please stay.
I pulled on my robe and tied the sash as I stared down at him sleeping. Then I retied it again. And again as my stomach twisted into knots. The sun had barely risen. I had some time before he and Zeke got up. I was going to spend it wisely.
I glanced at him once more and tried to memorize the way his hair fell into his eyes as he slept. And the sharpness of his jaw. And his pecs. God, his muscles were a lovely surprise.
I thought I might have some sense of remorse about jumping into bed with him. But there was no hesitation. Somehow Tucker and I made sense together. And I was thankful that I’d had some wine last night, or I may never have had the courage to find that out.
I tiptoed out of my be
droom and closed the door behind me. A cup of coffee was calling to me, but I didn’t have time to worry about caffeine. I needed to prove my innocence of at least one thing before I confessed to all the other things I was guilty of. Today was the day I would come clean. I had to. I couldn’t lie to Tucker anymore. I just couldn’t.
I opened up my laptop and some random show started playing on Netflix. Netflix? Seriously, Zeke? Getting Hulu without my permission was bad enough, but getting a subscription to Netflix too? We needed to have a serious conversation about credit card theft. I paused the show so I wouldn't forget to come back to it when he woke up, and then I opened a new browser. I cracked my knuckles as the Google search bar loaded.
Come on, Joel. You owe me at least this one thing. It felt like he had stolen my whole life from me. All his dreams had become mine when we were together. And when he left I had never felt so alone. I typed Joel Walker into the search box.
There were a lot of Joel Walkers in the world. Hundreds on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. All the sites I didn’t indulge in. I liked my privacy too much to be on anything like that.
It took me several minutes of browsing through all the results until I came to his Facebook profile. I expected to feel something when I saw him cheesing for the camera in front of the Hollywood sign. Anything. But there was nothing there. Six years was a long time. I had a whole new life. Certainly he did too. He’d made it. He got the life I would have held him back from.
I clicked on the image of his face and a box prompting me to either sign in or create an account popped up. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t peruse what had become of him. I leaned in closer to the screen. Joel barely looked a day older than when he left. It made the uneasiness return to my stomach. This could have been taken yesterday or six years ago. I stared at the image. If I made an account I might be able to see more. But even if I created one, I’d probably have to hit the add friend button to get more access, and that was a very bad idea. Requesting to be his friend on Facebook after six years of radio silence would be weird. He’d wonder what was going on. Or he’d just delete my request like it was no big deal. He’d bury any thought of me like he had so many years ago.
