Rowdy

by Jay Crownover

“Surly isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, sugar.”

  I knew he had to be really mad if he was using one of his throwaway terms of endearment on me. He further perpetuated that belief when he hauled me to his SUV despite the fact I was peppering him with questions and complaining about my car being in the lot across the street.

  He literally lifted me up into the passenger seat and buckled the seat belt around me like I was a little kid. He opened the back door and tossed the black bag on the seat next to another one that I noticed was already there. He made his way around the vehicle, and once he was settled into the driver’s seat, he finally turned to look at me.

  “Poppy came and got your car when she brought me that bag for you at lunch. Since you’ve been avoiding me all week I’m taking you somewhere where there is absolutely no place for you to run and we’re going to figure this shit out. If you want to ignore me for two more days that’s fine, but you’re going to be bored out of your mind.”

  He turned to look out the windshield and I noticed a tic thumping in his strong jawline.

  “I told you I was ready to talk.” I crossed my arms over my chest because I didn’t like being ambushed and I hated feeling chastised.

  “You also told me you weren’t going to bail on me again and that’s exactly what you did this week.”

  It was true and I couldn’t deny it.

  “I just needed a minute, Rowdy. I didn’t go anywhere. I was here the entire time.”

  He swore and cut me a hard sidelong look out of the corner of his eye. “You were here but you couldn’t have been farther away if you tried.”

  The SUV pulled onto the interstate and headed north. I watched the city fade into the background and asked him again where we were going.

  I could tell he was debating if he wanted to tell me or not just to spite me but eventually his innate kindness won out.

  “Phil owned a cabin out in the woods on a private lake in Boulder that he passed on to Nash. Nash keeps it because he can’t bear to sell it, and I think he wants to convince Saint to take time off this winter and hide out with him for a week or two since they are both so busy working all the time. He told me I could borrow it for a few days until we get our shit straight. There’s no electricity and no modern amenities, so all there is to do is fish, fuck, and talk.” He lifted an eyebrow at me with a leer. “I didn’t bring any fishing poles.”

  I looked out the window at the rapidly darkening sky and muttered, “I can’t believe my own sister helped you kidnap me.”

  “Something has to give, Salem. Either we’re doing this or we’re not, but I have to know one way or the other. Poppy just wants you to be happy. Hell, she just wants me to be happy after all this time and the road to that place for both of us runs right through you.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that but I did know one thing that was stunningly, perfectly, absolutely crystal clear to be after the last few days without him. “We are definitely doing this, we just might not be doing it right all of the time, and that road might have a speed bump or two.”

  At least the tic in his jaw died down after I said that and his hands loosened some on the steering wheel. It must have appeased him some because he turned the radio on and the HorrorPops filled the silence instead of us snapping and griping at each other.

  Boulder wasn’t really far outside of the city limits, but once we started to head into the mountains and the roads gave way to things that looked like barely there trails, I realized it was going to be well into the night before we got wherever it was we were going. It was still warm enough out that I could roll the window down and listen to the sounds of the forest and smell the things that made Colorado such a beautiful place to be. The pine, the hint of fall in air, the way everything felt so untouched and natural, even the dust the tires kicked up made it feel like someplace I had never been before and was lucky to be now. The night crickets and the call of the animals in the surrounding woods were lulling and almost enough to put me to sleep, but I didn’t want to miss any of it. I wasn’t a nature girl but the peacefulness and serenity of this place was really welcome after a week spent on the edge of doubt and confusion.

  When Rowdy finally stopped over an hour and a half later, I decided calling this place a cabin was being generous. It looked more like a wooden shack in the center of the woods and I would bet my best pair of heels that no woman had ever been inside the ramshackle building. All I could think was that if it looked this bad at night, I really didn’t want to see it in the daylight.

  Rowdy climbed out of the SUV and took our bags to the stairs and dropped them in front of the door. He moved around to the back of the vehicle as I climbed down out of it and I watched as he muscled out a big cooler and went to deposit it by the rest of the stuff. He looked at me questioningly, so I sighed and delicately made my way to where he was waiting, careful not to break an ankle on the uneven ground in my tall heels.

  “I’m not exactly dressed for this, Rowland.”

  He smirked at me and got the door open and ushered me inside the tiny space. I almost turned around and ran back out the door. There was nothing there. Four walls, a woodburning stove, no lights shining, which led to everything being cast in creepy shadows. A beat-up chair that looked like it had dropped from the back of a garbage truck and an old-style army cot were the only furnishings. I balked and turned to tell him flatly, “I’m not sleeping on the floor and there better not be bats.”

  He laughed out loud and hauled all of our stuff inside. He disappeared to the back of the SUV again and brought in a giant Rubbermaid container that he set down by me with a thud. He popped it open and pulled out a couple of lanterns that he lit up right away and an air mattress that had an adapter to blow it up off the cigarette lighter in the car. He also produced several blankets and offered to let me dig through the supplies he brought to find something to eat. There was plenty of beer, some bottles of water, and stuff for sandwiches and breakfast. I had to give it to him, he was superprepared for this venture.

  Once he muscled the inflated air mattress back inside and made up the makeshift bed, he kicked off his cowboy boots and flopped on his back to stare at the ceiling. He put his hands behind his head and just lay there in silence, so I took my own shoes off, grabbed a couple of beers, and went over to join him. I set the cans on the floor and sat next to his hip on the squishy bed.

  “How are you going to survive not having junk to put in your hair for a couple of days?” I playfully poked at the slicked-up blond strands.

  He caught my arm in his hand and brought it down to put a kiss on my fluttering pulse on the underside of my wrist. He lifted an eyebrow and tilted his chin down so he could look at me.

  “I brought my cowboy hat.”

  Oh, sweet baby Jesus, we needed to make up real quick, then. I reached out so I could trace the line of one of his golden eyebrows.

  “I’m sorry you felt like you had to go to such an extreme just to talk about our relationship. That isn’t right and it isn’t fair to you. I was just freaking out and I know I didn’t handle it correctly.”

  His chest rose and fell as he exhaled loudly. He caught my hand and used it to pull me over him so that I was lying across his broad chest.

  “It’s not the freak-out or the way you handled it that worries me. It’s the fact that you felt like you had to freak out in the first place. I know the whole Poppy thing is tricky and uncomfortable, but I think I have it figured out now. But even if I didn’t, it has been you for months now, Salem. I just don’t get how you can’t know that.”

  He brushed his fingers through my hair and it felt so good I wanted to purr like a cat and rub up against him.

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s the same as me telling you I’m here because you’re here and that means I’m not leaving and yet you still look at me all the time like I’m going to vanish into thin air. We can know one thing, Rowdy, but our heart holds on to something else.”

  “I don’t want it to hold on to that any
more. I just want it to hold on to you.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and had to swallow around how happy and terrified his words made me.

  “Yeah?”

  He nodded and his chin rubbed against the top of my head. “Yeah.”

  “We just need to let everything go. We have to trust each other if we’re going to be together. I missed you this week and so did Jimbo.”

  He yawned so loud I heard his jaw crack and he squeezed me closer. “I’m older now and a lot bigger than you. Getting away isn’t going to be as easy as it once was, Salem. I’m not going to let you run anymore.”

  He sounded so sure, and for the first time since this all started between us I just believed. I believed in him. I believed in me and I believed in this thing between us having enough legs to be real and forever because that was what fate, and maybe something bigger than fate, wanted for both of us.

  “I’m not looking to get away, Rowdy.”

  I was expecting some kind of clever comeback, one of his off-the-cuff quips, but all I got was a steady rise and fall of that strong chest and his breath moving my hair as he breathed in and out above my head. The big jerk had fallen asleep on me.

  I sighed and wiggled off of him so that I could wrestle his legs up on the air mattress so that he would be more comfortable. I couldn’t blame him. It was a challenging drive after a full day of work and I’m sure his week hadn’t been any better than mine. I was bummed out that his crashing out early shot all my visions of playing sexy cowgirl on top of him with no one around to hear me scream in pleasure all to hell.

  Slightly put out, I dug around in the bag my sister packed until I found a pair of yoga pants and a tank to sleep in. I made a PB&J for dinner and tried to send Poppy a text to make sure she took Jimbo out before bed but was further disgruntled to find that this far out in the woods there was no service. I killed an hour and then decided all there was to do was curl up next to Rowdy and try to sleep, so I shut down the lanterns and curled up next to him as close as I could. His massive frame took up most of the available space.

  I listened to the lulling sounds of the forest and the night. I listened to Rowdy’s rhythmic breathing and sighed when he wrapped his arm around me in his sleep and hauled me tightly to his side.

  I realized it really was all about where I had ended up and not where I had been, because as long as he was there, wherever that happened to be was going to be where I was supposed to be at as well.

  Even if that place was some forgotten cabin in the Colorado mountains.

  CHAPTER 15

  Rowdy

  IT WAS THE FIRST full night of sleep that I had gotten since she walked away from me earlier in the week. I don’t know what woke me up before dawn, maybe the fact the air mattress was sagging in the middle or the call of the birds in the pine trees, but something had my eyes popping open before it was even light out. I automatically reached for the body that was supposed to be curled up alongside mine and jerked up into a sitting position when I came up empty.

  The cabin was tiny, so it was easy to see I was alone and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where my city girl would’ve gotten off to before the sun was even in the sky. I mean there was no bathroom, the place was beyond rustic, but I didn’t think Salem was the type to go tromping through the woods without letting me know where she was going or waking me up to hold the flashlight for her. So I pushed my messy hair off my face, pulled my boots on, and went to find her.

  It didn’t take long. The cabin was in a clearing that sat on a crystal-clear lake that was fed from runoff from the mountains. The area was a national forest and the land that wasn’t part of it was privately owned by guys like Phil that just wanted a quiet escape from the city. This wasn’t a lake that allowed anything with a motor on the water, but there was still a weather-beaten dock for rowboats and kayaks jutting out from the rough shoreline. Salem was sitting on the end with her legs dangling over the side, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders while she watched the first rays of dawn break across the sky. When I got closer I noticed she had an open beer in her hand and a soft smile on her beautiful face. If I had had paper and something to draw with, I would have captured the moment for posterity.

  I sat down behind her and trapped her between my longer legs and wrapped an arm across her chest to pull her back so that she was resting against my chest.

  “Breakfast of champions.” I took the beer from her and took a swig, making a face as I did. It was too early for Coors Light, but whatever.

  “I couldn’t figure out how to turn the little stove thing on.”

  I’d brought a camp stove up so we could have breakfast and coffee but I hadn’t bothered to hook the propane up to it. Good thing. She probably would have blown us up messing with it. Beer was a poor substitute for coffee this early in the morning, though.

  “You’re up early.” I linked our fingers together on one hand and rested my chin on the top of her head. There was nothing like sunrise and sunset in the mountains. The entire sky turned orange and red and looked like flames racing across the jagged peaks.

  “It was quiet and it’s never quiet. I wanted to enjoy it for a minute. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so pretty.”

  “Me either.” Granted, I was talking about her and she knew it, because she laughed and it made her soft hair brush against my chin.

  “Rowdy . . .”

  “Salem . . .”

  It was such a nice moment, one that had taken us so long to get to. I couldn’t think of any place on earth that was better than this. And I knew for a fact that there wasn’t any better girl.

  “You make me very happy, you always did.” It was all there in her voice. The way that the past and the future were all tangled around each other but still had us standing strong and together right in the middle of it.

  I blew out a deep breath and took the can of beer from her and set it down so I could turn her around in my arms so that we were facing each other. She wrapped her legs around my waist and curled her arms around my neck as we stared at each other. The blanket fell away and she shivered as the cool morning air brushed across her shoulders. I collected her ebony hair in one hand and used it to tug her head back so that she was looking up at me with sleepy and sexy eyes.

  “I always thought it was the firsts that matter, but now I know that it’s the lasts that stay with you.”

  Her mouth puckered into a little frown of confusion and I bent down to kiss that ruby above her lip. She shivered again and this time I knew it didn’t have anything to do with the chill in the air.

  “I believed for a long time that I was never going to get past the first girl that made me feel like I was in love. I used it as an excuse to keep other women at an arm’s length because I was terrified of being hurt again. I was afraid, I still am, but I realize that the fact I want to be with you, that I care so much about you, means so much more than the fear.”

  She sighed and moved one of her hands to rest in on my cheek. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me, Rowdy.”

  “You were and have been the source of a lot of firsts for me, Salem. The first girl I kissed. The first girl I ever cried in front of. The first girl I ever gave a present to. The first I never forgot. You’re the first girl that has ever kept me up at night and the first girl that makes me hurt badly with the way I want you. Looking back, I think when you drove away that day you took a piece of me with you that I didn’t get back until I saw you at the shop. All of those firsts are important and made me see things more clearly without the filter of time and resentment in the way, but what really matters is the lasts.”

  I bent down so I could kiss her. I just pressed my lips lightly against her parted mouth and whispered to her, “You are the last person I want to kiss. The last woman I want in my bed. I want you to be the last girl that touches any and all parts of me, Salem, and that means so much more than a first. Who cares if Poppy was there first or if there were nameless people in between? All that matters is th
at at the end of it all there is just you, only you, and no one else.”

  She didn’t say anything for a long time. Her dark eyes were so deep and fathomless it made it hard to read what was going on inside her head. She rubbed her thumb up and down along one of my sideburns and then leaned forward to return the same kind of soft and sweet kiss I had just given her.

  “It took me a long time to get here, Rowdy. It’s where I was always supposed to be. This is my final destination, so at the end there is just you and only you as well. The journey in the middle shaped both of us, there is no denying it, but I like being your last . . . just as long as I can keep surprising you with some firsts along the way.”

  I laughed because that was typical Salem. Nothing could ever be just good enough. We could be together, would love each other, end up together, but she was always going to want it to be new, challenging, and surprising. That was one of the main reasons I had never been able to get past her and never would.

  “I’ve been around the block. Not too many firsts left.” It was the truth but she had managed to pull one or two out in the months we had been together.

  One of her jet-black eyebrows shot up and she smiled impishly at me. “Is that a challenge?”

  I laughed again because I was happy. Really, truly happy for the first time since she left when I was fifteen. “It can be.”

  I almost melted when her dark gaze switched to something sizzling and hot. The arm she had wrapped around my neck tightened, pulling me closer to her, and she traced her fingertip across the outside edge of my mouth.

  “Have you ever had sex outside by a lake while the sun is coming up after drinking Coors Light for breakfast?”

  I nudged my hands under the edge of her tank top so I could hold on to her waist as I leaned over and flattened her beneath me on the discarded blanket she had brought outside with her. She parted her legs for me and I trapped her face between my palms so I could kiss her with everything that had been missing from my life for the week we had been apart. I wasn’t ever doing that again, being apart, and she needed to be able to feel that.