Rowdy

by Jay Crownover

  “She had sex, Dad. Most girls in college do, and that is not an unforgivable sin that she needs to pay penance for the rest of her life.”

  He was going to disagree and this was going to be an endless battle of words and wills, so I cut it short.

  “Look, I don’t care what you think. I don’t care if you spend every single night trying to will me to my own special corner of hell. What I do care about is Poppy and making sure she is happy and safe moving forward. You are not to contact her. You are not to reach out to her. You are not to try and make her feel bad or vilify her for being involved in the death of a terrible man. I want you to leave her alone. Do you understand me?”

  My mom made a noise in her throat and my dad grunted at me. “You don’t speak for your sister, Salem. There is still hope for Poppy to find her way back to the flock.”

  I growled and took a step forward. “If she contacts you, all you are going to do is tell her you are happy she is okay and that you support the choices she is making. You do not want to push the issue with me, Dad. I’m not a kid anymore and I will fight you tooth and nail for her.”

  “You can’t threaten me, Salem.”

  “Oh, really? If you think you’re embarrassed by the way I was when I lived under your roof, just wait until I drag out all the dirt that’s under my nails from the things I did to survive when you ran me off. Did you know I was a stripper? How do you think you would like some of those videos and pictures uploaded to the Web with your name and the church attached?”

  I lifted a challenging eyebrow and watched him weigh if I was serious or not.

  “How about the years I spent as a burlesque dancer or the time I worked for a freak show on a boardwalk, or the time I hosted a drag show in a gay bar? What about a sex tape? You have no idea the kind of skeletons I can drag out of the closet, and once something ends up on the Internet, it never dies. I can drag you and this entire parish into the mud. Don’t push the issue with me, Dad. I will do whatever I have to do to keep Poppy safe. Oh, and that kid next door that had no family and wasn’t good enough for us is actually all grown up, wildly successful, and willing to fight right by my side. Did I mention his sister is a lawyer? I’m sure he would love to tell the world all about how you pushed Poppy to date that quarterback and then turned on her when he got her pregnant and left her alone. What kind of man of God are you? The kind that gives his daughter’s location to an abuser and covers up the fact that he’s been protecting a wife beater. The farce you have going on will disappear in a puff of smoke. I won’t just pull the mask off, Dad, I’ll shatter it into a million pieces.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest as we faced off. I could see he wanted to fight, wanted to believe that he was beloved enough, had people enthralled enough, that all my dirty deeds wouldn’t tarnish his glow, but my mom suddenly moved out from under his arm and looked up at him pleadingly.

  “She’s right. This has to stop.” My dad opened his mouth to argue and she held up a hand to silence him. “Enough. We lost one daughter already and Salem is right: we nearly got another one killed. I won’t be part of this anymore. This isn’t a righteous life.” She pointed a finger at my dad’s stunned face and told him flatly, “If you think your reputation can survive what Salem is threatening, then know this. It absolutely won’t survive your wife leaving you on top of it. You are going to do as she says and that is all there is to it.”

  My father looked dumbfounded and furious. My mom looked shaky and kind of sick. She turned back to me and gave me a sad smile.

  “I thought Oliver was good for your sister. She was never the same when she came back from college. I didn’t realize he was hurting her until it was far too late, and I allowed your father to convince me that Oliver had changed and was remorseful for the way he treated your sister. He told me that Oliver was healing through prayer and counseling. I was wrong to blindly believe and trust. I have been very wrong for the last decade. You take care of your sister and give her whatever she needs. We won’t get in the way.” She looked over her shoulder at my father and firmed her mouth. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  I wasn’t going to say thank you. She didn’t get gratitude for finally doing something she should have been doing my entire life. It was her job to stand between her children and this man. I nodded and turned to walk away from both of them for the last time.

  “Salem.” I looked over my shoulder as my mom called my name. “I need you to know it broke my heart when you left all those years ago.”

  It broke mine, too, but not because I was leaving her. It broke my heart because I had left Poppy and Rowdy with waves of sorrow in my wake.

  “Then you should’ve done something so I didn’t have to go, Mom.”

  I saw tears in her eyes and genuine regret but it was too little too late.

  “I’m glad you found your way back to that boy. You were always so sweet together. He was wonderful with both of you girls.”

  “He still is.” And I knew he always would be. Where he was is where I needed to be, not here on these church steps . . . only I had a stop to make on my way out of town first.

  I didn’t bother with good-byes. I didn’t bother with a final look or a wave. I just left it as it was. The door was finally closed. I wasn’t being run out of town, I was leaving with a clear and important destination in mind. I wasn’t running from my past. I was heading purposefully toward my future, and it made me full and complete in a way all my bouncing around from place to place never had.

  Before I got to where I was going, I pulled over to the side of a dusty road and jumped out of the rented SUV that was packed full with my sister’s personal effects so that I could gather a fistful of Texas bluebells in my hands. They matched the field of flowers on my back so perfectly that it made me smile and had my heart swelling. I gently laid them on the empty seat next to me and drove the rest of the way to the cemetery that was about thirty minutes outside of Loveless’s city limits.

  It seemed like a really forgotten and lonely place. There was no bright green grass and rows of elegant headstones decorated with every kind of flower under the sun. Instead the ground was covered in brownish-green remnants of grass and the headstones looked sunbaked and worn. There were no other mourners milling about or paying respects, so all I had was a six-year-old’s memory of where to find the grave site I was looking for. It took longer to find her than it should have, and by the time I did, the bluebells looked a little sad. It was fitting. The whole atmosphere was somber and I was a little surprised that tears sprang to my eyes as soon as I saw the inscription on the plain headstone.

  Gloria St. James

  1975–1996

  A Loving Mother with a Beautiful Smile

  I wondered who had added the last part if it was only her and Rowdy, but I was glad it was there for him to see whenever he managed to make his way back here to see it. I crouched down and rested the flowers next to the cold stone and sort of just fell to my knees as I stared at the grave. I had so many things I wanted to say, felt like I had to catch her up on her son’s entire life, but nothing could make it around the lump in my throat.

  I took a second, let a few tears fall, and then cleared my throat.

  “Hello, Gloria, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Salem Cruz and I’m hopelessly in love with your son.”

  I had to clear my throat again and my vision got hazy as moisture collected in the corners of my eyes. This was a lot harder than I had thought it was going to be when Rowdy had asked me to do it outside the hospital.

  “I’ve known him most of my life and he has always been a good soul. You brought a wonderful man into this world and I just know you would be so proud of him and the life he has made for himself. He carries you very close to his heart.”

  I reached out and traced her name where it was etched in stone. It matched the tattoo on Rowdy’s side almost perfectly.

  “It took us a long time to figure things out, but now that we have, he really wanted me to be the first and las
t woman in his life that meets his mom.” I was crying in earnest now because of how important this moment was. It really solidified the resolution that Rowdy wanted me as his forever. “I’m going to do everything in my power to take care of him for you for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that.”

  I let my head fall forward and I squeezed my eyes shut. Emotion and a lifetime of what could have been swirled all around me. I felt a hot breeze move some of my hair off of where it was sticking to my neck and the sweet scent of the flowers floated up into my nose. I put my hands on my thighs and lifted my head back up as I gazed thoughtfully at the headstone.

  “I’m not going to waste moments ever again. I’ll bring him back here so you can see how amazing he is and so that you don’t ever have to wonder if he found someone to love him after you. He has me, he has an entire family he found for himself, and he has all the wonderful memories of you.”

  The wind moved again, sending the petals of the flowers I had laid down dancing. I felt like it was time to go. I kissed my fingers and touched her name. I climbed to my feet and headed back to the SUV. Walking away from my own parents felt final and hollow. Saying good-bye to Rowdy’s mom felt peaceful and right. I felt like she had somehow given me her blessing to keep her son’s heart safe for her. It was a task I was going to dedicate myself to until the end of time.

  I texted Rowdy to let him know I would be back home sometime the following evening and freaked out just a little when he replied that he was back at his own apartment because Poppy was having a really hard time being around any guy at the moment. I hadn’t been brave enough to ask her if Oliver had sexually assaulted her as well as beaten her and she hadn’t volunteered the information, but the evidence seemed to be pointing in that direction.

  I called to check on her, and after an awkward conversation with a bunch of single-syllable answers, I hung up after making her promise over and over again that she was okay. She told me she was just jumpy and that Rowdy was too big. Accidently running into him in the hallway, or bumping into him coming out the bathroom, was just too much for her nerves right now, so she had asked him to go home. He hadn’t wanted to, was still hovering over her, trying to help her feel safe, but that was just exacerbating the problem. I told her I would be home soon and she laughed and told me I needed to just get to my guy. Apparently, after the run-in by the bathroom, she was well aware of what I was missing out on and was all for me getting back between the sheets with Rowdy and every fun thing he was working with. I didn’t disagree, so I hung up with every intention of Rowdy’s place being my first stop as soon as I hit the Mile High.

  WHEN I PUT THE key he had given me in the door to his apartment it felt like the end of a long journey. Really it was only a little over twelve hours and I had stopped to nap once along the way, but it still felt like too long since I had seen his face or been able to touch all that toned and tattooed skin. Jimbo greeted me at the door when I pushed it open. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and he jumped up and put his paws on my legs. He was going to be huge when he finally grew into his fuzzy body and I was overwhelmed at how happy I was to see him. I dropped to my knees and rubbed my face in his neck as he licked me all over my face. I was obviously missed and I had to say it was just one more reason I knew I was finally where I was supposed to be.

  It was late, so the apartment was dark. I checked the dog’s food and water, trying to be quiet in case Rowdy was already asleep. I was winding my way toward his bedroom when a haphazardly discarded sketch pad lying on the couch caught my eye in the dim light. I paused for a minute to pick it up and felt my heart stop and then start to race as I flipped through the first few pages.

  There were a couple of drawings that were obviously for clients, tattoos that hadn’t made it from paper to skin yet, but most of the pristine white pages were covered with images wearing my face. There was mermaid me, and naughty-sailor-girl me. There was sassy Indian girl me with long Pocahontas braids and there was sexy devil me standing next to angelic me. There were dozens of them all in different shapes and sizes, but every single image was undoubtedly modeled after my distinct look. I wasn’t sure if he had drawn them all over this last week while I had been gone or over the months we had been chasing each other in circles. Either way it made my heart swell and the full certainty that I was it for him settle deep inside my bones.

  I set the pad down and tiptoed through the hall. Jimbo took one look at where I was going and huffed out a disgusted-sounding snort. The poor guy had learned early on that he wanted no part of what happened between his humans when they were together in the bedroom.

  The light was off and Rowdy was sprawled on his stomach across the covers. His blond hair was sticking up everywhere and he hand one arm bent up under his head. The only thing that could have made the sight better would have been if he hadn’t bothered with the black boxers before crashing out. Even with them obscuring the view, I couldn’t complain. I let out a breathless sigh and crept closer so that I could lean over and touch my lips to that anchor on the side of his neck. I felt his pulse leap and tasted the salt on his skin as he murmured sleepily and rolled over onto his back.

  Those infinitely blue eyes glowed at me in the dark as a grin pulled up the corner of his mouth.

  “Hey.”

  I was leaning over him, so I bent down to kiss him quickly and rub the end of my nose against his.

  “Hey.”

  He reached up a hand and tangled it in my hair where it slid over my shoulder and landed on his chest.

  “How did it go?”

  I sighed and lifted a hand to trace my fingers along that scrolling tattoo along his rib cage. The ink and name that rested there seemed so much more important to me now than it had before. “I met your mom and said good-bye. It broke my heart just a little bit, but I’m so happy you asked me to go and see her. And I may have threatened my father with a sex tape.” The last was muttered under my breath as his eyebrows shot up and he used his grip on my hair to pull me over him so that we were both sprawled across the bed.

  “Do you have a sex tape?”

  “Hell no, but he doesn’t know that and he wouldn’t put it past me. Surprisingly my mom stepped up to the plate and agreed to leave Poppy be. She admitted that she fucked up pretty majorly. I wish it mattered.”

  His chest moved as he sighed. “It’s too late for any of it to matter now.”

  “That’s kind of how I looked at it. How’s Poppy doing?”

  He swore a little bit and shifted under me. There was evidence of how much he missed me the last week poking me in the hip. It made me smile and had me wiggling enticingly on top of his hard body.

  “Not good. She’s withdrawn, jumpy. She doesn’t want anyone to touch her and she wakes up screaming almost every single night. Sayer is really good with her, but I’m worried.”

  I nodded and brushed my mouth over the flat nipple that was closest to my mouth. I heard him suck in a breath and it made me smile against his skin.

  “Me, too. I think we’re just going to have to stand strong for her and wait until Poppy’s ready for us to help. My sister is stronger than any of us ever thought.” My voice got husky on its own accord.

  “She is.” I felt his hands tighten in my hair as he pulled my head up so that he could devour my mouth with his own. “I missed you.” I could taste his missing me in the way he kissed me and held me. He also sounded just as rough and needy as I did.

  “I missed you, too.” And I was past ready to show him just how much.

  I moved my mouth down to the other side of his chest so I could run my tongue around the other flat disk and worked my hands down his sides so that I could get them under the waistband of his boxers. I gave the rock-hard globes of his ass a squeeze for good measure and worked the dark fabric out of my way. He helped set his straining erection free and the taut skin burned in my hand and I wrapped it around the turgid shaft. I loved the way his body throbbed and pulsed at my touch. It was a heady thing to know this was
the way he always responded to me.

  I used my thumb to caress the hot metal that rested on the top of the head of his cock and looked up to see blue blazing down at me.

  “Thank you for coming back to me.” His voice sounded like a love song.

  I used the hand that wasn’t around his dick to draw a heart on his chest with my finger. “Always. I love you. Thank you for always being there for me to come back to.” I moved my thumb to play with the bottom of the piercing and he groaned.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever not been in love with you, Salem.”

  I kissed the place on his chest where I could feel his heart thundering in time to every sweep of my thumb and every twist of my wrist. I let go and started to slide my hand up and down as he went stiff underneath me.

  “I know the feeling, Rowdy.” I also knew the feeling of wanting to have him, to feel him, to be all over him and under him as pleasure covered both of us like a blanket. I was done talking and moved so that I had something in my mouth to prevent further conversation.

  He barked out my name as I took him between my lips and circled that creatively pierced head around and around with my tongue. I adored the tang of metal and man as I licked him like he was my favorite dessert treat. I felt his stomach muscles tense and his thighs go tight as I worked him with my hands and mouth. There was something insanely satisfying about making that strong, tattooed body quiver and quake under my command. It was a feeling that would never get old. Neither would the way he said my name like a curse and pulled on my hair. I loved the way his palms cupped my head and the way I could feel how close to the edge he was as I rolled those metal balls back and forth across my tongue.

  He arched his hips up off the bed, which totally threw off my rhythm and had me pulling up to tell him to cool it, but as soon as I was vertical he started pulling at my clothes, ripping my shirt off over my head, and practically wrestling my tight, black pants off of my legs. My underwear disappeared under impatient hands that were sexy and rough as he pulled me over him and placed me over his cock, which was all shiny and slick-looking thanks to my mouth.