by A. M. Myers
God, what the hell was I thinking lying to her?
I knew there was no way it could end well but I just kept pushing forward because I couldn’t bring myself to walk away from her. I still can’t. Just seeing her in the clubhouse two days ago, filled with the magnificent fire of hers that I love so much, I know I’ll fight to win her back until I take my very last breath. Although, knowing my girl, it could take that damn long. My leg aches as I take a step and I fight back a smile. Even when her heart was breaking right in front of me and I hated every decision I had made over the last month, she had me enraptured.
But that happens anytime she walks into a room.
Shaking my head, I round the car as my phone starts ringing. Glancing down as I pull it out of my pocket, I silence it when Blaze’s name pops up on the screen, anger barreling through my system. I take responsibility for my part in all this but it doesn’t change the fact that if Blaze had just manned up in the beginning and told everyone the truth, I wouldn’t be in this position. I understand he’s in pain but his judgment was off. We count on him to look out for all of us, something he hasn’t done since Sarah died because he’s been swallowed up by his grief.
The front door opens as I reach the top step and Theo steps forward, crossing his arms over his chest. I stop, meeting his gaze.
“Thank you for coming,” he grunts and I nod.
“Of course. I’d do anything for her.”
He shakes his head, taking a step toward me. “No, there is none of that shit. You are the first man she’s trusted, maybe ever, and you shredded her heart so you are here to keep her safe and that’s it.”
“I can’t walk away from her.”
He steps up to me, getting in my face with the same look Tate gets when she’s pissed. “You better figure it out or I will put you in a box. I’m not playing around and you better not either.”
“I get that you’re trying to protect her, Theo, but she is the love of my life and I’m never going to stop trying to win her back.”
He lets out a sardonic laugh, taking a step back as he shoves his hands into his jean pockets. “The love of your life, huh? Man, if this is how you treat someone you love…”
“I made a mistake,” I admit, glancing up. My eyes meet Tate’s in the foyer. Her expression is vacant as she stares at me and I realize just how much work I have to do to get her back. I would rather she rage and scream at me right now. “Tate…”
She arches a single brow before slowly turning and walking back to the couch where she flops down and grabs her book. I will her to look up at me, just once to let me know that I’ve still got a fighting chance but her gaze stays locked on her book, looking completely unaffected by my presence. Hopelessness weighs down on me as I rack my brain for a way to express my remorse.
“I’m serious,” Theo says, dragging my attention back to him but it’s half-hearted as I keep glancing over at Tate, hoping to catch her looking at me. “You will not hurt my sister again.”
I nod. “You’re right, I won’t but not because I’m going to leave her alone. I will win her back and I’ll spend the rest of our lives making this up to her.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You know what, Dude. You do you. Right now, Tate is five times scarier than I could ever be. It’s your fucking funeral.”
“I’ll be all right.”
“Yeah,” he muses, nodding. “Or you’ll be dead. I know which one I’m hoping for.”
Without another word, he turns back into the house and stops in front of the couch. “Hey, T, I’ve got to get on the road.”
She smiles and my chest aches like a bitch. I wish she’d smile at me like that.
“I know. Please drive carefully in the dark, okay? And call me as soon as you get back to Charleston.”
He nods. “I will.”
She stands up and they wrap their arms around each other, seemingly in their own little world as they say good-bye to each other. Finally, he pulls away and grabs his bag from the floor.
“Hang in there, ‘kay? And call me the second anything happens. I’m going to be a nervous wreck worrying about you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Right back at you. Just because you’re in Charleston doesn’t mean he won’t come looking for you.”
“I can take care of myself,” he assures her and she growls at him.
“If you didn’t have to leave right now, I’d kick your ass for saying that.”
He laughs, giving her another hug before he walks to the door and turns to me.
“Lincoln.”
I nod. “Theo.”
“Hope I don’t see you again,” he states, flashing a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes but I ignore it. Fighting with Theo will only make it harder to work things out with Tate.
She walks him to the door, watches him get in his car and drive away before shutting the door and locking up for the night. She turns and walks past me like I’m not even here, sitting down on the couch again. As she opens her book, I study her, wondering how I can break through her icy exterior.
“Tate?” I call to her and she glances up, an expectant expression on her face. All I can do is stare at her with my mouth hanging open for a moment before I get control of myself. “Can we talk?”
“About?” She glances back down at her book and turns the page as I run my hand through my hair. Who is this woman?
“Us. I want to talk about us.”
She meets my eyes again and the rage shining back at me almost makes me stumble back. Theo was right – she’s terrifying right now.
“There is no us.” She stands up and tosses her book down on the coffee table. “I’m going to bed. Lock the back door, please.”
“Tate!” I yell at her retreating back, but she doesn’t even acknowledge me as she disappears into the bedroom and shuts the door behind her. Collapsing in the dining room chair, I bury my head in my hands and try to force myself to think. How the hell am I going to fix this?
Sighing, I stand up and go into the kitchen, locking the back door before I work my way around the house, checking each and every window to make sure it’s locked up tight before I pull the curtains closed. There’s no need to make this any easier for her father. Once I’m convinced that everything is secure, I drag my tired body over to the couch and rub my thigh.
Jesus. Getting shot, no matter how minimal, really takes it out of you. I’ve spent the last four days feeling like an old man as I hobbled around the clubhouse and this is just a flesh wound. Of course, none of the guys were willing to help me either since they are all firmly on “team Tate”, as Smith put it. I’d gladly take another bullet to the thigh just to get her to talk to me, though. My phone rings and I dig it out of my pocket.
“Hey, Rodriguez, what’s up?”
He sighs. “Just wanted to let you know that I took care of everything for you.”
After Tate shot me and the police carted me off to the hospital in handcuffs, I called Rodriguez and explained everything to him. He pulled some strings and was able to make it all go away. It should be easy since Tate probably won’t pursue pressing charges now that she knows the truth. Or maybe she will. What the hell do I know?
“Thanks for that, man. I owe you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna call that favor in now. I want in on this case.”
I glance down the hallway to Tate’s closed bedroom door. “Why?”
“I handled her mother’s car accident and I need to know what y’all do.”
I nod, sighing. “All right. I’m sure Blaze will appreciate the help. Just give him a call tomorrow but tread lightly. This whole thing is complicated and personal for a lot of people.”
“How’s Tate?” he asks and I drop my head to the back of the couch.
“Fucking furious.”
He laughs. “Yeah, she didn’t really seem like the shrinking violet type when I met her.”
“You have no idea, dude,” I tell him, barking out a laugh as I try to imagine Tate ever being shy or timid.
“All right, I’ll give Blaze a call tomorrow and get up to speed.”
I nod. “Sounds good. Talk to you later.”
After we hang up, I pull up the camera feed on my phone and click on the master bedroom. Tate’s curled up under the blankets in the middle of her bed and as far as I can tell, she’s out cold. Unable to stay away from her any longer, I kick off my boots and creep down the hallway to her room. I hold my breath as the door slowly opens, revealing her serene face bathed in moonlight. Yep, she’s passed out. Lord knows, if she were still awake, I’d be missing half my face by now.
Letting out a breath, I sneak into the room and pull the chair in the corner closer to the bed before sitting down and propping my chin in my hands. What the fuck am I going to do here? It already feels helpless, the walls she’s built around her heart too high to climb but what other option do I have? I’m not capable of leaving her, of giving up on us. My stomach knots as I think about all the things I’ve done wrong since meeting her and I hate myself for the choices I made. Looking back now, I don’t even know what I was thinking. If I had just been honest with her from the moment I learned the truth, everything would be different between us now.
Her full lips are parted in sleep and my entire body aches to lean forward and press my mouth to hers, just for a little taste to get me through the rest of the night. I miss her so fucking much that it feels like half of me has been ripped away and my mind drifts to the night before everything fell apart. I picture her creamy skin under my hands as I made her come again and again, my name falling from her lips in complete bliss. In my mind, I can see her, bathed in the moonlight like she is now, riding me with her hands in her fiery hair and her perky tits bouncing in my face. I let out a low groan and freeze as she shifts.
A noise from outside has my head snapping up to the door and I strain my ears, trying to hear anything else but the house remains eerily quiet. Sighing, I pull my phone out and bring up the cameras, flipping through each of them and when I find nothing, I lean back in my chair. I could go investigate but I refuse to leave her all alone. In fact, we should really have two people here at all times. I make a note to talk to Blaze about it tomorrow as I grab the pistol out of her bedside table and settle into the chair for the night.
* * * *
Laughter draws my attention toward the table where Tate is talking to Smith and sharpening a few of her knives. I’m half convinced she’s doing it just to fuck with me but it doesn’t matter. I shoot them a glare, pissed that he gets to see her smile and make her laugh while all I get is her hatred. I can’t blame her for it when I’m the reason for this tension between us but I still don’t like it. She’s mine – her smile, her laughter – it all belongs to me and I fucking miss it more each second I’m locked up in this house with her. When I close my eyes, I can still see it – the special smile that she only shared with me – and I want it back so badly that I’m barely resisting the urge to walk up to her and shake her. I want to scream at her to talk to me, yell at me, hit me, or shoot me again because I’d be happy with anything other than the indifference or snarky comments directed at me this morning.
“I’ve got to go to the clubhouse. You good here, brother?” I ask, my gaze flicking to Tate but she ignores me, focused on sharpening her knives. Smith meets my eyes and nods.
“Yeah, man. We’re cool.” He gives me a thumbs-up and I roll my eyes at the ridiculous “Team Tate” t-shirt he showed up in this morning. He’s just egging her on and loving every fucking minute of it. Finally, Tate glances up at me, her gaze warring between rage and disinterest.
“I don’t know why you’re so fucking worried about Smith. He’s not the one inspiring me to cause bodily harm.”
Her gaze flicks to my injured leg and I take a step back as she smirks, turning back to her knives.
“Just go, brother. I’ll keep her safe,” Smith assures me and her heavy sigh makes me smile. Every time someone insinuates that she’s not capable of defending herself, she gets so damn mad and ready to fight anyone to prove them wrong.
“All right. I’ll be back later.”
“Oh,” Tate whispers. “Please do hurry back.”
I grit my teeth at the sarcastic tone of her voice as I nod at Smith and yank the door open, ducking outside before she can hurl more insults at me. I almost prefer the indifference from yesterday but when she woke up this morning and found me sleeping in the chair next to her bed, she was pissed. I woke up on the floor with the gun pointed in my face after she kicked the chair over.
Sighing, I climb behind the wheel of the Camaro and fire her up, loving the deep throaty rumble of the engine. I take one last look at the house before pulling away from the curb. When I agreed to keep her safe, I knew winning her over again wouldn’t be easy but I greatly underestimated how stubborn she is. And how angry she is. I also get that, though. She and I are so alike that it’s easy to put myself in her place and if the roles were reversed and she spent all our time together lying to me, I don’t know how I would forgive her. She opened up a part of herself to me that she had kept shielded from the rest of the world for so long and I abused that privilege. I know that and I also know winning her back won’t be as easy as saying I’m sorry or bringing her flowers. Her trust in me is broken and I need to fix that.
Problem is, I’m not sure how.
When I pull into the clubhouse parking lot, I spot a few bikes lined up out front and I’m glad that everyone else is out today. Even though I just left her, I’m eager to get back. Sure, she’ll still be throwing insults and threatening to maim or murder me but I’ll stand there and take it all for her.
I park the Camaro near the door and climb out as Storm walks out into the parking lot. He spots me and nods.
“I’d be careful in there if I were you.”
“Yeah?” I ask. “Why’s that?”
He chuckles. “Ali is fucking pissed at you for screwing things up with Tate and she’s less cute kitten and more angry cougar these days.”
“Did you just call your wife an old woman?” I ask, scrunching up my brow and his head whips up as he shoots me a death glare.
“No, I fucking did not and if you tell her that, I’ll hold ‘ya down while Tate enacts whatever punishment she’s got planned for you.”
“Asshole,” I mutter and he laughs.
“What did you think would happen when you lied to her, Kodiak? A woman like that does not just forgive and forget.”
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Yeah, I know that and I guess I wasn’t really thinking. Blaze asked me to do him a favor and before I knew it, everything was going to shit.”
“And now what? You’re going to convince her to give you another chance?”
I paste a grin on my face. “Or die tryin’.”
“Good fucking luck,” he mutters, swinging his leg over his bike and I nod as I turn toward the door to the clubhouse. Fuzz is behind the bar when I stroll in and he nods before turning back to Ali, who glares at me. I spin back toward the door as her voice rings out through the room.
“Oh, no, you don’t! Get back here.”
Wincing, I spin back to face her. “Yeah? Something I can help you with, Ali?”
“Don’t you try to be cute with me, Kodiak,” she snaps, getting up in my face as she slaps my arm. “What the fuck were you thinking? That girl is fucking perfect for you.”
“I know she is,” I agree, rubbing my arm where she hit me.
“You love her?”
I nod. “Absolutely.”
“You want to live your life without her?”
I shake my head, my heart stalling at the thought. “No. Not a second of it.”
“Okay,” she sighs, studying me for a moment. “I suppose I forgive you then but you’d better fix this. I liked her.”
“She liked you, too, and I’m working on fixing it.”
She nods, satisfied with my answers, and turns back to the bar as I head for Blaze’s office and knock on the door.
“Come in.”
I open the door and step inside before collapsing in the chair in front of his desk.
“How is it going over there?” he asks and I scoff.
“She’s filled with the rage of a thousand suns,” I answer and he laughs before a wistful expression crosses his face.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when you brought her to the barbecue. I knew she looked like Sarah but the two could have been twins.”
I nod, crossing my legs. “Ah, so that’s why you were so weird that night.”
“Yes. It was like going back thirty years.”
“I hope you know that I intend to make her my old lady someday,” I say and he lets out a surprised laugh as he grabs a bottle of bourbon out of his desk.
“Yeah, good luck with that. I’ve been running this club for a long time and dealt with some scary fuckers but I wouldn’t take on that woman. I like my balls right where they are.”
I laugh before letting out a sigh. “I’m just a glutton for punishment, I guess.”
“Just be careful, yeah? I know I let you down when I asked you to do this but it’s turned into a real mess.” He holds up an empty glass, offering me a drink, but I shake my head. I don’t want to be here that long anyway.
“Do you have any news?”
He nods. “Yeah, actually. Dominic King crossed the Louisiana state line last night around midnight. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s already here in Baton Rouge.”
“Okay,” I whisper, thinking over the moves we could make. “We going to wait for him to reach out?”
“I think that’s best. Once he realizes that he can’t get to Tate, he’ll be in contact.”
“About that, we need two people at the house at all times.”
He nods. “Keep Smith with you and make sure you keep everything locked up at all times. One slip-up will be all it takes to lose her.”
“I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”
“Let’s hope not,” he mutters, turning away from the desk and sipping his drink. I stand and walk out of his office with determined steps. There’s no need to hope. I’ll take another bullet, this one to the chest, before I let anyone near her.
