by Nissa Leder
“He isn’t wrong, though.” As much as I hate to admit it. “I think I have trust issues.”
“Still doesn’t mean you owe him anything.” She cleans her spoon and then sets it down.
“How are things with you and Mr. MysticDreamy?”
She pulls her knees into her chest. “Amazing. I didn’t know I could fall this hard for someone so quickly. We’ve only been dating for about seven months, and I can see us together forever.”
I haven’t spent a lot of time with Jake. He’s attractive, sure. But somehow I just don’t see what she sees in him. Which is probably why I’m not the one dating him, I remind myself.
“And what about Micah?”
Olivia laughs. “I mean, sure, there will always be a part of me that cares for him. But we’re friends. He made it abundantly clear that that’s all I’ll ever be to him, and I’m tired of waiting on someone who doesn’t feel it.”
“Fair enough.” I have doubts that Micah has her pushed as far into the friend zone as she thinks, but I don’t want to say anything that sounds like I’m raining on her Jake parade.
“I know someday you’ll find a guy as great as Jake,” she says. “Want me to see if he has any single friends?”
“I’ll pass for now.”
“Let me know if you change your mind.”
Olivia’s phone dings. She checks it and glances at me with a frown. “I have to go. I’m sorry I can’t hang out longer. I just—”
“It’s fine, go do your thing.” I can only assume it has something to do with the Mystics. Even though everyone knows the society exists, they’re supposed to keep their identities secret. A bit ridiculous to me, but I don’t want to bring her down. “Text me later.”
Things will calm down. They have to. I will focus on school and practicing magic, two things I never thought I’d tell myself.
The old me would have cheered herself up by finding a new guy to distract me from my guilt over Zane. What better way to get over one guy than to get under another, I’d always tell myself.
But not anymore.
This time, I’m going to focus less on avoiding and more on controlling what I can.
And hopefully, I don’t make things worse.
Sunday morning, I wake up to the melodic music I chose for my alarm. Setting an alarm on a weekend isn’t a very Wren-like thing to do. The old me, that is. The new one is all about utilizing time away from school.
I get out of bed, do ten minutes of yoga, then fifteen minutes of meditation. I think happy thoughts and focus on strengthening the connection to my magic.
After a long, hot shower, I pull on some leggings and a comfy but cute sweatshirt, and go to breakfast alone, managing to eat an entire meal without any distractions.
I’ve never been one of those people who focuses on me time, but I have to admit, it feels nice.
When I get back to my room, I sit on my bed to practice a new spell we learned last week in Incantations, but I’m interrupted by a knock on the door.
With a sigh, I get up and open the door to see Callum staring at me, dressed in distressed jeans and an untucked blue button-up shirt. He looks ever-the-prep he always did when he was Sebastian, and somehow the connection sends a flutter through me.
“Can I help you?” I ask much bitchier than I intended.
“Ouch. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” He steps past me and enters my room uninvited.
“I had a splendid morning of self care, actually.”
“Self care, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
“Not that kind.” I roll my eyes and shut the door. “Why the unexpected visit?” I change the subject, not needing my mind to go anywhere near his insinuation.
“While you’ve been taking care of yourself,” he grins, “I’ve been doing some research.” He pulls out a small plastic baggy from his front pocket.
“What’s that?”
He lifts it up into the light. It looks like crunched up purples leaves for some sort.
“This is ground poppy berry.” He tosses me the bag, and I react just in time to catch it. “There was only this much in Professor Abbey’s cupboard, but I bet she has more in the greenhouse.”
“Poppy berry?”
“It’s a powerful herb to help block telepathic connections,” he says. “Mind reading is a very difficult thing for Sorcerers to master, but it is possible, and poppy berry helps keep anyone from snooping.”
“You think someone is going to read my mind?”
“No, but since its whole purpose is to create a mind barrier, I did some research and it doesn’t just protect against a mind-reading Sorcerer. It will keep the Wendigo out.”
I hold the bag up and, on closer inspection, the leaves range from pink to purple to blue. “Do I eat it?”
“Brew it like tea. That should be enough for three cups I’d say. It’s very strong.”
I walk to my dresser and stick the bag in my bra drawer, suddenly feeling a little too much like a druggy. “Thank you.”
“But you need to be careful. They have mind-blocking properties, but they also have mood-altering effects as well.”
I’ve smoked weed before, but that’s as far as my drug exploration has gone. “What do you mean?”
“They’ve also been used as a depression remedy. Sort of like the Ordinary form of Xanax.”
I’m surprised he knows what a Xanax is. “You know about Ordinary medications?”
“I spent the summer with Zane, remember,” Callum says.
I tense at his name. “Right.” Which clearly means he learned about psychiatric drugs.
“I heard about yesterday.” He crosses his arms.
“Does Zane hate me?” Asking Callum about Zane’s feelings is wrong on so many levels, but I have to know.
“He’s hurt. The guy likes you. A lot.”
I sigh and let my head fall back. “I like him too. I just…” I swallow hard as I realize the biggest reason I can’t let anything go further with Zane. When I tip my chin forward and my eyes meet Callum’s, I know he knows it, too.
We stare at each other, silently, somehow simultaneously both too close and too far away.
I want to close the distance between us and tear the shirt off of him.
I can’t be with Zane because I want someone else.
Callum.
His arm twitches.
My foot taps against the hardwood floor.
“He’ll be okay, though,” I say, desperate to think of anything but Callum’s lips.
“He’s a tough guy.”
My heart thumps in my chest so hard I swear it’s trying to escape. “I’m really not that special.”
Callum sticks his thumbs in his pocket. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Seriously, I’m stubborn. I get super cranky when I’m brushing my hair. I have fun pushing people’s buttons.” And that’s just the start of the list.
“You’re loyal to a fault. You rarely gossip about other people behind their backs. You’re gorgeous.” He stares at me like I’m some special artifact or something. “It’s okay to not want to date someone.”
“That isn’t why I feel bad. At least, that isn’t the only reason I feel bad.”
“Right.”
We’re treading on dangerous territory. If I don’t think about something else, I’m not sure I can resist the temptation of being alone with him.
“So, will the poppy berry help me learn how not to ruin friendships?” I ask, trying to ease a little of the tension permeating the room like smoke. “Or how to fix the one I’ve screwed up?”
“If you take enough of it, you probably won’t care about any of it.” He laughs then stops. “Seriously, though, be careful with that stuff.”
“I was only kidding. I’ll be careful. Scouts’ honor.” I salute him. “And who knows, maybe the creature died and I won’t have to take any at all.” As amazing as that would be, I’m pretty sure that isn’t the case.
Callum stan
ds there awkwardly. “I should be going. Gotta finish the Magical History homework.”
“Which shouldn’t be too hard for you considering you already took the class,” I say. “Unlike me, who has only known for the last year there was magical history to learn.”
“I’m happy to help you study.” He seems sincere, but I know that any time alone with him will light a fuse I don’t want to explode.
“Thanks, but I think I can handle it.”
Callum moves to the door and hesitates. “Things will get better.”
I’m not sure if he means about Zane or the Wendigo or the attraction between him and me. “For sure.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I wave. “See you then.”
He smirks before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.
Did I just wave? God, what has gotten into me?
I move to my dresser and take the baggy of poppy berry out. Did Callum actually steal it? Would he really risk getting in trouble for me? Of course, he would. He came back here to Wicklow, at least in part, to help me. Which was both incredibly stupid and sweet.
But there are a million reasons why I have to be careful. Number one reason is Zane. The last thing I want is to hurt him more.
I toss the bag of herbs back into my drawer, shut it, and grab my PJs out of my closet.
There’s no point in taking anything unless I have another vision.
Until then, I’m going to pretend I’m just a normal college girl with nothing more than college boy troubles to worry about.
Eleven
I wake up in a good mood on Monday. I managed to make it the rest of Sunday with no signs of visions or strange connections to magical beings.
But my optimism doesn’t last long. I’m in the shower, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, when the vision strikes. Instead of being transported into the mind of the Wendigo, this time I see flickers.
A downward staircase leading to a dark, long hallway. A dusty room. White wainscoting lining the walls as light pours in from the large egress window. Shoes clicking against the faded wood flooring beneath my feet. A floor-to-ceiling bookcase against the wall to the right.
I approach the book-filled shelves, bending over and browsing the bottom row. My gaze locks on a book with a gold spine.
Sadness. Longing.
Then victory.
When I come back to reality, my hand is pressed against the shower tile as hot water pours into my face. I turn my head and cough up the liquid I hadn’t meant to inhale.
As water drips down my forehead, my eyes burn. Shit. I hadn’t finished washing my hair. After I flush my eyes until they don’t sting, I rinse out the shampoo and get out of the shower.
This time the vision had felt different. Before, it was as if I was the Wendigo. My emotions were sporadic and simple. This time, the world moved as if I was there, walking on two legs. And the feelings that flashed through me were definitely human.
I don’t think I saw into the creature’s mind.
I think I saw into my grandma’s.
After I get into my uniform, I go to my dresser. With shaking hands, I pull the ground poppy berry from the drawer and stick it into my boots.
There isn’t time to brew some tea right now, but at lunchtime, I fill a to-go cup with hot water at the drink station. There’s a tea section with a few different Sorcery tea blends and small fillable cloth pouches. I skip the herb options but grab a pouch and go to the bathroom to fill it with the herbs Callum brought me.
I’ve never felt more like a druggy in my life, but I’ll try anything that can keep me in my own head. While my tea brews, I grab lunch and notice my group is sitting together. We aren’t usually the eat-lunch-together type of friends, but when Elaine waves me over, I don’t have much choice.
“What’s up?” I hold a plate of tacos in one hand and my tea in the other.
“We were discussing meeting up after classes today,” Elaine says. “I know we don’t have an end-of-the-semester battle looming over us, but since we have to work together in all of our classes, I thought a weekly practice might still be a good idea.”
I pull out the chair in between Garrett and Natalia and sit down.
“I’m not usually someone who wants to do any extra work, but I think it could help us.” Natalia lays her head on Van’s shoulder. “Clearly, our group spells need some work.”
“Everyone has struggled with them in class,” I say.
“It’s just once a week,” Elaine says.
Natalia sniffs the air. “What kind of tea is that? It smells delicious.” She leans toward me. “And fruity.”
“I’m not sure. Just a special blend my grandpa gave me.” I take a sip as nonchalantly as I can and set it back on the table as close to my body as I can.
It’s sweeter than I thought it would be with a little kick of spice at the end. Like a fuji apple mixed with ginger. Within ten minutes, I’ve finished the whole cup.
If Natalia thinks I’m lying, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she mentions meeting behind the academy right after classes.
It doesn’t take long for me to feel the tea’s effects. While everyone in my group is eating their lunch and chatting about the school year, I retreat into the calmness of my own headspace. I nibble on my food, but my hunger is mostly gone.
After lunch, I’m still a little zoned out.
Professor Belrose assigns us all to have a group meditation, which earns a choir of groans.
I get out of my desk, push the chair in, and sit criss-cross on the ground without complaints. Seconds after closing my eyes, I connect to my thoughts. I imagine the night of Lucas’s last party with perfect detail. The chatter bouncing through the room like background noise, the buzz I felt after two glasses of wine, the taste of Callum’s mouth on mine.
“Okay, everyone back in their seats.” Professor Belrose’s voice pulls me abruptly from my memory.
I’ve never been able to access my thoughts with such precision. Whatever is in this tea has me more connected to my mind than I’ve ever been.
After class, Callum heads to my desk. “How are you feeling?”
“Amazing.” I stare past him and out the window. It’s such a gorgeous, sunny day outside. I want to be out there, not stuck in this stuffy room. Wouldn’t it be fun to twirl around with no cares?
“Any more visions?” His voice is low and worried.
“Just this morning.” I shrug. “I think this time I saw through my grandma’s eyes.”
“And that’s not concerning?”
I peek further around him for a better view. “I haven’t had any more since.”
Callum leans in and sniffs my mouth. “You had some tea.”
I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a question or a statement, but I nod. “I’ve never felt so connected to myself before. It’s amazing.”
“How much did you have?” He reaches for my chin and guides my focus back to him. “I think the dose was too much.”
I sigh. It would be much more fun to go outside and stare at the clouds than have this serious conversation. My lips shift into a pout. “I’ll have less next time. Happy?”
“Everything okay?” Professor Belrose asks from her desk.
“It’s great. Just about to head to our next classes.” Callum lifts my bag from behind my chair and guides me out of the room with a hand on my back. “Why don’t you go to your room for the rest of the day? Sleep off the tea.”
I stick my hand on my hip. “I shouldn’t miss class.” Sitting in my room alone sounds boring. “I’ll be fine. I won’t mention anything about the special tea to anyone.”
He frowns but doesn’t argue. “I have a meeting after class, but I’ll find you later, okay?”
I lean in and throw my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He smells like cedar and brown sugar. Then I pull away, grab my messenger bag from him, and walk away.
It isn’t until halfway through Defensive Spells, my last class of the day,
that the tea starts to wear off and I realize just how high I’d been. On the bright side, I didn’t do anything to draw too much attention to myself. So besides Callum, I don’t think anyone even noticed how off I was. And more than that, I haven’t even had a strange feeling, let alone a vision.
I might have gone a little overboard on the first try, but if I can find a better amount, this stuff might be the answer I’ve been looking for. Thankfully, by the time classes are over and I head to our group practice, I feel back to normal.
When we’re all standing in the grassy area behind the school, Elaine says, “Okay, let’s practice our healing spell.” She pulls a nearly-dead tulip from her bag.
On Friday, it was during this spell I had the vision. I don’t know if that was a coincidence, or if performing so much magic triggered the connection. And this time, I don’t have Callum here to cover for me.
Everyone plops down into a circle on the grass, leaving me a spot between Elaine and Garrett.
“Ready?” Elaine asks.
“Yeah.” With a deep breath, I sit between them and we all join hands.
“Okay, remember, we need to reach out through or locked hands to connect our magic.” Elaine straightens her back. “Revivesco.”
“Revivesco,” we all chant together.
By the third repeat of the incantation, my thoughts have retreated into my mind. It’s a strange sensation. All I can see is darkness, but my magic is closer than it’s ever been. Once I’ve connected to my own power, I extend out and find Elaine’s. Next, I reach out and find Garrett’s. Then, with our powers all weaved together as one, I continue on until I’ve latched onto Natalia and Van’s magic. Like a five-piece braid, our bond is strong.
“Revivesco,” we continue.
“Oh my god,” Natalia’s words break our connection and pull me back to the field around me.
Sitting in the middle of us is a fully bloomed tulip, its red-orange petals almost too bright to be natural.
I glance at my group members and notice the sweat pooled on their foreheads.
Garret releases a sigh. “That was tiring.”
