The Other Side of Envy

by C. L. Stone

  “You take too long in the shower,” Nathan said, grinning. “And then when you shave, you’re always going over the same spots.”

  “That’s because he uses the same old razor. He hangs on to those things like they’re gold,” Silas piped in. He sat up on the bed. “Gabriel’s always getting after me about switching out my razors for new ones. You have to or you get cuts.”

  What was going on? Kota didn’t say a word. I mean he just started talking and the others seemed to know what to say. Had they done this before? It didn’t seem like it. Somehow, once I wasn’t there, they were able to say what they needed to say?

  I couldn’t think like that. It hurt to think that’s what he was doing. Or maybe I made them nervous by looking at them?

  I made the big, tough Silas and Nathan nervous?

  “He can grow a beard when he just didn’t shave for a week,” Victor said. He pressed a palm to his cheek and smoothed it out over his face. “If I try to even grow anything, it’s all splotchy. The hair is too fine.”

  “Have you seen his abs though?” Nathan said. “I mean, he does what, a few pushups a week?” He lifted up his shirt, showing his abdomen. He was clearly defined with lean muscles. “He’s got those genetics that lets him eats nearly anything he wants. If I ate like him, I’d be a pudge like I was before.”

  “He’s got good muscle tone,” Kota said. He moved himself from the archway between the bathroom area and sat on the bed next to Victor. “He hides it under the clothes.”

  Nathan groaned, shoving a hand over his face. “And he fits into everything. I put on jeans, and I look like a stuffed sausage. Gabriel can pick out an outfit, and then he’s like those models.”

  Kota motioned his hand, like he was turning down an invisible radio. Then he pointed at himself. “I don’t know if I really feel comfortable in jeans. I feel fine in them when I’m at home, but when I go out, I want to be in slacks. Something a little more dressy. Which really doesn’t work for this high school. The kids in class all wear jeans. Even the girls. So I come off looking like a teacher’s pet.”

  My eyes widened and my mouth fell open, causing the toothpaste to drip out into the sink. I quickly spit the rest out and rinsed, but still couldn’t get over what Kota had just done. He’d turned the conversation from talking about Gabriel to what they were uncomfortable with in themselves. So maybe by showing Gabriel how they’re vulnerable, he’d understand no one thought they were perfect or better.

  Kota was brilliant. With the occasional comment about Gabriel being smart or thoughtful, without going overboard, it seemed like a genuine conversation.

  “The big guys at school make fun of my eyes,” Victor said.

  I leaned out away from the sink to look at Victor.

  Kota spoke. “When?’

  “In class,” Victor said. “They ask if I use mascara. The girls say I must wear colored contacts. The girls are almost as bad as the guys.”

  “They’ve got no idea who they’re talking to,” Nathan said. “If they knew who you were…”

  “I don’t know,” Victor said. “They see Gabriel and he’s so hardcore. I stand next to him and look…feminine.”

  “At least you wear better clothes than they do,” Silas said.

  Victor rolled his eyes. “It wouldn’t make a difference. It’s not like I can whip out a piano at school and they’ll suddenly be impressed with me. They probably wouldn’t even care. They like rap music and loud guitars. I just have to deal with it.”

  “If you change, they’d notice,” Nathan said. “I swapped out my white shirt for just a T-shirt and they all commented. But when I’m in gym, they really like to point out if I ever miss the ball, or like in basketball, if the other team scores. I have to carry my team.”

  Silas snorted. “Most kids think I’m stupid. It doesn’t matter if I speak their language. They’ll start speaking Spanish or joke about Border Patrol coming to collect.”

  My mouth dropped open again. Really?

  Kota changed his hand signal, like turning up a radio dial. “Only a little while longer, guys,” he said. “Then we go back to the real world.”

  Silas laughed. “Thank you. Yes. I can’t wait. I can finally get Gabriel to change my clothes out. He’s doing so much running around the school, I can’t get a minute with him.”

  “No,” Nathan said. “I need him to finish up the décor in my bathroom. It’s still not finished because we were waiting for him to choose some tiles.”

  “I’ve got a closet full of clothes that I don’t know what to do with,” Victor said. “And my hair needs a change. If Gabriel did it now, the kids would notice.”

  Kota sighed. “Gabriel’s going to be busier than ever.”

  “We should probably give him a year off,” Nathan said. “A vacation.”

  “He’d want to go to Disney World,” Victor said. “With us.”

  Silas smiled. “I like Disney World.”

  “I want to go to Harry Potter land at Universal Studios,” Nathan said.

  “Oh Gabriel’d like that,” Kota said. “I think he’s a Gryffindor, isn’t he?” Kota turned his hand again, pointing at himself and then at Victor’s cell phone, motioning for him to stop. When Victor paused the recording, he spoke. “That’s pretty good, but if we cut it off now, it sounds more natural than adding a conclusion. We ran it a bit long.”

  “Sorry,” Silas and Nathan said at the same time.

  “Still,” Kota said, “we’ll have to chop that up a bit to send it.” He looked at Victor. “The whole thing isn’t bad but...”

  Victor was hitting at buttons. “I think he’d appreciate hearing the whole thing. Sounds more natural, like you said.”

  Kota nodded and then looked over at me. “Does that sound like something he'd appreciate?” he asked me.

  I shrugged, only as I didn't have much else to respond to. He seemed confident that Gabriel would appreciate this. I was hesitant to say yes or no, fearing the wrong answer.

  It was a wonderful thing to do for him, though. It was an odd way of talking to Gabriel, but if Gabriel felt unconfident, he might appreciate knowing the other people he envied were just as unconfident in certain areas.

  “Sounds good to me,” Victor said. “I’ll send it along.”

  “It still seems kind of obvious,” Nathan said.

  “It sounds just like if someone had accidentally called him,” Kota said. “Victor can place it in his voicemail box. He’ll check it and will probably assume…”

  “That we butt dialed him?” Nathan asked.

  Kota smiled. “Something like that.”

  “I know it’s his birthday soon,” Victor said. He put the phone down and settled back onto the bed. “I wanted to take him to the spa, but I don’t know if he’d appreciate it right now.”

  I considered the car, but it wouldn’t do any good to mention it when North and I couldn’t find it, and he might have already handled it. “Luke said to buy him an art set.”

  “That’s what Luke gets him every year,” Kota said.

  “He likes those,” Victor said. He patted the bed, motioning to me. “I’ve been thinking of it for weeks. It’s hard to pick something out for him. You can’t just buy him a shirt or a watch. He’s picky about that sort of thing.”

  I tiptoed across the room. Silas looked like he’d already fallen asleep.

  Kota smirked as I approached the bed, holding the blanket and sheet open for me so I could climb over him. I settled in with Victor and Kota on either side.

  “If you get too warm,” Kota said, “just let me know.”

  “When is his birthday?” Nathan asked out loud. “I mean what day is it today?”

  The others quieted for a moment, even Kota.

  Kota picked up his phone, looking at the screen. “Oh no, his birthday is tomorrow.”

  We all sat up then, Silas included.

  “Shit,” Nathan said. “Tomorrow? Why didn’t you warn us?”

  “I was going to,” Kota sa
id. “I have…except I’ve been saying soon, haven’t I? Then with Mr. McCoy…”

  Victor sighed. “Nothing to do about it now. But tomorrow…” He looked at the rest of us, not finishing his sentence.

  “Tomorrow, we’ll figure it out,” Kota said. “Nothing we can do right now.”

  I settled down, excited thinking maybe Gabriel would appreciate the small gesture the boys were trying to share, reminding him that none of them thought themselves to be perfect, and yet they all had something nice to say about him. Envy was normal, in small doses. It was a human emotion. Gabriel didn’t have any reason to be envious of the others. Wealth was something Victor didn’t have control over. Strength was something that Silas seemed to have naturally, and Nathan strived for. Gabriel had so many talents, plus a lot of friends ready and willing to support him.

  And for his birthday? If we all had to drag him out to the spa, or to the movies, or something, we’d do it. They were a family. They knew what to do for each other.

  I tossed around a bit, thinking I’d never be able to sleep. I thought of what to buy for Gabriel for his birthday. It wasn’t long, though before I drifted.

  Victor’s hand was on my back.

  Kota’s arm was over mine.

  I wanted to be awake to enjoy it.

  I dreamed instead.

  GABRIEL COLEMAN, BEAUTIFUL

  I dreamed I held a heart in my hand. The wind whipped around me, tossing me side to side as I stood in the dark.

  The heart pulsed with light, shining almost too bright to look at.

  I dropped it.

  It shattered.

  The pieces got caught in the wind. The light extinguished.

  I was alone.

  A body landed hard on top of me.

  I jerked awake, and then fell back, hurt. I squirmed to get away. The more awake I became, the more I was sure it was one of the boys.

  Maybe Nathan had gotten up to go to the bathroom and thought it would be funny to wake me up by crashing on top of me. I was about to push him off when a hand covered my mouth, holding firm.

  I wriggled. I fought to breathe. My nose and throat felt funny. There was too much bleach in the sheets. I swallowed and tried to move my head away from the hand.

  It stayed firm over my mouth, whoever it was grunting with the effort as I tried to get away.

  I struggled to get out from whoever it was. “Get off of me,” I tried to say through the palm over my mouth.

  The hand tightened down, gripping even harder to keep me silent. An arm threaded under my waist, picking me up off the bed. He rolled over with me until we both collapsed to the floor.

  I ended up in a heap of blanket, someone covering me.

  It was hard to breathe. I scraped at his hand, trying to wedge it off so I could get a fresh breath of air.

  But something was happening. An ambush of some sort. Friendly? Was Luke invading with a water gun? Or were we in danger?

  Part of my memory returned. We were in a hotel room.

  My body went rigid. Was McCoy outside?

  Was he inside?

  I struggled more as panic set in, trying to find a way to turn around to see what was happening.

  “Shhh,” someone whispered close to my ear. The voice wasn’t threatening; more of a request. “Don’t move.”

  I couldn’t tell who it was by the whispering, but I thought it was one of the boys. At first, I assumed Victor.

  Then I smelled something else. Bubble gum? Fruit? It wasn’t Victor’s scent.

  Gabriel?

  There was noise outside the hotel room. Walking. Muffled talking. Shuffling. A car started in the distance.

  I tried to pick my head up, but whoever was on top of me wasn’t letting me move.

  There was a louder voice. A girl’s. She was nearby, near the door to the hotel room.

  My senses came alive then and became fully aware. A girl’s voice nearby might mean we were waking up other people in nearby rooms. Or maybe a manager? Who else could it be?

  More voices, and then people were walking away.

  Silence. Were we alone?

  Where was Kota? What about Silas and Nathan and Victor? Where were they?

  I struggled to get up, only I was smothered more.

  “Don’t move,” the boy on top of me said.

  He spoke louder, but it was Luke, not Gabriel. Why did Luke smell like bubblegum? Then I noticed it was a smell coming from his mouth. He’d been chewing some.

  Knowing who it was, I calmed a little. If Luke said not to move, I wouldn’t move.

  He slowly pushed me under the bed. I sensed his need to keep quiet. I wedged myself in as much as possible. There was little space, and the area was dusty. My skin on my legs met with what I hoped were just dust bunnies and I jumped.

  Luke held firm and crawled in beside me.

  Footsteps sounded outside. The door opened.

  Silence. The light turned on.

  “They’re gone,” said Mr. Morris, his voice low, but it was clearly him. There was a pause. “That must have been her leaving with Kota…yeah…uh huh. You’ll have to track him.”

  He was talking to someone on a cell phone. How did they find us? Who was he talking to?

  I frowned, sad that Mr. Morris seemed to be still heavily involved in tracking us down. He must have thought we’d all left if he came up to the room we’d been in. It’s the only way he’d get so close without us noticing.

  Unless they were really moving in to capture us? Her. They wanted me for some reason.

  Why were they so interested in finding me now?

  After a few moments, Mr. Morris walked away.

  Luke stayed still beside me under the bed. I didn’t dare whisper. I worried someone was nearby and would hear.

  There was a soft buzzing between us, and I knew it to be Luke’s cell phone since I didn’t have mine. Luke shifted, pulling his phone around, and covered the screen to shield the light.

  “Okay,” he said. “We’ve got to move. Hurry.”

  I wasn’t sure where to move exactly, but he crawled out from under the bed, and then kicked blankets out of the way so he could pull me out after.

  I scrambled to my feet. “What—” I scanned the room. No one was here. The light by the door was on. The bags they’d brought were still here, abandoned.

  How did they leave without waking me? What happened?

  “Shhh,” he said. He immediately went to a book bag that had been dropped by the door. He placed it on the table, pulling out a wig, glasses and a pair of sweatpants. “Put these on.”

  My eyes widened at the wig.

  “They’re still out there,” Luke said. “Someone’s watching this hotel room to make sure they don’t come back tonight. If we’re going to leave, we have to be ready.”

  “Won’t they see us leaving this room?” I asked.

  “Gabriel’s going to distract them at the right moment.” He shoved the wig at me. “Put this on. We’ll leave quickly and look like we came from the room next door.” He pulled out another wig, a shorter one. He wrapped his hair up in a small bun at the top of his head with a ponytail holder. Then he put the wig on, making him look more like he had hair like Kota’s. He pulled hairpins from the bag and carefully pinned the wig so it hooked into his tied-down hair. He found a plaid shirt inside the bag, along with some slacks.

  I did as he did, pulling my hair back on my head into a twist before I put the wig on. It was shoulder-length, black hair. I put on the glasses. They weren’t the right fit for my face, and I kept shoving them up with a finger at the bridge.

  I put the sweats on over the boxers. I had to let go of the hoodie. Luke took it and put it in the bag he’d just emptied and threw it over his shoulder.

  Gabriel. He was here. The others had gone. I had no idea what was going on, but I was trying to catch up. How had I slept through all of it until Luke jumped on top of me? I must have been dead asleep, or the boys had moved super quiet until Luke jumped on me.
r />   The moment we were ready, Luke headed to the door. I tiptoed behind him, stuffing my feet into my shoes.

  He held a hand back, looking at me, and did some sign language. “After I open the door, head left to that door and stand there. Don’t look out. Look at the door.”

  I nodded. I understood what he was asking me to do. I just wished I knew the full plan and what was going on.

  Luke waited for another buzz of his cell phone and then jumped to life, pulling the door open.

  I moved ahead of him, toward the door to the left. I turned, not looking out. I waited there, my heart in my throat.

  Luke slammed the door shut and then leapt over until he was standing at the door next to the hotel room we’d been at. He fiddled with the door, pretending to shut that one. Then he put an arm around my shoulders, kept me between the wall and himself, and moved toward the stairs.

  Questions continued to pile up but I bit them back, knowing it wasn’t the time.

  Luke moved quickly through the building to the parking lot on the other side and went directly to a dark town car. He opened the passenger door for me. I got inside. He ran around to the driver’s side, got in and turned the car on.

  I turned to him immediately. “Now?” I asked.

  “Shhh,” he said. “Not yet.”

  I pushed my lips together. Could someone still be listening to us?

  I waited on the edge of my seat. Eager.

  “Turn your head,” he said. “Look at me.”

  I did. The wig was itchy. I reached up, trying to get in between the wig material and my scalp to scratch it. “What?”

  “I hate that hair color on you,” a voice said from the back. I jumped, and the wig hair fell into my eyes. I scratched at my face to get it out of the way so I could see who had spoken.

  “Shhh,” Luke said.

  I leaned over to check the back seat.

  Gabriel was down on the floor, crammed in with his legs partially sticking up.

  My heart lifted. He was here! We were doing something...I wasn’t sure what, but we were on the move. I wanted to say a lot. There was so much to say. But I couldn’t do it now.

  Instead, I reached out to him and caught his knee. I held onto it, because I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t do anything else. I needed to touch him. To connect.