The Gunfighter

by Robert J Conley

  “I promise you, Baijack,” Chester said. “I promise you that I won’t go gunning for Mr. Sly or anyone else ever again. I realize what a fool I acted. It won’t happen again. And Mr. Sly, I want to apologize for my actions and thank you for what you’re doing for me. If I get out of here, I’ll write that letter to my brother and send him the money. I promise you. I promise you, and I thank you.”

  “All right, Chester,” I said. “That’s enough promising. Just shut up now and count your goddamn blessings.”

  I walked over to my desk and got out my keys. Then I walked over to the cell door and unlocked it and opened the door.

  “Get on outa here and go home,” I said. “And don’t never do nothing to make me put you in here again.”

  “I won’t,” he said. “I won’t. I promise you.”

  “Shut up, Chester,” I said. “My promise to you is that if you ever make me come after you again, I won’t just stop at locking you up. I’ll mash you up real good first. Maybe even kill you to save me some trouble. Now, get on outa here.”

  Chester, he practical run out the door. I never seen a man so anxious to get out of a place as he was. I looked over at ole Sly.

  “Well,” I said, “I don’t know if we done the right thing or not.”

  “I believe we did,” Sly said. “I’ve seen what my presence in a town does to people. I don’t believe he’ll ever do anything like that again. Besides, who would you get to run the store in town if you sent him to prison?”

  “Hell,” I said, “that’s a good question. Ole Peester would likely find a way to get his hands on the property and turn hisself a good profit from it. Well, I think this calls for a drink. What do you say?”

  “For me,” Sly said, “just one.”

  I got the bottle and the tumblers outa my desk drawer and poured one for each of us. We was just tipping them back when ole Happy come in a-waving a piece of paper in his hand.

  “Wire come in for you, Baijack,” he said.

  “Well,” I said, “give it here. I s’pose you’ve done read it.”

  He handed me the paper and kinda ducked his head, and I knowed that he had read it all right. I looked it over real quick-like. It was from ole Dick Custer over to the county seat, and it told me to bring all my witnesses and be over for the trial in just two days from then. I told Sly, and then I started over to the Hooch House to tell Bonnie. Sly and Happy walked along with me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ole Lillian never got herself called over to the trial, even though she actual was both a witness and a participant, but we just never did put her name into the story. I knowed she wouldn’t want to leave her precious White Owl either closed up or in the hands of anyone else, and besides that, I figgered that we’d have a easy enough time of it at the trial and more fun at night without her. So we had just about got back to the Hooch House when ole Sly stopped me. He give a kinda longing look over toward the White Owl, and he said, “Baijack, I’d like to go tell Lillian about the trial dates.”

  “Oh, sure,” I said. “Go right on ahead, then. Me and ole Happy, we can go on ahead and tell ole Bonnie.” “There’s one more thing, Baijack,” Sly said.

  “What’s that?” I asked him.

  “Well,” he said, “now that we’re all agreed — that is, you and me and Lillian — and now that the divorce and the ensuing wedding are both decided on, do you think it would be proper, that is, would it be all right if I visited Lillian in the parlor this evening?”

  “The parlor?” I said. “You mean go on into the house?”

  “Yes,” he said.

  “Why, hell yes,” I said. “You can visit her all night in the bedroom if you take a mind to. I sure as hell don’t give a damn, and it ain’t none of my business no more.” I wondered how many times I was going to have to say that to him before it for real soaked into his head.

  “I assure you,” he said, “I won’t do that. Not until after the wedding.”

  Ole Sly turned and headed on for the White Owl, and me and Happy went on to the Hooch House. We went inside and found ole Bonnie a-leaning up against the bar with her big titties just a-laying there on it. She had her a drink. I walked on up to her and said, “Bring your drink on over to the table, sweet butt, and tell ole Aubrey to fetch me and Happy my bottle and two glasses.”

  She done that, and the three of us was all settled in pretty soon. I told Bonnie that we all had to go on over to the county seat, and I told her when.

  “What about the Hooch House?” she said.

  “Hell,” I said. “It’ll be all right. Aubrey can run things well enough, and you got some other gals working upstairs. It likely won’t even miss us. Besides, we’ll make it like a little vacation, you and me. We’ll get us a room over there, and there won’t be no one come a-banging on it to call me out for no marshaling business, nor bothering you about bar or gal business.”

  She hugged my arm then and smiled up into my face and said, “Oh, that’ll be nice, Barjack.”

  “But there’ll be the trial,” Happy said.

  “Well, yeah,” I said. “That there’s the reason we’re going over there, but we’ll go to the trial and do what we have to do, and then whenever the trial’s did for the day, we’ll be free. Hell, you ain’t even s’posed to talk about what’s going on in a trial’lessen you’re right there in the courtroom and the trial’s a-going on and you’re answering questions the lawyers or the judge is asking you direct. So our evenings is all going to be free and fun. And on the town of Asininity.”

  “You mean I ain’t got to spend none of my own money at all?” Happy asked me.

  “Not a cent,” I said. “We’ll get our ride over there and back, we’ll get our rooms, we’ll get three meals a day and all the whiskey we want.” I leaned over a little towards ole Happy, and I added, “Hell, boy, we might even get you a good whore each night.”

  I figgered it was good politics to stop short of telling him about the whore I had got me over there the last time, what with Bonnie a-setting right there and hanging on to my arm and all. So we talked on like that about all the fun we was going to have us over there at the county seat, and we drunk up a whole bunch of whiskey, and by and by, here come ole Sly back from Lillian’s place. I figgered that he for sure had gone in and set with her and visited real polite-like and never even got close to no bed. Hell, I bet he never even stuck his hand inside her dress nowhere, he was such a gentleman. Anyhow, he come over and set with us, and by damn, he ordered up a whiskey. I reckon he was final real good and relaxed and felt, like I did, that all the troubles in Asininity was over with and did.

  I had Aubrey fetch him over a glass, and I filled it outa my own bottle. He didn’t just sip on it the way he usual done, neither. He drank it on down. I poured us all another one, and we was having us a grand old time there. That’s for sure. Hell, I thought, whenever it’s time for me to kick on over, I hope it’s right here and just like this. I don’t want to get my ass shot to death, nor hanged, nor get sick and cough to death for three or four weeks, nor fall outa the sky a-trying to fly. Just take a drink of good whiskey and fall over dead right smack in the middle of a laugh with good friends all around. That’s the way to go.

  I decided to tell my good friends just what I was a-thinking about, and I did, but ole Bonnie, she said that I was being morbid and told me to shut up. I looked over at Sly, and I said, “Was I being morbid, Sly? I coulda been, ‘cause I ain’t real sure just what the hell that means.” Bonnie decided to change the subject real quick-like, and she said, “Baijack, we’ll have to make sure you got a clean suit and all before we head over to the county seat.”

  “Hell,” I said, “ole Dick Custer won’t know the difference.”

  “I will,” she said, “and it’s going to be our vacation, ain’t it?”

  “Well, hell,” I said, “let’s get me two clean suits ready, and three or four clean shirts. Maybe even a change of long johns and some fresh socks. What do you say to all that?”
/>   “Baijack,” said Sly, “do you anticipate any problems at the trial?”

  “Nary a one,” I said. “Hell, what could it be? I’m the law over here, and I’m the number-one witness. Well, me and ole Happy here. It’s clean obvious what took place out there at that elum tree, and we got the witnesses to back it all up. Hell, if need be we could call in even more: ole Lillian, Aubrey there. Naw. There ain’t going to be no problems.”

  I didn’t want no more serious talk, on account of it was starting in to get kinda loud in the place. Since we had come in earlier, the place had begun to fill up. We was doing a whale of a business of a sudden that night. The crowd was keeping ole Aubrey jumping. Bonnie final got up and went over to the bar to give him a hand. Right the next table to me and Happy and ole Sly was a table full of cowboys, and they had done got their ass plenty drunk, and then just outa nowhere, one of the bastards looked over at me, and he hollered out, “Hey, Baijack, why don’t you go up there and fly for us again tonight?”

  “Well, why don’t I just kick your ass plumb out into the middle of the street?” I said.

  “Baijack,” said Happy, “take it easy.”

  “You go up them stairs with me,” I said to that cowboy, “and we’ll just see which one of us goes a-flying.”

  “Take it easy, Charlie,” another cowboy said. “He’s the damn law.”

  “Ah, hell,” Charlie said, “I know who the hell he is. I’d stomp the crap out of him if it weren’t for that badge.”

  Well, goddamn it, that done it for me. I stood straight up outa my chair, and I plucked that marshal’s badge right offa my vest. I slapped it down on the table in front of Happy, and I said, “Happy, watch that thing for me, and don’t you nor no one else go interfering with me and this dumbass cowboy.”

  I seen Sly give Happy a look, and Happy just give a shrug. The cowboy stood up and stepped toward me, and I said, “Hold on there, you dumbass.” He stopped still, and I unbuckled my gunbelt and put it on the table. He took the hint, and he done the same thing. “This here is going to be a clean and a fair fight,” I said, and just as he was looking up from putting his gun down, I whopped him up along the side of his head with a right, just as hard as I could swing. I heard Bonnie scream out at me from over behind the bar. “Baijack!”

  Well, ole Charlie fell back onto the table what he had been a-setting at, and his buddies’ drinks all spilled. They went to cussing, and Charlie, he straightened his ass up a-rubbing the side of his head. I hit him again. One of his buddies stood up then and jumped me from behind, and I give him a elbow in the gut. He come loose from me all right. But by then, Charlie had recovered some, and he had his fists up ready to do battle. I put mine up, too, and then I kicked him in the shinbone. He hollered and went to hopping around on one leg, and so I slugged him again and that punch knocked him over on his ass. I give him a kick or two in the ribs, and then all his pards jumped up.

  Well, whenever they done that, why, ole Happy and ole Sly both come up outa their chairs, too. Happy come up swinging a chair, and he took one cowboy outa the fight right then. Sly commenced gentlemanly fisticuffs with another one, and the poor boy didn’t hardly know what Sly was a-doing nor how to deal with it, and Sly was a-getting cutting blows to the bastard’s face with almost ever’ punch.

  I had one of them come at me, and he managed to get a good one to my jaw. It stunned me somewhat, but it never knocked me offa my feet, and I hit him back, but then ole Charlie come up offa the floor, and he come over to help this one out. Sly and Happy each one had a man they was fighting, so there weren’t no one to take the extry one offa me, and there I was with two of them a-swinging at me.

  Just then there come a hell of a roar, and ever’one stopped the fighting and turned to look toward the bar, and there was ole Bonnie a-holding a smoking shotgun. “Knock it off,” she roared, and I ain’t sure whether the shotgun blast or her voice was the loudest. By God, we all done what she said, and we was dusting off our clothes and picking up hats and such, and Bonnie come out from behind the bar and right over to where we was at. She was still a-holding that shotgun, and she give poor ole Charlie a hard look.

  “Take your buddies and get outa here,” she said.

  “Aw, Bonnie,” I said, “hell, it was me what started the fight. Let them stay.”

  She looked at me, then back at Charlie and at his pals. “I don’t want no more fighting,” she said.

  “It’s all over,” I said, and I give ole Charlie a look. He grinned and held his hand out to me, and I shuck it.

  “No more fighting, ma’am,” he said. “I promise you.”

  “Well,” Bonnie said, “see that you don’t then,” and she walked on back to the bar and put away the gun.

  Charlie still had aholt of my hand, and he was a-grinning right in my face.

  “Barjack,” he said, “you’re a tough son of a bitch. It’s been a pleasure.”

  “Hell,” I said, “whyn’t you and your friends come on over and set with us? Let me buy you all a drink.”

  They done just that, and they all shuck hands with Happy and with Sly and interduced theirselves, and you should oughta have seen their faces whenever they found out who ole Sly really was.

  “Goddamn,” said the one cowboy, “and me trading punches with the honest-to-God Widowmaker.”

  Sly laughed. “I never killed a man for that,” he said.

  We all had us some good laughs about the fight what we had never finished and the way ole Bonnie like to skeered the crap outa all of us, and I used up two more bottles of my good whiskey providing the drinks all around the table. Then I had me a startling thought. I recalled the morning that ole Bonnie had give me my first flying lesson, and then I thought about her a-being called in to the trial early of a morning. I wondered who it would be would have to wake her ass up for that duty, and it come into my head that I would be the one what got chose for that unpleasant chore.

  “Hey, fellas,” I said, “I got something important I got to do.”

  I got up and made my way over to the bar and got Bonnie’s attention. When she come over to me, I took her arm and made her go outside with me so we could talk over all the noise what was going on inside.

  “Bonnie,” I said, “them trials start at eight in the morning.”

  I didn’t for real know that, but I just wanted to make sure I impressed on her that she was going to have to wake up early whenever we went over there for the trial. She looked genuine horrified.

  “Eight?” she said. “You mean eight o’clock in the morning?”

  “And if you ain’t there on time,” I said, “they might just throw your ass in jail for being contemptuous of the court.”

  “What’s that mean?” she said.

  “I ain’t sure,” I said, “but they’ll do it just the same.”

  “Baijack,” she said, “what am I going to do?”

  “There’s only one thing you can do,” I said, “and you got to start right now.”

  “Tell me,” she said.

  “You got to go upstairs right now,” I said, “and put your ass to bed and do your damndest to go to sleep. Then you got to let me or Aubrey or someone wake you up a little more earlier in the morning than what you’re used to, and you got to promise you won’t try to kill the one what gets assigned that dangerous chore. Then to-morry night you go to bed even earlier, and you get up earlier the next morning. Thataway, you might get through the trial all right. Whenever it’s all over, why, hell, you can go right back to the way you always done before.”

  “Oh, God,” she said, “this is awful. Well, all right. I’ll try it that way. But Baijack, Aubrey’s real busy in there. If I go on upstairs, will you help him out behind the bar?”

  “Sure thing, sweet britches,” I said. “You go on and take your ass to bed. I’ll watch over things down here.”

  Well, she went on upstairs, and I hoped that my little plan would work out. I sure didn’t want her throwing my ass down no stairways over at the coun
ty seat. I went on back into the bar and seen that Aubrey was for sure hustling them drinks up as fast as he could go. I made my way back to the table where Happy and Sly and Charlie and them other cowhands was still a-setting and a-drinking my whiskey, and I set back down with them. I found my tumbler what I had left there, and I filled her up again and had me a good long drink. I guess I had come back inside right smack in the middle of some kinda conversation, ‘cause a cowboy was saying to Happy, “I sure do hope that you nor Barjack throws my ass in jail and Mr. Sly here don’t kill me.”

  “Aw, none of that ain’t going to happen,” Happy said. “Leastwise, not on account of what went on in here tonight.”

  “It just makes me kinda nervous,” the cowhand said, “to get into a fight with a marshal and his deputy and the famous Widowmaker all at the same time. You know, ole Charlie here, he never was too bright.”

  “You son of a bitch,” Charlie said.

  “See what I mean?” the cowboy said. “Listen to him talking to me like that. He knows I can whip him. Hell, I done it three times already.”

  “Well,” Charlie said, “you might just have to make it four.”

  I guessed that ole cowboy was right about what he had just said. That Charlie weren’t too bright. He did have him a good hard jaw, though. I had found out that much by hitting on it. Just about then, ole Happy, who as you likely already know is kinda slow hisself in his thinking sometimes, musta noticed that Bonnie had done left the place. He said, “Baijack, where’s Bonnie?”

  “I had to start her in on training,” I said, taking me a long drink from my tumbler.

  “Training?” Happy said. “For what?”

  “Hell,” I said, “for getting up early to make it to the trial on time.”