The Gunfighter

by Robert J Conley

  “Baijack, that was amazing,” he said.

  “Yeah,” I said, “well, it weren’t the first time, as you well know.”

  He looked down at the messy face of Orvel Jasper. “I guess we’ll have to take this one into the sheriff,” he said. “The other two are dead.”

  I heard the stagecoach rumbles in the road then, and I guess Sly did too.

  “What do we do about that?” I said. “Stage is a-coming.”

  “We’ll wait for it and tell the driver what happened here,” he said, “as well as what their plans had been.”

  “Whyn’t you go talk to them,” I said. “You’re a slicker talker than me.”

  He give a shrug. “All right,” he said. “I don’t mind.”

  I let him turn around and start in to walking west to meet the stage, and then I slipped my Merwin and Hul-bert outa the holster. I cocked it and lifted it up some, and I seen, even through the mess what I had made of his face, ole Orvel open his eyes wide and look horrified.

  “You shot me and ole Sly damn near to pieces,” I said, “you son of a bitch,” and then I pulled the trigger.

  *

  Well, a few wires around to the places where them Jaspers had done killings and such and a look through the dodgers there in the sheriff’s office, as well as me being a fairly well-knowed lawman myself, and things was all cleared up with the local law regarding the demise of the notorious Jasper brothers. Me and Sly went on ahead and spent one more night there in our hotel room, had us a good supper that night, and I got drunk as hell by way of celebrating our victory. Ole Sly even tipped a few with me. We got us a good breakfast in the morning, too, so we was pretty well fortified for our long ride home. We packed up the next morning and headed back north, toward Asininity.

  A course, we was closer on into the winter time of the year, and this time we was headed north and northeast, so we knowed we’d be moving into colder air the whole way, maybe even more goddamn snow. I kept a-waiting for ole Sly to jump me out about the way I had gone and finished off ole Orvel, but he never said nothing about it one way or the other. He did talk about my second flying act ever’ now and then, though, and he made out each time like he had enjoyed it right well. We did run into some snow, but it never slowed us down too much. And each time we come to a town, we stopped for a good supper, a good night’s sleep, and a good breakfast.

  We spent several cold nights on the trail, though. Whenever we come back into the little town of Dog Creek, we looked up ole Constable Thurmond, ‘cause, as you might recall, we had made him a promise to do that if we was still alive to do it. He was real glad to see us, and it could be that he was more than a little bit surprised, too.

  “Did you catch up with them Jaspers?” he asked us.

  “We did,” said Sly.

  “And what happened?” Thurmond asked.

  “They won’t be a-bothering no one else,” I said. “Not never.”

  Thurmond, he got all excited. He told ever’one he seen that me and Sly had got the Jaspers, and him and some other town folks bought us the biggest and best supper they could find in that little dog-ass town. They also paid for all the whiskey I could drink. Sly didn’t drink much. They put us up in a room for the night, and then damned if they didn’t go and buy our breakfast in the morning. We thanked them kindly and then said our so longs to them fine folks and moved on out. Two nights later it snowed like hell on us, and that sure cut some time offa our return back home. But we made it eventual, and I was gladder to see Asininity than I had ever been before in my life.

  When we rid on into town, the sun was already down. It was a cold night, so there weren’t no one in the street, but then I seen Lillian step outa the White Owl and start in to lock the door. I give Sly a look. “Likely she needs someone to walk her home on a cold night like this here,” I said. He smiled at me and rid on over there, and I hauled my ass up to the hitching rail in front of the Hooch House. I didn’t know till just then how much I had missed the damn place. I got down outa the saddle and lapped the reins around the rail. Then I ducked under the rail a-groaning and straightened myself up kinda slow. I thought, I’m getting too old for this kinda crap. I walked on in, and Bonnie seen me right away.

  “Barjack,” she yelled out at the top of her voice, and you know, it has a high top. Then a bunch of others joined in the yelling and welcoming home. I was mobbed and slapped on the back till I damn near fell over. Final I shoved my way on through the crowd, moving toward my favorite table.

  “Let me set down,” I said, and they did. Good ole Aubrey was right there with my bottle and my tumbler. Bonnie plopped her ample ass down in the chair right next to me, scootched it over close, and grabbed onto my arm, and like to squoze the blood pressure out of it. She slobbered kisses all over the side of my face. Happy come over and set across from me and looked me right in the eyes with a big wide grin spread all across his silly face. Someone standing somewhere back behind me said, “Baijack, we thought we’d never see you again.”

  “I knowed you’d be back, Baijack,” Bonnie said.

  “Hell, yes, sweets,” I said. “You know I can’t stay away from you.”

  “Where’s ole Sly?” Happy said. “Is he all right?”

  “He’s just fine,” I said. “Right about now he’s likely kissing my ex-wife good night over there at her front door what used to be my front door.”

  “Is he really going to marry up with Lillian and settle down right here in Asininity?” Bonnie asked me.

  “He damn sure is,” I said. “Leastways, that’s what he told me.”

  “What about the Jaspers?” Happy said.

  “There ain’t no more Jaspers,” I said.

  “You got them?” Happy asked. “You get them all?”

  “I didn’t get them all,” I said. “The Widdermaker accounted for some of them. Well, actual, the way it all happened, I shot just only one of them. Sly gets most of the credit. He kilt the other three hisself. I tell you boys what. You too, Bonnie, darling. That man deserves that widdermaking name he’s got. I ain’t never saw such a killing man. Why, he’s shooting that damn Colt even before you seen that he reached for it.”

  “Damn,” Happy said. “I wish I coulda saw him in action like that.”

  I took me a big gulp of my whiskey then, and I put the glass down and reached a ceegar outa my pocket.

  Ole Bonnie took the match outa my hand and scratched it on the table and held the fire to the end a my ceegar for me. I puffed on it till I had it going good. Then I took me another drink.

  “Yes sir,” I said, “you ain’t never seen nothing till you’ve saw ole Sly in action with them Colts of his.”

  Then I heard Sly. He had slipped right up behind me. “You’re much too modest, Marshal,” he said.

  I looked over my shoulder, and there he was. “Come on and set with us,” I said, and he did. I offered him a drink, and he surprised me all to hell by accepting it. “Is the wedding day all set up?” I asked him.

  “Yes, it is,” he said, and he smiled on that. “I hope you’ll be there.”

  “Hell,” I said, “this is one hitching-up that I wouldn’t miss for nothing in this whole entire world.”

  “What do you mean he’s too modest?” Bonnie said.

  “Why, it was Baijack that got the last and the meanest of the Jaspers,” Sly said, “and in order to do it, he had to fly again. He was magnificent.”

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