by Lea Coll
Avery gasped.
“Can she take him from me?” I couldn’t keep the hopelessness and fear from my voice.
“I’m so sorry, Griffin.” She was quiet for a few seconds, but when I didn’t respond, she continued, “You told her you had guardianship?”
“I did. She left, but said she’d be back.”
“Did she say what she wanted?”
“She said she wanted Declan. She wants Declan. Fuck, he’s all I have.” I ran my fingers through my hair, desperately trying to keep my voice down.
Everyone in my life was temporary, belonging to someone else. I had no one. It was a worse feeling than when I found out Lorelai cheated on me. The ground dropped out and I was free falling with no one to catch me.
“It’s okay. We’ll get through this. We talked about this, but are you sure she wants Declan?”
Comforted by her words, I let out a long breath. “That’s what she said.”
“Did she say why she was here now? How she found out?”
“She read an article about me selling my company. That’s how she found out about Julian’s death. She said she came as soon as she read the article.”
“Did that article mention you sold your company for millions?”
I wracked my brain, trying to remember her words. “She did say something about that.”
“She might want money.” Her voice was gentle.
As much as it disgusted me, I preferred that over her asking for visitation or custody. She’d do more damage by showing up now than she had by leaving the first time. “She can have whatever she wants.”
“Griffin, we have to be careful about this. Don’t give her any money without talking to me first. We don’t want a situation where she keeps asking for money to stay out of your life. If you are inclined to give her money, we’ll want her to sign a termination of parental rights.”
Relief and hope flooded my system at the idea of her not being able to threaten us in the future. “Yes. That woman has no right to him.”
“What if Declan decided he wants to meet his mother? What if he has questions about her later and finds out she did want him, but you paid her off? Think through all the scenarios. Do you want me to come over and talk you through it?”
I tipped my head back. I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to say yes, but if Avery was going to walk away, I needed to limit her contact with Declan. “I have a day planned with Declan. Maybe later, after he’s asleep.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure. That’s for the best.” Her tone was off, but I couldn’t worry about her when I had Declan to think about.
“I’ll text you when he’s asleep.”
“Okay. Hang in there, Griffin. We’ll get through this.”
I hung up, without another word. I wished that were true. I wanted her by my side more than anything.
Avery
I slowly lowered the phone to my table. Before he called, I’d been drinking my third cup of coffee at my tiny table on the balcony, wondering how to make things right with Griffin.
I’d hoped he’d give me a chance to explain, but not with Erin in town, demanding Declan.
I wanted to be there for Griffin, but I’d severed that right yesterday. It hurt when he hadn’t included me in his Saturday plans, but it wasn’t unexpected. I’d deserved it. As much as I wanted to reach out to him, I had to do things on his schedule. I’d go over tonight to help him with Erin. I’d be what he needed, his attorney. I’d fight for him and Declan.
I struggled through the day, my mind always on Griffin and what he was feeling. I made calls to friends who’d handled similar cases, searched for a case with similar facts, then drafted a termination of rights. I jumped when my phone vibrated with a message.
Griffin: He’s asleep if you still want to come over.
Of course I did. I’ll be right there.
From now on, Griffin wouldn’t ever question my loyalty. I’d be there for him and Declan. I’d let myself feel whatever I was feeling in the moment. I’d be honest with him. Hopefully that would be enough if he ever gave me a second chance.
I was already dressed and ready to go so I grabbed my keys before jogging down my steps and out to my car parked at the curb. The night was warm, couples walked along the sidewalk, families enjoying the evening, highlighting everything I wanted but couldn’t have.
I texted when I arrived, the door opening as soon as I stepped onto the porch. Griffin stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him.
My stomach dropped. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to come back from my mistakes.
“Let’s sit out here.” Griffin sat in one of the rockers I’d barely paid attention to when I spent time here. He wore track pants and an old T-shirt with Cal-U on the chest.
“Okay.” I sat gingerly on the edge of the rocker, folding my hands in my lap, not sure where to start. Should I talk about what was going on with Erin and Declan, or what was going on with us?
I opened my mouth to speak but Griffin spoke first. “You’re my attorney.”
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “Of course.”
I rolled my shoulders back, recalling the research I’d done. “We’ll have to wait for her to make the next move. Either she’ll file something with the court or she’ll demand money.”
“I can’t—” He ran his fingers through his hair. “There’s nothing I can do?”
“No. It’s a waiting game. She might disappear. She might be back on your doorstep tomorrow, making demands. I expect the latter because I can’t see her going through official channels, hiring an attorney, filing paperwork. But you need to be prepared.”
“What should I say to her?” His eyes were filled with fear, worry, pain, frustration. I wanted to reach for him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but it wasn’t my place.
“You listen to what she has to say then you call me. You do not promise or give her any money unless she signs the termination of rights first, preferably with a witness present. Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“If she signs this agreement, she won’t have any right to show up demanding to see him. If she does, you can file a protective order.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees, staring at the porch. “She shouldn’t have that right now.”
“I agree she gave up that right when she walked away, but the law says otherwise.” My voice was surprisingly professional for the way my stomach was rolling with nerves.
“I get it. It just sucks.” He sounded resigned.
“It does.”
“I’m in a precarious position, aren’t I? As the uncle, the guardian. If she cleaned up her act and wants him back, the courts might allow it.”
“They might. I think it’s more likely the courts would offer her visitation first, giving her an opportunity to develop a relationship with him and a record of good parenting. What has your investigator discovered?”
“Not much new. She still moves from guy to guy, changes jobs. The investigator said she seems to target men who own businesses, who have money, but I don’t have proof that’s what she’s after. No criminal record.”
“Courts want children in a stable environment. That’s working against her. You moved into the home he shared with his dad, kept him in his school, you have the money and means to keep him comfortable. He knows and likes you.” Respect for him filled my chest.
“Declan doesn’t even know what his mother looks like.”
My heart ached for Declan. “Exactly. You have a lot in your favor.”
“Is there anything else I need to know?” He rose as if our meeting was over.
Disappointment pinched my heart. I’d hoped for something more, an opening to talk about what happened the other day, but his mind was preoccupied with protecting Declan. “No. I guess not.”
“Great. Thanks for coming over at night to discuss this. I know this isn’t usual office hours.”
He turned away from me.
I placed my hand on his fore
arm to stop him. “Griffin, I’m not just here as your attorney.”
“You’re not?” He turned to face me, his eyes cold.
I removed my hand. “No. I’m not. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was caught off guard. I reacted terribly.”
“You were honest.” His voice was biting, cutting through the feelings threatening to burst out.
I shook my head, desperate for him to understand. “No. Griffin, I wasn’t honest with myself. I let fear take over.”
“I have a lot going on with Declan right now—” He paused and I took the hint it wasn’t the time to talk about us. Not while Erin was in town causing trouble.
“Of course. I want to be there for you, help in any way I can.” If he needed me to wait to discuss us, I would.
“Thank you. Have a good night.” He walked inside, shutting the door behind him.
I was on the outside looking in. Similar to what I’d experienced in school, except this time I’d done it to myself. I pushed him away until it was too late. I didn’t blame him for having a lot on his mind with Erin showing up, but I hoped he’d hear me out, give me another chance.
I turned, walking away from the only person who’d ever cared about me enough to express it in words, in actions. I only had myself to blame. I spent so much time and effort protecting myself, but in the end, all I felt was pain. It radiated from my heart, through my chest, down my arms, to the tips of my fingers. I shivered from the intensity, the fall air biting through my clothes.
Opening the door to my car, I looked at Griffin’s house, the one I was no longer welcome in. I’d screwed up. I knew something would go wrong eventually. I couldn’t help thinking I’d orchestrated this outcome from the beginning by staying one step back. I let myself go deeper with him than anyone else, but I held myself back from the precipice, from the final descent into love. Whereas he dove in headfirst.
Griffin’s porch light turned off, taking the last vestiges of hope I could salvage our relationship with it. I slid into the car, turning it on, and pulling away from the curb without looking back. I thought I wasn’t worthy of love, but the one time I got it, I threw it away as if it meant nothing. As if Griffin didn’t know his own mind.
The one positive thing I could do was ensure Erin didn’t get Declan. I’d use every resource, call in every favor I had, to prevent her from taking him. I’d get the file from the investigator, interview her last boyfriend, dig until I found something that would ruin her bid for guardianship. I wouldn’t stop until she was eradicated from Declan and Griffin’s life. I just hoped when that happened, Griffin hadn’t closed the proverbial door on me too.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Griffin
The pain on Avery’s face when she’d apologized almost had me backtracking.
I had to remember she backed off. She didn’t fight for us. That would always be the problem. She was too quick to accept that she wasn’t worthy of someone’s love. It wasn’t hard for her to accept that I’d reject her, that she wasn’t deserving, when she’d always thought that.
I wanted to reach for her, make things right. Pull her into my arms, because there was nothing I wanted more than to have her by my side, but I wanted more from her than an apology. How would I know what she wanted if I pushed her into a relationship with Declan and me? She had to come to the realization on her own that she wanted me and Declan in her life. I wasn’t sure how to do that, how to take a step back.
Instead, I’d panicked, cutting her off, making that comment about Declan being what was important now. I wondered if that was a huge mistake. If I should reach out to her, asking her to tell me what she wanted to say. Or should I wait until this thing with Erin was behind us? When I could focus on her.
I vacillated between sheer panic about how Erin could disrupt our lives to numbing acceptance. I’d dreaded the conversation I needed to have with him. I had no idea how he’d react to news his mother was back. Maybe I should wait to see if she was serious. Hope tried to break through the dread that Erin showing up on my porch was a fluke. She’d realize she wasn’t ready to be a mother, disappearing forever.
I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling when Avery texted. My heart thudded painfully in my chest while I typed my password, hoping she’d want to talk about us. Instead, she’d asked for the investigator’s report. I forwarded the email to her, hoping we’d have one of our video chats that always seemed easier, less pressure-filled than speaking in person.
She didn’t call. She was doing what I’d asked. She was acting as my attorney, nothing else. How could she be so accepting when I’d told her only yesterday I was in love with her? She either didn’t believe me or was so inexperienced in relationships she thought I could turn off my love so easily. Remembering what she’d said about her ex, that was probably the case.
I knew I was being contradictory, telling her I couldn’t talk about us when I needed her more than my next breath. Not as my attorney, but as my girlfriend, my lover, my future. Would she have declared her feelings if I hadn’t interrupted her with that statement about Declan being more important? It was like I’d set up a barrier between us and I wasn’t sure she’d cross it. Was it a way to protect myself in case she planned to walk away?
I’d put myself out there for Avery and she’d taken a step back, literally and figuratively. I wasn’t sure I could take another step toward her, not when she’d been adamant from the beginning, she didn’t want anything serious.
I had to focus on Declan, doing what was best for him. When this thing with Erin was over, then I’d focus on myself, on Avery, and what everything meant.
Avery
I buried myself in work the next few days, poured over the investigator’s report, interviewing him over the phone before I attempted to contact each of Erin’s exes. I couldn’t glean much information from the one I was able to get on the phone. She’d date someone for a few months before moving. She didn’t stay in one place for too long. I had nothing more than what we already knew, she wasn’t a stable option for Declan. I wanted more. I wanted something that would definitely take her out of the running, make her a bad choice for any judge.
I wasn’t sleeping well with thoughts of Declan, Erin, and Griffin swirling in my head. What would happen if Erin took him to court? Was I the best option to represent him or was I too close to the situation? I didn’t want to screw things up for him. For Declan. No case had ever been more important.
I respected Griffin’s wishes, keeping all questions and exchanges purely work-related.
Hadley popped her head in my office. “Hey, what’s going on with Declan’s mom? Did she show up again?”
“No. She hasn’t. I wish she’d make a move already.”
“Do you have someone following her?”
“No. I’m not sure what it would reveal at this point. She’s back. She’s going to contest the guardianship.”
Hadley slid into the chair across from me. “She came back for a reason.”
“I keep thinking about the why too. She told Griffin she’d read about the sale of his business in the paper. It was an article written afterward that delved into where he was and what he was doing now.”
Hadley raised her brow. “It has to be the money. It’s only a matter of time before she asks for it.”
“I gave Griffin a termination of parental rights to have her sign if she shows up.”
Hadley crossed her arms over her chest, sliding back in the chair to get comfortable. “How are you?”
“Tired, but I’ll be fine. I’m just worried about Griffin and Declan.”
“How is Griffin? Have you talked?”
“No. Not since Saturday night.” Not when he’d dashed all of my hopes.
She pursed her lips. “I think he’s waiting for you to do something.”
“He wants me to act as his attorney. He was clear about that.”
“I don’t know. I almost think this is a test of some sort. He told you he loved you and you didn’t say it b
ack. You were angry. Maybe he’s afraid to make a move until he knows you feel the same way.”
“You think he wants me to say the words?” My heart thudded slowly in my ears, blood rushing to my head, making me lightheaded. He wanted the impossible, for me to say the words.
“His last relationship ended badly in a public way. Anyone can read about it. He opened up to you and you rejected him. Maybe he’s taking a step back, protecting himself.”
“I guess it’s possible.”
“I think you need to tell him how you feel. If not for him then for your sake. Otherwise, you’ll always be wondering what if.”
“I don’t know if I can. I tried the other day but he shut me down, saying he could only deal with Erin right now.”
“When I first started dating Cade, I was the same way, wanting to deal with everything myself. Cade showed me that there were other ways to deal with things. Convince him he needs you by his side, not as his attorney, but as someone who loves Declan and him.”
“Maybe.”
“You can’t go wrong telling him how you feel. I know it’s scary. He might say he’s not interested, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.”
“That’s the problem.” My stomach churned. “If I don’t know if I love him then maybe I don’t.” If I didn’t love him why was I so miserable? My body ached from exhaustion, my limbs felt heavy, my head pounded with a constant headache. I was a mess.
“How do you feel about him not talking to you?”
“Miserable. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t sleep. I can’t seem to do anything other than be ready for Erin’s next move.”
Hadley smiled. “You’re getting there. How do you feel about never seeing him again as anyone other than a client?”
“Awful.”
“Speaking of which, you need to pass him off to one of us. It’s unethical to date your client.”
