The SealEaters, 20,000 BC

by Bonnye Matthews

  ‘There is something that keeps arising in my memory. When I try to understand it, it fades. I’ve followed this river for a long time now. There are snakes here. I don’t like them but I don’t fear them terribly. They don’t bother me. I can walk right past them and they ignore me. That is good. I guess they don’t see me as a threat to them. I’m not, of course, since I have no weapon. Where are my weapons? My thinking place must be terribly broken! I never go away from my place, wherever that is, without a weapon for defense, if not to bring home food. Have I received an injury to my head or become confused from old age too early in life? Something is just so wrong. My thinking is very bad.’

  The mist collapsed to the ground, seemingly thinner and less cohesive.

  ‘Do I hear singing? Far, far away, I think I hear voices singing. I’ll keep following this tiny river. It appears to be heading to the east. The sun is setting. I had better find a place to go black. That’s strange. I’ve been very actively doing something all day, but I neither hunger nor thirst. I’ll go to the area just to the south, where those trees are. I can go black there.’

  ‘I remember just before I was twenty years old, Mora, and I were in love. She was fourteen then. One day she and I ran off to the forest, the deep forest to the southeast. We made love all afternoon. Then, knowing I could not take her as wife, we returned home with bittersweet feelings. How I’d love to have had her as my wife. She was beautiful, still is. Her wide forehead and broadly spaced, lovely brown eyes attracted me. So, too, did the curls in her hair, curls like twisted cordage fibers. She is filled with thoughts. I could talk to her forever. Well, not now that she’s someone else’s wife. She said she wanted only me. It made me feel so special. To our utter fright, that time in the forest caused her to become pregnant. She could have been drowned for becoming pregnant and not a wife. I talked to Mongwire, because we had been so close in childhood, and remained close as adults. I asked him to take her as wife. He did. Twice, he took as wife women I wanted. That is how life is sometimes. I was very grateful that he made it so her life was spared. In some ways it was delightful for me to see Torq grow up, knowing he was really my son. He’ll never know. It’s enough that Mora, Mongwire, and I know.’

  The mist moved to the tree and rested against the trunk.

  ‘Ah, here, under this tree I will go black. It’s warm enough that I need no fire. I will lie here. This is good.’

  ‘I’m not drowsy. Usually when my head rests on the ground, I go black quickly.’

  ‘The stars are fully clear, tonight.’

  ‘There it is again, my memory is trying to intrude upon my thoughts.’

  ‘Land gives way. Rocks cause it to crumble and my foot slides. So that’s what I’ve been trying to remember. There was pain in my right foot at the ankle. I glided down—it was like my dreams of gliding when I was a child. Then what? It all goes blurry there. I must’ve twisted my ankle, but it couldn’t have been very serious. I don’t remember anything about gliding down except what just came in memory.’

  ‘So, I must’ve fallen. Surely I was not alone?’

  ‘How long have I stared at the stars? They have moved a lot since I began. Why do I not go black? I’m not tired, but darkness usually brings on black.’

  ‘Vaima was there! She was there with her husband, a man whose name I cannot pronounce.’

  ‘How did I come together with them?’

  ‘I don’t know where Akla was.’

  ‘Did I fall to where they couldn’t reach me, and they left me there? That doesn’t sound like what SealEaters would do.’

  ‘Oh, you gods! There’s a large cat walking through the grass of this valley. It’s close to me! Very close! I have no weapon. I must be calm, quiet, and totally still.’

  ‘It sniffs. It coughed.’

  ‘It looks around. It doesn’t appear to see me. Maybe an old one?’

  ‘Ah, it seems to hear something in the south.’

  ‘Off it goes at a run. Thank you, gods!’

  ‘I remember the hunt with Urch. He was teaching me some hunting skills. He was older. I was about eight years old. He was fifteen. We were in a forest that was becoming dense. He turned to find me looking behind us, and was about to caution me to be more attentive. Then, he saw my spear fly. My spear went straight through the heart of a cat that was leaping toward him. It certainly did surprise him. And me! What a great time we had that night! He told the story after we ate. Whug cautioned him, but Urch had already learned what he needed to learn, and I learned the rule then, too. Never forget your back! That’s why I like to go black when I have a tree behind me. It protects my back.’

  ‘The stars continue to move in the night’s sky. Still I have no desire to go black.’

  “I remember I felt something like bubbles popping from my fingers and toes. Is that why I’m so pale? The popping fascinated me. It was emptying something from me, I think. I know not what!’

  ‘They dragged me up the hill. Vaima and her husband dragged me up the hill. I remember that I wondered that I didn’t feel the rocks on my skin as they dragged me up there. I didn’t feel anything.’

  ‘There are some clouds gathering to the east. In this land, that seems to happen. In the morning, the clouds come overland from the east and then in the afternoon they go back often dropping rain. I suppose when it’s colder than this, the clouds could drop snow. I never asked them about snow.’

  ‘So, I fell on the hillside. Vaima and her husband pulled me back up the hill. What else?’

  ‘Nothing. My memory is blank.’

  ‘Akla! Akla! I can’t shout any louder than that.’

  ‘Akla! Vaima! Vaima! Was Akla with us then?’

  ‘Silence. Not even the bugs make noise.’

  ‘And, still, the stars continue their rotation. Will this night ever end?’

  ‘Bats. They fly in their jerky way eating bugs in the night air. I wonder how they manage not to collide with other bats. There’s a rosy glow to the east, so I suppose these bats are heading home wherever that might be. I wish I were heading home, even if it means a sea trip.’

  The mist rose up in human form, having returned to its cohesiveness. It moved away from the tree heading along the creek toward the hill.

  ‘The rays from the approaching sun show in the east. It’s welcome. I rise again to follow the river. I’m eager to find Vaima. She was near here. I know that now. I wonder whether she is on the other side of the hill. Maybe I should climb the hill instead of following the river. My staring into the water is not helping me decide. I suppose if I climb the hill to the top I can gain a better view of the entire area. I will do that.’

  ‘It was easier earlier when I came down the hill. There is more brush, and large trees grow here. I’ll just keep pushing myself upwards. I won’t worry about making the back and forth movement. I just saw an owl in that tree. It gave me a look and almost silently moved its large body to another place, where it won’t be disturbed.’

  ‘I’m glad I had a son. Torq, Mora’s and my son, is a son to make a father happy. He knows the rules and follows them. He is careful to respect elders and holds his tongue, even when others might find it difficult. He will be successful in life as a SealEater. He was terribly frightened at sea, as was Wapa, but both of them did well on the voyage. Torq’s patience is remarkable for one his age. He has learned to be patient with himself as well as with others.’

  ‘Vaima! Vaima! Vaima! Can you not hear me cry out your name?’

  ‘Let me secure a good footing here. I don’t want to fall again. I’m coming close to the top. Oh, I remember! They pulled me up the hill. There was a small ledge there. They laid my body on the ledge. Vaima stayed with me. Her husband went somewhere. She cried quietly. She pressed my eyelids shut. She must not have wanted me to see her cry, but I could still see her. I guess she didn’t know that my eyes were open again.’

  ‘I’ll try to make it to the top this time. Sometimes I expect there to be a swing back with these tree and
bush limbs I move aside, but I must be dodging them well. Almost to the top. Finally! Well, I can see for a very long distance. There’s a river. Now, I wonder, is that the river where Vaima lives now? North of here is another large river. One of them is likely the river we traveled where she decided to remain behind. But which one? I’ll go south.’

  ‘It has taken me such a long time to reach this river. I cannot look at the banks to determine whether it is the river for which I search. Vaima! Vaima! Vaima! Please hear me and respond, girl. Nothing. Ah, I feel so alone! In this vast land there are people here and there. They do not cover the land. Where is anyone?’

  ‘I hear something. Coming downriver there are two tiny boats. I’ll call to the rowers. I should move out where they can see me clearly.”

  The mist moved out into the river. Thinning itself and losing cohesiveness again.

  “Hi! Hi! Hi! Rowers! I am Murke, one of the SealEaters! Hi! Hi! Hi! Stop here, please! They’re going to go right past me, as if I weren’t here making all this noise. By the gods, surely they saw me! They couldn’t have passed me and not seen me, could they? Is that possible?’

  ‘Here comes another. I’ll go further out into the river. Hi! Hi! Hi! Rower, please stop. By the gods these people are rude! If I hadn’t jumped aside, he’d have knocked me down. None of these people seem to know that I’m here. How can that be? I’ll walk the shore upriver.’

  ‘That black snake is so very large! I didn’t know snakes could grow that large. It’s huge! This land has many snakes.’

  ‘As I walk along this trail, I do not see anything made by people. It’s a lot easier to go by boat, but this gives me the experience of this waterway. It may be that it’ll be beneficial in the future.’

  ‘With the sun straight overhead, it’s not warm here, neither is it cold. I suppose it’s the trees that join overhead to shade the path. I’m almost enjoying this walk. I just wish I weren’t alone. Oh, here’s a small boat. I almost missed it, so well concealed it was in the grasses. Still I hear nothing. If this is where Vaima lives, there should be noise, noise that could be heard from here.’

  ‘There’s another small boat. I wonder why they conceal them so carefully. Do they fear someone might take one? That’s why we conceal them. Is that the noise of human life I hear? I will quicken my step.’

  ‘Finally, people! I will approach carefully. I hope these are Vaima’s new people. The place looks familiar. The people dress themselves as the people we met. I do think that I have managed to find the very place I sought. Children. They’re coming my way. Any closer and they’d have knocked me down. What’s the matter with people that they don’t seem to see me?’

  ‘Vaima! Vaima! Vaima! I see her, but she gives no recognition that she hears my voice.’

  “Spirit! I see you. She cannot. Come here!” The man with the bear head hat from which the skin trailed down his back clearly addressed him. “Come with me, before you frighten someone and cause panic.”

  ‘I will follow, I don’t want to cause anyone to panic. This is your place?’ I asked.

  “Why would I take you into someone else’s place?”

  ‘I was just talking.’

  “I hear you. The others out there cannot hear you.”

  ‘Why not?’

  “Because you are spirit.”

  ‘Well, how do I go back to how I was before?’

  “You cannot.”

  ‘What do you mean?’

  “You’re spirit.”

  ‘You said that. I don’t understand.’

  “Don’t you know what happened to you?”

  ‘I know I fell. Vaima and her husband pulled me back up the hill. I know nothing else. Oh, I know Vaima cried and tried to shut my eyes so I wouldn’t see. I could still see her cry. I don’t know any more. Oh, my hand was not attached to my body. It is attached to my body, but the hand—I saw it resting all alone on the rock. It was clearer than I am now, and it just lay there.’

  “Vaima and Evito went back to the place and covered your hand.”

  ‘I don’t understand. My hand is right here.’

  “That’s your spirit hand. The hand that goes with your earth body is back up the hill.”

  ‘How can that be? I haven’t the slightest understanding of what you try to tell me. Are you mocking me?’

  “I do not mock you. Do you not know why Vaima pressed your eyelids down or why she wept?”

  ‘Not at all.’

  “As a Spirit Talker, this is a first for me. I’ve met many spirits, heard many tales, and helped many. I’ve never met anyone who is spirit and lacked understanding of what that means.”

  ‘I don’t even know why you call me spirit.’

  “I call you spirit because you are no longer Murke. Murke fell on the hill and hit his head. He died on the hill. Vaima pressed your eyelids shut and wept because she was grieving your death. You are not supposed to be here, Spirit.”

  ‘How can I talk and you can hear me, but others act as if I am not there?’

  “I am the one who talks to spirits here. I have that ability. The others truly don’t know you’re here. If they knew a spirit is among us, there would be panic. Some might die, for they greatly fear spirits.”

  ‘You’re telling me I no longer breathe air? How can I not know that I died? I don’t feel dead.’

  “The head injury probably made your understanding die just before you died, so you didn’t know what happened. The result, however, remains the same. Have you not had experiences that showed you that people don’t seem to know you’re present?”

  ‘Yes.’

  “That’s because to them you aren’t there. You’re spirit and they cannot see or hear spirit. The physical part of you from your earth life is buried atop that hill under the dirt. When you die on earth, you die to that body but your spirit continues to live. You cannot return any more than you could climb back into your mother’s womb.”

  ‘That’s why people seem to look through or just beyond me. That’s why the people rowing the boats past here a little time ago didn’t acknowledge my presence?’

  “What people rowing past here?”

  ‘Three people. That’s all I know.’

  “How did the boats look?”

  ‘They were small. They were like yours with a red circle showing on the front.’

  “Was there anything you remember about the rowers?”

  ‘They all three had short hair held in place with white headbands.’

  “Stay here!” The man leapt to his feet and went outside his hut.

  “Sound the alarm! Three Niktonkata just rowed downriver! Spread the knowledge and look out for more.”

  The man returned, sat, and continued, as if nothing had happened. “You saw our enemies, and no one here noticed. That is frightening. We must be more careful. Thank you for telling me about it. So, did it surprise you that the three rowers failed to see you?”

  ‘Yes. Just as it did when the man by the lake far to the east of here on the north side of the hill failed to know I was a body length from him. I spoke to him and he looked just past me, as if he might have heard me, but didn’t see anything.’

  “Did you brush against him?”

  ‘No, I was at least a body length away.’

  “Then, he may have heard something. Some people have a sense of spirit presence, but they don’t have enough knowledge to know what they sense or how to communicate.”

  ‘I could have set his people to panic?’

  “Possibly, but he’d have had to acknowledge encountering you, and he’d probably not want to do that for fear others would mock him.”

  ‘Have you seen my brother Akla? I was with Akla. Then, I remember climbing the hill with Vaima and the man you call Evito.’

  “Evito is his short name. His long name is complex and not necessary. You and your brother stopped here and Vaima remained with Evito. You and your brother traveled south. You both seemed impressed with the large lizards you saw. You went to wher
e the group of SealEaters had been north of here, and they were gone, so you came back here. Apparently you liked it here from your former visit. I’m not certain why you came. The morning after your arrival, Akla was nowhere to be seen. You, Evito, and Vaima tracked him to the hill. Then, you fell, and that has been the end of it. Akla’s tracks stopped at the top of the hill. We do not know whether he lives or not.”

  ‘The more I hear, the less sense I can make of it all. You say I no longer breathe air.’

  “That’s true. Your earth body is dead. Have you not found it baffling that you also have no hunger, no thirst, and no need to sleep?”

  ‘You know about that?’

  “I know spirits.”

  ‘This is all so sudden. I have lost my brother and my life, it seems.’

  “Yes, Spirit, and you need to leave this place. You must go to the spirit world. You are out of place here.”

  ‘How do I go to the spirit world?’

  “You have to turn loose of this one, acknowledging that you are dead.”

  ‘How?’

  “What holds you here?”

  ‘Well, at first, I didn’t know I no longer breathed air. Not knowing what happened to Akla probably holds me here.’

  “You were responsible for him earlier in life?”