A Sister's Courage

by Molly Green

  She smiled. His voice was gentle, soothing even, and he spoke near-perfect English, but the voices around her jangled her eardrums. She had to get out. She jumped up.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘I need some air.’

  The foreign pilot, wherever he was from, leapt to his feet. ‘Maybe we meet again. I’m in 310 Squadron – my name is—’

  ‘No, don’t tell me,’ Raine broke in quickly. ‘I don’t want to know people’s names. Especially pilots.’

  He took a step back, eyebrows raised in surprise.

  ‘I’m really sorry. I’m sounding awfully rude, but—’ She broke off. How could she explain to this nice man that knowing another attractive pilot was the last thing she needed?

  She bent down for her bag, then turned on her heel, relief – though from what, she wasn’t quite sure – overwhelming her as she pushed open the door and stepped outside in the cold damp air, breathing deeply, the fumes of the aerodrome like nectar.

  She wondered again what country the pilot was from, then set her chin. Right now she needed to call in at the Met Office to check weather conditions as the Hawker Hind still had to be delivered to Silloth.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ammonia and the smell of floor polish bit into Raine’s nostrils as she walked up to the reception desk of Welwyn Garden City General Hospital two days after her successful delivery of the Hind. Although it was one of her precious days off, Raine had decided to stick to her ATA uniform, replacing trousers with a skirt. She wouldn’t then be put through answering questions from the nursing staff, and in the end not being a close enough relative or friend to be allowed in.

  ‘Just along the corridor, miss, and you’ll see Women’s General. Ask for Staff Nurse Quentin.’ The hospital porter smiled briefly before he resumed mopping the floor.

  ‘She’s in the far bed by the window,’ the staff nurse said.

  If it hadn’t been for Stephanie’s blonde hair spread out on the pillow, Raine didn’t think she would have recognised her. The girl’s face had no more colour than the white sheet tucked around her neck and there were dark shadows under her closed eyelids. She and Stephanie weren’t particularly bosom pals, but it was awful seeing one of her fellow pilots looking so ill.

  ‘Stephanie, it’s Lorraine,’ Raine said softly. Stephanie’s large blue eyes flickered open. ‘I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well.’

  ‘It’s nice of you to come.’ Stephanie’s voice had lost its usual brightness. ‘There’s a chair by the bed. Can you prop me up a bit?’ She struggled to sit up.

  Raine piled the pillows behind her and when Stephanie was comfortable, she said, ‘Are you feeling any better?’

  Stephanie shook her head. ‘No, I’m still feeling absolutely rotten.’ She put her hand across her forehead. ‘I’ve got a blinding headache that simply won’t go away and I feel sick all the time.’

  Raine chewed her lip. It sounded serious.

  ‘What has the doctor said?’

  ‘He thought at first it might be a very bad migraine, but I told him I’ve never had headaches unless I’ve had a few too many at the bar.’ She tried to smile, but Raine could tell it was an effort.

  ‘Tell me what happened.’

  Stephanie sighed. ‘I’d felt so happy through the flight as for once it was a fine day – lovely blue cloudless sky … you know that marvellous feeling that you’re all alone and free from any troubles. Then as I was about to prepare for landing I started to feel ill … sort of woozy and nauseous, and my vision was blurred. I actually felt scared, which isn’t like me, but I tried to keep calm, as we’ve been trained.

  ‘Anyway, I managed to land the damned thing, but when I tried to get out of the cockpit I collapsed. Thank goodness one of the ground crew got me out.’ She pulled the sheet free from her neck as though it was choking her. ‘They just thought I’d had a rough flight and a cup of tea would pull me round. Next thing I knew I woke up in hospital.’ She looked at Raine. ‘I’ve been thinking and thinking, lying here. Goodness knows, I’ve had plenty of time. But you know what, Lorraine. I’ve come to the conclusion it was the aeroplane and nothing to do with my health.’

  Raine startled. ‘What were you flying?’

  ‘A Typhoon. And they haven’t got the best reputation. Some pilots won’t even touch them. I heard of one pilot who died when the bloody floor dropped out.’ She winced and Raine couldn’t tell if it was from the pain in her head or for the unfortunate pilot.

  ‘Are you saying there was some fault with the plane?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But at least you managed to bring the plane down safely,’ Raine said, hoping her words would offer at least a crumb of comfort that Stephanie had been skilled and cool-headed enough not to have gone to pieces.

  ‘At one point I almost thought of baling out,’ Stephanie said. ‘And now I wish I had. Because I think I’ve been poisoned!’

  Raine’s mouth fell open. ‘Stephanie, are you serious?’

  ‘Dead serious.’ Stephanie looked directly at her. ‘I think there was a leak from the exhaust. That’s the only place I can think of. And some sort of poisonous gas escaped.’

  ‘I’ve never heard anything like this happening before with any aircraft.’ Raine paused. ‘You need to report this to your doctor.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ve already told him this morning what I think. It’s taken that long to clear my head enough and think what it could be. He said I could be right and he’s going to run some tests.’ She looked up and Raine’s heart turned over at how unfocused the girl’s beautiful blue eyes were. ‘I just want to get out of here and back to work. But I don’t know how long that’ll be.’

  Raine patted her hand. ‘You’re going to be all right, Stephanie,’ she said. ‘I just know it. You just need rest and don’t worry about anything.’

  ‘I’ll try.’ Stephanie leant her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes.

  ‘Come back soon,’ Raine said, her heart going out to the still figure. ‘We all miss you.’ She hesitated then added with a sincerity that surprised herself, ‘I miss you, dammit.’

  She was rewarded by the hint of a smile on Stephanie’s pale lips.

  Raine couldn’t get Stephanie out of her mind on the way back to the airfield. Something was terribly wrong, she was sure. She felt guilty for ever having had uncharitable thoughts about her. It was very frightening if there really was a mechanical fault with the Typhoon and other pilots were still flying them. She remembered Audrey had mentioned she had to deliver one only yesterday. She closed her eyes, her thoughts barely coherent. Please God let Stephanie get well. Let her make a full recovery.

  As she stepped off the bus she made up her mind she would talk to Pauline – tell her about Stephanie’s fears. It wasn’t just the doctors who needed to run tests, it was the flight engineers on the Typhoon itself.

  Pauline was the first person Raine spotted as she came through the door, but instead of her usual smile, the CO said, ‘Lorraine, can you come to my office right away?’

  What was up? Had she done something wrong? She couldn’t think of anything. Was it Maman? Had she telephoned to insist her daughter go home to look after her? Well, she’d have a word with Dr Hall first to see whether he’d checked up on her mother as he’d promised. Her heart beat hard against her chest as she took a seat on the other side of the desk. Pauline removed her glasses as she regarded Raine.

  ‘My dear, I’m afraid I have some distressing news.’

  Fear squeezed her stomach. Oh, no. Not Maman. Please don’t say that Maman really does have a bad heart—

  ‘… so we don’t know any more than that at the moment,’ Pauline Gower finished.

  What was that? Pauline hasn’t mentioned Maman.

  Raine looked across at Pauline. ‘I’m so sorry, but would you please repeat what you’ve just said. I didn’t quite catch it all.’

  ‘I said that Flight Lieutenant Douglas White, who I believe is a friend of yours, is missing
and that we don’t know anything further at the moment.’

  Not Doug. She gripped the edge of the desk. She mustn’t cry … wouldn’t cry in front of her CO. She was made of firmer stuff. But she wasn’t. She sat very still, as though the stillness, her outward calm, would make everything all right. She wouldn’t break down. She looked at Pauline with a steady expression, though her heart was bursting with anxiety. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

  ‘When did you know?’ she finally whispered.

  ‘The call from the RAF came about an hour ago. I believe you were at the hospital visiting Stephanie.’

  ‘I was.’ She must remember to talk to Pauline about poor Stephanie, as well. But now she needed to know about Doug. She swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat. ‘Was Doug … was he shot down?’

  ‘We don’t know exactly, but they presume so. Most of the other planes returned but his and one other didn’t. His CO promised to come back with more details as soon as he knows more.’

  ‘How did they know I was Doug’s friend?’

  ‘One of his pals found a letter from you in his locker.’

  She blinked back the threatening tears. Doug was her staunchest ally. Her best friend who always listened and encouraged her.

  ‘Missing, presumed dead,’ she said flatly.

  ‘They haven’t said that.’ Pauline put her glasses on as she glanced at the notes she must have made when she took the phone call. ‘They’ve said “missing”. Try very hard not to worry until we know more. One step at a time.’

  That’s what she’d told Alec they must do. And now the words felt hollow.

  ‘Would you like to be by yourself for a while?’

  ‘No,’ Raine said emphatically. ‘I’ll be all right.’

  ‘How did you find Stephanie?’ Pauline asked after a few seconds’ pause.

  Thankful Pauline had reminded her about poor Stephanie, she said, ‘She’s not at all well. I’m quite worried about her. They’re running tests but she thinks it’s the plane – the Typhoon – that should be tested.’

  Pauline stiffened, suddenly alert. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘She thinks the plane’s at fault and nothing to do with her health. That there was some kind of leak of poisonous gases.’

  Pauline twiddled her pen, a grim expression on her face. ‘Thank you for seeing her and finding this out, Lorraine. I need to get to the bottom of it. But first I’m phoning the hospital to tell them what Stephanie suspects, if she hasn’t done so already, so they give her the correct tests.’ She made some more notes, then looked up. ‘If Stephanie is right and she was poisoned, we could so easily have lost her.’

  As I believe I’ve lost Doug. But she didn’t say it aloud.

  As though reading her thoughts, Pauline said gently, ‘Meanwhile, we must hope for the very best for your friend, Douglas.’

  ‘What’s up, Raine? You look awful.’

  Several of the women pilots, including Audrey, were huddled round a table in the mess, each enjoying a bowl of soup and a hunk of bread, but they all looked at Raine as she squeezed between them. She’d thought she was hungry but now the smell of cabbage curdled her stomach. All she saw was a fight between Doug’s Spit and a German plane, then a bang and Doug’s Spit nose-diving in a deadly descent, then bursting into flames – burning him alive. She shuddered. She mustn’t think like that. He was missing … not dead. Not confirmed yet, anyway. She must not give up hope until she was told any different. He might have been found by the enemy.

  A chill ran down her spine. If he’d been taken prisoner she wouldn’t see him until after the war – whenever that would be. And what kind of condition would he be in? It would be the end of his flying career, that was certain.

  She didn’t feel like telling anyone about him. She didn’t want sympathy. She must do as Pauline said – try not to worry until there was more news. But it was easy for anyone to say if they’d never gone through something similar. She let out a trembling sigh. The only thing left was to carry on.

  The others sat waiting.

  ‘I’ve been to the hospital to see Stephanie.’ Raine quickly told them what had happened, and Stephanie’s suspicions.

  No one carried on eating while she was talking. When she’d finished there was a horrified silence.

  Then Beth said, ‘She was absolutely fine on the day she delivered that plane and full of her usual beans. Couldn’t wait to fly her first Typhoon – and it was a glorious day for a change.’

  ‘Well, I’ve reported to Pauline, so we can only wait and see.’

  ‘I’m bloody well not going to step foot in another Typhoon until they get to the bottom of this,’ Audrey said firmly, getting up. ‘I’ve never liked them … for one thing, they’re frightful to start in cold weather, which we’ve got coming up. No, I don’t think Pauline should make any of us deliver them until she finds out for certain that there’s no danger.’

  Five days later one of the clerks handed Raine a letter. It was from Doug! Her heart leapt with relief and joy. He was alive and he’d written to her! Luckily, her first delivery wasn’t until mid-morning. She rushed off to the crew room which was only occupied by Gwen Masters, one of the small batch of pilots Pauline had initially taken on. Everyone was in awe of Gwen as, like Pauline Gower, she had set up her own flying school before the war. At the moment the older girl was absorbed in a book, but raised her head as Raine crept in.

  ‘How’re you doing, kid?’ she said, smiling encouragingly.

  ‘So far, so good,’ Raine said. Oh, Gwen, please go back to your book so I can read my letter in peace.

  ‘Have you delivered a Spit yet?’ Gwen asked.

  Raine shook her head, the very word sending fear through her limbs.

  ‘Then you’re in for a treat.’ Gwen snapped her book shut. ‘It’s a true woman’s plane. You’re going to love it.’

  Raine gulped. ‘Gwen, I’m sorry not to be very sociable, but I’ve just had a letter from my friend who I was told was missing. But he’s alive.’ A tear trickled down her cheek and she wiped it away with her finger. ‘Silly, I know—’

  ‘That’s marvellous news, Raine.’ Gwen smiled. She got up and put an arm around Raine’s shoulders. ‘Then I’ll leave you to enjoy your letter in peace.’

  Raine breathed out. She tore open the envelope and took out the two sheets of paper.

  My dear Raine,

  I’m sorry I haven’t written lately – Jerry’s been busier than usual. But even when you don’t hear from me you’re always on my mind and I love receiving letters from you, knowing you are enjoying your work.

  I was so sorry to hear about your father. I liked him a lot. I always felt he wanted the best for you. Please give my sympathies to your mother and sisters, although I’ve not yet met them.

  Dearest Raine, I know I’ve always treated you like the kid sister I never had, and it was a delight to teach you to fly and I can’t tell you how proud I am that you’ve been accepted in the ATA. I know it’s the perfect place for you, doing what you love and knowing you’re doing a damned good job – the same as any man. I know that’s important to you! The chaps tease me because I call my Spit ‘Raine’. It makes me feel closer to you.

  But one day this war has to end. And when it does, and if we both survive – please God that you will – I’m hoping we can be together – in a different way. What I’m trying to say, Raine, is that I’m in love with you.

  Raine gasped. Oh, Doug. Dear Doug. These were the words she’d once longed to hear when she was too young to understand what love meant or how to recognise it when it came along. She held her hands on either side of her head as she read that last sentence over and over, not able to think straight.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, Raine, pull yourself together,’ she said aloud after long agonising moments.

  She read on.

  I think I fell in love the first time I saw you swinging on the gate at Biggin Hill. A lanky sixteen-year-old, with a serious vision of what
she wanted in life. I was determined then to help you achieve it. But I had to wait for you to grow up before I could think we might have a future. And now you have. You’ve grown into a lovely woman who I want to spend

  There was a page missing. Raine looked in the envelope again, but there was nothing. She read the two pages again and shook her head, puzzled. This wasn’t the letter of someone who’d been shot down. Who’d been missing for nearly a week. She looked at the date at the top of the page which she hadn’t really registered: 3rd October. What was the exact day Pauline had called her in?

  She counted back. It was last Wednesday, the eighth. This letter was dated the third, which would have been the Friday. She swallowed hard as realisation almost knocked her sideways. He must have been answering her last letter before the boys had their orders to scramble, then dropped his pen and rushed out with the others and …

  Dear God, she couldn’t think any more. Only the image, again and again … Fate had played the cruellest of tricks with the timing.

  Desperate not to be sick where she stood, she fled to the lavatory and brought up her breakfast. Sweating and shivering, she rose from the bowl on trembling legs. She glanced in the mirror. A dishevelled, wild-eyed woman stared back at her. Abruptly, she turned away. She would keep this to herself.

  But that night she wept hot bitter tears into her pillow. Doug loved her the way she’d dreamed of when she was sixteen. If he was still alive, maybe his love for her would help him to survive … she wouldn’t think further.

  Without warning Alec Marshall’s image floated in front of her, making her catch her breath. What if something happened to him, too? If he was shot down? It made no difference that he wasn’t a fighter pilot. His job was equally dangerous, especially if he was caught. And she’d told him it was best not to write to her. How could she have been so horrible not to have allowed such a little thing, which no doubt would have given him a few minutes’ pleasure?

  And if she were honest, she would have liked to receive his letters. When they weren’t arguing she had to admit he fascinated her. He was a man she wanted to know more about. But she’d treated him as though he didn’t matter. No wonder he’d simply walked away. Out of her life. And she’d done nothing to stop him.