We Will Gain Our Fury

by Nicole Thorn

  Celeste put her hands on my shoulders, digging her nails into my skin through my shirt and hauled my lips down to hers. I was so surprised that I didn’t have time to resist before my mouth was on hers. Though, I wouldn’t call what we were doing kissing. Moving quickly, I worked my hand between our bodies, put my palm against her stomach and shoved her away, while taking several steps back myself.

  Jasmine witnessed the whole thing… and so did Kezia, who was standing a couple of yards away. Oh… the emotions on her face.

  Jasmine grabbed a cheerful Celeste by the arm. “Okay, sea hag, it’s time for you to go. If you come by here again, there’s a good chance that me or Juniper will kick your ass all the way back to your own home and then some. Oh and Zander will happily make you wet yourself in fear, so get gone and stay gone.” Jasmine shoved Celeste out the door and slammed it shut.

  Kezia was gone when I looked for her. My hands covered my face. I’m not sure what she had been thinking. Surely, she knew that I hadn’t kissed my ex? Not after hearing everything that I’ve said about her. After everything my sisters have said about her. She couldn’t think I’d sink that low, right?

  Jasmine touched my shoulder. “Do you want me to go talk to her?” She asked. “I’m sure she’s not upset with you, but needs to go break something so she doesn’t break Celeste’s skull, despite how good that would be for society.”

  Even with everything, I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I hugged my sister and said, “No, Jazz. That’s okay. I think Kezia’s had about as much talking as she can handle the past few days. If she’s not mad at me and just trying to cool her temper, she’ll come and find me. If she is mad at me… Well, then we’ve got a pissed off demigod and her brother to worry about, on top of the Furies and trying to keep them alive.”

  Jasmine sighed. “Remember when our biggest problem was drinking the milk before it expired?”

  “No.”

  “Me neither. I hate milk.”

  Even knowing that I should eat, I couldn’t bring myself to sit with everyone else and choke some food down. I went to my studio and began working on some little clay birds that I could put on the ground in my village. It was stupid, to keep working on it, knowing it would never go anywhere, but what else would I do?

  I don’t know how long I was in there before the door swung open. I looked up and saw Kezia standing there, with her arms crossed over her chest, looking insecure. I sighed, partially in relief and partially in fear. Would she tell me that she was leaving and that I was a bastard who should just leave her alone? Only one way to find out.

  I grabbed the second stool and put it directly in front of mine. When I patted the seat, Kezia came over, with hesitation. That had to mean something good, right? She also dressed up today, compared to what she normally wore. She was in an off white dress that went to her knees and had little designs on it. She wasn’t wearing any shoes, or socks either and her strawberry blond hair was loose.

  She perched on the stool, while I settled onto mine. I grabbed a blank block of clay and put it down in front of her. It had already been cut off a bigger piece, so it was about the size of a paperback. I set her hands on it and she immediately began pushing the clay around. Finally, I took one of my headphones out and put it in her ear, so that we were listening to music together.

  We worked in silence for a little while. Kezia pushing the clay around until I saw what it was supposed to be and began making adjustments. Making the trunk a little longer, so that the tree had elegance. Rolling some clay so that we could give it some thin branches and some thick branches. I even started pushing the bottom out, so that we could make it look like it had roots.

  Kezia began working on the actual branches, smoothing her beautiful hands over the clay. She was good at it, too.

  We sat there for a while before she said. “Sorry I walked away. I didn’t think I could be around Zander. He’d pick up what I was feeling and then he’d want to fix it.”

  My heart stuttered. “Oh?”

  “Yeah,” Kezia said, on a sigh. “I don’t like her, Jasper. I really don’t like her. She’s mean to you and she’s trying so hard to get rid of me, just so that you can be alone for her convenience.”

  “I know,” I said.

  “And she thinks it’s working,” Kezia continued. “I didn’t think I’d ever hate someone this much, other than… Anyway…”

  “I’ll never be with her again,” I finally said. “I won’t. She’s too cold hearted for me to even consider it, especially after the way things ended between the two of us. If I thought it possible, I’d tell her to leave and not come back but… I don’t want to hurt her, as stupid as that sounds. She was terrible, yet I don’t want to hurt her. However, I love you. I love you a lot more than I ever did her and I’m not assuming that we have anything more than this, because you haven’t told me if you’re ready for that. What I am saying is that if you want me to tell her to leave, I will.”

  22: I Wish You Could Heal Me

  Kezia

  Was he trying to kill me? No. Silly thing to think. But…

  I made a sound and it was utterly pathetic. “Um, well.” I stopped to breathe. My eyes went up because I couldn’t look at Jasper at the moment. Too many things all at once, so I picked the small one first. “I wouldn’t ask you to have her leave.”

  “You’re not. I’m offering.”

  Then I stared at him. “I can’t give you the things you should have,” I said quietly, because I was too weak to speak with volume.

  “Being?”

  I fidgeted in my seat, putting my hands on my lap. “We hardly did anything at all and it sent me into a tailspin. You’re a person, who should be able to get all those things that a person wants. I don’t know if I can,” I stopped because every word out of my mouth felt like it was trying to choke me. “I don’t know if I can, if I can handle, um, sex.”

  He nodded. “We don’t have to do that. I don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do.”

  I pulled at the bottom of my dress. “That’s kind of one of the problems. It feels really fucked up to want to have sex.”

  Jasper was molding clay with his fingers and staring hard at it. “I don’t know anything about the kind of stuff you went through. But I think that it’s fine to want that. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

  My knees touched. “It still feels like it was all my fault. I don’t think I deserve a happy ending.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  I shrugged. “What am I gonna do?”

  Jasper put his clay down and took up my hands. “I am the exact wrong person to ask how to get better.” I smiled sadly. “I don’t want you sad. I just don’t know how to make you not sad.”

  “I don’t want you to be sad either. I want you to be with a person who you can do everything you want with. I don’t want you to have to be careful, or walk on eggshells.”

  “But I don’t mind being careful.”

  I pulled my hands away. “When you’re about to touch me, in any way, do you have to stop and think about if you should do it? Or if I’ll freak out?”

  He was quiet.

  I went on. “Do you really want a whole relationship that consists of you being worried you’ll break me?”

  He waited a second to answer. “How about you tell me what you want, then we can talk about me. Do you want to be with me?”

  I couldn’t lie to him. I promised I wouldn’t do that. He needed to get treated like he deserved. “Yes. I spend an absurd amount of time thinking about you. Sometimes without a shirt on.”

  He smiled and I smiled back. “We can work with that.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong of me to want what I want from you. And worse, if I get it, I don’t know how I’ll react.”

  I wondered if he was getting frustrated with me. If he was, he kept it out of his tone. “We can go as slow as you need us to. Or not do anything at all. We can just be what we are now.”

  “What are
we?”

  He paused. “We’re friends.”

  “Are we? This isn’t really friend territory. I don’t have friend feelings for you. And you don’t for me.” I waited and gathered courage I had no right to have. “You love me?”

  “Yes, I do. So I want to do what I can to make you happy.”

  “I want you to be happy too.” I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know if you can do anything with me… but maybe I can be okay doing things for you. If you wanted that.” He should get something out of this.

  I couldn’t understand the look on his face before he spoke. “Um, that’s very generous of you, but I’m not taking advantage of you like that.”

  It wasn’t quite rejection, but it stung like it was. “You wouldn’t be. I only want you to feel better about this. There’s a lot of things I can’t give you, but there might be some things that I can.”

  Jasper shook his head. “Not like that. Not as some kind of trade off.”

  I closed my eyes. “Yeah, this won’t work. I can’t be what you need and you should just love somebody else. You can find a nice girl who can actually sleep with you and you wouldn’t have to worry about it messing her up. Or feeling bad about wanting it.”

  Jasper looked utterly miserable. “I won’t push you into anything, but I just want you to know that I don’t see you as a burden. Waiting for you, or not getting to do some things wouldn’t be a burden either. I can’t convince you that it’s perfectly fine to want the things you want, but I know it’s true. I really hope that you figure that out too.”

  I couldn’t talk anymore. I just worked on the tree.

  It was impossible to shake the images in my head. The ones that I was trying to force on Jasper. Him with another girl. I thought of him kissing Celeste and I had to bite the inside of my lip so that I wouldn’t make a whimpering sound. I didn’t want him with anyone but me, but I knew he deserved it. I just really hope the girl that came along was smart enough to know what she had.

  The worst part was that Jasper actually wanted me. It would be so easy if this was one sided, but in my selfish attempt to do the right thing, I was hurting him. All I did was hurt. Me and everyone. Zander, Jasper. I was a walking disaster.

  I didn’t know I was crying until Jasper was standing in front of me. He took the clay from my shaking hands and I wrapped my arms around him so I’d have something real to hold onto.

  I looked up at him and words just fell out of my mouth. “I really wish I could be good enough for you. I want everything and I want it with you, but it’s not mine to take.”

  Jasper put his hand on my back and smiled softly. “It is. I’ll be here when you figure out how to accept that.”

  I stood up and took the earbud out of my ear. It was very slow, but I wanted to do it more than anything. I leaned up and pressed my lips against Jasper’s. I didn’t do more than hold his bottom lip between mine. It was small and I wasn’t scared of it.

  I pulled back, but kept close. “I love you too, Jasper. And I love you enough to want more for you than the heaviness I can offer. You would make me very, very happy. I just don’t deserve to be happy. But you do. So I want you to do whatever it takes to get that.”

  “Kezia…” His hand found my hip.

  “Just promise you’ll do it.”

  He offered a half smile. “Sure.”

  I started walking away from him, because if I stayed, I might do something I would regret. I stopped before I left the room. “I’m making you a sandwich in an hour. You better come up to eat it.” I smiled.

  “Sure,” he said again.

  I walked into the living room feeling drained of everything. I sank to the couch and tried to think straight.

  Jasper wanted to get better because he knew he deserved it. I did not deserve the same. So I would try and walk this fine line before me. I needed to let him move on and love somebody else. A whole person.

  When Juniper came downstairs, I quickly stood up. My hands had clay on them. If she saw, she’d freak out about it. I went to wash my hands in the kitchen. Zander was sitting with Jasmine at the table. They were splitting a piece of cake.

  “You okay?” Jasmine asked me.

  I lied to her. “Fine. Just a little achy from yesterday.”

  Zander knew I was a liar, but he also knew when I really needed him. Now was not one of those times. I just needed to be alone with the billion thoughts in my head.

  I went out to the backyard and sat in the grass. I was more under control today, but I still wanted to grow something. I kept it contained to one flower in front of me. If Jasper caught me, he’d probably be annoyed. It was a single rose. Deep red. It grew from a stem. An abomination, really. No bush or anything. I made the tips purple for the hell of it.

  I pulled it from the ground, getting rid of the roots. I held the thing, looking at it for what felt like a long time.

  “Pretty,” a feminine voice said.

  Startled, I looked up. There was a woman walking around the side of the house. She was stunning. Her hair was long and black and wavy. Her skin was porcelain and she was in a pure white dress. Her eyes stood out the most. They were purple as they shined at me.

  I stood, keeping my distance. “Who are you?”

  “Megaera. We met a not too long ago when you ran me through with a piece of wood and I gutted you.” She held a hand out to shake. “Call me Meg. Easier.”

  My eyes widened. “You’re…”

  “Yeah.” She lowered her hand. “I am. I knocked on the front door, by the way. No one answered.”

  “Um… are you here to kill me?”

  She smiled. “No. I’m here to thank you for resetting my clock. I went a little… nuts. But I assure you, you’re safe from me now.”

  I was still dubious. “You’re not mad?”

  She shook her head. “We’re due. If we’d been killed a little sooner, we wouldn’t have come after you at all.”

  I swallowed. “Really?”

  Her beautiful face was sad. “Yes. When you met my sister before, at the store, she got the whole story. Unfortunately, in our states, we were unable to see clearly. But with a clear head, I understand that you and Zander Dovetree did nothing wrong. He actually did our job for us. I apologize that we did not find you much sooner. Had we known when you were a child… things would have been different.”

  I bit my lip. “You know everything?”

  “We saw it all. Start to finish.”

  I cringed and closed my eyes.

  A hand touched my arm. “You did nothing to deserve anything that has happened to you. Please don’t let our mistake convince you otherwise. I would say you are absolved, but you’d have to have sinned for that.”

  I just stared at the ground. “Sure. I did nothing wrong…”

  “You didn’t. You may not ever believe it, but the truth is known by all those who are aware of your suffering.”

  It’s not enough to convince me. I still didn’t deserve Jasper. It stung so deeply that he would always have what he had with Celeste and we’d never have anything at all.

  Meg’s face twitched as she eyeballed me. “Hmm, what’s that I’m feeling?” She clicked her tongue. “Jealous are we? Over that little tart?” She shook her head. “Don’t waste your time.”

  “What?”

  “Can’t hide jealousy from me, honey.”

  Of course. “I murdered you. Are we really gonna talk about boys?”

  “Maybe.” She grinned.

  Then the backdoor opened up and Zander rushed out. Jasmine and Juniper were on his tail and all eyes went to the Fury. They all came out to the grass with us.

  “And who are you?” Jasmine asked.

  “Megaera,” she said. “I am the Fury Kezia killed. Nice to meet you all.”

  Zander pushed the girls back. “Why are you here?”

  She sighed. “No one is ever happy to see me. I came by just to say thank you. But whatever…”

  Jasmine poked her head over Zander’s shoulder
. “Are you gonna help us find your sisters then?”

  Meg laughed. “No, I’m not helping you kill my sisters.”

  Jasmine ducked under Zander’s arm and got in front of the Fury. “Um, why not? If you’re happy you got killed and fixed, then why won’t you help out?”

  “Because I’d be helping kill my sisters,” she said slowly. “Not nice. What I can tell you is that once they’re dead, you’re all safe. They’ll be clearheaded and able to see reason.”

  “Wonderful,” Juniper sighed. “So we just need to live past killing two more. Sounds easy…”

  Meg shrugged. “Kezia killed me all on her own.”

  “And she almost died,” Zander pointed out.

  “Details,” she said, crossing her arms. “I should go now. I do wish you the best of luck.” The woman turned to me. “Good luck to you, Kezia. I am sorrier than I can say for how we failed you. All I can say is that you cannot change the past. All that can be done is change the future. Now, I’m going to go. Try not to die.” Meg nodded to all of us before just walking out of the yard like it was nothing that I murdered her.

  I sighed. “That happened…”

  “It did,” Jasmine agreed. “She was really hot. Why does a Fury get to be hot?”

  “I don’t know,” I added, unhelpfully. “But we still have two more to kill. How do you suggest we do that?”

  Jasmine perked up. “I can try another vision.”

  “No,” Zander and I both said, flatly. He went on. “No more visions. You could hurt yourself.”

  Jasmine huffed. “I’ll be fine if I do it alone. Trust me.”

  Zander shook his head. “Don’t make me tie you up.”

  “Don’t flirt with me, mister.”

  I smiled even though I tried not to. “You really shouldn’t be allowed out of the house.”

  Jasmine folded her arms. “Just let me try and see what’s gonna happen. We need to be careful about this. Kizzy got lucky with that Fury, but it might not happen twice. We’re human, Juniper,” she said to her sister. “It won’t take much to kill us.”

  Zander almost looked like he was considering it. “Too dangerous. I won’t let this happen.”