Kahlua and Cream: A Magical Detective Agency

by WL Flinn

  Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Copyright 2021 WL Flinn

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover art and interior formatting by Cauldron Press

  www.cauldronpress.ca

  Editing by Amy Briggs, Briggs Consulting

  To request permissions, contact WL Flinn at

  WLFlinnWrites@gmail.com

  To Dad: You gave me the love of reading and writing. I wish you had time to write your book.

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Chapter Thirty

  About WL Flinn

  “I am so tired of wearing this mask.” I pulled at the blue, disposable piece of cotton that made my life hell. I swear just putting it on made my nose run. I was constantly reaching under my mask wiping my nose. I was pretty sure I undid any medical benefits of using a mask when I had to pull it off all the time or risk drowning in my own mucus.

  The radio in the background droned on and on about the Sickness. Nearly 500,000 people were dead just in the US alone. More than five million people had been infected. Many of those had gotten deathly ill. The virus caused complete organ shutdown frequently leading to death. No one knew why, but in the survivors, the organs just seemed to restart. From there it was a long recovery.

  I really wanted to listen to plain old music, but when you worked in the State Attorney’s office, you didn’t get to listen to anything but news. I don’t think the state attorney had a single fun bone in his body.

  My co-worker Pam looked around the secretaries’ area and leaned over to me. “Did you hear people are starting to have weird side effects?”

  I kept typing and looked over at her. “Really? What is a ‘weird side effect’? I would think your whole body shutting down is weird enough. What now, they turn pink or something?”

  Pam looked over at me and dropped her voice. “They say magic is happening.”

  “Pffft,” I snorted. “Magic? Like wizards and Harry Potter?”

  Looking both directions to make sure no one else was listening she nodded. “I mean like real magic! Like snap your fingers and a rabbit appears. Like wave your wand and your clothes change. I mean magic.” Pam’s voice started to climb. She covered her mouth and whispered. “Magic is here they say.”

  I looked at her like she was crazy. “Who is they saying this? Are you nuts? There is no such thing as magic. First of all, if there was magic, maybe they could magic this stupid mask away. Second of all, if there was magic, then they would magic the Sickness away.” I turned back to the legal pleading I was typing. “Magic,” I huffed, “I could use some magic to get this typed before my attorney starts demanding that it appear on her desk—like magic.” I smiled to myself. “‘Magic’, she said.”

  Pam went to smack me on the shoulder. “You’ll see. There is magic in the air.” She waved her hands around like some stoned hippie.

  “Uh, uh…social distancing, chickee,” I laughed. “No touching allowed or I can report you. Then your butt is mine.”

  She smiled behind her mask. “Ooooh, I am so afraid.” She knew it was an empty threat, but the office did have strict policies against touching or getting within six feet of each other.

  Fortunately, we tended to ignore rules in the bullpen as we called it. All the assistants to the assistant state attorneys sat in one big area. The bosses thought it streamlined the process of getting the documents out to jail the bad guys. We saw it as a big room to chat and gossip in. Win-win in our eyes.

  Pam was the local super-gossip who knew everything. She sat at the desk facing mine. We offset our computer monitors so we could see each other as we worked. Otherwise, it was too hard to hold a conversation with the masks on. My forty-three-year-old ears didn’t work as well as they used to.

  “Did you hear about your boss’s booty call?” Pam went on. My boss, Ann Lovell, loved to try out the new detectives as they came in. She definitely had a “dick of the month club.”

  “Which one? The curly-haired one?”

  “No, he was last month’s flavor. This is the tall one with straight black hair, big, dreamy, brown eyes. Anyway, you won’t see him for a while. He got the Sickness.”

  “That sucks,” I said. I looked around. “I haven’t seen Ann come in today. Have you? Please tell me she didn’t get sick. If she did, she better keep those viruses to herself. I can’t afford to get sick. I’ve got two kids to feed. I don’t have time for that.”

  Pam handed me two bright orange Vitamin C tablets. “Take these. On the way home maybe buy some zinc and Vitamin D. You don’t need the Prestochango virus.”

  “Prestochango virus?”

  “You prefer the Mystic Malady?” Pam snorted. “The Spellbound Syndrome?” Giggles started around the bullpen. “Bewitchery Bug? I am here all week, ladies.”

  The rest of the day dragged on. I wanted to get to the Walgreens and get my supplements to ward off the Sickness. So far, nothing was working on slowing the virus down. All the CDC could do was tell us to wash our hands and wear our masks. As much as I hated the stupid thing, I was grateful for any protection the little strip of cloth could give me.

  When I got home with my stash, my kids, SallyAnn and Rusty, were at the table. Each had on a headset and were doing their Zoom schooling. I waved to them and went into the kitchen and took a handful of Vitamin C and then a few zinc and Vitamin D. I followed them up with more Vitamin C for good measure with a chaser of orange juice.

  Rusty came up next to me. At sixteen he was already taller than my five-foot-five by several inches. He was also still in that lean and lanky stage. Being next to him always made me feel chunky and gawky.

  “Mom, you know Vitamin D is fat soluble. You can die if you take too much. It will kill your liver.”

  “My boss’s boyfriend has the Sickness. My boss wasn’t in today. So, I am just taking precautions,” I said. I smiled as I chugged my glass of orange juice.

  Our golden retriever, Penny, walked up to me and sneezed. “What, tell me the dog isn’t getting sick,” I said squatting down and ruffling her fur. She looked me in the eye and sneezed again. “Gross, Penny.” My knees cracked and groaned as I stood up.

  “Did you guys walk the dog?” Penny started barking and running in circles at the word walk. She ran over to the door and grabbed her leash off the hook. I laughed. “Who’s the best dog?” She barked and jumped up
and down and I let her out of the house.

  Penny did her thing, but we hadn’t walked very far when I realized how tired I was. I guess I did more at work than I realized. I told Penny we had to get back home. We walked in the door and I unhooked the leash.

  SallyAnn looked at me. “Mom, you don’t look too good. You are pale and sweaty, and I don’t think it was from the walk. Maybe you should sit down.” She walked over and put her hand on my forehead like any good nurse would.

  “I’m fine. I am just tired, and I have a really bad headache.” I was prone to migraines. So, it was common for me to beg off of things when they were bad. “Why don’t you guys just order in and I am going to call it a night.” I trudged upstairs. Penny jumped up on my bed and laid her head across my belly.

  I woke up to the sound of beeping and bright light. Everything was so loud. “What’s going on? Where am I? Where are my kids?” I croaked. I tried to talk a little louder, but it still was just a whisper.

  A nurse must have heard me. “You’re awake. That is great news.”

  “I feel like I am going to die,” I told her.

  “Well, if you woke up, you have a great chance of surviving,” she said. She was entirely too chipper. She patted my hand and left for the next patient. I looked around. There were beds full of patients everywhere. We were all jammed into a room with the bare minimum of room for the nurses to slide in between the beds sideways.

  A woman who had a CNA badge on her chest, and offered me some water. My throat felt like it was ready to crack. “Take it slow,” she said.

  The water felt so cool in my mouth and in my throat. I took three huge gulps when she took the cup away. “Slowly, or you will make yourself sick. And I don’t want to clean up your vomit today. Okay?”

  Chastised, I took a few small sips, savoring how the cool water seemed to refresh every part of me.

  “How long have I been here?”

  She grabbed my wrist and looked at my admission bracelet. “You have been here for two weeks,” she said. “You are on the fifth floor which is reserved for those with the Sickness. Looks like you are one of the lucky ones.”

  “You’re home!” SallyAnn leaped into my tired arms. I swear she had gotten more grown up while I was gone. Her blonde hair looked longer. Her eyes looked bluer.

  “Hey, Ma,” Rusty said. “Glad you are back. What’s for dinner?”

  I walked in and plopped down at the dining room table. A few steps had me breathing hard and my legs shaking. I really wanted to take a nap, but after being in the hospital for so long, the last thing I wanted to do was sleep.

  We ordered a pizza to be delivered. As we sat there waiting for it SallyAnn jabbered on like only a teenage girl can. “I heard the people with the Sickness get magic. Won’t it be cool if you get magic? But it has to be something cool. I don’t know, but like wiggle your nose and move things.”

  Rusty hit his sister on the back of her head. “That is Bewitched silly. That would make it the Bewitchery Bug.” He started cracking up at his own joke. “She won’t have to wiggle her nose. She will be able to snap her fingers or just do it with a thought.”

  “Really, guys,” I sighed, “I don’t believe in magic, and I am not getting any magic.”

  I couldn’t tell them I secretly tried everything while in my hospital bed to check for magic. I wiggled my fingers, I said abracadabra, I even waved a straw as a wand. Nothing happened. I guess I was a magical dud.

  “I think the people are just exaggerating what is going on. Or maybe they are just making stuff up. Magic would be so cool, but I don’t think that is what is happening here. Why wouldn’t everyone get magic after they were sick? You only hear about some people saying stuff. They are probably just making it up.”

  Fortunately, the doorbell rang and ended our conversation. Rusty brought in the hot box and immediately opened it. Without grabbing a plate or silverware he grabbed a piece and let the cheese drip into his mouth.

  “Get a plate, gross,” SallyAnn said. “You’ll ruin it for the rest of us.”

  Rusty started chewing with his mouth open intentionally grossing out his sister even further.

  “Enough guys,” I closed my eyes. “It has been a long day. Just get along for a few minutes.” My stomach however, growled like I was possessed. I grabbed a plate and a piece and downed it in record time. SallyAnn and Rusty both looked at me speechless. “What? I haven’t eaten in two weeks. I’m starved.” I grabbed another piece and inhaled it too.

  It turned out nearly dying does wonders for your appetite. Rusty and I each ate five slices. After gorging myself, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I dragged myself up the stairs and jumped into bed. Penny took up her normal spot with her head on my belly.

  Penny’s sneezing woke me up some time later. The house was quiet other than her blasted sneezing. I went to push her off of me when I saw my hands. They were glowing and lit up the room in a soft purple color.

  I moved my fingers and watched the purple glow. “Now this is what I was talking about!” I smiled. So, it wasn’t much of a magical talent, but it was mine. I could make purple. “Cool.”

  Suddenly my whole body was wracked in pain. All my muscles started spasming and I wanted to scream. The bones in my hands cracked and broke and reformed. Penny grabbed what was left of my hand and started dragging me down the stairs. I could barely walk as the bones in my legs started breaking and wave after wave of pain hit me. I stumbled out the sliding glass door and screamed as my I felt the bones in my face lengthen. Even my hair hurt. How could my hair hurt? God, just kill me now.

  As suddenly as the pain started, it ebbed away. I was on all fours panting, head down in the grass. As I took a deep breath in, the grass smelled sweet, even tasty. My lips rubbed the blades of grass and I tore into a few pieces and hastily started chewing.

  What in God’s name had gotten into me? I am eating grass. The Sickness had really messed me up. I am eating grass. I lifted my head and realized my vision had shifted. I could see the leaves blowing in the breeze better. My hearing picked up the sound of dogs knocking down a trash can.

  I decided I was strong enough to stand. I reared back on my haunches and pawed the air with my front legs. What. The. Heck? I looked down and saw my arms and hands were gone. Gone. In their place were two grey legs; what I thought looked like horse legs. They ended in a black pair of hooves.

  I quickly thought back to how much wine I drank tonight. Was this a wine-induced stupor? Was I so drunk I was hallucinating? Did I even have wine? Hooves? Ha, ha, good one, brain. Clearly they had given me way too many steroids or experimental drugs at the hospital and this was just a side effect, some type of hallucination.

  I took a step forward and automatically felt my four legs pick up a rhythmic walk. I stepped down onto the road and started jogging. The lovely cadence of one-two, one-two of a trot hit my ears. Ears which twitched forward and back to hear the beat of my hooves. I picked up a canter to run to the nearest pond. I made it there in record time, and I wasn’t even out of breath. Well at least that part was nice.

  I took a deep breath and looked down into pond. There in the pond’s reflection stood a grayish uh, horse, thing. I didn’t even know what to call her—me—it. She definitely had my graying blonde hair. But she also had my green eyes. She wasn’t a horse though. She had a horn of mother of pearl and just the right length to be like a sword. But she wasn’t a unicorn because she had a beautiful pair of wings to match the horn.

  “Wow,” I said tossing my head. My mane glowed softly and moved like it had its own wind machine blowing on it. “She’s gorgeous. Whatever she is. Whatever I am.”

  A car horn blew down the street and broke my reverie. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t be a horse thing and go to work. I didn’t even know if I could be a horse thing and live in this neighborhood. Do we allow livestock? How am I supposed to feed my kids? I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t.

  I took advantage of the night and snuck back to my b
ack yard. I was pretty amazed no one noticed a big, gray pony unicorn thing trotting through the neighborhood. But I made it home unnoticed. When I got to our fence, I snorted, backed up a couple of steps and easily jumped it. “Take that you forty-three-year-old knees,” I laughed. I tossed my mane again. Since my hair was cut in a pixie this was pretty cool to be able to toss my mane like all the women in the movies.

  I stepped in front of the sliding glass door and saw my reflection again I was an awesome sight, but tears slid down my cheeks. How would I be Mom? How could I provide for my kids? How could I even tell them what happened?

  I curled up on the back porch with my nose in my tail and cried myself to sleep.

  When the sun started to lighten the sky, I immediately woke up. I stretched and rubbed my eyes and remembering my weird dream. I went to check my alarm clock when I realized I was in the grass, in my back yard, naked.

  Okay, so maybe not a dream? I prayed this was just a side effect of the sickness. I heard weird dreams and sleepwalking were symptoms, right? I must have heard that and internalized it. I quickly ran inside thankful the kids weren’t awake yet. Ran upstairs to my bedroom and checked the clock. It was almost seven a.m. Thank God this clock had a day stamp. It was Sunday. At least I didn’t have to worry about being late for work.

  I threw on a tank and a sweatshirt and a pair of sweats. I looked at the bed. “Where were the pajamas I had on last night?”

  I ran back downstairs and turned on the coffee pot. I tapped my fingers impatiently waiting for the caffeinated goodness. When I couldn’t wait anymore, I put my travel mug under the spout and pushed the button till at least there was a half mug in there.