Wrong Side of Forty

by DeLeon, Jana

  “So what happened to Aphrodite and Drakos’s love child?” Halcyon asked.

  “Is this relevant to the search for the ring?” Alexios asked.

  “No,” Halcyon said. “I just love a good Jerry Springer drama as long as it doesn’t involve me.”

  Alexios frowned. “The child was raised by Aphrodite and is now languishing in a super easy position that requires next to no skill and very little of his time.”

  “So he got a better job than you,” Halcyon said.

  “Way better,” Alexios said, then looked at Marina. “If I’ve answered all your inquiries about the ring and provided your sister with a suitable amount of drama to mull over, I’d like to take my leave. There’s a Hallmark Golden Girls marathon on.”

  “Really?” Halcyon perked up.

  “Not now,” Marina said and nodded to Alexios. “I think we’re done.”

  He headed out the door and Halcyon raced after him, but even though she yanked the door open the second it closed, he was nowhere to be seen.

  “I wish I could do that,” Halcyon said as she closed the door. “Especially after church when all those committee women are just lurking on the back row, waiting to pounce.”

  “They’re mercenary.”

  “I was claiming heavy water consumption, then leaving five minutes early, figuring they’d all think I was going to the ladies’ room.”

  “I wish I would have thought of that.”

  Halcyon sighed. “It only worked twice before one of them started following me out and accosting me in the bathroom.”

  “She didn’t talk through the stall door, did she?”

  “Good Lord, no. This is the South, not prison.”

  “So what should we do now? Hit up pawnshops?”

  Halcyon nodded. “After that, I think we should walk the neighborhoods. See if you get a twinge or something passing one of the houses.”

  “I guess I have to change clothes, right?”

  “Unless you want everyone in town staring at us. You’re already going to be the subject of speculation given the situation with Harold. There’s no point in making yourself easy to spot.”

  “I’ll grab a ball cap and sunglasses,” Marina said. “And a set for you as well.”

  “I’ve never worn a ball cap in my life.”

  “Then I’ll get you my floppy beach hat. But it does me no good to disguise myself if you’re strolling around as you.”

  “Fine, then, I’ll wear the stupid floppy hat, but you’re going to have to style my hair afterward. I have a booty…uh, gentleman caller tonight.”

  “Isn’t the drummer working tonight?”

  “Yes. Which is why the petroleum engineer is on the books.”

  “You know what? I don’t even want to know.”

  Chapter Twelve

  There were two pawnshops in Last Chance on the outskirts of town and across the street from each other. Marina supposed it cut down on travel time for the shoppers and the sellers of secondhand items. She’d never been in either, but Halcyon, who’d had a couple of weird experiences trying to sell things herself, had sold a few items of value that her last two husbands had left behind when she’d booted them out. The only things she’d held on to were the wedding rings, and she’d claimed she was saving them for the creation of an individual piece. She’d just never found the craftsman or decided what she wanted.

  Since Halcyon had experience with pawnshops, they decided she would take the lead and Marina would follow along, hoping to feel a twinge or tickle or whatever the heck was supposed to happen if she was close to the ring. The whole thing was still unbelievable and bordered on slightly ridiculous, but she supposed it didn’t hurt to go look. And she did take their money. That singed spot on her carpet was enough to push her out of her comfort zone. Pissing off the boss didn’t appear to be a good option.

  Halcyon pushed open the door and motioned to a glass counter in the back that held jewelry. A guy who looked like an extra on Sons of Anarchy stood behind the counter and gave Halcyon the up-and-down as they approached.

  “Haven’t seen you in a while,” he said. “You ditch another man who left power tools behind?”

  “I’ve moved on to musicians,” Halcyon said. “Maybe next time I’ll have a guitar.”

  “If you ever want to move on to bikers, I’ve got an opening on the back of my Hog,” he said.

  “I am a bitch,” Halcyon said. “I don’t ride bitch.”

  He chuckled. “What can I help you ladies with?”

  “We’re looking for a present for an elderly cousin of ours,” Halcyon said, giving him the cover story they’d cooked up. “She loves old jewelry and had a piece years ago that she lost during the Civil War or whatever. We can’t pay her a visit without her harping for hours about that ring so we thought maybe we could find her something to replace it.”

  He nodded. “I got an old uncle like that except his gripe was about a fishing reel he probably got from Moses. I have to tell you, though, I’ve taken him seventeen different reels over the years, and not a one has stopped his complaining. But if you want to give it a shot, I’ve got a couple older pieces you can look at.”

  They followed him to the end of the counter, where he pulled out a tray of rings and set it in front of them. “Anything here look like what she lost?” he asked.

  Marina studied the rings. Two had a red stone. She wasn’t an expert, so she didn’t know if they were rubies or garnet, but only one had a silver band, so she picked that one up and studied it.

  “What do you think?” Halcyon asked.

  Marina shook her head. “I don’t think it will work. The band is too narrow and the stone too small. It’s pretty, though,” she said, and put it back on the tray.

  He gave them a nod and slid it back into the display.

  “I don’t suppose you know anyone in Last Chance who has some old jewelry,” Halcyon said. “You know, the heirloom type? If people have something just sitting around, they might be willing to sell.”

  “Most of the older pieces that run through here were kids and grandkids selling off things after a parent or grandparent died,” he said. “But I imagine Dottie Prejean has some good pieces. Her mother-in-law used to wear more rings than Liberace and I think she inherited some of them.”

  “Anyone else?” Halcyon asked.

  He frowned. “The LeDoux probably do, but I don’t figure you’d go talking to them, given the situation.”

  Marina felt a blush creep up her neck. She knew there was little to no chance that news of her misfortune hadn’t reached every resident of Last Chance, and probably plenty of people who didn’t even live there. But having to face those people every day, knowing that they were all aware of the worst thing that had ever happened to her, was going to be hard.

  “Thank you for your help,” Marina said and practically ran out of the building. Even though the other pawnshop was across the street, she jumped into her car and clenched the steering wheel, trying to slow her racing heart. Halcyon climbed inside and gave her a worried look.

  “Are you all right?” she asked.

  “I can’t do this,” Marina said. “The looks of pity. The talking around me. That guy is scary as hell and he was trying not to hurt my feelings. Everyone knows what happened. I’m either going to get pity or blame wherever I go, depending on whose side people have taken. And they’ve all taken sides.”

  Halcyon reached over to squeeze her arm. “I know they have, honey. People always do. They just don’t necessarily let you in on which way they went.”

  “But I’ll know. I’ll know every time I talk to someone. Every time someone looks at me. How long does this last? You’ve been cheated on. How long did the pity party go on? Or the gleeful celebration behind your back?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “How can you not know? You were married to three cheaters and the one who died had that whole baby-mama-at-the-funeral thing. You’re telling me you never noticed all the side glances and sy
mpathetic looks?”

  Halcyon shrugged. “With a mother like Constance Dumont, I’ve gotten those looks my entire life. I decided long ago to simply stop noticing. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is stop caring what other people think.”

  Marina stared at her sister, her final sentence sinking in.

  “If only it was that easy,” she said quietly.

  “I never said it was easy to get there, but once you’ve arrived, it’s forever. If anything, I care even less as time passes. Whenever you see someone giving you a look, tell yourself their opinion doesn’t matter. That they don’t matter. Unless you have a lot of respect for someone, why bother to care what they think?”

  “It sounds so logical.”

  “It is logical. And when you can stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head, everything will be smoother.”

  Marina nodded but she wondered, would it really be smoother? Was closing off her heart how Halcyon had dealt with all the disappointments life had thrown at her? And if you closed yourself off to pain, didn’t that mean you were also closing yourself off to joy? Was it really possible to turn your emotions on or off based on who was standing in front of you? And how did that work when she was handling people like her mother, whom she loved but didn’t really like much?

  She started the car and pulled across the street to the other pawnshop. Now wasn’t the time for delving too deep into her psyche. And Lord knew, she wasn’t going to figure out in the next couple minutes something that had escaped her for forty-eight years. She just needed to focus on finding the ring. That was something tangible and not emotional.

  It was something she could handle.

  * * *

  Six hours later, Marina stumbled into her cabin with Halcyon close behind. They’d been to the two pawnshops and walked at least ten miles. And they’d come up with absolutely nothing. They both flopped onto the couch and Halcyon closed her eyes and let out a whining sort of gasp.

  “Are you all right?” Marina asked.

  “I’m on hour twenty-four of an eighteen-hour bra.”

  Marina stared.

  “After my shower last night, I got dressed to go to the gas station and get a hot dog but I fell asleep on the couch before I made it out the door.”

  “Well, you won’t need it tonight with the plans you’ve got. Do you want me to do your hair?”

  “No. I got a text earlier. They were held up leaving the rig so he’s still out in the Gulf.”

  “Maybe tomorrow then. I owe you.”

  “The drummer doesn’t have a gig tomorrow night. And he’d still be on the hook if I shaved my head, so I don’t see the point.”

  Marina nodded. All day, she’d tried to focus on the search for the ring, but Halcyon’s words and the way her sister lived kept creeping back into her thoughts. She’d always wondered how her sister made it work but had never wanted to ask. She’d been afraid Halcyon would tell her that everything about Marina’s life was wrong, which was something she didn’t want to hear. Especially as she hadn’t been willing to change anything. Ultimately, she figured the conversation would have only served to make her feel worse, so she’d never gone there.

  But given everything that had happened in the last couple days, maybe it was time to open up that dialogue, especially now that Marina was going to have to figure out how to negotiate the single life. Halcyon never seemed upset about things. Angry, sure, but not upset. Anger didn’t last. And her attitude couldn’t exist only because she’d stopped caring what people thought.

  Or could it? Was peace of mind really that simple?

  And if that was the case, then why wouldn’t her sister settle on one man? Was not caring keeping her from forming lasting relationships? Was surface-level okay with Halcyon? Did it make her happy? Marina couldn’t wrap her mind around being involved, especially sexually, with someone she didn’t have deeper feelings for. Was she old-fashioned for thinking that way? Would she be better off to avoid romantic relationships forever, as Halcyon seemed to do? At the moment, she couldn’t imagine trekking down that path, but one day she might feel differently. Would she be too scared to try it? Would everything she’d gone through close her heart off to anything in the future?

  “I’ve never asked you this before because I figured it was none of my business,” Marina said. “It still isn’t, and if you don’t want to tell me I’m fine with that, but I really want to understand what you’re doing with these men. The drummer sounds like a nice guy. The commercial fisherman before him was a nice guy. I’m sure the engineer is nice as well. So why the revolving door?”

  Halcyon squinted at Marina before closing her eyes again. “It’s easier to remain unattached that way. Can’t get used to having someone around if they’re not around for long.”

  “And that’s what you want? A never-ending parade of men that you have no feelings for?”

  Halcyon looked at Marina and smiled. “Oh, I’ve got plenty of feelings.”

  “Not those kind. You know what I’m talking about.”

  “You mean the big L. Let me ask you something—where has love gotten you?”

  “I love you.”

  “And I love you too, sweetie. But I didn’t make vows with you. I can love you and still do who or what I want without repercussions, at least where our relationship is involved. Our relationship isn’t about compromise and it will never be about betrayal.”

  “Most people would argue that family is all about compromise and betrayal.”

  “Not me and you. We’ve shared a heart since we were born and that’s never going to change. We trust each other completely. That has never and will never come into question. Tell me who else you have that with.”

  Marina considered the question. Clearly, she’d never had that kind of bond with Harold and if she was being honest with herself, she’d always known that. And while she loved Avery with every ounce of her being, the relationship between a mother and daughter—especially when the daughter wasn’t really an adult—was an entirely different kettle of fish.

  “I guess if you never develop feelings you don’t have to worry about being hurt,” Marina said.

  Halcyon nodded. “And if you have no expectations of people, you can’t be disappointed.”

  “But is that enough? These men are like a commercial slot in between your regular show. Does that really make you happy?”

  “I was in love once…twice if you count my first marriage. Looking back, I see that it was the infatuation of a starry-eyed teen but I thought it was real at the time.”

  “Then it still counts. The feelings are the same whether you have the maturity to understand them well or not. And the second time? Danny?”

  Of all of Halcyon’s husbands, Danny was the only one that she’d kept photos of.

  “Danny didn’t choose to leave me,” Halcyon said. “I know there was that baby-mama drama after he passed but she was a fling that he had months before he ever met me. And the woman even admitted that Danny never knew she was pregnant. Didn’t want her husband to find out. Then he found out anyway and dumped her, so she came looking for a payout.”

  Marina nodded. She already knew the facts. “It’s not optimum, but what happened before you didn’t have any bearing on your relationship.”

  “Exactly. And I know we didn’t have much time together before he died, but I honestly don’t think he ever would have stepped out on me. What we had was so much more than I had with anyone else. It was pure. There was never a moment with him where I didn’t know how much he loved me and how much I loved him. It was a certainty I’ve never felt with anyone else and I don’t think I ever will. I just wish we’d had more time together.”

  “So no one else will ever measure up.”

  “No. I tried twice after him but I knew both were wrong. I was grieving…trying to fill that huge hole that Danny left in my heart, but another person can’t do that. I had to heal myself.”

  “But is refusing to ever give love another
chance healing?”

  “It’s closer to healing than breaking all over again would be.”

  Sadness coursed through Marina. She’d never realized just how deeply Danny’s loss had affected Halcyon. Marina had guessed that Danny was the one Halcyon used to measure everyone else against, and it had been easy to see how much they loved and enjoyed each other. But she had just realized that Halcyon was still in love with him. Eighteen years he’d been gone, and her sister still hadn’t gotten over his death.

  Could that one true love sustain her forever? Certainly, her sister never appeared to be unhappy. In fact, Halcyon mostly exhibited two sides—upbeat or pissed. Even her sarcasm was funny as hell. It had never occurred to Marina that all of that might be masking her sister’s real heartache. And was it even worth pointing out that had Halcyon had more time with Danny, things could have gone south just like her other relationships? It couldn’t be healthy for her sister to compare all relationships to the one that hadn’t even covered a three-month period. No one would ever measure up long-term.

  As soon as all of this was behind them Marina and Halcyon were going to talk more. About Halcyon’s life. For so many years while dealing with Avery and her mother, Marina had always had Halcyon to lean on. And her sister had never wavered, nor was she wavering now. It was time for Marina to be that rock for Halcyon, whether her sister wanted her to or not. Because no matter how put together Halcyon appeared, she couldn’t possibly be satisfied with a life that never cracked the surface.

  It was time for both of them to figure out what they wanted the most and go grab it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Every inch of Marina’s body ached as she headed to the shower. Halcyon had trudged to her car earlier, swearing she was going to soak her feet the entire night. Marina pulled off her clothes, struggling a bit to bend over far enough to get her yoga pants off, then she yanked off her tank and sports bra. Her boobs slid down on her chest and flattened like balloons filled with sand.