Murder, Curlers, and Cruises

by Arlene McFarlane

  “What do they pay these Pablos down here anyway? I should phone the parks and recreation people and get him fired. Because of him, I got pummeled under the waterfall. Now my neck is sore, and my blisters are breaking open. And I can’t find my ointment anywhere.” She abandoned her makeup bag and started searching through mine. “Did you take it?”

  I was trying to pay attention to her when a white plastic bag on my pillow caught my eye. I scooped up the bag and peered inside at dozens of containers of Tic Tacs. Wisps of fear crawled down my neck. “Phyllis?”

  Phyllis nattered on, absorbed in her search.

  “Phyllis!” I shouted. “What’s this?” I held up the bag.

  “Oh yeah. Tic Tacs.”

  “I can see they’re Tic Tacs. How’d they get here?”

  “I don’t know. The bag was hanging on the doorknob when I got back. I looked inside, saw the Tic Tacs, and figured you’d hung them there.”

  “If I was this close to our cabin, why wouldn’t I bring them inside?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I didn’t put them there.”

  “Then who did?”

  I wrapped my hands around the bunk post and whacked my forehead on it three times. I looked at Phyllis, taste-testing my lip gloss, and gave my head another whack.

  I climbed down from my bed and snatched my lip gloss from her hands. Then I stormed into the bathroom, scooped my dress off the floor, and stuffed it, my bra, and half a dozen other worn items back into my laundry sack.

  “Let me see your shoulder bag,” Phyllis said.

  I swiped it from under her nose and sealed it tight. “You are not going through my beauty bag.”

  “But I need my ointment. These blisters are killing me.”

  “Use aloe vera. There’s a bottle in the bathroom.”

  “That stuff gives me hives.” She gawked at my bandage. “What happened to you?”

  Thanks for finally noticing. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

  I continued to clean up her mess and found her tube of ointment under her bed. “Here.” I thrusted it under her nose.

  “What’d you put it there for?”

  Oh brother. I swept my makeup bag from her grasp and escaped into the bathroom.

  “What are you going to do with all the Tic Tacs?” she hollered.

  I flung open the bathroom door. “Phyllis, I should tell you, Tantig is gone.”

  “Where’d she go?”

  “I don’t know. She’s missing.”

  “Huh. Maybe she fell off the boat and drowned. Or maybe she was killed. You know they found that rude little woman dead. Cut up into a thousand pieces.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “Clive.”

  “What time of day did he say this?”

  “I don’t know. What difference does that make?”

  “I wondered how drunk he was when he fabricated that story.”

  “Don’t underestimate Clive,” she said. “He’s not as dumb as he looks.”

  “Phyllis, Lucy was frozen inside an Aphrodite ice statue.”

  Her eyes got big and round. “Then there is a murderer on board.”

  “Would seem so. And why weren’t you at the Captain’s Gala last night?”

  She put up her nose. “I ate at the bistro by the Internet center. Greek food gives me gas.”

  I was momentarily stunned. Who knew there were foods that disagreed with Phyllis?

  “What are you doing about it?” she said, bringing me back to the conversation.

  I shook my head. “I just want to find Tantig.”

  “Don’t expect me to waste my time looking for her. I get my fill of old people every day of the week. This is my vacation, too.”

  I bit my cheeks. I wouldn’t want to ruin Phyllis’s holiday.

  After the cabin was in order and Phyllis was slathered in ointment, I decided to poke around the ship some more. Maybe the captain was onto something. Maybe Tantig was in San Juan, and I was wasting my time searching the ship. The bag of Tic Tacs was telling me something, though. I just didn’t know what. And I couldn’t rid myself of the anxiousness until we found Tantig.

  I cleaned my tear-stained face, made myself respectable, and came out of the bathroom ten minutes later to find Phyllis snoring through her nose and whistling out her mouth. I was tempted to stick cotton balls up her nose. Instead, I heaved a frustrated sigh. Phyllis had had her own tough day. I couldn’t blame her for my problems. I just had too much on my mind.

  My bandage was unraveling again, so I did a better job securing it, suddenly thinking about the picture of Lucy and Sabrina in their room. Again, who was the third person who’d been cut from the photo? Could it have been the friend who came to Lucy’s door as Kashi left that night? Kashi said the guy had an ugly snake tattoo on his arm. If I was correct, the squiggle in the photo could’ve been a tattoo. But there were thousands of people on the ship. Where did I begin to look? And who knew if the person from the photo was even on the ship?

  Kashi also said the guy wore a ball cap. I’d seen lots of men with ball caps. Most of the football sports jocks watching the mega-screen the first day at the pool wore ball caps. My mind went back to that day. I’d seen tattoos on several of their arms. But did any of them know Lucy or Sabrina? I hadn’t kept tabs on the girls, but I couldn’t recall seeing either one of them with a man. I’d seen Candace with several of the football guys. Maybe she’d know something.

  Once more, I started thinking about Lucy’s body encased in ice, and this got me thinking about Tantig disappearing into thin air. If she wasn’t on land and she didn’t fall overboard, where was she? There must’ve been countless nooks and crannies on a ship this size. What if she was hurt? Or worse, dead? What if she was also stuffed in ice? My throat went tight as a fist as tender memories of Tantig rushed to mind. I swallowed hard. I had to pull myself together. I couldn’t bear to think of Tantig frozen in an ice statue. That was ridiculous.

  Where did that leave me? As I saw it, I had two options. One, leave it to the professionals to find Tantig. Or two, keep digging. I glared at the delivered Tic Tacs and decided on option two.

  I grabbed my bag and headed for the door when the phone rang.

  “We found Tantig,” Romero said after I answered.

  “You did?” Relief penetrated my bones, hearing those three words. “Where?”

  “The market area in San Juan.”

  “Thank God.” At the same moment, I felt a shift from under me and heard the ship’s horn give a long blast. “Wait a minute. Why are we moving?”

  “Likely, you’re heading back out to sea.”

  “Not without Tantig!”

  “Tantig’s safe but in need of care. She got into a bit of trouble on land today, and she’s dehydrated. They’re keeping her in the hospital overnight.”

  I dragged the phone out into the hall, looked cautiously both ways—thanks to Jock—then started pacing. “She might be scared. She needs one of us there with her.” I stopped short. “Hold on. I thought you went back to New York with Lucy’s body.”

  “They decided to do the autopsy here. There may be ties to Lucy’s murder in San Juan.”

  None of this made sense, and I still hadn’t forgotten I was mad at Romero. But I cleared my head of romantic matters and concentrated on Tantig. “I’ve got to let my mother know she’s all right.”

  “If the ship’s moving, she already knows. And she’s probably also been told they can pick up your great-aunt in a few days when the cruise ends in Miami. I’ll personally make sure Tantig is delivered to you there.”

  Tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill. “Have you seen her?”

  “No. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet. I’m at the station right now.” He muffled the phone, said thanks to someone in the background, then came back on the line. “I have to go.”

  “Wait! You didn’t say what kind of trouble she was in.”


  “It’ll be in the report.”

  “Report! What report?”

  “Look, they’re paging me. She’s in good hands. Don’t worry.”

  We disconnected, and I gave myself a second to take this all in. A shaky breath left me, relief that Tantig was fine. Then I thought about Romero, and I didn’t know what to feel.

  Maybe he’d fallen for another woman, but he’d still shown concern when it came to my family. If nothing else, I needed to be sure the woman Twix had seen at his place was his lover. My best friend liked to exaggerate. Well, no more guessing or snooping. In the morning, I’d call Twix and get the story straight.

  I gave my mother a quick call before turning in. Though we were both ambivalent about leaving Tantig behind, we agreed she’d receive good care. That was what was most important. If they threw in a room with a TV, she wouldn’t mind if she didn’t see us at all until Christmas. Since there was nothing else we could do now, we said goodnight.

  I crept back into the cabin, locked the door, and put the phone on the toadstool table. Phyllis gave a loud snort that all but loosened the screws on the bunk. I got ready for bed, ripped open a package of complimentary earplugs, and stuffed them in my ears.

  Within seconds, I was deaf to the world.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I woke Tuesday morning, feeling relieved yet blue. Tantig was alive and well, and for that alone I should’ve jumped out of bed, ready to start the day. But when I thought about the cruise almost being over, I felt disappointment.

  Such a large ship, and I hadn’t even had the full benefit of enjoying what it had to offer. I hadn’t taken in any nightly shows, hadn’t played the casino, tried the waterslide, high ropes, golf simulator, rock climbing, or even gone for a swim. My ass-backward plunge into the pool the first day didn’t count. Jock was partly responsible for that. I’d spent all my time getting into trouble, avoiding trouble, and saving others from trouble. Some holiday! Oh wait. I did win the Saber Cup thanks to my swordfight with Kashi. What was I complaining about?

  Stop crying over spilled milk, an inner voice said. You’re ticked because you can’t get Romero off your mind. I went to yawn and jammed my jaws tight out of frustration. Couldn’t even have a decent yawn because of Romero.

  I stretched my arms and legs, deciding to get on with the day despite the fact my blisters were killing me and my bandage was gray and unraveling again. I peered over at the bag of Tic Tacs I’d tossed on the floor last night. Right. I hung my head over the bunk. Where was Phyllis? She usually slept until…

  I glanced at the clock. Eeks! Nine-thirty. How could I have slept so late? Why didn’t I hear Phyllis get up and leave? I wiggled my ears. Darn. Earplugs. I tugged them out and leaped down the ladder.

  Not sure what to do first, I looked down at my hand and finished unraveling my bandage. Instantly, I was back to another time when I was a kid and I’d scraped myself. I’d been riding my bike on a gravel road, had taken a corner too fast, and wiped out. My parents weren’t home, and when I dragged my sorry butt into the house, Tantig wordlessly cleaned my palm and stuck a bandage on my hand. Then she’d patted my shoulder. “You’re going to be all right.” Her tone was dry, and there wasn’t a lot of power behind the pat. But she was there. And that was comforting.

  I swallowed a lump in my throat while I gaped from my clean wound to the used bandage. I didn’t need this clumsy piece of cloth anymore. And I sure didn’t need to keep looking at these Tic Tacs. There could’ve been any number of logical reasons why they were hanging on the doorknob in the first place. However, this no longer concerned me.

  I swiped them off the floor, tossed them in the garbage, and decided to forget about them. Since Tantig was okay, I planned to do some sleuthing today into Lucy’s background. Maybe I’d even find time for a swim.

  I showered, then stuck a small bandage on my palm to keep it protected. While I was at it, I did the same for the backs of both feet. Today was going to be slip-ons all the way.

  I applied my makeup, shimmied into a green sundress, and braided my hair down my back. I ordered breakfast from room service. Then I called Twix.

  “It’s about time you got back to me,” she said. “I’ve been trying your cell forever. I keep telling you to leave that thing on you.”

  “It’s on me when I need it.” Usually.

  She sighed and moved on. “I don’t want to worry you, but…”

  I didn’t like the sound of that. “But what?”

  “That blond at Romero’s. Dressed to kill, all slinky and sexy. And she had this silky voice and protective attitude, like she owned the place.”

  I wanted to give Romero the benefit of the doubt on this, but Twix’s insistence on the woman being his lover was making it hard. “He told me the woman was his sister.”

  “Ha! I’ve never known a man’s sister to act so possessive. When I pulled away from the curb, I saw her open the door and waltz right into the house.”

  “Maybe she was checking up on the place.”

  “She was checking up on something, sweetheart. I’m just not sure what.”

  Twix could be a drama queen like Max, but she never failed to pique my curiosity.

  If it wasn’t Romero’s sister, then who was this woman? Possessive airs. Silky voice. Hold on a minute. I knew that silky voice. I’d heard it with my own two ears. Suddenly, it became clear. Belinda. Didn’t Romero say they’d finished up early, and she’d flown home while he came to Puerto Rico? She sure didn’t waste time moving into his house.

  I looked down at the mile of bandage I’d left in a heap on the table. Feeling abandoned inside, I gripped the wad and threw it at the wall, watching it hit the floor and unwind. Romero was no different from all the other creeps I’d dated. In fact, he was worse. Taking things slow. Making me believe he cared. Boy, was I dumb.

  I heard whining in the background.

  “Listen, toots,” Twix said, “I’ve got to go. Laura Panetti’s kid is here this week. Remember Laura from ballet class? She used to suck on her ballet slipper ties, and when she tired of that, she switched to her hair. Her kid sucks on everything he gets his hands on, mostly his middle three fingers. Drives me up the wall.” I could see Twix raising her palm to the sky.

  “I’m thinking of dipping his fingers in jalapeño sauce. Give him something to taste.” She chuckled. “By the way, you didn’t tell me how the contest went.”

  True. And I didn’t feel like talking about it now. “Lost.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re the best stylist I know. What kind of sorry-ass judges did they hire not to see your amazing talent?”

  “They didn’t announce it, but I think Jock was one of the judges.”

  “Oh.” I heard her gulp. “His ass is anything but sorry. Probably would’ve looked fixed if he’d chosen you.”

  “I would’ve been okay with that.”

  She sighed in agreement. “What are you going to do about the children’s wing?”

  I shrugged my shoulders as if she was sitting beside me. “I haven’t figured that out yet. I don’t know why I aim for unreachable goals. I must be stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid. And you’ll figure it out.” She hung up.

  Right. I’ve got no money to donate, but I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll figure out Romero, too. I’d been taken in by his good looks and charm. Who hadn’t? But I wasn’t going to obsess over him anymore. I didn’t need Romero. I’d get along fine without some macho cop in my life.

  I pitched the phone back in my bag and walked over to the corner. I picked up the bandage, wrapped it in a ball, and tossed it in the garbage on top of the Tic Tacs. Then I took a good hard look at myself.

  I wasn’t stupid. I’d solved murders, hadn’t I? Plus, I’d sat at the captain’s table. What kind of stupid person did that? I’d even won the Saber Cup, sword fighting. I must’ve shown some brawn and intelligence! I grimaced at my wrecked bow still cradled inside the trophy. Well, nobody was perfect.

  Room ser
vice delivered my breakfast and saved me from any more self-pity. I ate everything down to the last bite of egg, then put my tray outside the cabin door.

  Devon, the tablecloth guy, was wheeling a cart down the hall, picking up discarded breakfast trays. He was dressed in a flat-topped white hat and a white buttoned-up jacket, the sleeve smeared with shiny brown grease. Now that I saw him up close, I noticed he had a skinny goatee and a Fu Manchu mustache that hung limply from the corners of his mouth. The rest of his blond hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail.

  He smiled at me as he rolled by. “Gotta snag these trays before those hardy iguanas eat all the leftovers.”

  My eyebrows hiked up to my hairline. “Iguanas?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “Those creatures are everywhere. Don’t know how they get on the ship. When we find them in the kitchen, we throw them in the soup.”

  I must’ve paled because he gave me a toothy grin.

  “Kidding!”

  “Ha. Funny.” Grinning back, I closed the door, remembering Chef Roy’s remark that Devon always had a joke to crack. At this point, I could use a good laugh.

  I brushed and flossed my teeth, applied a coat of lipstick, and thought again about digging into Lucy’s background. What was her involvement in that homicide at her salon? Who were her enemies? How was she tied to the drug world? I reached for my phone to start a search but chucked that idea. I’d rather leave my cramped room and use an actual computer at the Internet center. And maybe I’d get to see some of the ship while I was at it. With renewed purpose to my day, I slid into my green heels, swung my bag over my shoulder, and sprinted out of the cabin.

  I took the elevator to the grand atrium and stepped out into the glorious plaza as if I’d walked onto the red carpet. I knew I’d seen a computer center somewhere. I meandered around, going in and out of boutiques, distracted by all the unique things to see. Jewelry. Clothes. A leather store. What the hell. I was on vacation. I could afford a bit of time to window-shop, couldn’t I?