“It’s been going well. In the past year, I’ve been steadily building things up, but this past quarter, I closed three accounts. Smaller ones, but it’s a start.”
“A great start.” I can feel my nerves building. He’s attractive, seems smart and kind, and he’s taking my Ben away from me.
“It was such a great coincidence meeting Ben,” he says. “We just hit it off at a happy hour, and now I’m sure he’s going to be a good friend.”
My eyes narrow, but I try in vain to fight back my envy. “A friend?”
“Yeah. I had hoped for more, honestly. He’s a great guy and so handsome.” I wonder why he’s telling me this. “I mean, if I had a chance with a guy who’s straight.”
My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. “You’re not?”
“I’m a twisted arrow.” He smiles. “Little bit of both. Hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable to hear that.”
“I don’t judge anyone.”
Ryan nods, studying my face. “Anyway, turns out Ben’s in love with someone else. Like, crazy in love. He’s sick over it.”
I swallow hard. “He told you that?”
“He did. Maybe to let me down easy. I’m surprised you don’t know. He said you were his best friend.”
“We haven’t had a chance to catch up lately.”
Ryan smiles. “Well, I’m sure you’ll hear all about it. I hope it works out for him. He’s a great guy. I think anyone would be lucky to have him.”
“I agree.”
“Yeah, but he thinks it won’t. He thinks the other person doesn’t love him.” His eyes shift out the window for a moment before returning to me. “I told him he should talk to the person. Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding. I bet you’d tell him the same thing, wouldn’t you?”
“I would. Did he tell you about the person he loves?”
“He’s hurt and doesn’t want to open up too much, but I know it’s someone who means the world to him.”
I search his eyes wondering what he knows. “I’ll have to check in with him. I can’t have my mate suffering.”
“I’m sure he’d appreciate that.”
“It sounds like you’ve been able to learn a lot about him in just a week.”
Ryan nods. “We spent a lot of time together last week. I took him out to a few places in the city. I think he just…” His forehead creases. “Can I be honest, Luc?”
“Yes.”
“I think he just needed a friend because he felt like he’d lost one.”
I want to ask him if they fucked, but I can’t. “He hasn’t lost me.”
Ryan smiles. “I know.” He shrugs. “But does Ben?”
“He won’t talk to me.” I close my eyes briefly when it slips out.
Ryan doesn’t react. “I remember my favorite part of the sales video you did. You said something so powerful I wrote it down on a sticky note and put it on my monitor. I read it every day.”
My brow creases. “What is it?”
“Give them a reason to say yes, and if they say no, give them another reason to say yes. Tenacity is everything, isn’t it?”
I nod, averting my eyes. “It works well in a sales environment.”
He stands. “In most areas of life.” He steps closer and extends his hand. I shake it. “Thank you for your time, Luc. I hope we’ll have more opportunities to talk in the future. A friend of Ben’s is a friend of mine.”
“Thanks for stopping by.”
He winks. “You’re welcome.”
When he leaves, I lean back in my seat. If he didn’t know it was me, then he sure knows a lot about Ben. Could I try to approach Ben again? Fuck, I have to. I can’t just accept being kicked out of his life. Maybe once Ryan is gone, he’ll listen to me. Just exactly what I’ll say, I have no idea.
Chapter 41 Ben
Twisting my fingers through Ryan’s, I gaze at his face. “Three days went fast.”
He nods. “It did.” He shifts so he’s facing me. “We need to talk.”
I roll my eyes. “Is this the part where you dump me?”
“Stop, Ben. Listen to me. No one’s being dumped.” He averts his eyes for a moment. “You can’t dump someone who doesn’t belong to you.” I say nothing, shifting my eyes away. Ryan pulls my chin back to face him. “Babe, you know I like you, and that extends far beyond attraction. You’re a great person and we have fun together. I think we’d still have fun together even if we never kissed again.”
“But?”
“But you’re fucking in love with Luc, and he’s in love with you whether he admits it or not. It’s unfinished business. You have to talk to him and figure out what happens next.”
I roll over, jumping out of bed and staring out my window. “I can’t. He’ll just convince me somehow that being third is good enough. He’ll make me believe it’s okay to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Eventually, we’ll end up right back here.”
Ryan joins me, rubbing my back. “I think you’re wrong, and I think you’re being a pussy.”
I turn to face him as a smile tugs at my lips. “A pussy, huh?”
“Come on, Ben, you’re…you’re fucking Ben Atkinson. You just nailed the biggest account in the country. You can’t handle looking the man you love in the face and working it out?”
“He’s in love with Georgie. He proposed.”
Ryan steps in front of me, leaning against the window seal as he grips my hand. “That’s how it all seems right now, but seriously, I witnessed it. I was there, Ben. When he saw me, he was filled with jealousy. When you wouldn’t talk to him, his voice was tragic, man. Maybe he doesn’t know he loves you, but he does.”
“What good does it do me if he doesn’t know?”
“Maybe if you talk to him, he’ll realize it. Maybe he already has, but he can’t tell you. How the fuck do you know?”
I pinch Ryan’s chin. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
“I care about you, Ben. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me.”
“I am happy though. I have fun with you.”
He tilts his head. “When Luc’s not around. You don’t think I feel the difference between us being here and us being in San Fran? You don’t think I notice the distance?” He rubs my arm. “Even when you kiss me, I know I’ve lost you.”
“No.”
“I know you don’t want it to be this way, but it is. I don’t want it to either, but it is. You gotta work this out. It’s unfinished and until it is finished, you can’t move forward with me or anyone else.” He smiles. “Not to mention you don’t want to be in a relationship with man.”
“I told you I was open to it.”
“For Luc.” He leans in and kisses me softly. “This was always just supposed to be a weekend of fun anyway, right? We were just planning to fuck around and move on. It lasted a week and a half. I’m so happy it did.”
“How? I feel like an asshole.”
“Why? I had a great time with you. You had fun too, and it was the break you needed. No one got hurt.”
“No? I didn’t hurt you?”
“No.” He lifts my hand and kisses my palm. “I made a friend, and I’m sure we’ll stay that way.” I nod. “I got to kiss the best mouth ever.” He rubs my dick. “I got that.”
I chuckle. “You’re crazy.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “But we’re good, Ben. You deserve love. We all do. Give Luc a chance to explain. I have a feeling you might be surprised with what he has to say.”
“Come here.” I pull Ryan into my arms and hold him tight. “Thank you.”
He steps back, gazing into my eyes. “For?”
“Being a friend exactly when I needed one.”
“I always will be.”
Chapter 42 Luc
Sitting at my desk, I glance at my watch. It’s almost six. Ben hasn’t been in for two days. Working from home, Leah said. I was positive he went back to San Francisco with Ryan until he joined our monthly call via video and I could see his
apartment in the background. How long is he going to avoid me? How long is Georgie?
I pick up my phone and dial her again, expecting it to go to voicemail like it has all week, but shocked when she answers.
“What do you want, Luc?”
“I want to talk. You know that.”
She’s silent for a moment. “Fine. You want to hear what I have to say?”
“Desperately.”
“Then come over, but be prepared, Luc. I am not happy.”
“I understand. I’m on my way.”
“Fine.”
I take a deep breath. At least I have a chance to fix one problem.
Chapter 43 Ben
My phone rings and I look down to see Georgie’s name flash across the screen. God, I miss that woman, but I can’t deal with it. She’ll want to talk about Luc and our future and all the bullshit I haven’t figured out in my head yet.
I decide to take a shower to clear my head. On Monday, I have no choice. I have to talk to Luc. It’s affecting my job now. I can’t focus on my work or anything else. It doesn’t help now I have Ryan texting me asking for progress updates and telling me not to be a dick whipped pussy.
The phone vibrates across the damn coffee table for the third time tonight. I ignore it, knowing it’s Georgie. I’m sure she just wants me to see Luc’s point of view like she always does. She’ll talk me into fucking them and I’ll wake up tomorrow just as screwed up as I am right now.
After it stops ringing the voicemail message notification pops up. At least she left a message this time. I shake my head, deciding to shower first.
Sitting on my couch, running a towel through my hair, I pick up the phone and listen to her message.
Ben, it’s Georgie. I don’t know what the fuck is going on in your head, because you won’t talk to me, but you listen to me. Luc is beside himself because you won’t talk to him. Over everything that’s happened, really. I feel largely responsible for damaging your friendship, but on the other hand, I don’t. Know why, Ben? Because despite what you’re thinking in that thick ass head of yours, you are incredibly special to me and to Luc. You’re being a stubborn ass, and so is he, and I won’t rest until you both get your shit together and talk it out so that you know what I know. The truth is, you and Luc, you and me, and Luc and me are bonded, and nothing will break us apart. So think about that, Ben. If you think I’ll stop calling you’re wrong. If you think Luc will stay away forever you’re wrong. If you think you can distract yourself with other men, with other women, with your job, you’re wrong. I’ll give you some time to think about it but eventually you need to accept it. You’re a part of us and we’re a part of you, and that’s just the fucking truth.
She pauses, exhaling slowly. I love you, Benny. I really do.
I listen a second time, shaking my head. She loves me? Yeah, right? She’s right about one thing. I’ll never get away from it working in the same office and living in the same city. Maybe San Fran is an option. At least I know I have a friend there.
Banging on my door startles me. I look at the clock. It's almost nine. Who the hell is coming over this late and how did they get in my building? Has to be a neighbor. I rise from the couch and stomp over annoyed as the banging continues. When I open the door, my mouth drops.
“Luc?”
“Are you alone?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Ben, are you alone?”
Before answering, I take in his disheveled appearance. He looks like he’s been running or crying or both.
“Yeah, I’m alone.”
Without another word, he grips the back of my neck and kisses me hard. I resist for a brief moment, before giving into it completely, running my fingers through his hair as our bodies smash together.
After a moment, he gazes into my eyes. “We need to talk.”
“Obviously.”
“Can I come in?”
I nod. Luc follows me inside and sits on my couch staring down at the floor.
I cross my arms. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
His eyes meet mine, and I’m thrown by the tears in his. “I miss you, mate.”
I close my eyes for a moment. “I don’t want to do this again, Luc.”
“I’m not me anymore. Not without you.”
I narrow my eyes. “What the fuck? How can you even say that to me? You fucking asked Georgie to marry you. You’re doing just fine without me.”
Luc shakes his head. “I understand why you think that, but it’s a front. Everything in my life has been a carefully constructed facade since you came back from San Francisco. Before that really.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ryan. You said you would come back to us and you didn’t.”
“Because you fucking proposed, Luc. You made your choice. You took it to another level. I’m not some toy you can play with whenever you’re bored or an extra dick to add to your kink sessions. You and Georgie live your happily ever after and I—” It takes me second. “I’m a man with feelings. Too many fucking feelings.” I turn my back, dragging my fingers through my hair. “It just fucking hurts too much.”
“It was impulsive asking her, but you never let me talk to you about it. You never let me explain.” I shake my head, trying to drown out the pain coming through his voice. “Ben?” I refuse to turn around and look into those eyes of his. I can’t. “Please, Ben.”
A moment later, I feel him behind me as he leans his head on the back of my shoulder. “I was so bloody jealous of Ryan. I tried to stay away and let you be happy if he’s who you wanted, but I can’t anymore. I don’t care what happened with you and Ryan. I know you and I...” He stops, then comes around to face me so I can’t avoid the tears clouding those gorgeous eyes.
“There’s no room for me. I can’t take this anymore, Luc. I can’t take the up and down.”
“I know. It hasn’t been fair, but in my defense, I’ve never felt this way about a man before. I didn’t know what to do.”
“So you proposed to Georgie to what? Make sure you’re still straight? Make the world think you are?”
“This isn’t about my sexuality. You are the only man I’ve been with and the only one I will be with. I just didn’t know how to navigate it all.”
“Do you now?”
“I need to tell you something, Ben. It’s time I finally said it aloud, but fuck, it’s harder than I thought.”
I hold his gaze wondering what could be so upsetting. “What?”
Luc squeezes his eyes shut, as I place my hand on his shoulder. Without opening his eyes, he buries his head in my chest.
I wrap my arms around him. “Luc, tell me what’s happening.”
“All the emotions I stuffed down for so long are rising like a volcano about to erupt,” he whispers. “Whilst running I thought I could do it, but sitting here with you now, I don’t know.”
His breathing is shallow so I stroke his hair, rocking him gently. Luc grips my waist, slowly calming himself down.
He twists his face up as fear shows in his eyes. “I think I’m ready now.”
“I’m listening.”
“I lied to you.”
My brow creases. “About what?”
“Since the beginning. Since this thing with us began.”
I’m sure I look confused right now. “Okay. Do you want to tell me the truth now?”
Luc nods, visibly looking ill. “I buried it, you see, deep down. I didn’t remember until today. I swear.”
“Remember what, Luc?”
He twists so that he’s lying in my lap, facing me. I brush the hair from his forehead hoping he can feel my love and concern for him. “I’ve never spoken of it. Not to anyone. Not once.”
I nod, wondering if he’s been hurt or abused in his past. “Take your time.”
He lies in my arms, the two of us steeped in silence for several minutes. “You asked me the first night we took Georgie out together if I’d ever had a threesome with
a man.”
I nod. “And you said no.”
“And I told you I’ve never been sexually attracted to a man. Ever.”
“More than once. Is that not true?”
“It is true I’ve never had a threesome with a man before, but…” I study Luc’s face, hanging on his words.
“Go on, Luc. You can tell me anything.”
“I know.” He pauses with a look on his face like he’s still searching for the courage to speak. “It was a long time ago. I was just fifteen.” I nod. “My neighbor was twenty and he had some beers. He was sitting in his garden and I could see him from my bedroom window. I recall he was wearing only a small pair of shorts, sunning himself and I thought…”
“You thought?”
“My body reacted to him. That had never happened before.”
My eyes widen for just a second until I neutralize my face. “Okay.”
“So I went down to him in his garden and drank a beer. And then I drank another beer and the next I knew, hours had passed and we were completely pissed.”
“Okay.”
“He asked me if I wanted to go hang in his bedroom and I did. I wanted to. So we went and…” Luc squeezes his eyes shut. “He asked me if he could touch me. I said he could.”
His eyes open to find me watching him, brow furrowed. “He reached in my shorts and was stroking me, then we went down on me.”
“Wow. Okay. How did you feel?”
“Good. Very good.”
“What happened next?”
“We stopped there and I went back to my room. I felt disgusted with myself. I was so confused. To that point I had only ever been interested in girls. The next day, he came over to see me. He asked if I wanted to hang out again and I fucking did, Ben. I wanted to hang out again. I wanted him to touch me again. So I went. And we did the same thing. All that night my stomach hurt. I didn’t want to want him anymore. I was terrified. The first time I could say it was the beer, but the second time, it wasn’t. So when he came the next day I called him…” He shakes his head. “I’m so bloody ashamed of myself right now.”
“What happened, Luc?”
“I called him a knob jockey and that he was disgusting for seducing me. I can still see the hurt in his eyes, but he got me back.”
The Thing About Us: A MMF Bisexual Romance Page 24
