Safe Harbor

by Welch, HJ

  “I’ve had a few hookups…”

  Robin frowned, then looked up at Dair. The smile that he gave him made Dair’s heart skip unexpectedly. It was nice to have someone look at him like that again. Like he’d made a real difference. Seeing Robin cheered up made himself feel more complete somehow.

  “You’re right. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I don’t need to measure myself like that.” His forehead creased again. “Damn, maybe I didn’t need to pretend to have a boyfriend after all?”

  Dair raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t letting Robin get out of this. “Nuh-uh. Not giving a damn about this asshole doesn’t mean I’m going to allow you to face him alone. I’m your muscle, remember?”

  To prove his point, Dair flexed his biceps through his T-shirt. He wasn’t sure, but Robin might have made a sort of squeaky noise. But at that same moment, Dair’s timer went off, and he hurriedly flipped over his hash browns, forgetting about Robin’s reaction.

  “Ass-rimming son of a juggler and a priest!”

  Dair and Robin both jumped as Peyton came stumbling out of her bedroom, half falling against the sofa as she clutched at her head and moaned. Her shorts and T-shirt pajama set had murderous-looking bunny rabbits on it.

  “Oww,” she hissed, blinking at the morning sunshine streaming through the apartment’s windows.

  “Hello, sleeping beauty,” Robin said with a grin. “How’s your head?”

  “I’ve had many, many complaints.” Peyton stumbled over and snagged Robin’s coffee from the island to swallow a big glug. “Whose idea was it to get the whiskey out?”

  “Yours,” Dair and Robin said in unison.

  Peyton grimaced. “Yesterday me is a whore.”

  Robin rolled his eyes as Dair chuckled at Peyton’s potty mouth. She relented and gave Robin back his coffee before going to get her own and sitting down at the island.

  “I hope you’re hungry.” Dair finished dishing up, then turned around with two overflowing plates for his friends.

  Peyton made a sound embarrassingly close to what Dair guessed was her orgasm moan. “Can you be my fake boyfriend?” she joked, attacking her breakfast with vigor.

  As Dair sat with his own plate, he spied Robin dropping a chunk of bacon for a very naughty Smudge before he picked up his own knife and fork. Dair smiled, glad he wasn’t the only softie here.

  For a few moments they ate quickly but quietly until they’d all absorbed enough carbs to take the edge off their hangovers and enough caffeine to kick-start their brains again.

  “Okay,” Peyton said, slowing down her ravenous pace to something more civilized. “I had a thought – no – two thoughts. One, Dair, do you want to say you’re bisexual?”

  “Err…” He hadn’t really thought about it.

  Robin waved his fork and nodded. “Oh, good idea. People are going to be all ‘ohh, are you gay now?’ But seeing as you were with a woman for over a decade, it might make more sense to say you’re bi instead?”

  Dair nodded, touched he had remembered that little detail. “Sure.” That made sense to him. In fact, it was kind of nice to pretend he had this new side of his personality. It felt oddly right.

  Robin chuckled to himself and looked down at Smudge, who was still loitering hopefully for more tidbits. “I have a bi boyfriend, Smudgy. How modern am I?”

  Smudge barked and wagged his fluffy tail.

  “Thought numero dos.” Payton held up two fingers. “Speaking of the wild pack. If I’m going to be here by myself working twelve-hour shifts most days, we’re going to have some problems. One small but destructive problem in particular.”

  All three of them looked down at Smudge. The pup stopped wagging his tail and looked back up at them expectantly.

  “Ah,” said Dair in agreement.

  The cats would sort themselves out, and Jimmy slept most of the time these days. But Smudge? There was a reason none of the lowest cabinets had knobs on them anymore and Dair only had one completely intact pairs of sneakers. And that was with three of them in and out of the apartment most of the time.

  “It’s okay. I’ve already thought of a brilliant solution.” Peyton grinned. “You take Smudge with you.”

  “To Pine Cove?” Robin spluttered, almost choking on his coffee.

  “Yeah,” Peyton confirmed. “I’m pretty sure I Googled last night before going to sleep, and it looks like a crazy dog-friendly town.”

  Robin wiped the coffee off his chin and appeared to consider her words. “True. Most businesses had a dog if I remember correctly.”

  “Is your family allergic?” Dair asked. He didn’t want to leave Smudge alone to destroy the apartment. Also, the little fella would be upset and lonely if he did. But he didn’t want to be an imposition to Robin’s folks either.

  “No,” Robin said, still frowning. “We had a dog growing up. I’m sure they’d love to have a puppy visit.”

  “And I definitely checked the motel you’d be staying at accepts pets. Isn’t that cool? You need to remember to book those rooms before you go, by the way.”

  Robin nodded. “Okay. Yeah, sure. I think that would work? Dair, you okay bringing Smudgy?”

  “Absolutely. The more, the merrier.”

  Thankfully they were planning on leaving the next morning, on Monday. So Dair would have the rest of the day to make arrangements for bringing a dog with them across Washington. He could pop to the store and make sure he had plenty of food, bowls, and toys, and he’d bring Smudge’s usual bed, which would smell of home for him.

  This was going to be fun, he was sure. Not since he’d served had he felt this tingle of excitement and anticipation. Of course this was in no way as dangerous. Nobody’s life would be on the line. But they were still venturing into the unknown.

  And Dair was surprised to realize just how excited he was to be doing it with Robin. Hopefully, this was going to be the start of the next phase in the friendship. Who knew how close they’d be after an escapade like this?

  4

  Robin

  As they left the bay area of Seattle behind them, Robin tried not to be too conscious of the fact he was alone in a Ford Ranger extremely close to his crush.

  Crush. It was like he was already back in high school again. Did grown men even have crushes? It seemed the right word for how he was feeling, though. So seeing as he didn’t have to say it out loud, he was going to keep using it.

  Dair was the poster boy for chivalry. Here he was, rescuing Robin from his ridiculous situation with a smile on his face as he hummed along to the radio. He even opened and closed the car doors for Robin when he was getting in and out of the car.

  Robin didn’t really deserve such kindness, but it felt so nice he allowed himself to enjoy it just a little bit. A handsome ex-Marine was coming on a road trip with him, playing along with this silly game just to make him feel better.

  If nothing else, Robin hoped the two of them might at least become proper friends out of this. After all, coworkers went on bonding weekends as team-building exercises. Jay had made buddies at other friends’ bachelor parties. Why couldn’t he and Dair get a deeper friendship from this escapade? Sure, they didn’t have much in common. But neither did Robin and Peyton, and they still got on like a riot.

  Unfortunately, he spent the first half hour of the drive on his cell to his colleagues, who were indeed going into a meltdown without him on the first day. Honestly, he knew he was good at his job, but it was like they didn’t even want to try. They just wanted to sit back and let him do it all. Eventually, Dair had poked Robin’s thigh with one of his large fingers and mouthed “you’re on vacation” to him.

  As much as Robin didn’t want to let his company down, he was also not keen to blow what could be his only ever chance to go away with Dair. So he managed to close the call after a few more minutes, telling them they could Google anything they really didn’t understand, then switched his phone off. He was avoiding messages from his family anyway, so the damn thing could stay silent i
n his bag for a while.

  The countryside became more picturesque as they drove east. It would take them three to four hours to reach Pine Cove, and they weren’t in any hurry. They’d left after the city’s morning rush hour, but that still meant they should arrive in the early afternoon.

  Robin had been too chicken to tell his family in person that he was bringing a ‘boyfriend’ with him for the week. Especially Jay, who he was still worried would smell a rat immediately. So he’d sent a message to the family group chat, then put his phone on silent before shoving it to the bottom of his bag. He wasn’t sure how they were going to react. Robin hadn’t brought a boy home since Mac, and it was no secret now how relieved they’d all been when Robin had mustered up the courage to dump his ass.

  It hadn’t been easy. In fact, Robin had been forced to do it several times the summer before college as Mac simply wouldn’t take no for an answer. At the time, Robin kept getting flattered that a guy as gorgeous and athletic as Mac wanted him that much, so he kept being convinced to try one more time. Eventually, it had taken Robin moving out of town to go to school that had finally made Mac see their relationship was over.

  Had it ever really been real? It wasn’t like they were the only gay kids at school. The LGBT society had been a thriving community, in fact. Robin was looking forward to seeing some of his friends again after so long, especially the outrageous Emery Klein, this week. But Robin had never expected to get himself a steady boyfriend. Not with his fabulous, charming twin next to him.

  He’d often wondered if it was simply the flattery of having someone like Mac be interested in him that had kept them together for a year and a half.

  He was pulled from his reverie by a certain ball of fluff scampering back into his lap from the back seat. Dair had placed Smudge’s bed in the truck, but Smudge seemed far more interested in tormenting Daddy and his friend in the passenger seat.

  “Whoa! Hello there!” Robin cried, scooping the little mutt up in his arms. “You’re going to cause an accident, you maniac!”

  Dair laughed from behind the wheel. It was one of the things that tugged pitifully at Robin’s heartstrings. Dair was so easy to laugh, so free with his smiles and time and patience. How else would he have ended up on this trip with Robin?

  Robin wasn’t an idiot. He knew it was going to be a hard sell to convince people that someone as stunning and manly as Dair would be dating him. But fuck it, that was kind of part of the fun. For a week, Robin could live in this little fantasy land where Dair did like him that way. Then they’d have an amicable little ‘breakup’ in a few weeks’ time, no one would be any the wiser, and they could continue being friends. Hopefully better friends than before.

  As Dair drove, they talked about their backgrounds. Things they might know if they’d started dating recently. They decided to say they’d gotten together about a month ago, which would mean a couple of months after Dair had moved in. That seemed reasonable to both of them.

  Robin was sad to discover that Dair’s parents had died suddenly in a car crash during his junior year of high school, so a little over a decade ago. His ex-girlfriend, Malory, had been his rock during that time and the years following, always there for him when Dair came home from deployment. But after Dair was discharged and began his new life in the States as a mechanic, they’d drifted apart and split more or less amicably.

  Dair seemed pretty upbeat despite this slightly sorry tale, so Robin tried not to make too much of it either. He helped Dair memorize his siblings’ names and who was the oldest to youngest. He talked a little about his town and then meeting Peyton at college, then his job that he’d had since moving to Seattle.

  Dair talked a bit about working as a mechanic, using words that meant nothing to Robin as he knew zilch about cars. But Dair didn’t have a clue about Javascript or refactoring code either. They’d had a nice moment of appreciation for each other’s professions.

  Then Dair asked a question that woke Robin right up.

  “So. Who made the first move on who?”

  They’d stopped for burgers and fries at this quaint log cabin sort of diner, and Robin almost dropped his bun into his lap. It bounced like a live grenade in his hands, somehow not completely falling apart before he could grab it securely again.

  “Um, what?” he asked awkwardly through a mouthful of meat.

  Smudge snuffled in his sleep by their feet. Dogs weren’t allowed inside, so they’d grabbed one of the outdoor picnic tables and tied his leash to a bench leg.

  Dair had a sparkle in his eye. “How did we get together? How did it go down?”

  Robin could feel the heat rising in his cheeks and he desperately tried to will it away as he swallowed his mouthful of burger. “Um, I don’t – I’m not sure?”

  He had limited experience with this. Mac had kissed him on his parents’ sofa after he’d invited Robin over to watch Saturday Night Live and sneak some beers. Mac had been in charge of the whole affair, and within minutes, they’d been up in his room, naked and jerking each other off. Typical desperate and horny teenagers.

  His Grindr hookups and dates had always had an air of expectation about them that lacked a certain magic that Robin always yearned for. What did he really want? This was his pretend relationship. What was the most romantic thing he could think of?

  Did he really want to look too closely at that, though? It wasn’t like he hadn’t already imagined several different scenarios where Dair had revealed the secret feelings he’d been nursing for Robin. Where he’d lean in and ask if he could kiss Robin…

  Robin squirmed in his seat, hoping Dair didn’t notice. “Um, well. I thought you were straight. So, maybe you, uh, asked me out?”

  “To dinner and a movie?” Dair grinned before popping a fry into his mouth. “Maybe I just obliviously thought we were hanging out. Then you pointed out we were on a date. That’s kind of cute, right?”

  Fuck. Was Dair trying to destroy him?

  “Yeah, that’s definitely cute,” Robin agreed helplessly. His heart was fluttering.

  “Then, when I realized we were actually on a date, I discovered I was into it, and the rest has just been us taking it slow while I explore this bi thing. Watching Netflix and going on walks and stuff?”

  Robin nodded, his throat thick. “Sure.”

  “Oh. First kiss.” Dair nodded, giving it real thought, by the looks of it. “How about I gave you a peck on the check that first night? Then a proper kiss the next night? When I got brave enough.”

  He waggled his eyebrows, clearly comfortable discussing this. Robin felt a little dizzy. “I can’t imagine you ever not being brave,” he managed to mumble.

  Dair licked his lips and put his food down. After a moment’s pause, he wiped his hand on his napkin, then reached it over the table to the halfway point. “Thanks,” he said. “But I’ve been plenty scared in my life. It’s all about how you deal with it.”

  Robin looked at his hand. Was he suggesting…?

  Robin glanced around the outside area of the diner, but there weren’t many people near them, and nobody appeared to be paying them any attention. Cars hurtled by on the freeway, and the trees rustled behind the building. It was just them, no one else.

  Time to be brave. He cleared his throat and laughed as casually as he could. “Do you want to practice holding hands?”

  Dair bit his lip. “When you said that just now – if you’d have been my ex, Malory – I’d have reached for her hand. So I figured it might be nice to reach for yours. If you’re comfortable with that?”

  Dear lord. He really had no clue what affect he had on Robin, did he? That was so sweet. Robin really needed to play it cool and act like this was totally fine. Not like his heart was trying to thump its way out of his chest.

  “Yeah,” he said, trying to sound confident. “Totally. It’s probably a good idea to be relatively comfortable around each other, right? Practice a bit so we don’t jump if the other touches them, or, you know, whatever.” He was babblin
g. He needed to stop babbling. So he brought his hand up and dropped it into Dair’s as fast as he could, not overthinking.

  Except the skin-to-skin contact lit his insides up like he’d been struck by lightning. He suppressed a shiver as his body reacted to feeling Dair’s warm, callused palm against his own.

  Dair grinned. “Easy,” he declared.

  “Sure,” Robin squeaked.

  Dair appeared to be analyzing the feeling of holding another man’s hand. Or…was that even it? It sounded like he’d had literally no intimacy with someone else aside from his ex. So maybe it was just having another human being’s hand pressed against his own that was a new sensation.

  He rubbed the back of Robin’s knuckles with his thumb. “Is this okay?”

  Robin took a second before he answered, trying to compose himself. “Y-yeah, fine. So long as you’re comfortable?”

  Dair nodded and raised his eyebrows. “Of course. It’s no different, is it? Just two people sharing a moment. I don’t know why folks would get upset because you’re a guy and not a girl. If you close your eyes, it doesn’t matter. A hand is a hand. It matters who it belongs to. Like the relationship you have with that person.”

  Robin marveled at him. Being a progressive thinker shouldn’t be that fucking hot. “Yeah,” Robin croaked. “If only everyone saw it that way.”

  Dair grinned, selecting another fry to dip in his ketchup, licking the salt from his fingers. Robin was amazed at himself for not whimpering.

  Dair was still casually holding his hand, lightly stroking the back of it. “My folks were just so chill about this stuff, you know? They talked a lot about how other people are marginalized, like the LGBT community, people of color, the differently abled. Then, in the Marines – well, no one gave a shit who you were. Everyone ragged on everyone else, and every fucker watched their teammate’s back. Equal on every level. I just think I have a very low tolerance for bullshit.”