Safe Harbor

by Welch, HJ

  Dair raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Big homecoming, small white lie. Not your average Monday.”

  Robin bit his lip. “I guess not.” He never did anything remotely this interesting, he knew. It was kind of exciting, in its own way, once Robin ignored all the panic he was feeling around Dair. “But it’s fine. Thank you, again. For being here and well, everything.”

  “No problem.”

  Dair’s stunning smile was imprinted on Robin’s eyes as he killed the light and turned on his side to face the wall. Robin had never been more conscious of each breath he took in and out or every tiny time he fidgeted. It was like after all his life trying to avoid it, he was finally in that spotlight.

  But eventually, Dair’s breathing evened out to adorable little snuffles and Robin felt like he could finally let go.

  It would still be a long time before sleep finally claimed him.

  7

  Dair

  Dair was woken up by the boney knuckles of a hand slapping into his mouth.

  “Ow!” His whole body twitched into consciousness.

  Several thoughts assaulted him at once. This was not his bedroom. It wasn’t the room in the apartment he shared with Robin and Peyton either nor his other apartment or the old house with Malory. He wasn’t on tour or at the barracks.

  So where the hell was he?

  His training told him to be as still and silent as he could be until he had worked out his position. Then it all came flooding back.

  He was with Robin. In his bed, of all places.

  The whole situation had gotten a little out of hand at the dinner table, but nothing Dair couldn’t handle. He tried to shift his bulk without bouncing the mattress too much, which was kind of difficult considering his sheer body mass. But when he had moved enough to see Robin, he could tell he was still fast asleep.

  This was so much more than he’d signed on for, but he was continuously surprised at how unbothered he was by each new turn of events.

  He’d ended up sleeping next to Robin for the night. So what? Dair could – and had – sleep through a damned artillery attack, so even if Robin snored, it wouldn’t have been an issue. He’d felt the tension radiating off Robin’s body as they’d initially got between the sheets together. Dair would be an idiot to ignore the sexual implications of such an act. But now Robin was relaxed in sleep, and everything felt so much more normal.

  They were just buddies in a pinch. Sure, Dair had never shared a bed with any of his unit, but he’d bunkered down in camp beds with dozens of guys side by side. This wasn’t all that different, really.

  Robin stirred, making Dair realize he was staring at the poor man. So he quickly rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling, waiting to see if Robin woke up fully. He was squirming sleepily, but suddenly Dair felt him freeze. So Dair glanced over, not surprised to see Robin’s topaz eyes were wide.

  “Morning!” Dair gave a little wave, then wasn’t sure why he’d done that. So he laced his fingers over his stomach to try and make them behave. “Sleep well?”

  Robin blinked. “Uh, yeah.” He sounded uncertain as he reached for his glasses and slipped them on his face. “You?”

  “Fine,” Dair agreed, shifting his weight to face Robin more.

  It was in that moment he realized his problem.

  Shit. He tried not to let it show on his face, but his cock was doing what it almost always did in the mornings.

  Waking up.

  He reckoned he wasn’t even at half mast, but his dick was certainly hard enough he felt it against his briefs. Damn it. He definitely didn’t want Robin to realize and get uncomfortable. It was just a natural human occurrence, but Dair would absolutely hate it if Robin was to feel embarrassed, confused, or even, heaven forbid, threatened by it.

  The sensible thing would be to lie there and let it go down, but it didn’t feel like it was going to calm itself anytime soon. Besides, Dair wasn’t okay knowing he had the beginnings of an erection next to someone who had trusted him to be a gentleman during this fake boyfriend endeavor.

  “I’m feeling kind of gross after the drive yesterday,” he said, not exactly lying. “Do you think I’d be all right to take a shower?”

  “Oh, sure. I’ll check it’s free, but I think everyone else should have left by now.” Robin swung his legs out of the bed and padded across the carpet. He looked out the door and down the hall. “I think you’re good. Use whatever shampoo and stuff you like.”

  He rubbed his eyes under his glasses and gave a sleepy sigh. It made something…strange…happen in Dair’s chest. It wasn’t like he’d never seen Robin in his PJs before. But there was something new Dair was feeling. He couldn’t identify it, though, so he did his best to shrug it off.

  He had bigger problems right now.

  “Great. Thanks.” Dair needed to move, but Robin was looking at him expectantly. There was no way he’d miss the morning wood if Dair got out from under the covers now. “I might be in there a few minutes. Did you want to pop in first?” He knew there were other bathrooms, but it was the only thing he could think of.

  Luckily, Robin gave him a shy smile. “Um, yeah, actually. I’ll just be a minute.”

  Dair dove from the bed the second the door closed behind Robin. He found his toothbrush and deodorant, then picked out fresh jeans and a T-shirt, which he carefully held in front of his junk while he waited for Robin to return.

  “All yours.” Robin gave Dair a double thumbs-up as he walked back in. Dair nodded and made a run for it.

  By the time he got under the hot water, his cock was still not behaving. In fact, as soon as he touched it with a slippery hand, it got even more excited.

  “Fine,” Dair grumbled, rinsing the suds from his fingers and using the water as lubricant. He’d definitely locked the door, but it still felt wrong to start jerking off in his friend’s parents’ bathroom, even if they were alone in the house now. He wasn’t sure how else to make his dick deflate, though. Thinking of all his usual boner-killing stuff was doing nada.

  He closed his eyes, letting the hot water run over him and the steam fill his lungs. He wanted to be quick, so he flicked through his go-to Rolodex of hot porny images and tried to satisfy himself as soon as possible.

  Sexually speaking, he was a pretty simple man. He’d loved having sex with his ex, but a blow job was his particular favorite treat. They were always such fun, which was Dair’s priority during sex. He wanted to smile and laugh and tease his partner.

  Obviously, he didn’t think of his ex anymore when he tugged one off. But usually a vision of a generically pretty woman did the trick. Except today it felt like he was chasing that sweet spot but not quite getting it. “Come on,” he muttered to himself. An imaginary blow job was easy enough to get his head around. Yeah, there were better and worse ways to do it, but pretty much any combination of mouth on cock felt good to Dair.

  Would Robin know how to do it any differently?

  The thought shocked him so much Dair’s eyes flew open, and he inhaled a lungful of shower water, making him splutter and wheeze. What the hell?

  Well, it was only logical to assume that when both you and your sexual partner had a cock, you’d have a better understanding of what felt good. That must have been what had triggered the thought. But in almost twenty years of jerking off, Dair had never considered two guys before. He knew he didn’t have much of an imagination, but simple ideas with a woman had always been enough.

  He wrapped his hand back around his shaft. There was no denying his dick had perked up and his insides flipped at the concept, however.

  So while Dair banished any thought of Robin from his mind – that just wouldn’t be right – he couldn’t help but stick with the idea of two dudes, one sucking the other off. Not himself, of course. That would be weird. But two generic attractive guys going at it seemed to be doing the trick for Dair’s cock, finally.

  It was unusual, but fantasies were just fun, weren’t they? More importantly, they were private. So w
hen the guy doing the sucking off started stroking his own cock in Dair’s mind, Dair went with it. That was hot, imagining them both coming together. He’d always worried blow jobs were a bit one-sided.

  As he sped up his hand, he screwed his eyes closed and stifled a grunt, gripping the tiles for support. He could feel his climax building, and his breathing was ragged.

  Without warning, the guy getting head morphed into Dair. He was too into the fantasy and too close to release to stop now. So he ran with it.

  In his mind’s eye, he used the heat of the shower to imagine the heat of a mouth over his shaft instead of his fingers. Yeah, the idea of his mystery lover jerking himself off on his knees below was fucking scorching.

  It was just as Dair’s mind decided that the other guy’s hair could be red that Dair came, biting his lip to stop himself crying out too loud as he spilled all over his hand.

  He panted, allowing the still running water to wash away the physical evidence of his debauchery as his cock softened in his hand. Wow. That had been…wild. He expected feelings of guilt or shame to start creeping in at jerking off to the idea of a guy sucking his cock. But they didn’t arrive. Instead, his post orgasmic euphoria tingled through his body, making him feel like he was floating.

  Well, he hadn’t done anything wrong. So if that was what had made him feel good this particular morning, then so be it.

  Aware he’d been in the bathroom a fair while, he finished washing his hair and body as fast as possible. Then he shut the water off, feeling bad for letting it run so long. As he dried off and brushed his fingers through his hair, he hummed. By opening the window, some of the steam escaped, and soon he was able to dress without getting his clothes too damp.

  The mirror had half defogged and he looked at himself. He had forgotten to bring a razor with him and he was looking kind of scruffy. In the Marines, he’d just kept his chin and head as closely shaved as possible at all times. But since coming home, he’d kind of let everything grow a bit unruly, only getting a five-dollar trim every couple of months. For the first time since probably his teenage years, he carefully studied his reflection and wished maybe he’d made a bit more of an effort for Robin.

  He was supposed to be showing Dair off as his handsome boyfriend, after all. But right then, Dair felt a bit more disheveled than delicious. His hair was a mop and his stubble almost long enough to be considered shapeless scruff.

  He bit his lip, turning his face left and right. Would it be possible to find a barber before the big Saturday night reunion? It was still just Tuesday, after all.

  Even if he did, the smartest thing he’d brought was a blazer to go with his jeans. The solitary shoes he had that Smudge hadn’t chewed were his sneakers. Would that be good enough? It had seemed so back home. Dair had been taught to present himself immaculately for inspection while in the Corps. But since re-entering civilian life, he was pretty sure he hadn’t even worn a suit.

  He didn’t just want to be a wall of muscle between Robin and Mac if he showed up. Dair wanted people to look at him as Robin’s boyfriend and be impressed. He was only a mechanic, so he wasn’t going to wow anyone with that. But he was feeling very strongly now he should do something to smarten up.

  Decision made, he finally left the bathroom. Robin wasn’t in his room when Dair dropped his things off, but there was music coming from down toward the kitchen area. So Dair gave his hair one more rub with his towel, then jogged downstairs. The sound of Duran Duran got louder as Dair approached.

  He stopped at the threshold to the kitchen, marveling at what he saw. Robin had Smudge on his hip, dancing as he stirred something in a pot. The warm smell of rich oatmeal reached Dair, as well as bread toasting, coffee percolating, and the tang of freshly cut strawberries on a chopping board.

  It was a perfect domestic scene, and something twisted badly in Dair’s chest.

  This was what he craved. Sharing a home with someone wonderful where they cooked meals together and walked the dogs in the nearby park and curled up in one bed at night. A home that could grow with children and accommodate extended family whenever they wanted.

  In that moment, Dair wished this was real with all his heart.

  But Robin was a guy, and they were only pretending. Dair would have to keep searching for a family like the Coals to call his in-laws.

  For now, he could enjoy this weeks’ vacation. Just because Robin wasn’t really his boyfriend didn’t mean Dair couldn’t still enjoy his company as friends. So he mustered a smile and pushed himself off the doorframe.

  “That smells great.”

  Robin didn’t stop dancing as he turned and beamed at Dair. “I wanted to make you breakfast this time!” He handed Smudge over to Dair, wiggling his butt to Hungry Like the Wolf. “Is this okay? I can get us some sausages too?”

  Dair shook his head as he sat down, cuddling his puppy in his arms. “This is perfect.”

  It really was.

  8

  Robin

  “Yep. No, I understand that, but I’m on vacation. Have you tried redownloading the branch from source control, reinstalling the packages, then compiling? Well, then, I suggest you start there. If that doesn’t work, try Google. And, dude, StackOverflow is a thing. Use it. Okay. Yep, no problem. Bye.” Robin grimaced and closed the call. “Sorry about that.”

  Ever patient, Dair just smiled and shook his head. “I’ve been admiring the scenery.”

  Robin had never really appreciated how pretty his home town was growing up. But showing Dair around on their first full day there gave him the opportunity to see it through fresh eyes. Dair was delighted at all the rustic buildings that Robin used to think were old fashioned but now agreed were quaint and charming. The sun was shining, and the fresh, pine-scented air filled his lungs, putting a spring in his step.

  They walked down Main Street holding hands. Robin had almost protested when Dair had slipped their fingers together, but then he remembered that was the whole reason Dair was there. So Robin had chatted with Dair about the local history of the place until his heart rate calmed down again. He was getting quicker at chilling out in response to Dair’s touch. In fact, it was almost becoming normalized.

  They passed the barbers called Turkish Delight where Smudge made friends with another fluff ball. She’d been asleep upside down with her little legs sticking up in the air until Smudge raced over. They sniffed each other’s butts and chased each other in circles on the sidewalk.

  “Pom?”

  A stunning guy in his early thirties with black hair, square jaw, and tawny skin approached the open door. He wore an apron and was cleaning a straight razor. When he saw Robin and Dair holding hands, he paused. Robin had just enough time to panic before the guy’s face broke into a shy but sweet smile.

  “I think your dog likes mine,” he joked. His voice was soft and his honey-brown eyes sparkled.

  “Smudge is a hooligan,” Dair said, shaking his head. “Sorry. Hey, gently, gently!”

  Smudge bowled Pom – who Robin thought was a Pomeranian and had to laugh at the name choice – over and they scampered back toward the barbershop. Dair tugged on Smudge’s leash to break them apart before something got broken.

  “It’s fine,” said the barber with a gentle chuckle. “She’s tougher than she looks. Have a lovely day.”

  There. Robin and Dair had survived their first encounter in town as a ‘couple’ and the world had not ended. Robin let out a breath and laughed, glancing at Dair.

  “Piece of cake,” Dair said, apparently understanding Robin’s thoughts. He gave Robin’s hand a double squeeze like he had done at the dinner table the night before. Double Dair, like his old Marine nickname.

  They continued heading toward the boardwalk with the old-fashioned arcade and all the restaurants and quaint shops. They walked in amicable silence for a while, but Robin became slowly aware he was doing something.

  He was darting his gaze everywhere, keeping a fervent eye out for Mac.

  Jesus. How coul
d he have been so oblivious that Mac was still screwing with his head so badly? He’d been aware of his reluctance to date, but had honestly put that down to being so focused on his career. Same with this whole reunion. Until Peyton had pointed it out, he’d genuinely thought his last-minute panic had come from his job.

  But all this anxiety was apparently stretching all the way back to his high school ex.

  That was pathetic.

  Robin was furious with himself. If Peyton or any of his other friends devalued themselves to the point they only saw their worth through their love life, he’d shake them. Peyton wasn’t the sum of her girlfriends. She was an outstanding nurse, a caring friend, brilliant dancer and terrible influence. He loved her for everything she was. If she allowed a past relationship to dictate her life now, Robin would be horrified.

  But that was exactly what Robin was doing.

  He was exhausted, imagining countless scenarios of what he would say to Mac when they eventually ran into each other. Ideally, Robin would love to think he’d be cool and say something cutting about how great his life was and how he had forgotten all about their relationship. But the truth was he knew he was far more likely to either burst into tears, shout at Mac for being such a shit, or both.

  It was kind of nuts in the cold light of day how he’d justified Mac’s actions. Robin really had thought the way he’d shoved and pushed him around was just normal guy behavior. Perversely, Robin had liked it, because it meant he was dating a ‘real’ man. Like that validated his gayness and signaled his arrival into his new life.

  But there was nothing manly about slapping or thumping the person you were supposed to love, even if it was ‘just horsing around.’ It made Robin feel kind of wobbly to revisit now. At the time, he hadn’t picked up that Mac only did those kinds of things when they were alone.

  Robin shook his head and tried to focus on the beautiful summer’s day, the clean air, and the gorgeous mountain rising in the distance. He was in the here and now, and he knew that ten years ago he hadn’t been totally clueless. After all, he’d been the one to break up the relationship. Even if Mac had wheedled them back together a couple of times, Robin had eventually done the right thing, stayed strong, and called it quits for good when he’d moved to start college. With Peyton as his new BFF, he’d ultimately blocked Mac from his life, not just online.