by Welch, HJ
“Alasdair, I’m curious. Jay said you’ve never been with a guy before Robin. What’s that like, that moment of ‘ohhh’?” He placed a hand on his chest. “I’m pretty sure I flirted with the male OB-GYN that helped delivered me, so I never had to think about it much.”
“Oh, um.” As carefully as he could while Taylan finished up the second shave, Dair repeated the little story he and Robin had concocted about him being so clueless and not even realizing they were dating until they were literally on a date. That seemed to tickle Emery.
“So, would you say you’re bi or pan?” he asked Dair.
Dair blinked at him. “Uhh…”
Emery held up his hands, clearly going to explain. “Bi is attraction to all genders – male, female, nonbinary, all of that. Like, something you’re actively aware of. Pan is when you fall for someone and gender isn’t really a consideration. Like, you’re not really bothered what’s between their legs. You fall for them as a person.”
Dair frowned while Taylan used the hard bar of soap again. He was listening to every word they said, but he was either tuning them out or quietly processing it. Dair wasn’t getting any aggressive vibes from him, though, after hearing Dair was supposedly queer, so he felt safe enough to continue talking.
“Maybe that second one? Pan, was it? I just like Robin for Robin.” That was true, after all. In fact, he’d go so far now as to say he was extremely fond of his friend after these past few days together.
“Lovely,” Emery said dreamily, resting his chin on his fist and propping his elbow on the chair arm. “That’s so romantic. Robin was so special he literally made you question your sexuality.” He gasped and clutched his T-shirt. “So many guys wouldn’t be brave enough to do that.”
Dair gave him a bashful half smile. “I wouldn’t call it brave.”
Emery’s expression became the most serious Dair had seen it yet. “It takes a great deal of courage to be unflinchingly authentic. Trust me. I’m very happy Robin met you.”
They had to pause talking as Taylan wrapped a warm towel around Dair’s head and face, leaving him covered for a couple of minutes. It gave him time to brood on what Emery had just said.
Robin was special. He totally deserved to have someone question their whole world just to be with him. Emery was right. That was hella romantic.
It was just a shame that person wasn’t Dair.
When the towel came off, Dair was surprised to see Emery just hanging around, still on his phone. “Um, do you have an appointment too?” Dair asked as Taylan dusted his face with some sort of alternative to talcum powder.
Emery shook his head. “I just came in when I saw you. I’ve got a pretty light week. Why?”
“Well…”
Dair looked upward as Taylan winked and began massaging his cheeks and jaw with an aloe vera balm. “You ready for the best part?”
“Uh, sure?”
At that moment, Smudge and Pom made their appearance. Apparently, they’d been in the back of the shop. Dair suspected someone must have been feeding Smudge to keep him occupied for that long. But now they found Emery and he was more than willing to make a big fuss over them.
“Oh, there’s two fur babies today! Is Dair your daddy?” he asked Smudge. “Emery wishes Dair was his daddy, too. Oh yes he does, yes he does!”
Dair blushed, but Emery was clearly trying to wind him up on purpose. It felt kind of nice to be teased. In the military, ribbing was definitely a form of acceptance. Dair was happy if Robin’s friend felt comfortable enough to give him a hard time.
Emery scooped up Smudge into his lap and waved his paws at Dair. “Look, puppy! Fire!”
Dair whipped his head around to see Taylan holding a stick with cotton wrapped around the end. There was a faint smell of alcohol in the air, which was probably how Taylan had lit the cotton on fire.
“You said you wanted the full works. You still want the ultimate grooming?” Taylan asked, giving Dair that alluring wink again.
Dair wasn’t sure what was about to happen. But then an image of Mac floated in front of his eyes, looking every inch of perfection.
“Do it,” Dair said firmly.
Taylan proceeded to bat at Dair’s ears in quick succession with the flame, each time brushing his hand down the skin afterward. It didn’t exactly hurt, but it was still a strange sensation to feel the touch of briefest pain, then have it soothed. The faint whiff of burnt hair filled the air. After half a dozen taps on each side, Taylan blew out the flame, and all Dair’s rogue ear hairs had vanished.
“Wow.” He’d never thought of doing anything with those before. Along with his extremely smooth chin, he’d never felt neater, and Taylan was only just starting on trimming his hair. Little blond tufts floated to the floor. Dair watched them, feeling like the old version of himself was drifting away too.
Emery was busy on his phone, but he’d said he didn’t have much going on. So Dair decided to be brave. If this was a new version of himself, he wasn’t to go all the way with the makeover.
“You wouldn’t have somewhere to recommend for a nice suit, would you?” he asked. If he was going to pound his credit card, he might as well do it right.
Emery’s gaze snapped up from his phone. His face lit up and he clutched Dair’s knee through his slippery hairdressing gown.
“Careful,” Taylan growled, pausing with his scissors.
“Sorry,” Emery whispered, not sounding sorry at all. “Oh em gee. Alasdair, baby. Are you asking me to take you clothes shopping?”
“Well…” He’d only been asking for a shop recommendation, if he was honest. But Emery’s excited face made him change his mind. “I mean, sure. If you’ve got time?”
Emery snatched up his phone again, hastily swiping across the screen. “It would be my honor. I’ve cleared my afternoon. You’re my top priority. Do you want a look for the reunion?” Dair nodded and Emery squeed. Above, Taylan chuckled and shook his head. “This is going to be epic! We’ll get you looking so fucking gorgeous Robin won’t even consider getting coffee with that asshat Mac again, business or not. Sound good?”
Dair felt a grim determination settle over him and he smirked. “Definitely.”
It was suddenly very important to Dair that he look better than Mac for the big party. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he decided it probably came back down to taking care of Robin again. If Robin was proud to stand beside him, he would be easier to keep safe.
That had to be it.
12
Robin
In contrast to how he felt the last time he walked into Sunny Side Up, Robin’s gut twisted. For all he’d argued this would be good for him to meet Mac, now he was here by himself he was suddenly feeling like he was eighteen again, trying to stand up to his boyfriend and convince him it was over.
Except Mac waved happily at him from the booth he was sitting at, then gave Dair a salute out on the sidewalk. He appeared cheerful and at ease. Not the pent-up ball of stress and anger Robin remembered from their breakup.
Robin forced himself not to look back anxiously at Dair. He understood that the kiss had been purely for show, but his knees were still trembling. Dair had kissed him. It didn’t matter that it had only lasted barely a second or that it was basically a warning to Mac.
Dair Epping’s lips had touched Robin’s.
He needed to focus. Right then, the most important thing was this meeting with Mac. But it was very hard to shake Dair from his mind.
Mac stood to greet Robin with a warm hug. “You look great, Robin. Thank you for meeting me. I ordered you a cappuccino – you still like those, don’t you? With three sugars?”
Robin couldn’t help but laugh as he sat down. “Yep. Guilty as charged.”
“Still sweet,” Mac said with a wink.
Robin’s heart skipped a beat, but not in a good way. Shit. Was Mac flirting? Oh no, that wasn’t what he wanted at all. He decided to totally ignore it and pick up the menu. He looked around for Sunny or Tyee, hoping
to order some kind of pastry quickly to distract himself. They weren’t anywhere in sight, however. Neither was Peri, who was usually hard to miss with his mountain of fluff.
Robin felt strangely abandoned. But that was stupid. Dair had specifically offered to come with him, but this was a work meeting. So they should get down to work.
Robin opened his mouth to ask about the phishing (because that was totally what his IT department had been talking about, not fishing) Mac had mentioned needing help with, but Mac beat him to it.
“You’re wearing your glasses?”
The statement – presented as a question – threw Robin totally off guard. “Uh, yeah,” he said, feeling stupid. Obviously he was wearing them. They were sitting right there on his face.
Mac shrugged and looked a little confused. “I just thought you always looked better with your contacts, is all.” He laughed and touched Robin’s hand with his fingertips. “You’re gorgeous. You should show the world that, not hide behind a pair of glasses like an old man.”
“Oh.” Robin touched the side of his glasses. Yeah, Mac always did encourage Robin to wear his contacts. He’d forgotten. Robin didn’t mind wearing them from time to time, but honestly they were so much hassle. He just liked his glasses, usually. “I’ve got my contacts with me,” he offered. “I’ll probably wear them to the party. Get a bit dressed up.”
“Excellent.” Mac beamed.
“Welcome to Sunny’s. Here are your drinks. Can I get you anything to eat?” The server was a gangly teenager with dark hair down to his shoulders and painted black nails. He placed two china mugs down with a pot of condiments, then cocked an eyebrow at Robin. “Robin Coal?”
It took Robin a second. “Saul Perkins? Good god, you’ve grown!” Saul was one of Sunny and Tyee’s grandkids. They had a whole brood here in town, so many that Robin had lost count years ago. There might even be one or two great-grandbabies by now. “Jeez. What are you? Seventeen now?”
“Eighteen,” Saul said, proudly nodding. “Got a scholarship for Seattle Pacific University. Going there in the fall.”
“Holy crap, that’s amazing,” Robin enthused. “Congratulations. That’s really fantastic. Your family must be so delighted.”
Saul smiled bashfully. “My mom cried. Pops and Grandpa threw a party here for me.”
“That’s great,” Mac agreed. “I mean, college isn’t everything. So long as it’s what you want, then good for you.”
“It’s definitely what I want,” Saul said, arching an eyebrow.
Mac hadn’t gone to college. He’d had a chip on his shoulder about the whole thing before Robin even left town. He said it was a waste of money for their generation as it just landed them in debt. But Robin had always wondered if there had been an element of jealousy too that Mac’s family hadn’t been able to afford it for him, despite sending his older brother.
Saul tapped his pen on his notepad. “So, any food for you guys?”
“I’d love a blueberry muffin.” Robin smiled at him and folded up his menu.
Mac tapped his muscular stomach. “Not a cheat day, sadly. I’ll just stick with the coffee.”
Saul swept away, leaving them alone. Mac picked up his cup, swirling his drink. “So Dair seems nice. How did you guys meet?”
Robin licked his lips. “I thought you wanted to talk about work?” It wasn’t that Robin was desperate to talk about work himself. His own company had contacted him again this morning, begging for help, so Robin would have to deal with that later as well. But he wanted to keep things strictly professional with Mac.
However, Mac scoffed. “Oh, really, Binny? We haven’t seen each other in ten years. Would a little chitchat kill you? Come on, give me that. You were the one who broke up with me, after all.” He stuck out his lower lip in a childish pout.
Yeah, because you cheated on me, Robin thought. Not that he’d ever told that to anyone, because then he might have to admit what had pushed Mac to fall into another guy’s bed in the first place. That was just too humiliating. But it did mean that people like Peyton and Jay latched on to the temper thing a bit too much.
Robin would never have stayed if Mac had ever actually hit him. Rough-housing was normal in teenage boys. But knowing Mac had been unfaithful had really woken Robin up to the fact that they just weren’t compatible. If they didn’t make each other happy, they needed to end it.
He had needed to end it.
Why not talk about Dair? Robin’s whole motive in coming here was to prove to Mac that he’d moved on with his life and he was worth something. What was the point of putting himself through the hardship of pretending to date his crush if he wasn’t going to big it up?
“He took one of the rooms in the apartment I rent and we just hit it off.”
Mac’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, you still rent? Okay.” He sipped his coffee. “Buying is such a ball ache anyway, not to mention expensive. Good for you. So, was it love at first sight? He is pretty stunning.”
Robin didn’t miss the edge of incredulity. What Mac was really saying was ‘how did you bag a guy like that?’
“It took a while,” Robin said, sticking to the story they’d come up with on the drive over. “It was like it happened by accident. Neither of us realized we were on a date until we kissed.”
“I love it.” Mac chuckled. “I was worried you might not date after we broke up. You’re too shy! I’m glad you found someone new.”
“Thanks,” Robin mumbled. “So, um, are you seeing anyone?”
Mac scoffed and held his hands up, indicating not only the diner but also Pine Cove at large. “Like there’s any decent ass in this dump of a town? You ran away and left us, remember?” He laughed and slapped Robin’s arm hard enough to leave a slight sting.
Robin scowled and pulled his arms in, cradling his coffee. “I’d actually forgotten how beautiful I find it around here.”
Mac frowned. “Oh. I thought you’d agree with me about city life. I’m looking at a big promotion very soon. I’ll be heading out to Portland. It’s about time I left all this behind.”
Leaving town had always been something he’d resented Robin for. Still, Robin couldn’t fault him if that was what he wanted for himself. There were plenty of opportunities out there in the big wide world, not to mention hot guys. Just because Robin hadn’t had any luck finding one didn’t mean Mac wouldn’t.
“That’s exciting about the promotion,” he said to shift the conversation topic back in a work direction.
Mac nodded, looking out the window of the diner. “It’s basically a formality at this point. They want me for the position, but legally they have to interview other people as well.” He rolled his eyes. “How about you? You jump up the ladder recently?”
Robin stalled. How did he explain that he was almost as high as he could go without making the leap into management? He loved where he was because although he worked in a team, he wasn’t responsible for anyone. He could just put his music on and get on with his own thing. The thought of having to navigate people and politics and drama made him break into a cold sweat.
Thankfully, his muffin arrived and he was grateful for the distraction. Carefully, he pulled the wrapper off the base, then tore little chunks off to nibble.
“I’m good where I am,” he said eventually, hoping that was vague enough. “Okay, so these phishing attacks. Did they succeed? Was someone able to get sensitive data or a backdoor installed? That would give me more of an idea of the problem.”
Mac scoffed. “Oh, I’ve got no idea. I can ask the guys in that department the right questions for you, though? Just email them over to me.”
Robin almost pointed out he didn’t have Mac’s email anymore.
But he didn’t want Mac’s email. He didn’t want Mac to know his email. “How about I write them down now?”
Shame crept through him as he pulled a pen from his pocket and started scribbling on a clean napkin. Perhaps Jay had been right. Mac didn’t really need his technical expertise. He�
�d just used that as an excuse to worm his way into spending time with Robin.
Fuck. He felt like an idiot.
Well, he’d still done what he came here to do. He’d shown Mac he had a great job and a great boyfriend.
Except, he didn’t really have a boyfriend, did he?
He swallowed, desperate for his eyes not to get itchy as he continued to write his list and Mac chatted obliviously about his job in sales.
Mac may have led him on to get him here, but at least he actually wanted to date Robin. He was a viable option.
As wonderful as Dair was, he was still straight. Robin was just fooling himself by indulging in their little fantasy.
One day, Dair was going to meet a fantastic girl and move out, leaving Robin and Peyton to fill the third bedroom yet again. Dair was clearly the marrying kind, Robin could tell. He’d get hitched in a church, then have two or three kids and move out to the suburbs. Hopefully when that day came, they’d laugh about that time they’d pretended to date.
And Robin wouldn’t feel heartbroken at the idea of him with someone else.
Growing up gay, it was harder to picture yourself married with a family. Things were changing rapidly nowadays, but it was ingrained in Robin from childhood that his path would be a different one than his parents. But then, he had Sunny and Tyee.
Speaking of which, Robin realized with a thrill they’d reappeared. It was silly, but he felt less alone with them around. He glanced over his shoulder to see Tyee fussing over his husband’s apron tie at the entrance to the kitchen, Peri wagging his tail by their feet.
They got their happy ending. They’d adopted several kids in spite of adversity from local government for a time. They ran a business that was the heart and soul of Pine Cove. They were a success, whichever way you looked at it.
So maybe Robin could have that too. Just not with Mac, urgh. But sadly, not with Dair either.
He almost rose his fingers to touch his lips. Damn, that kiss had been unexpected. He knew logically Dair had just been proving a point in front of Mac to keep him in line. But Robin’s body didn’t seem to get that message.
