by Welch, HJ
His cock certainly didn’t as it perked up again at the mere thought of it, just like it had when their mouths had come together. Fuck, Dair had tasted like coffee and minty chewing gum and something else warm and spicy. Robin couldn’t help but wonder what else he might have tasted if their tongues had met.
That would never happen, so he needed to get a fucking grip. He could pine over the man he couldn’t have, go back to the only other boyfriend he’d ever had, or get over them both and find somebody new.
But he hadn’t found anyone new in ten years. He’d just had a series of silly little crushes and hookups that had led nowhere. It was kind of cruel that his crush on Dair was the strongest he’d felt by far over the years, just in time to coincide with his reunion with Mac. But in a few months, it would fade, just like all the others had. That didn’t mean he had to fall back into Mac’s arms to rid himself of it.
“Am I boring you?” Mac laughed, but Robin could tell he was hurt Robin had tuned out from whatever he’d been saying.
“Sorry, sorry.” Robin shook his head and glanced over the questions he’d penned. “There you go – I think that should help. If they can’t work out the issue from that, just let me know.”
Mac took the napkin from him, his face breaking into a Hollywood-worthy smile. “I can still read your awful handwriting! That’s cool.” He sighed and pocketed the list. Before Robin could move, Mac reached out and placed his hand over Robin’s. “Damn, I’ve missed this. Let’s not drift apart again, yeah? We can stay in touch this time?”
Robin wanted to wrench his hand away, but he didn’t want to cause an argument. However, at that moment Saul returned, slapping a slip of paper down onto the table. Robin jumped, automatically letting Mac go.
Saul looked pointedly at Robin. “Your check,” he said with a raised eyebrow.
Mac waved his hand, already reaching for his wallet. “No, no. I’ve got this. My treat.”
He produced his credit card with a flourish and Saul took it to use on the machine.
“Well, I better get back to work,” Mac said once he got his card back, rolling his eyes. “Busy, busy, busy. It was amazing seeing you, though. Hopefully I’ll catch you at a few more events before you leave us all again?”
“Uh, sure.” Robin allowed Mac to hug him as they rose from the booth.
He watched Mac go, buttoning up his suit jacket as he strode confidently down the street and out of sight. After a minute, Robin followed.
“Hey, kid?”
Robin looked over to the server’s station where Tyee was rolling silverware. Peri plodded over, sniffing Robin’s sneakers. Then he looked up as if asking where his new friend Smudge was. Robin petted his head absently.
“Everything okay with the check?” Robin asked. If Mac’s card had bounced, he could cover it no problem. He’d just be embarrassed.
Tyee shook his head. “I was just wondering where that handsome boyfriend of yours was.”
Robin winced internally. Not my boyfriend, he thought sadly. So far, Jay had kept his promise and not altered his behavior in the slightest or said anything to anyone. Ava was in a mood with him for lying, but so far, Robin and Dair’s charade was still going strong.
It just kind of sucked to constantly be reminded of what he didn’t have but so desperately wanted.
“Oh, he’s doing errands,” Robin said, nodding. “He dropped me off for my meeting.”
“Uh-huh,” said Tyee dubiously, focusing on the silverware he was wrapping in napkins.
“It was just a meeting,” Robin said firmly.
The very last thing he wanted was for anyone to get the insane notion that he was cheating on Dair. They may have been fake dating, but Robin would never, ever do that to anyone.
Not after the way Mac had made him feel.
Robin pushed those feelings deep down. When he’d seen the messages from that other guy on Mac’s phone, it had broken him. It was crazy to think Mac had been so careless as to allow Robin to see them over his shoulder, but he had, and he’d finally broken up with him. That had been a dark time.
“Mac needed help with a technical issue. You know I work with computers still, right? So, yeah, that’s all done now. So I’m going to meet Dair.”
Tyee looked up and fixed Robin with a stern gaze. “Good. He seems like a lovely young man.”
Oh, how true that was.
Robin bid him farewell, then sighed as he walked back out into the brilliant sunshine.
A glance told him that Dair’s truck was still there. Seeing as there wasn’t either a Dair or a Smudge inside, Robin assumed he was still busy doing whatever it was he was doing. Rather than call him and let him know he was done at Sunny’s, Robin turned right and headed toward the lake.
He had to put his sunglasses on to look at it. It was always so dazzling in summer, a thousand little ripples dancing and playing with the golden light streaming down from up above. He looked along the shoreline to the country club where they would be having their big Saturday night bash. It was a damn sight nicer than the school gym where they’d had prom. Robin was mesmerized by a quaint rowboat bobbing where it was tied up on the short dock.
But after a while, his thoughts couldn’t simply be preoccupied watching the boat do its dance.
The meeting with Mac hadn’t quite gone as expected, but it had thrown Robin’s dilemma into sharp relief.
He could pretend all he wanted. But after this week, he was still going to be that isolated, awkward kid from small-town Washington. He could go back to Seattle and get swallowed up by the crowd, but that wouldn’t hide the truth.
He was all alone.
13
Dair
Dair was surprised that by the time he and Emery were done shopping, he still hadn’t had a call from Robin. “Do you think he’s okay?” he asked Emery as they walked with Smudge up to where his Ford Ranger was parked. They’d passed Sunny Side Up and knew he wasn’t inside.
Emery frowned and looked over the top of his sunglasses. “Call him.”
It rang through to voicemail. But as Dair loaded his shopping bags into the back of the truck, his phone pinged with a text message.
I felt like a walk. Everything’s fine. I’ll see you back at my parents’ place.
Dair tapped the phone screen with his fingernail once he’d locked it. “Do you mind if I take off?”
Emery shook his head, crouching down to pet Smudge goodbye. “Not at all. You go, baby. He might be a little rattled after seeing Mac.”
Or he might be remembering why they used to date in the first place. The thought made Dair glum. Didn’t Robin get he was worth so much more than a smooth-talker with a temper?
The sooner he saw him, the sooner Dair could assess the situation. It was a fair walk back to the Coal place, but Dair had been in the barbers, then shopping for a while. If Robin’s meeting with Mac had been quick, he might already be back there.
“Thank you so much for your advice.” Dair shook his head and patted one of the many bags sitting in the truck bed. “I wouldn’t have even tried half this stuff on.”
Emery jumped up from where he’d been fussing Smudge and fanned himself. “Oh, she knows a thing or two, sweetheart. You call on Auntie Em any time, sugar.”
With a wink, he spun on his heels, wiggled his tushy, then strutted away down the boardwalk, watching his reflection in the store windows he passed. Dair chuckled softly, but it wasn’t long before he remembered his worry for Robin again.
He texted back saying he was driving back to the house now, then helped Smudge onto the passenger seat. Before he started the engine, he decided to make a quick phone call. If it rang out, so be it. But Dair didn’t have a mom to ring for advice.
Peyton was the closest thing he had to family.
“What up!” she cried upon answering. It sounded like she was eating potato chips. Dair smiled in relief, rubbing the side of the steering wheel, feeling the warmth from the sun that had been beating down on the leather.
“Hey, hon. How are you?”
There was a slight pause and the sound of a chip bag being crinkled closed. “I’m fine. How are you? What’s that tone for?”
“Nothing,” Dair said hurriedly. “Except, well, I guess I just wanted to bounce something off you and check I did the right thing.”
“Okay?”
Dair bit his lip. “Robin met Mac for coffee. Mac said it was for a work thing, but I think he was trying to win Robin over again.”
It sounded awful out loud. Dair was specifically here to save Robin from himself when it came to Mac, and he had just walked off and left him to it, too concerned about sorting himself out. He was a bad friend.
But what would the alternative have been? Telling Robin he couldn’t go see Mac? That was a dick move, Dair was completely certain. No, he’d done the best he could. At least he hoped that was what Peyton would say.
He still half expected her to shout at him, but instead she sighed sympathetically. “Oh dear. Yeah, from what I’ve heard, he’s a charming motherfucker. That doesn’t surprise me at all. Right, where’s Robin now?”
“Back at his folks’ place, or will be shortly. I was just going to go find him.”
“Great,” said Peyton. Dair could imagine her nodding to herself. “You go do that. He might need you to pick up the pieces. Jay always said that Mac has a way of getting under his skin and tearing him down. If you feel up to giving him a hug, I’d suggest a big one.”
A hug Dair could most definitely do. He thought of himself as an excellent hugger. “Roger that. Thank you.” Once he’d checked his other fur babies were doing fine and Peyton wasn’t too bored on her own, he closed the call, promising to see her on Saturday. Then he started the engine and began the now familiar drive back to Robin’s house.
With his bags in one hand and Smudge’s leash in the other, he shouldered his way through the front door.
“Gee whiz!” Robin’s mom, Deb, rushed down the hall to take Smudge off his hands. “You’ve been busy, haven’t you? My, you do look handsome, though. Robin’s already here. He’s in his room.” She gave Dair a searching look, probably wondering why they had come home separately, but Dair honestly didn’t have any good answers for her right now.
“I’ll go check he’s okay,” he assured her. “He had coffee with an old friend, so I went shopping.”
Deb hummed and flicked an eyebrow above her glasses, suggesting she knew exactly who he’d met up with. Dair quashed his guilt as he’d already established he’d done the best he could. Now it was his job to make sure everything was okay. Perhaps gently suggest to Robin that he didn’t need a shithead like that in his life.
Ever.
His large frame made it a little awkward to navigate stairs at the best of times, but with several boxy bags of varying sizes knocking against his knees it was even worse than usual. But somehow he made it up to the second floor and along the hall without sending anything crashing to the ground.
He paused outside the closed door, but he couldn’t hear any noise beyond it. So he shifted all the bags to his left hand, then knocked with his right. “Robin? May I come in?”
There was a second’s pause. “Yeah, sure.” Robin’s tone was cheerful enough, but Dair wondered if it was forced. He steeled himself and turned the handle.
Robin was curled up on the bed, hugging his stuffed koala when Dair entered. His gaze had been focused listlessly on the wall, but he glanced up as Dair closed the door.
Then he froze.
“Holy fuck,” he rasped.
The koala rolled away from him as he sat up, his mouth hanging open as he gaped at Dair. Heat rose into Dair’s cheeks. He wasn’t used to people looking at him unless they were checking out how much he was bench-pressing.
But for Robin, he placed the bags on the floor and did a single turn for him to admire his new haircut and shave. He’d almost gotten changed into some of the new clothes in one of the stores, but he’d decided he wanted to shower before that.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“You look fucking gorgeous.” Robin stared for another few seconds. Then he shook his head and closed his mouth with an audible click of his teeth. “Really nice. I love it.”
Dair ran his hand over the longer hair at the top and the closer cut around the back and sides. It felt nice to the touch. “I realized maybe I should have made an effort for being your boyfriend. You’re supposed to be showing me off, after all.”
Robin bit his lip and pawed his hand on the bed for the koala. Hugging it again, he leaned back against his pillows, not quite lying down again, but definitely closing himself off.
Had Dair said something wrong?
He perched on the office chair and clasped his hands together, allowing them to dangle between his knees. “Is everything okay?”
Robin gave him a pinched smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah, fine.”
Dair raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? Things go okay with Mac?”
Robin scoffed and stroked the koala’s fur. “Mac was Mac. He wasn’t particularly interested in the computer stuff, just like everyone warned me. But he was…well, he was kind of the same as he used to be, but no worse.” He shrugged again, his gaze not meeting Dair’s. He was clearly rattled.
Dair’s heart hurt. This time last week, he and Robin had been friends. But now their relationship had moved beyond that. They were close friends, maybe even more. There was something that ached inside Dair to see someone he cared about going through a tough time.
He thought about that hug he’d promised Peyton he’d administer. But Robin was cuddled up on his bed looking vulnerable. Dair didn’t feel like he could just go over there, crawl alongside him, and throw his arms around him.
“Well, look,” he said instead. “You knew he was kind of a dick. Good for you to go along and try to get some closure. Maybe you’ll feel better about him when you go home after this? In the meantime, there’s no harm done.”
Robin hummed. Dair’s skin prickled.
“There’s wasn’t any harm done, was there?”
Robin frowned at him, then his face relaxed in realization. “Oh, no! No…I mean…” He frowned and rubbed his arm before shaking his head. “No, no harm. Physically. I just feel a bit of a fool.”
Dair couldn’t take it. He moved to the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Robin’s outstretched leg. He rubbed his ankle through his sock with his thumb. Dair wouldn’t dream of doing that with one of his straight buddies. But from what he’d observed, gay guys tended to be more like women with how tactile they were. Sure enough, Robin didn’t jerk away at the contact. Instead, he gave Dair a half smile.
“You’re not a fool for wanting to see the best in people,” Dair said softly. “Nor for wanting to believe you didn’t put yourself through a bad relationship. We all do dumb stuff when we’re teenagers, though. The important thing is how you live your life now.” He offered Robin what he hoped was a compassionate smile. “And you deserve someone a million times better than that jackass.”
Robin laughed, but to Dair’s horror he then hiccuped and it turned into a sob. From the looks of it, he attempted to swallow it down as he rapidly blinked away tears, but it was clear he was trying not to cry.
“Oh, hon.” Dair stood, intending to move and sit next to him after all. “Look, Peyton pretty much ordered me to give you a hug. Would that be okay?”
Robin laughed and shook his head as he reached for a tissue to blow his nose and wipe his cheeks. “Yes, please,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “If you don’t mind?”
Dair chuckled and dropped his weight onto the bed. “Get over here.” He opened his arms wide.
Robin pulled his glasses off and pressed himself against Dair’s side, nuzzling his face against his chest. Dair rubbed his back gently. It was funny how Robin looked more vulnerable without his glasses framing his face. Not better or worse, just different. Dair liked that he was getting to see all these different sides of his
friend.
“I, um, just wish someone was interested in me who wasn’t a douche,” Robin murmured against Dair’s T-shirt. His slender fingers played the material, smoothing out little creases. It tickled ever so slightly on Dair’s stomach. In a strange way, it felt really nice.
Much like the kiss they’d staged on the sidewalk, Dair realized it had been a very long time since he’d cuddled with anyone. His ex had been his only source of physical comfort for over a decade and he hadn’t really appreciated that until it went away. Robin felt so wonderful in his arms. Dair was comfortable enough that he laid his cheek down against Robin’s thick auburn hair, inhaling the scent of the shampoo they’d been sharing.
He was filled with a deep sense of contentment.
“There’s a guy out there who’s just perfect for you, Robin Coal. He’ll be kind to you and respect you and see how funny and cute and sexy you are. You’ll fall madly in love and get married and have puppies and babies and assemble Ikea furniture together. It’ll be so romantic you’ll make yourself sick with it.”
He laughed and rubbed Robin’s arm, expecting him to chuckle too. But Robin looked up at him with those large topaz eyes, blinking once as his gaze searched Dair’s face. He frowned slightly, confusion creasing his brow.
“You think I’m sexy?”
The way he said ‘sexy’ made Dair wonder if anyone had ever used that word to compliment him before. Unfortunately, having met Mac, Dair figured that could very well be true. But for Dair, this was a simple fact.
“Well, yeah, hon. The way you moved on that dance floor on Tuesday night…” He whistled. “Didn’t you see all those guys looking at you? You were mesmerizing.”
Robin’s frown deepened. “No,” he said, as if Dair was winding him up.
Dair laughed again in disbelief. “Oh, come on. Now you’re just fishing! The way you move those hips…” He shook his head. “Yes, Robin, you’re a sexy little minx, and I bet all those guys were thinking about getting you into bed. So no more of this crap, okay? Whoever that perfect guy is for you out there, he’s going to tell you you’re sexy every day.”
