by Welch, HJ
He grinned and winked. But Robin was still staring at him incredulously. Worry crept into Dair that he’d said something wrong again. He tried to ask what was wrong, but his voice seemed to die in his throat. Robin was still staring at him, and Dair’s heartbeat was speeding up.
He was suddenly very aware of the warm, bare skin of their arms touching. Of Robin’s sweet breath ghosting against his mouth. Of the way Robin’s lower lip trembled ever so slightly. Dair could feel Robin’s heart beat through his chest and realized it was fast like his own.
What was happening?
Dair pursed his lips. All he knew was he and Robin were still looking into each other’s eyes, and Robin’s smaller body slotted so perfectly against Dair’s larger frame. Even despite his confusion at the moment they appeared to be locked in, he still felt that contentment from before. Holding Robin just felt right.
And then Robin leaned closer, just a fraction…
“Hey! Are you guys ready to go to the-?”
As Jay burst through Robin’s door, Robin launched himself away from Dair like he’d been electrocuted. Dair was too stunned to move. What had just happened? They were supposed to be boyfriends. They weren’t doing anything that would get them in trouble. Besides, it had felt so nice, and then the moment had been ripped away.
He couldn’t help but feel a little hurt.
Jay frowned, looking between them. Robin was fiercely hugging his stuffed koala again, perched on the edge of the bed. “Um,” said Jay uncertainly. “I was just checking you guys were okay to head to the school in about an hour for the basketball game? There’s going to be a cocktail reception beforehand.”
Dair glanced at Robin, but for some unfathomable reason, he seemed to be frozen stiff. “Sure,” Dair replied cheerfully. “Looking forward to it. It’s been years since I saw a live game.”
Jay gave him a thumbs-up, then shot a questioning glance at Robin. But Robin didn’t look at him, so Jay scowled at Dair. Dair tried to silently convey that he had no clue what had spooked Robin so badly when they’d been having what Dair had thought was a milestone moment in their relationship.
“We’ll be down in a bit,” Dair promised.
Really, he was trying to encourage Jay to leave so he could ask Robin what the hell was going on. Luckily, Jay got that hint and left them to it, telling them not to be long.
“Robin-”
“I, uh, I need a shower.” Robin snatched up his glasses, shoving them back on his face. “I’ll just, uh, why don’t you go to the kitchen and I’ll meet you down there? I think Mom’s making pregame snacks. Also, she needs instructions for Smudge, as he can’t come with us.”
“Robin,” Dair said more sternly, causing him to stop in his tracks before he got to the door. He paused with his hand reaching for the handle. “Did I do something wrong?”
Robin’s shoulders slumped and the tension on his face softened. “No, Dair,” he said quietly. “You’ve been amazing. I just need a minute to myself, if that’s okay?”
Dair nodded. “Of course it is, hon.”
Robin dashed out into the corridor, presumably heading for the bathroom.
Dair sat on the bed for a while, listening to the sound of the running water and wondering what on earth was going on.
14
Robin
Idiot.
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
What the hell had Robin been thinking? Clearly, he hadn’t been thinking at all.
A scalding hot shower had helped him get out of his damn head a little. But then Dair had also showered and put on a brand-new pair of jeans that clung sinfully to his ass as well as a crisp white shirt that made his tanned skin glow. Robin had never seen him clean-shaven – or even with a haircut – so to see him looking positively dapper made Robin’s heart all but stop.
Now here he was in the back of Jay’s car, squished between Emery and Dair, holding hands with Dair to keep up their ruse. Ava was in the front seat. She’d offered it to Dair, but he’d replied that he wanted to sit next to Robin.
It was like he was purposefully torturing him.
Did he get he was killing Robin with all this affection? Of course not. He had no idea that Robin’s crush was becoming dangerously worse, pushing at the lid of the box he’d kept in his chest for the past couple of months.
This wasn’t some silly infatuation. Those were built on ideas of people, not actual relationships.
What he was currently experiencing were real, gut-wrenching feelings. Robin ached physically for Dair when he wasn’t around. The sound of his voice sent shivers down his spine, no matter how mundane the topic of conversation was. And his touch? Jesus fucking Christ, Robin couldn’t take it anymore.
He’d never been held by a man like that in his life. Not by any of his lovers and certainly not by Mac. And all that talk about how sexy he was? Robin felt like he was going to break apart, just replaying it to himself in the back of the car.
He felt Dair’s thumb rubbing the back of his hand, so he looked over. It was only because Robin and Emery were so small that the three of them had fit into the back of Jay’s Ford Fiesta. Dair was taking up half the room himself and his body was pressed right up against Robin’s. When Robin met his gaze, Dair raised his eyebrows, asking that same silent question he’d asked several times since Robin had sprung away from him on the bed.
‘What’s wrong?’
Robin smiled and patted his thigh with his free hand. ‘I’m fine.’
If he said it enough times, he might very well start to believe it.
“What time does the tennis match start?” Emery asked, not lifting his gaze from his phone.
Jay huffed from the front seat. “It’s a basketball game between the current team and as many of the team from our class as we could convince to play.”
“Oh, honey. I heard ‘men in shorts’ and I was there. I have no interest in what kind of ball it is.” He smirked to himself. “You know, not those kinds of balls, anyway.”
Ava snorted while Jay huffed. He wasn’t drinking tonight, hence him playing chauffeur for the evening. Even though he’d been taking it easy with partying the other nights, Robin suspected that the stress of organizing this reunion was getting to him on top of his teaching job.
“This whole week has been amazing, Jay.” Robin leaned forward and squeezed his twin’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”
Jay hummed, but he at least gave Robin half a smile in the rearview mirror.
Robin wasn’t sure what his thoughts were on what happened earlier. Dair didn’t know that Robin has confessed to their relationship being fake, so when Jay had walked in on them canoodling Dair didn’t understand why Robin would freak out.
That, and Robin had just been about to kiss him.
What the actual fuck? Robin knew Dair was straight. Kissing him would be so way over the line of what was okay. It would be an abuse of his friendship and his trust. Robin would never want to take advantage of anyone like that, let alone Dair.
He should count himself beyond lucky to have such a mature, open-minded, and caring friend. Robin had felt so safe in his arms after the fallout of meeting Mac. He was a moron for thinking that could have worked out. But Dair hadn’t so much as hinted at an ‘I told you so.’ In fact, he’d gone the other way and showered Robin with compliments.
If Dair was gay, Robin might even be starting to think he was interested in him at this point. But he wasn’t. So he should just take all the lovely things Dair was saying and doing, put them in a box to treasure later, and lighten the fuck up. This was his vacation, after all, and he was determined not to spend it moping or heartbroken.
By the time Jay parked in the school’s lot, Robin was genuinely feeling like he had more of a spring in his step. He smiled at Dair, a proper one this time, and was happy to see relief in Dair’s expression. Robin didn’t want him worrying unnecessarily.
“So,” he said to the group at large as they exited the car. “Basketball’s the one with the st
icks with the nets on the end, right?”
Emery hooted with laughter while Jay and Ava huffed. Dair chuckled at his silly joke, though, warming Robin’s heart. There we go. Back to normal.
“That’s lacrosse. Do you really need me to explain the rules of basketball?” Jay threw him an impatient look. Robin shook his head.
“Nah. I’m going to be joining Emery in seeing if Zack Foster is still as hot as he used to be.”
“Oh em gee,” Emery wailed. He slapped his hands to his cheeks. “How could I forget him?”
“Isn’t he married now?” Ava asked as they walked toward the school gymnasium.
“Hush, you,” Emery chided. “Let me have some fun.”
Robin looked up at the Pine Cove High sign as they approached. Wow. It had been a very long time since he’d walked through these doors. He’d come to every single one of Mac’s basketball games, always the doting boyfriend. Funny, Mac hadn’t mentioned playing tonight.
Robin soon forgot his Mac-related thoughts as he found himself in the gym foyer. Jay’s reunion team had done a great job decorating it with shiny streamers and paper garlands. There was even a balloon arch in the school colors leading into the hall. Around the foyer were several large cardboard displays propped up on art easels. Each featured a former student from their class who had been a sports star, detailing what they’d done after graduating. Robin and Dair grabbed themselves a beer each, then Robin took him on a tour of the posters, talking to Dair about his memories of each student.
It all felt so normal. After his meltdown earlier, Robin realized he was having a perfectly lovely time holding hands and walking down memory lane with Dair. He even introduced him to several former classmates as his boyfriend without stuttering or blushing.
Good. This was how it was supposed to be. Just two friends hanging out who happened to be holding hands just in case Mac reared his ugly head again.
For all Robin enjoyed winding his siblings up, he actually did appreciate basketball a fair bit. It was one of their family’s favorite sports, illustrated by the fact their group met up with Swift, Kestrel, and their parents to all go find seats together. It felt like half the town had turned out for this friendly game. He and Dair waved to Taylan the barber, who looked to be with his elderly father. Sunny and Tyee were being fussed over by several members across generations of their large family. Robin only remembered about half their names, there were so many of them.
Dair insisted on getting them popcorn to watch the game. Robin worried that not living at home he hadn’t been eating enough the past couple of days to keep up with his regular workouts. The man was a disposal unit for carbs. So Robin insisted he get a hot dog for himself as well from the concessions stand that had been set up especially for the anniversary game. Emery and the rest of Robin’s family went on ahead to get seats together before they were all gone.
Dair insisted on ordering. “Could we get a hotdog, a large popcorn, a pack of regular M&Ms, and could we possibly get another empty popcorn bag?”
The young woman serving them grinned. “Sure,” she said, already getting their order.
Robin nudged Dair’s arm. “What are you up to?”
Dair gave him that wink that made Robin weak at the knees. “You’ll see.”
After they’d paid, they stepped aside and Dair placed his hotdog on a table along with their fresh beers. Then he tipped half the popcorn into the empty bag. Robin felt a little pang. He’d quite been looking forward to sharing, but splitting it was probably more practical. Except, then Dair opened the M&Ms and poured half the bag into his share of the popcorn, screwed up the top, then shook it all up together.
“You wanna try my secret popcorn recipe?” He held the bag out with a grin.
“Chocolate and popcorn?” Robin chuckled. “Okay, sure, why not.” He grabbed a small handful, making sure he had a mix of both, and tipped some into his mouth. For a second he just chewed, then he moaned. “Oh my god,” he mumbled, popping the rest of his handful into his mouth. “The chocolate’s melting! But it’s still inside the shell! And the sweetness with the salt and butter – gah!”
He grabbed the rest of the M&Ms from Dair while he laughed at Robin. Robin didn’t care. He just grinned as he tipped them into his own popcorn while it was still hot and shook it up vigorously.
“Perfect.” Dair sounded proud. Then he surprised Robin by taking his popcorn back and tipping the two bags back together. They hopped back and laughed as a couple of kernels fell to the ground, but then they had one bag again.
To share.
They got rid of their trash and picked up their drinks and Dair’s hotdog. Robin beamed as they walked arm in arm into the hall. It was pretty packed by the time they made their way inside. But Robin’s mom obviously spotted them first because she stood up from where the family had their seats and waved her arms over her head. “Honey! We’re here!” she bellowed.
Robin tried not to die of embarrassment. Wasn’t this sort of thing supposed to end after high school? Dair threw back his head and laughed, then tugged Robin up the steps to their row.
It had worked out that there were three seats left on the end of their line. Dair went in first, followed by Robin so he was closest to the aisle on the assumption that if someone sat down who was by themselves, Robin was more likely to know them.
He should have really seen it coming.
They’d been seated just long enough for Dair to wolf down his hotdog when someone dropped into the empty seat by Robin.
“Oh hey! That was lucky!”
Robin’s blood ran cold as he turned to look at Mac. “Oh, hi,” he said as pleasantly as he could with a smile. Just what he needed to drag his mood back down.
But only if he let it. Suddenly his smile became bigger and more genuine. He didn’t have anything to fear from Mac. He was here with his true friends and family. Yeah, Mac might be irritating, but they’d soon have the game to distract them.
“Hey, Dair. Jay.” Mac waved down the aisle. Jay nodded, but Dair apparently wanted to show how many fucks he didn’t give either. He stuck out his hand for Mac to shake.
“Good to see you again, man,” he said warmly. They pumped hands once with such force Robin was concerned for Dair’s tendons. But then they let go and Robin was amazed neither of them wiped their palm on their jeans.
“You, too.” Mac nodded and looked around. “I’m glad I found you. I kind of assumed I’d be asked to play. But they must have remembered about my bum knee. It’ll be weird to watch a game in here and not take part.”
Jay ignored him, leaning in to say something to Swift. Robin guessed Mac hadn’t been forgotten about at all.
“Hopefully it’ll be fun for you,” Robin said, not knowing what else to say.
Dair put his arm around Robin’s waist and held their special M&M popcorn between them to share. Robin did his best not to freeze, but it took him by surprise all the same. Dair leaned in closer, grazing his lips over Robin’s ear.
“Don’t give that asshole the time of day,” he murmured over the cheer from the crowd. “He just wants your attention.”
The current cheerleading squad ran onto the court, pom poms waving as they greeted former members from Robin’s class. Dair’s words were almost lost in the noise, but he leaned in even closer so Robin could still hear.
“I’ve got you.”
Then he kissed Robin’s cheek.
Robin stared ahead as a shiver rippled through his body. He wasn’t sure if Dair felt it, but Robin hurriedly took the popcorn from him for something to do. Now they both had a hand free to eat it with.
Robin must have devoured half the bag by the time the cheer routine was done and the principal had welcomed their class back for the game and the big reunion on Saturday. Robin didn’t hear a word of it.
His whole world was reduced down to feeling Dair’s muscular arm holding him safe once again. To the glances Robin snuck of his neatly sculpted profile from the haircut he’d gotten to please Robin
. To the spicy smell of his cologne and a masculine musk that was purely Dair.
To the way their fingers brushed as they both reached for the popcorn at the same time.
Each touch made electricity shoot over Robin’s skin. He knew logically that Dair was simply doing all of this for Mac’s benefit. But yet again, Robin wondered if he was also secretly trying to kill him. He was losing his mind being this close to Dair and yet not actually being able to have him.
No wonder he’d almost cracked and tried to kiss him earlier.
Mac tried to get his attention continuously throughout the first half of the game, but Robin wasn’t able to answer him with much more than grunts. It was like everything except Dair was in a blurry, underwater haze.
At halftime, Mac disappeared, probably frustrated with his lack of attention. But Robin hardly noticed. Because despite the lack of Robin’s ex to impress, Dair still spent the second half of the game with his arm around Robin.
Again, if Dair was gay, Robin would suspect he was possibly interested in him by now. But he wasn’t gay. There was no way after he’d spent over a decade with Malory. Things might not have worked out, but Dair had been happy for most of that time and they’d definitely had plenty of sex from what he’d said. If Dair was into men, not women, he would have worked it out by now.
Unless…unless he was into men and women?
Robin felt like time stopped.
Despite it being their cover story that Dair had suddenly realized he was bi, Robin had never stopped to consider that he might actually be bi. He tried to glance at Dair without it being obvious, but his heart was going like a jackhammer.
That was insane, though, surely? Even if Dair was more queer than they’d both previously assumed, he wouldn’t be interested in someone like Robin. He was a computer nerd. A geek. Dair was a badass ex-Marine who spent his days covered in grease in the bellies of cars and trucks. They were nothing alike, shared nothing in common. Just because Robin was infatuated with Dair in no way meant Dair would be interested in him for anything more than friendship.
