Safe Harbor

by Welch, HJ

  Mac scoffed. “Oh, so he’s not straight?”

  Robin opened his mouth. But what should he say? Dair had suggested he was maybe bi or pan, but he wasn’t totally sure. It wasn’t Robin’s place to out him, either.

  Mac took his hesitation as confirmation and laughed sadly. “Oh, Robin,” he said with sympathy. “You know what straight guys are like. They all want to scratch that itch and try a cock just once, just to see what it’s like. Especially Army guys, Jesus. A hole’s a hole to them.”

  “We didn’t-” Robin went to argue but then immediately bit his tongue. The damage was done, though.

  Mac sighed impatiently. “Of course you didn’t do anal. I see some things haven’t changed. Please tell me you didn’t blabber at him, at least.”

  Heat flamed in Robin’s cheeks and tears stung the back of his eyes, though he refused to let them spill. Mac’s words from ten years ago blared in his mind, as loud as if he was shouting them right there and then.

  “Jesus Christ, Robin. YES, I fucked someone else! I’ve tried to help you be better in bed, but you won’t listen! I needed some decent ass. Someone who’ll just shut up and let me bang them!”

  Robin cringed, thinking about everything he’d said to Dair in bed. God, he was so embarrassing. Why did he have to do that?

  Mac shook his head. “Well, congratulations. Your fake-ape-jarhead-boyfriend got his dick sucked. Now who’s going to pick up the pieces when he wants nothing to do with you?”

  “It wasn’t just about sex,” Robin snapped, feeling dizzy with anger and humiliation. But then Dair’s words from earlier sprang back up in his brain.

  “It’s been a while.”

  For a fleeting second, Robin had panicked that he’d only been interested in sex, but then dismissed it. Because Dair wasn’t like that.

  Was he?

  How well did Robin really know him?

  Something on his face must have betrayed him because Mac scooched an inch closer, his expression one of concern. “Robin, I’m so sorry, but I think you’ve been taken advantage of. Meatheads like that just want to come. They don’t really care if it’s a pussy or an ass or a mouth. They just want to get their end wet.”

  “Dair’s not like that,” Robin snarled.

  Mac bit his lip, his gaze flickering over Robin’s face. “I don’t know him. But I know you, sweetheart. I know you’re just trying to impress people, but you don’t have to impress me. I love you just the way you are. You’re my Rockin’ Robin.” He put his hand on Robin’s arm and rubbed his thumb against the cotton of his T-shirt. “I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m fine,” Robin said automatically.

  But his mind was a mess. It did make sense that someone as awesome as Dair wouldn’t be interested in Robin for long. Maybe he wouldn’t mean to do it, but Dair was bound to get bored once they’d had sex a few more times and he realized Robin was terrible at bottoming. He’d tried so hard to please Mac, but it hadn’t been enough, and he’d never tried it with any of his other hookups since.

  “I don’t want to see you hurt, sweetheart.”

  Mac leaned in closer. His hand was still on Robin’s arm. Robin knew he should shake him off, but he felt so fucking dejected he didn’t have the energy.

  Things had seemed genuine with Dair, but how could they be? He might be entertained for a day or two. But once they got back to Seattle and the real world, there was no way the two of them could sustain any kind of relationship. Dair’s tough mechanic buddies would laugh at him for being gay if he came out, never mind dating a soft little twink like Robin. They had nothing in common. Robin was shy and boring. Dair was a war hero.

  “I know we had issues, Robin,” Mac continued saying. “But I’ve changed so much. I don’t think anyone could love you like I do. Glasses and all.” He gave a soft chuckle. “Don’t you wonder if we could have that again?”

  Robin was reminded of his thoughts back when he and Mac had met in the diner. What was better? Dair, who was nice but straight? Or Mac, who was gay but made Robin feel like crap? But at least he was outright saying that he wanted to try things again with Robin.

  It was tempting to be flattered by that. But Robin didn’t reckon he wanted to be with Mac again. He wanted Dair.

  The question was, did Dair want him?

  Probably not.

  He screwed his eyes shut, hot tears escaping from under his lashes.

  He heard Mac sigh. “Oh, Binny. Don’t cry. I forgive you.”

  He pressed his lips to Robin’s so quickly Robin didn’t register it had happened until it was over. Robin whimpered. Shit. That was the last thing he wanted.

  “Don’t.”

  “Come on, sweetheart.” Mac rubbed his arm again. “You said it yourself. It’s not real between you and him. He’s had a bit of fun. He’ll soon be gone. I need you so badly, Robin. I forgot how much you make me better. You’re just like me.”

  No, he wasn’t. But he didn’t get a chance to deny it, because Mac pressed his lips to Robin’s again.

  That broke something in Robin. “Fuck off!” He shoved Mac away from him and scrambled to his feet in panic. “I said don’t!”

  “Robin-”

  “No!” He scrubbed his face under his glasses. “Dair might not want me, but that doesn’t mean I automatically want to get back together. Just – just leave me alone, okay?”

  He started walking before he could think about what he was doing. His head felt like it was full of bees, and everything around him was blurred by tears. He half ran, half stumbled away from the picnic benches until he found a dark, quiet spot behind a milk bottle toss stall to hide. He leaned against the side of the stall, hugging himself in the dark, until he cried himself out.

  When the anger and dejection faded into numbness, he realized he’d left his koala and Dair’s tank at the table. He might not know what the hell was going on between them, but he didn’t want to throw those things away in case there was a chance he and Dair might still be able to make things work.

  But when he went back to the picnic area, they were gone.

  19

  Dair

  Smudge was such a good boy. He waited until they made it to the grass to do his business, then made friends with a Dalmatian who chased him around some trees for several minutes. Dair was anxious to get back to Robin, but Smudge hadn’t had a decent walk or found a playmate in days.

  So Dair texted Robin to tell him to grab them a pizza to share with whatever toppings he wanted, and Dair would be back as soon as he could.

  As they were walking back, Dair soaked in the atmosphere of this little town by the lake. Even in a big, jostling crowd with music blaring and screams coming from the rides, Dair felt strangely peaceful. The scent of pine filled his lungs along with sweet cotton candy and rich, tangy Chinese food. So many people caught his eye and smiled at him as he walked past, even though they didn’t know him. Folks in Seattle didn’t do that.

  Dair sighed. Only a couple more days and it would be back to ‘reality.’ He’d be lying if he didn’t admit he was kind of anxious what was going to happen to him and Robin once their everyday pressures returned.

  And what would Peyton think? Damn, that hadn’t occurred to him until just now. Would she be okay with Dair dating the guy she saw as her little brother? He wouldn’t put it past her to whack him with a skillet if she thought he was mistreating him.

  But Dair had no intention of doing that. In fact, he had to drag himself away from a stall selling hand-painted eyeglass cases. He’d already gotten Robin the koala. He didn’t want to overwhelm him with gifts on their first date.

  He knew he was also in danger of using presents to alleviate his fear that this was something fleeting. He hoped Robin was into this, but Dair couldn’t even trust his own feelings right now. He knew for a fact he was head over heels about Robin. But was that just their friendship? Would they be able to develop a romantic relationship as well as a sexual one?

  Was he really pan? Or was he just
so blindsided by someone wanting him that it didn’t matter if that person was a man?

  It was all such foreign territory for him.

  There was no pressure so far, though. They’d agreed to take things one day at a time, and if the last twenty-four hours were anything to go by, they were doing fantastic on day one already. He liked Robin a hell of a lot. Of that much, he was certain.

  The pizza stand was in a sort of outdoor food court. It was like several square areas joined together by thoroughfares with picnic tables to sit at. Naturally, on a Friday night it was heaving, and Smudge’s leash kept getting tangled around people’s legs. But eventually, Dair rounded a taco stand and reached the right section. From the looks of the display on Dair’s texts, Robin hadn’t even seen Dair’s message let alone replied to it. Dair hoped he was still here, but if not, he’d call him.

  After scanning the crowd for a minute, Dair was ready to phone him, but then he spotted a flash of auburn hair.

  It had been so difficult to see because Robin was mostly hidden behind Mac’s larger form.

  Dair pulled up short, still lingering by the taco stand, his stomach flipping over. Mac was sitting dangerously close to Robin and leaning in. The only lighting was coming from the refreshment stalls and twinkly fairy lights, so Dair couldn’t read Robin’s face.

  Dair had better get closer then. Not that he didn’t trust Robin to handle it on his own, but Mac wasn’t pleasant company, and Dair was eager to relieve Robin of it. He tugged on Smudge’s leash to start traversing through the crowd-

  -just as Mac leaned in and kissed Robin on the lips.

  Robin didn’t seem to react at all. He certainly didn’t push him off or walk away. He just sat there.

  Dair’s heart was hammering in his chest. Seeing Robin kiss somebody else – let alone that asshole Mac – left him feeling like his heart had been ripped out. He knew they hadn’t had a talk about exclusivity yet, but he really thought they’d had an incredible connection this week, not to mention last night.

  But then…Mac was actually gay. Dair still wasn’t sure what he was. It would make more sense that Robin was attracted to someone like him because he had his damn life sorted out, even if he was an asshole. Not take a chance on someone like Dair, who was fumbling through, trying to make sense of new feelings.

  Dair needed answers.

  But then Mac kissed Robin again.

  Dair whirred around and walked back the way he’d come without even thinking. He was back by the glasses case stall before he made himself stop and take several deep breaths.

  Okay. If he was in any doubt about how he was feeling, he knew it now.

  He was extremely jealous.

  He was also a bit angry that Robin would throw away what they’d only just started working on. But Dair had been the one to suggest taking things slow. He’d been too chickenshit to consider the idea of committing to be being boyfriends.

  But that meant Robin might very well end up becoming someone else’s boyfriend if he dithered too long.

  When Dair thought about it like that, his own intentions were pretty damn clear.

  If he wanted him and Robin to be exclusive, he should damn well grow a spine and tell him that. What was scarier? Coming out and committing to being Robin’s boyfriend or seeing him back with that prick Mac?

  Dair was marching back to the pizza stand before he’d even finished formulating the question in his mind.

  If Robin really wanted to choose Mac over him, Dair wouldn’t understand, but he’d make himself accept it. However, if Dair didn’t make his feelings crystal clear to Robin, he would be operating under half the information.

  But when he returned to that section of the food court, both Robin and Mac were gone. The stuffed koala was still visible at the picnic table, though. A cleaning attendant approached the now vacant table and looked around with a frown, presumably looking for the koala’s owner.

  Dair hurried forward with Smudge, waving a hand. “Sorry, that’s mine,” he called out.

  The middle-aged woman saw him and raised her eyebrows. “You better be careful. Otherwise you’ll lose it.”

  As Dair reached the table and also saw his discarded tank, he couldn’t help but wonder what he’d already lost.

  He lowered his bulk onto the bench, hearing the wood creak under his weight. All around him, people were laughing and chatting while they ate their dinners. The bells and whistles of the nearby games floated over the air, and somewhere someone was playing The Rolling Stones.

  Smudge licked Dair’s fingers, making him look down. His little face was anxious, and he wagged his tail, asking in his own doggy way if Dair was okay.

  “Not really, buddy,” he admitted.

  Where had Robin gone? What should Dair do now? They’d driven into town together in Dair’s truck, but that wouldn’t stop him from getting an Uber somewhere.

  To Mac’s place, perhaps?

  Dair lifted the small tank from its bag and ran his fingers over the tread. He’d been so touched that Robin had picked this for him because it had made Dair realize this was the first time he’d felt part of a team again since the Marines. He and Robin made sense to him – they fitted perfectly and worked well together. Or so he’d thought.

  “Oh, man, I’m glad you’re here.”

  Dair looked up in surprise as Mac approached the bench. Dair’s hackles raised immediately, but Mac looked upset, and he wasn’t sure how to read that. So for now, he just asked the most pertinent question.

  “Where’s Robin?”

  Mac paused before sitting down on the picnic bench opposite Dair. He pressed his palms together, then touched his index fingers to his lips. “How long have you been here?”

  Dair swallowed. Smudge whimpered and licked his fingers again. Dair sighed and looked up at Mac. “I saw the kiss, if that’s what you mean.”

  Mac sighed. “Okay. Look, I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but it’s probably for the best.”

  “The best?” Dair could feel himself glaring, but Mac didn’t seem all that fazed.

  “Yeah, I mean, I asked him what the hell he was doing, but he didn’t seem to care.”

  Dair’s glare became a frown. “But you kissed him.”

  Mac snorted. “After he kissed me. I’m only human, man. Look, don’t take it too personally. He’s more of a magpie than a robin. He likes shiny things. This is what he does.”

  For a good few seconds, Dair just stared at him. “What does he do?”

  Mac shrugged. “He has a thing for straight guys. He plays all shy and coy to get them into bed, then he gets all freaky. I’m guessing he got all freaky, right?” He raised a questioning eyebrow. “He likes to dirty talk and make you beg for a blow job.”

  Dair clenched his teeth together. “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” he growled.

  Mac held up his hands. “Hey, I get it. This is shitty news. But don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just trying to save you the heartache I went through. You see, Robin doesn’t do relationships. He gets distracted by pretty new things – like I said, a magpie. I’m the only one who tried to stick with him, but after he cheated on me…” He whistled and shook his head.

  Dair’s entire body prickled. “Robin cheated on you?”

  “Yeah,” Mac said ruefully. “More than once. I’m a fucking idiot for holding a candle for him, I know. But what can I say? I love the guy.”

  Dair felt sick. Robin, a cheater? And did Mac really love him?

  “But he said – his family all said – that you…”

  “Hit him?” Mac’s face darkened. “For fuck’s sake. We had one argument. I was hurt. I saw texts from other guys and I questioned Robin about it. He pushed me, so I pushed him back. It was just a moment of insanity. I’m sorry. I don’t know what kind of things he’s been telling you.”

  He rubbed his face and looked over at a donut stand, tapping his finger on the table.

  “When he kissed me just now, I was so happy that I kissed
him back. But then I remembered you. When I questioned him about it, he laughed. Said it was nothing. But I didn’t feel right, and I told him I wasn’t interested if he was still a cheat. He got pissed and stormed off. I tried to follow, but I lost him.”

  Dair shook his head. This was bullshit. Bullshit. But Mac seemed so sincere.

  Dair wanted to believe he knew Robin well enough to argue he wasn’t capable of being that manipulative. But it was true that he’d not had a relationship since Mac. Peyton had said so. And Dair had only known him a couple of months. Really, he’d only begun to properly know him this past few days.

  He needed to talk to Robin. Get his side of events.

  “I’m going to try and find him,” he mumbled, collecting up the koala and the tank.

  Mac shook his head. “Hey, I really am sorry, dude. But don’t take it personally. Better to find out now rather than ten years down the line. I’m a fucking idiot. If I can help someone else avoid falling for his games, that helps a little.”

  “Why should I believe you?” Dair asked. Because he sure as hell didn’t want to.

  Mac shrugged. “You saw that kiss. I’m sorry he played you, I am. But he’s not like us. He’s really smart. Strategic. But sure, ask him what went down. I doubt he’ll admit to making the first move, but why should you believe me over him?”

  He knocked his fist on the table a couple of times, then stood. Before walking away, though, he turned back to face Dair.

  “But ask yourself – who has the most to gain here? I could have lied and let you keep seeing him, thinking I was the bad guy trying to make a move. I don’t think I want to date him again. I’m just trying to spare you the same pain.”

  With that, he vanished into the throng, his shoulders slumped.

  Dair didn’t know what to do or what to think. Surely Mac was talking out of his ass.

  Dair needed to talk to Robin, now. But when he dialed his number, the call rang out. So Dair gave one last look around the food court, picked up the koala and tank, then began to walk Smudge in the direction of his truck on Main Street.