by Madeline Fay
She doesn’t trust easily and is as fidgety as a rabbit as she leans away from Diana when she drops to her knees at her feet. I shoot Logan a look that asks what the hell is going on but he’s staring down Tillie with an unreadable expression crossing his face.
“I wasn’t a sweetbutt. I was an old lady.” Diana’s lip wobbles and she reaches her hand out to touch Tillie’s face but she dodges away and scoots along the couch before she stands up quickly and jumps over the cushions to put as much distance between a distraught Diana and herself.
“Who’s old lady?” Tillie asks, breathing heavily and her gaze looks faraway.
“Shit, Diana! I didn’t know you were part of Hell’s Angels! Dalton’s gonna freak the fuck out when he finds out,” Tey announces and stands up quietly, edging towards the front door to block Tillie’s path in case she makes a run for it.
Everyone seems to freeze at the expression on her face as if she senses danger in the room… Only people who know what to look for, experienced the same thing in life, know that everyone in here is a killer.
“Who’s Dalton?” Tillie asks frantically in a raspy voice, her eyes darting to Tey and flickering behind him for an escape exit.
She’s going to make a run for it, I just know it. She looks like a scared, trapped cat in the back of an alley but I’m feeling like this kitten has claws. I’m going to easily catch her before she knows what happened. It’s the thrill for me and I’m a junky.
“He’s the Hell’s Angels president's son. You’ll meet him tomorrow when you start school, I won’t tolerate not having an education in this household. You’ll finish high school and catch up quickly even if it’s the middle of the semester. Right?” Franco doesn’t wait for her to respond, he won’t take no for an answer. “I’m going to just get to the point because I have other important business to attend to,” he mutters offhandedly, glancing down at his phone with his brow scrunched, distracted.
Whatever he has to say, I have a feeling it is going to turn this girl’s world upside down. I study her closely, having the need to know everything about her and itching to get to my computer to see what I can dig up. She’s a mystery to me, she looks afraid but has an air about her that she’s flipping everyone the finger with a big fat fuck you.
“What is the point, Franco?” Logan asks impatiently, looking like he wants to wrap his hands around his father’s neck to get answers.
“Tillie, Diana is your mother and for now you’ll be under my care until… we can get more answers.” Franco stares down at a very pale Tillie, her arms wrapping around herself as she shakes her head back and forth.
Her wide brown, expressive eyes stare in shock, and the grip on her arm is bruising enough that it makes my own fist clench onto nothing. I don’t like that she’s hurting herself, I’d rather cause the pain for her if she needs it that badly.
“You're lying! My mom is Lorrie-” She cuts off at Diana’s cry of dismay.
I sneer down at the pathetic woman balling her eyes out on the living room floor instead of trying to comfort her daughter. Tey shuffles on his feet, repeatedly glancing at Tillie while sucking on his lip ring. He hates the high emotions in here just like me but he hardly knows this girl and looks like he wants to pull her into his arms.
Tillie sways on her feet, her fingers digging into her elbows as she frantically looks around for a way out. Logan makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, glaring at his father who acts like drama isn’t unfolding right in front of him. I say fuck it and push off the mantel to leap over the couch before this beautiful girl can notice I’m right beside her. Gently grasping her elbow, she glances up at me with lost, chocolate eyes and a shake of her head in dismay. I think of the best way to push myself when I’m lost in my own head and that’s anger.
“So, this girl shows up out of the blue and suddenly she’s part of the family? I don’t know Franco… kind of convenient to me. What if she’s a spy? Didn’t we just have some shipment go missing? Timing seems off to me and I don’t trust her.” I stare down at her as I say this, seeing the tightening of her facial expression and her lip drawing in a stubborn pissed off line.
That’s more like it, baby, give me all your anger. I can absorb it like a sponge, practically thirsty for it.
“I’m leaving. This was a mistake coming here. I’ll disappear another way instead,” she mumbles under her breath.
An interesting turn of events, I glance at Tey and Logan to see if they caught that mishap of hers. They did. Seems we are all on the same page. She’s not going anywhere until we have some answers. She caught my attention.
“No. You’ll be staying here,” Franco commands, dismissing her as he bends forward to kiss Diana’s forehead before turning towards Logan as he heads out of the room. “She’s under your wing, don’t let her out of your sight.” He leaves after dropping that bomb with Logan chasing him out of the living room.
Ah, so he thinks the timing is off too. Looks like she’s not going anywhere and for some crazy reason that excites me. Time to trap the little bird and claim some answers past her sweet lips.
“I wouldn’t bother with any lies. We’ll find out everything and there will be consequences if you stab us in the back.” I threaten her, her jaw clenches as she yanks her elbow out of my grasp.
“Si-sit down, Til, and I’ll explain everything, please,” Diana begs, grimacing as she picks herself up off the floor and takes a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to her.
Tillie eyes her suspiciously but finally sits down with her back ramrod straight, completely uncomfortable. Nodding my head at Tey, he follows me so we can catch up with Logan and Franco. Crazy fucker is whistling under his breath and I can’t help but roll my eyes at the excitement he has radiating off him in waves. Looks like we both won’t be bored for a while.
Fuck. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I’m annoyed with having her here. She’s a distraction that I can’t seem to pull my gaze away from. Her eyes tell you exactly what she’s thinking.
Shaking my head, I step through the office door and lean against the bookcase that lines the room with a clear view of the whole space. Logan sits in the chair on the other side of his dad’s desk while Tey strolls over to the floor to ceiling windows and gazes outside. I notice a small bulge in Tey’s pocket and have to stifle a chuckle. My eyes must deceive me because that’s not his dick, I would know, I stare enough as it is. He’s carrying around that stuffed unicorn animal again. He’s bounced around from house to house in all of L.A. but the one thing that’s always been with him is that damn unicorn he found. I think it adds to his craziness and if anyone gives him shit about it, I’ll silence them.
“Right. I’m getting straight to the point boys. I want eyes and ears on that girl, if my hunch is right we might not need to worry about anything. Nicky, I’m going to give you some names and tell me everything you can find on them.” Franco leans back in his desk chair, steepling his hands together as he eyes us. “Have you heard of the Jokers in Nevada?”
I suck in a sharp breath because no way in hell does that delicate flower have any relations with that motorcycle gang. If I had a daughter, she wouldn’t even be in the same county as those lowlife backstabbers. In the underground crime world, you come to know who is who, and let’s just say the President of that club is fucked up in the head. I’ve heard stories, brothers against brothers, the way they treat women and children reminds me of my own father. It’s just not possible.
“What about them?” Logan asks, clenching the armrests on his chair even though his face is stoic.
“Tillie is owned by that club and until I know more, that she wasn’t sent here as a spy or to cause chaos in my business, you four will be keeping a close eye on her at all times. From the moment she wakes up in the morning to when she goes to sleep, I mean it. Go buy her some clothes for tomorrow and don’t fuck this up, boys.” Franco glances at Logan meaningfully and shakes his head in exasperation when we hear a loud cry coming from the front of th
e house.
Without another word, he strides out of his office and leaves us deep in thought.
“Dalton is going to shit his pants. Shall we head over to his place to fill him in on the game we’ll be playing with my pet?” Tey asks, rubbing his hands together before throwing an arm over my shoulder as we head out.
I usually live for the dull moments in my life, to find some inner peace in the chaos but I have a feeling that’s all going to end and it’s all because of the girl with brown eyes that penetrate my soul.
Tillie
The silence is getting to me, I’ve been sitting in front of my mother for five solid minutes after the guys left the room. She keeps staring at me like I’ve risen from the grave and come to haunt her.
“So…” I start, squirming on the overly comfortable couch and darting my gaze towards the front door.
The nagging feeling that I’ve made a mistake coming here grows. I’m not afraid physically, but mentally I feel like I’m spiraling down a dark hole that I might not be able to climb out of. Cruz had hidden his true self behind a mask for a long time before his true colors came through but these guys don’t hide anything. The aura of danger surrounds them, you can tell how their demeanor is with the way they hold themselves and the slightly crazed assholes enjoy it. Logan has been point blank with me, told me how it is, even if he’s being an ass. The man may have big dick energy, which I can now confirm by the sore ache between my thighs but God, he’s such an asshole! As for Tey… I can’t really describe him, but oddly enough I find him sweet even if he carries a knife in his boot. And lastly, Nicky, who wouldn’t stop glaring at me with his almond shaped emerald eyes. I felt burned to a crisp under his intense gaze. The guy confuses me, how deadly still he was but didn’t miss a thing in the room. This whole experience has turned my normal routine upside down. I’m used to walking on my toes, waiting for the next beating but with these people, if they wanted me to be dead… I’d already be dead. It’s just a gut feeling I’ve learned to follow over the years, you get used to the difference between seeing how a sociopath works or if that person is just damaged inside and out. That doesn’t mean I’ll be walking around without looking over my shoulder. The threat was loud and clear. I'm not trusted. I don’t know what they think I did but I shouldn’t be here in the first place. Diana clearing her throat causes me to jump, so lost in my thoughts, and focus back on her.
“You aren’t supposed to be alive,” she blurts out, patting down her fake blonde hair in a nervous gesture.
I don’t- can’t decide how to even answer that. My life has been a shit show, it wasn’t the worst until after Uncle Rig disappeared. Did I ever think about what it would be like if I wasn’t here anymore? To just be no more? Of course, I’ve been tempted to just take the easy way out but my life couldn’t be just misery. The thought makes me angry… no, completely furious.
“And why the hell would you think that? You know nothing of my life and what I’ve been through. I’m a fucking survivor! This was a mistake, coming here.” My chest was tight, making it difficult to breathe and I realized the symptoms I was having could only be one thing, an oncoming panic attack.
Everything was just too much. The thought of Lorrie really not being my birth mom… and this lady in front of me, who looks put together when her daughter was out there slowly dying each day, sends me over the edge. Not to mention I let my wings spread with my asshole of a stepbrother. Will nothing really surprise me anymore? I don’t give a shit about Franco’s warning, I’m not a prisoner. Never again. As soon as I can breathe normally again, I’m out of here. My head was suddenly pushed between my knees. I inhaled deep breaths and noticed the quiet sob next to me that somewhat helped me focus on something else.
“That came out wrong. I’m sorry. I meant that I didn’t know you were alive. It’s a long story and I really want you to hear me out before you consider leaving, Til,” Diana whispers brokenly, her hand smoothing up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me.
I jerk away from the small touch before she can feel my scars, and put some space between us. A soft whisper in the back of my mind tries to break through. An edge of darkness, I think it’s the gentle touch that I’ve never received that brings the past trying to break free.
“W-what do you mean?” I stutter out, trying desperately to focus on anything that isn’t broken in my mind.
“Eighteen years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that stole my heart the moment she looked at me with big, brown eyes. I became a mama that day, but the only remaining piece of my heart broke then too.” She pauses, her gaze faraway before focusing back on me with tears in her eyes. “I like to think you were sent to me when my life was so hopeless, a brightness in a place filled with such darkness...” Her voice trails off in a whisper, tears trailing down her face that looks so much like mine but older.
This is hard to wrap my head around. It was drilled into my head that Lorrie was my mom ever since I could remember. Even Uncle Rig would never deny who my mom was when I asked him a long time ago. I knew at a young age that she wasn’t mother material when she would call me a worthless waste of space. I didn’t know why she would treat me that way but it kind of makes sense now… I was never hers from the beginning.
“Uncle Rig, why does my mom hate me?” I asked around a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly as we sat outside on the picnic table.
Uncle Rig always seems to know when I’m starving, even comes to get me to go get ice cream sometimes. When I’m bigger than eight years old, old enough to make my own meals, I won’t have to have anyone to look after me. I’ll be a grown up, life will be easier. I guess Uncle Rig can stick around to get me ice cream sometimes too, I’ll always need him.
“Your mother would never hate you. If she knew… she loves you with everything inside of her. One day, she’ll show you if you just give her time. For now, you have me to love the shit out of ya, kid,” Uncle Rig says, ruffling my hair, and laughing at my jelly filled grin.
“Why would you leave me to that monster if you knew I was there?” The small whisper leaves my mouth without thinking about it, my body shaking from the shock.
“Your birth was a difficult one. I didn’t have nurses to help me, only the club’s Doc as I gave birth to you on the pool table in the compound. Hours of struggling, bleeding, you finally appeared in my arms. I was exhausted, could barely keep my eyes open but I got to hold you for what felt like seconds. You gripped my finger with your tiny hands, so strong that I knew you would be okay. Everything was ripped away from me when Payne and Doc took you to be looked after. That night, Til, I was told you died from complications. I couldn’t believe it, you were just in my arms and then you were gone. A piece of me died that night. I was so weak, tired, that I just became a shell of myself. Days passed and I never came out of my bedroom, wishing I was anywhere but there. It was too much and Payne carried on like he always did. I was as good as dead and that’s when I left without a backwards glance.” She reaches out to grip one of my hands tightly, her gaze flickering between mine, begging for me to understand.
“I still don’t get it. Why would Payne tell you I was dead? He never wanted me there, he passed me around…” I trail off, lost in my memories, and nearly jump out of my skin when Diana cries out as if in pain.
Her shoulders are hunched, crying openly over our clasped hands as she rocks back and forth. Franco comes storming around the corner, his lips in a tight line as he wraps an arm around Diana, helping her off the couch.
“This has been a painful memory for my wife. You’ll have to wait until she’s feeling better. For now, feel free to explore the house and make yourself at home since you won’t be going anywhere. You’ll be under the boys’ care and will be starting school tomorrow. I’ll be making the calls to have you enrolled and everything else you might need.” His tone comes off as polite but what he’s really saying is that I’m a prisoner in his home until he figures out what to do with me.
I’m still fre
e to come and go as I please, as long as one of the guys is watching me like a fucking babysitter. But the thing is, I’m not going anywhere until I have answers and it might just be a safer route for me… until it’s not.
I hear the distant sound of vehicles purring to life outside, the sound never ceases to send a shiver down my spine. Guess the three of them left without another word. I stay planted on the couch, trying to process everything as I watch Diana leave the room, leaning against her husband for support. She really is fragile. She stops suddenly at the archway but doesn’t turn around.
“He was punishing me,” she whispers on a choked sob and leaves the room to probably go lay down again.
What was Payne punishing her for? He isn’t even here but wins once again as he takes another piece of my life from me that I never knew existed.
Tillie
Have you ever watched a tornado, seen the way it moves in one direction then suddenly changes course all the while causing so much damage that nothing is left behind?
That’s how my Monday morning is going.
I was beyond exhausted after my chat with my mom yesterday that I stayed mostly in my new room and only left for food, sneaking into the kitchen to raid the pantry like a freaking hermit. At some point leaving the room, I found shopping bags right outside my bedroom door full of new clothes that were all in my size. I don’t know why or how but damn if it didn’t feel good trying on something that isn’t used. The whole ensemble is completely different, every article of clothing from top brand name places like Chanel to Gucci. From light pastels dresses to all dark and leather. I like it, it’s different and fits my ever changing mood. I went to sleep last night in the bed, deciding that with the kitchen knife under my pillow, I’d be able to cut anyone before they got too close or so I thought.
