The Best Intentions (Welcome To Starlight Book 1)

by Michelle Major

  “Just think about it.” He reached out a long finger, trailing it over her jawline and making her want to shudder. “Seriously, Kaitlin, the good-girl thing is hot in a novel kind of way. But it’s not really you. You’re like the rest of us. You got dealt some crappy cards as a kid and life owes you. We all need to take advantage where we can.”

  “I’m earning my place here,” she whispered, willing her voice to remain steady.

  “I saw your mom a few weeks ago. She was looking kind of rough. I bet some fresh air from a trip out to the valley would help her feel better.”

  “Don’t go there.” Kaitlin fisted her hands at her sides as guilt surged through her. She drove into Seattle every month to mail cash to her mother, but they only spoke a few times a year and Cindi Carmody didn’t know where Kaitlin lived. She loved her mother but had finally gotten to a breaking point with Cindi’s dysfunction and wouldn’t invite that into her life again. She also wouldn’t let Robbie bring it to her doorstep.

  “Give me a call next week when you’ve had a chance to sit with things.” He smiled and she wanted to throw up. “My number hasn’t changed.”

  She didn’t move a muscle as he walked past her, brushing against her side in a way that made her think of a slithering snake.

  Two years. That was how much freedom she’d had, believing she’d made a clean break from her past. God, she’d been a fool.

  She ducked out from behind the row of booths, hurrying toward the street where she’d parked her car this morning. All her thoughts of finding Finn vanished. He’d know immediately that something was wrong. That everything had changed or, more accurately, that it had gone back to the way it used to be.

  Fear threatened to swallow her whole, a familiar desolation. How naive to think she’d overcome it. Instead it had been waiting, suppressed by her attempt at achieving happiness but easily set free after a few obscure threats from her ex. But what if they were more than just threats? If he made good on the things he said, the world she’d created would crumble around her in an instant.

  It felt as though the life she’d built in Starlight had been little more than a house of cards, blown apart by one gust of menacing wind.

  Where did that leave her? Kaitlin didn’t know, but she understood nothing in her life could go back to the way it had been when this day began.

  * * *

  Finn stared out the bay window in the breakfast nook of his dad’s house the following morning, hoping to see any trace of movement from the guest cottage. Something was definitely not right, and his stomach twisted at the thought that he’d inadvertently messed up simply by acquiescing to his feelings.

  Kaitlin had left the art fair yesterday before he’d had a chance to talk to her. He’d called and texted but other than a few irritatingly baffling smiley face emoji, she hadn’t responded. Torrey Daniels had asked him to join the festival committee and the featured artists at a reception, so it had been close to eight by the time he returned home.

  He’d knocked on the door of the guesthouse, confused and concerned when Kaitlin had opened it only slightly. Her gaze was guarded and he would have sworn she’d been crying, but she told him she was sick and needed a night alone to rest.

  As tempted as he’d been to push his way in—and hopefully through whatever walls she was hastening to erect between them—he’d walked away.

  Nothing had changed as far as he could tell. Yes, he’d inwardly admitted he loved her and wanted a future together, but she didn’t know that. Was he that transparent?

  And what did it mean that almost as soon as he’d acknowledged his yearning for that type of commitment, she’d shut him out?

  He almost couldn’t stand to think of it.

  “There are binoculars in my office if you really want a close-up look.”

  Finn turned to see his dad striding into the kitchen, briefcase in his right hand. “How was Seattle?” he asked, eyeing the leather portfolio as his father lifted it onto the counter.

  “Productive,” Jack answered. “What’s going on with the Peeping Tom routine?”

  “I’m bird-watching,” Finn said dryly. He wasn’t about to open himself to his dad’s opinion on his love life. “How was a weekend in the city with your girlfriend productive? Don’t tell me it’s such a whirlwind romance that you went engagement-ring shopping.”

  His dad scoffed. “Don’t be silly. Nanci and I are old friends who enjoy each other’s company. She wanted to meet with a potential new coffee bean supplier for her shop and I...” He lifted his gaze to meet Finn’s and something about the emotion Finn saw there had his senses kicking into high alert.

  “Why did you go to Seattle, Dad?”

  “To meet with Peter Henry.”

  Finn turned from the window, gripping the back of a kitchen chair. “Tell me you were arranging a tee time.”

  “I’m not golfing with Peter.”

  “Dad.”

  Jack opened the briefcase and pulled out a slim folder. “Obviously it will take time, but he worked up an initial offer for First Trust based on the financials you gave to Roger.” He slid the manila file folder across the granite countertop. “If you want to take a look.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Finn felt his knuckles start to ache where they ruthlessly tightened on the back of the chair. “He can’t come up with an offer in twenty-four hours. It’s the damn weekend.”

  Jack waved away his concern. “Preliminary numbers, but the wheels are in motion.”

  Finn shook his head. “You’re talking nonsense. From the moment I expressed concern about the bank’s stability, you’ve been telling me you wouldn’t sell. I’ve put my life on hold to bail you out, and now that it seems like the plan might succeed, you go to Peter behind my back to—”

  “I didn’t go to Peter,” Jack interrupted, steel lacing his tone. “You’re the one who brought him to Starlight.”

  “He showed up on his own,” Finn insisted. “I sent him away with no hope for a deal.”

  “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

  Finn felt his mouth drop open. “Yes. It’s the truth.”

  Jack drew in a deep breath like he was trying to rein in his temper. “I appreciate the work you’ve put into the bank these past few weeks. It gives us more bargaining power, which I assume was your intent from the start.”

  “My intent?” Finn muttered. “Are you joking?”

  “I’ve dedicated my life to First Trust,” Jack said slowly. “It’s our family’s legacy.”

  “I get that,” Finn said through clenched teeth.

  “But you’ve also made it clear that it isn’t your legacy,” Jack continued, and the words were like a punch to the gut for Finn. “I don’t fault you for it, but I need to think about the future.”

  The future was all Finn had been thinking about since yesterday. His future in Starlight, and now it was being taken from him before he’d even had a chance to claim it.

  “Don’t you think you might have mentioned this to me first?”

  “I appreciate all you’ve done,” Jack repeated, “but the bank is still mine. I don’t need your permission to make decisions about it.”

  “You never would have given me a real chance,” Finn said, bitterness swamping every other emotion he felt. “That’s how it’s always been. Why do you think I had to leave and not come back for so many years, Dad?”

  “We weren’t good enough for you,” his dad answered immediately.

  Finn barked out a harsh laugh. “Try it the other way around. I was never good enough for you. No matter what I did at the bank or in school, it was never enough.”

  “I’m not going to apologize for pushing you.”

  “You pushed me right out of your life,” Finn whispered.

  Jack opened his mouth, shut it again. After a moment he reached forward and plucked th
e folder off the counter. “You’re here now,” he said. “But not once have you given me a reason to believe you want to stay.”

  Fair enough. Finn could admit that to himself, although not out loud.

  “Are you going to stay in Starlight?” his father asked, and Finn couldn’t help but notice the older man kept any emotion out of his tone. He posed the question as if he were asking Finn what he fancied for dinner.

  “Do you want me to?” The question burst from his lips unbidden, and immediately he wanted to take it back. The words revealed too much vulnerability. Finn felt like he had back in high school, trying but never quite feeling like he’d succeeded at garnering his father’s approval.

  “I want you to be happy.”

  Finn sucked in a breath, not quite sure how to process his dad’s answer.

  Then Jack’s gaze moved to a place past his shoulder. “What did you do to her?” he demanded.

  Finn turned toward the window to see Kaitlin rolling a large suitcase toward her car. As he watched, she popped the trunk and shoved the luggage inside, her movements frantic like she was in a hurry to get away.

  “Nothing.” He let out a string of curses as she looked over toward the back of his dad’s house. Even from this distance he could see the sadness on her delicate features.

  “Does she know about your meeting with Peter?” He glanced at his father. Maybe that was the explanation for her strange behavior yesterday.

  “No one knows, although she probably understands your time in Starlight is coming to a quick end. I assume you were clear that your arrangement with her was as temporary as your presence at the bank.”

  Finn didn’t bother to offer a retort. He could deal with his father later. Right now, he had to figure out what was going on with Kaitlin.

  By the time he’d crossed the lawn, she was hefting out a cardboard box of possessions.

  “What’s happening right now?” he demanded as he approached her car.

  “I’m leaving.” She shoved the box into the back seat and straightened. “When your dad gets back, tell him I’ll call him.”

  “He’s in the kitchen.”

  She drew in a breath at that, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. “I’d hoped to be gone by the time he returned home.”

  “Gone where?” He reached for her, but she brushed away his hand like she couldn’t stand to be touched by him.

  “It doesn’t matter.” She pulled her keys from the front pocket of her jeans. “You’re about to return to Seattle anyway. We had rules.”

  “Forget the rules,” he said, frustration making his voice sharper than he meant it to be.

  “I can’t,” she whispered. “When I ignore the rules, I get hurt.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you, Kaitlin.”

  She opened her eyes, and he could almost see the sparks flaring in their dark depths. “You’re going back to Seattle.”

  He wanted to deny it. If she’d said the words to him yesterday, he would have. He would have told her he loved her and he wanted to make a life with her here in Starlight. But the folder his dad had placed on the counter minutes earlier had been like a bomb detonating in the middle of Finn’s chest. Every doubt he’d had about himself, every moment of feeling unworthy had exploded within him, the shrapnel lodging so deep he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover. His father hadn’t even bothered to talk to him.

  Jack could say what he wanted, but to Finn it felt like an indictment on his own character. Now Kaitlin was ready to take off without a word. He couldn’t help but believe she’d sensed the level of his feelings for her and didn’t want that from him.

  Rules and leaving. Those felt like flimsy excuses for what she wasn’t willing to say out loud. She didn’t want him.

  “Ask me to stay,” he whispered, needing to hear the words. Needing some reassurance if he was going to lay himself bare at her feet.

  Her eyes filled with tears and she swiped a hand across her cheeks. “I...have to go,” she said and climbed into her car before he could argue.

  Blood roared in his ears as he watched her drive away, and he was pretty sure the fracturing sound he heard was his heart breaking into pieces.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kaitlin sat crossed-legged on the couch in Brynn’s cozy family room later that evening. The sweet single mother was next to her, and Mara was perched on the edge of the overstuffed recliner on the other side of the coffee table.

  “Why didn’t you ask him to stay?” Brynn asked gently.

  Kaitlin kept her hands over her face as she shook her head.

  “Or tell him you loved him?” Mara added.

  “I don’t love him,” she whispered. “I can’t. That would be stupid. I gave up stupid when I moved to Starlight.”

  When neither of her friends answered, Kaitlin lowered her hands to look at them. She both hated and appreciated the gentle understanding she saw in each of their gazes.

  She’d driven away from the Samuelson house with no thought to where she was heading. Certainly not back to Seattle, although she’d have to eventually call Robbie and tell him his little plan wasn’t going to work with her gone from the bank.

  Then there was Jack. She despised herself for leaving without giving him an explanation. But if she told him about her ex, he’d try to fix it. Maybe that would work, but Kaitlin couldn’t stand the possibility of her past tarnishing Jack’s opinion of her. Granted, she’d shared a lot with him when he’d first hired her at the bank. She didn’t want to ever give him a reason to regret the chance he’d taken on her.

  Her rational side understood that most of what Robbie said had been bluster and empty threats. But the part about bringing her mother to Starlight was real and enough to terrify her. Why was it so difficult to start over with a clean slate?

  “You’re not stupid,” Mara said, “but you aren’t a liar, either. It’s obvious you love him, Kaitlin.”

  “He’s a good man,” Brynn added, reaching out to give Kaitlin’s leg a gentle pat.

  Kaitlin had driven to the edge of town, then pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway and cried for what felt like days. Eventually she’d regained her composure enough to turn the car around and drive to Brynn’s.

  Her new friend had taken in Kaitlin’s tearstained cheeks, then led her into the small midcentury ranch-style house without question. Kaitlin had gone into the guest bedroom, flopped onto the bed and fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep, exhausted from the emotional toll the confrontation with Robbie had taken and devastated by how she’d left things with Finn.

  She’d woken to afternoon shadows making their way across the pale yellow walls and walked out to find both Brynn and Mara waiting for her. Brynn had not only called their mutual friend, but also arranged for her boy to sleep over at his grandma’s house.

  “You seem like you might need a real girls’ night,” Brynn had told her, and Kaitlin had dissolved into tears once again.

  Now she managed a smile for Brynn. “He’s a really great guy,” she agreed.

  “And you love him?” the other woman asked.

  Kaitlin managed a shaky nod. “I do.”

  “Love complicates everything,” Mara muttered. “We’re better off without it.”

  “Stop.” Brynn held up a hand. “Now you sound like Finn, Nick and our friend Parker. The three of them made some silly pact back in high school to never fall in love.”

  Kaitlin frowned. “Why?”

  “Probably to avoid getting hurt,” Mara offered, picking up her wineglass from the coffee table and taking a long drink. “My divorce just about did me in, and think of what happened to Brynn.” She tipped her glass toward Kaitlin. “Maybe you’ve got the right idea.”

  “I still believe in love,” Brynn said. “Finn isn’t your dirtbag ex-husband or Daniel. The guys might think they’re going to avoid getting hurt, but
they’ll also miss out on the happiness true love can bring.” She smiled at Kaitlin. “You don’t want to let that happen.”

  Kaitlin glanced at Mara, who was staring into the glass of chardonnay like the golden liquid contained the answers to life’s greatest mysteries.

  “She’s right,” Mara said after a few moments. “Even though I hate to admit that I was an idiot for choosing the man I did. But you’ll be an idiot if you walk away from Finn Samuelson.”

  “It’s too late.” Kaitlin sniffed. “I already ruined things by running away. Both Samuelson men probably hate me at this point.”

  Brynn laughed softly. “I highly doubt that.”

  “What if I go back and he doesn’t want me?”

  “You won’t know unless you try,” Mara said.

  “I’ll have to tell him about my ex and his threats.”

  Both women nodded.

  “And how bad things really are with my mom.” Kaitlin sighed. “I’ve kept so much of myself and my past hidden.”

  “Give him a chance,” Brynn urged. “It’s scary to show someone the ugly parts as well as the pretty, but you won’t be able to truly move forward unless you do. And imagine how great it would be to have someone choose to love you no matter what.”

  “For better or worse,” Mara murmured.

  “I don’t know your ex-husband,” Kaitlin told her friend, “but I can guarantee he was the idiot and not you.”

  Brynn nodded. “You’ll just have to pick someone better next time.”

  “Oh, no.” Mara placed her wineglass on the table as she shook her head. “It’s all peachy that the two of you still want love, but I’m done with it. The only kind of lovin’ I need in my life is battery-operated.”

  All three women laughed at that, and Kaitlin felt some of the tension ease from her chest. She’d run away out of fear and a bone-deep belief she didn’t deserve happiness because her past was less than perfect. But Finn had been the one to tell her that the point of life was to keep working to get better. She’d done that in Starlight, and it was past time she owned the good about herself as well as the rough stuff.