Time to Say Goodbye

by Rosie Goodwin

  ‘There’ll be no need for that. We can nurse him just as well here if you tell us what to do,’ Sunday said. Since coming back to the manor, they had all become like a family and she knew that John would want to stay in his own home. When Cissie and Edith nodded in agreement the doctor heaved a sigh of relief.

  ‘All you can do for now is let him rest and make sure you get plenty of fluids into him,’ he advised. ‘We won’t know how severe the stroke is for a few days but peace and rest for now is the best advice I can offer. Can you manage to get him to his bed?’

  ‘No problem,’ George assured him. ‘Soon as Kathy gets home, we’ll get him upstairs between us. She’s a nurse so it’ll be a godsend having her to hand.’

  ‘Good, then I’ll bid you good day and I’ll be back sometime tomorrow to see how he is, but should you need me before don’t hesitate to call the surgery.’

  It was only later that evening when John was safely tucked up in his own bed that they all had the chance to speak about Giles.

  ‘Missing in action don’t necessarily mean that he’s dead,’ Cissie said optimistically as a great fat tear rolled down her cheek. ‘He could have been captured by the Germans and taken prisoner.’

  ‘I’m not sure if that would be better or worse, but that’s about the best we can hope for right now,’ Sunday agreed, although after reading in the newspapers about some of the atrocities the prisoners of war were having to endure in the camps, the very thought of Giles being incarcerated in such a place made her blood run cold.

  That night, she, Cissie and George took it in turns to sit beside John in case he should need anything, but although he appeared to be wide awake now, he simply lay staring unseeingly up at the ceiling with tears sliding from his eyes and soaking into the pillows.

  ‘Poor bugger,’ George said feelingly as they sat down to a breakfast that none of them really wanted the next morning. ‘I know all our brood have flown the nest now and are scattered far and wide, but I’d be heartbroken if anythin’ were to happen to any of ’em. An’ Giles was all John had, his only grandson. It’s no wonder he’s taken it so hard.’

  They all nodded in agreement as they sat thinking of the handsome young man they might never see again. Edith, especially, was unnaturally quiet, for besides having the terrible of news of Giles and what had happened to John to contend with, she also had another concern now. God forbid if anything should happen to John, she might no longer have a stable home to offer to Peggy and she was terrified this might affect her chances of adopting the child. But all they could do was pray that John would recover; although deep down they knew that even if he did, he would never get over this terrible loss.

  ‘Look sharp, Livvy,’ the young WAAF who occupied the bed next to Livvy warned. ‘The officer will be here any minute for kit inspection and we all know what a tartar she is.’

  Livvy finished polishing the shiny brass buttons on her jacket and slipped it on, then checking that everything was neat and tidy in her locker and the bed was made just so, she went to stand to attention at the end of her bed.

  The officer appeared minutes later and after she had finished her inspection, she paused in front of Livvy. ‘Come to my office in ten minutes, Branning.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Livvy saluted smartly and once the officer had gone the girls breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘Phew,’ Gilly Morris said as she tugged at her tie. ‘I’m glad that’s over, but I wonder why she wants to see you, Livvy?’

  Livvy shrugged. She had lived in a fog of despair since Giles had been lost and didn’t really care.

  ‘Can you think of anything you might have done wrong?’ Gilly persisted and Livvy shook her head.

  ‘Not off hand, though I dare say I haven’t been concentrating quite as much as I should have since …’ Her voice trailed away, and the others glanced at each other meaningfully. They were all aware of her connection to Giles and had seen how his failure to return to base had affected her.

  ‘Well, I shouldn’t worry,’ one of the other WAAFs piped up encouragingly. ‘Everyone knows that you’re one of the best radio operatives there is here.’

  Livvy managed a little smile before setting off to find out what the officer wanted her for.

  Soon she was standing to attention in front of the woman’s desk.

  ‘Stand easy, Branning.’

  Livvy relaxed a little, keeping her eyes trained somewhere over the officer’s head as she listened to what the woman had to say and ten minutes later, she left the office in a daze.

  ‘So, what did she want?’ the others asked when she came back into the hut.

  ‘Actually, she was lovely,’ Livvy told them. ‘She offered her condolences about Giles and said that seeing there was a connection between us she felt I should have some leave to come to terms with what’s happened. She said that what had happened was bound to affect my concentration and that could be dangerous for the pilots.’

  Gilly whistled through her teeth. ‘You jammy thing, you! How long did she give you and when can you go?’

  ‘She gave me four weeks starting immediately.’ Even as she spoke, Livvy was dragging her kitbag from behind the locker and ramming anything she might need into it. When she’d finished, she smiled sadly at her friends.

  ‘That’s it then. I’ll go and see if there’s a train heading home now. I might even be lucky enough to get a lift into town. Bye for now, girls.’ And then with a heavy heart she set off, half dreading what she might find at home. Obviously, everyone would be grieving for Giles so she didn’t envisage it being the happiest of breaks but somehow she would just have to make the best of it.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Ben had been at the hospital in Portsmouth since being shipped home a couple of weeks before and with each day that passed, he was feeling slightly better. Admittedly the smallest thing could turn him into a gibbering wreck again – only the day before the tea lady had dropped a cup, which smashed on the floor and instantly Ben was shaking uncontrollably as his ears rang with explosions and the frantic screaming of the terrified horses.

  Even so, as the doctor examined him, he was pleased with his progress. Ben was actually one of the least traumatised of the patients they cared for. Some of the poor souls would never be sane again and were destined to end their tortured lives in an asylum.

  ‘So …’ the doctor stared at Ben thoughtfully. ‘Do you feel up to facing the outside world again yet, Branning? You’re nowhere near well enough to go back to your unit, but I’m thinking that some time in your home might be beneficial to you. Would that be possible?’

  Ben’s mind went into overdrive. Home, the doctor had said, but where was home? He could no longer class Treetops as such. It would have been sold by now and he didn’t even know where his stepmother would be living – not that he would have expected her to welcome him with open arms even if he had. But common sense told him that she, Kathy and Livvy would never have gone far. Nuneaton was their hometown, so it was likely that they still lived there somewhere … with his children.

  Since the young doctor had told him of the children’s existence, Ben had found himself thinking of them constantly. He hadn’t dared to ask where they lived but suddenly his mind was made up and he nodded.

  ‘Yes, I would like to finish my recuperation at home,’ he told the doctor.

  ‘In that case you can give the sister the address of your GP at home and we will write to him. He will then tell you when he considers you fit enough to return to your regiment. You may go as soon as you like, Branning, if you feel up to making your own way there? And good luck, old chap.’

  Ben assured the doctor that he was capable of returning alone and after shaking his hand the doctor left the room, leaving Ben to put his possessions, which were pitifully few, into a bag that the ward sister provided.

  Two hours later he was on a train headed for Nuneaton and as he stared from the window, he wondered what he would find there.

  It was early in November
and Sunday was counting the days because Livvy only had two weeks of her leave left. Since the day she had arrived so unexpectedly she had been such a great help to them all that Sunday wondered how they would have managed without her. The minute she had breezed in she had taken over the lion’s share of caring for John, who thankfully was improving with every day that passed. Though the doctor had warned him that he should take the stroke as a warning.

  ‘You’re not as young as you used to be,’ the doctor had said solemnly. ‘This time you’ve every chance of making a nearly full recovery but next time you might not be so lucky, so slow down.’

  Now John was able to sit in the chair at the side of his bed for short periods and he had regained the use of his speech, albeit slightly slurred. His right side was slightly weakened too, although the doctor had assured him that with light exercise this should return to normal eventually, so all in all he had come off quite lightly.

  John had been a little afraid of doing the exercises the doctor had recommended, for he was worried they might bring on another stroke, but Livvy had been strict with him and ensured that he did them every single day. Edith and Mrs Gay had been cooking him good nourishing food to help build up his strength again and Livvy bullied him into eating every mouthful that was put in front of him, and her endeavours were paying off.

  ‘We’ll miss her when she goes back,’ Cissie sighed as she and Sunday sat in the kitchen one morning with a pot of tea in front of them. ‘She’s certainly took a great weight off our shoulders, bless her. And I don’t mind telling you that I’m finding it harder to do as much as I used to these days.’

  ‘She’s always been a hard-working girl,’ Sunday said proudly as Livvy appeared bearing John’s empty tray.

  ‘I don’t know what you’ve said to perk John up, but he seems to be improving by the hour,’ Cissie told her.

  ‘That’s because he has hope.’ Livvy placed the tray down and helped herself to a cup of tea from the pot. ‘I’ve told him that I don’t believe Giles is dead. Oh, I did at first admittedly, but now I feel in here that he’s still alive somewhere.’ As her hand rested on her heart, her mother frowned.

  ‘And since when did you care so much about Giles? If I remember rightly you two were always at each other’s throats before you both joined up.’

  ‘We were, or at least I was always at his,’ Livvy admitted with a guilty flush. ‘But then when we found we were both based at the same station we got to know each other better and the long and the short of it is …’ she hesitated before plunging on. ‘I love him. It’s as simple as that but I didn’t realise it until it was too late to tell him.’

  Sunday was so shocked that she spurted the mouthful of tea she had been in the process of swallowing all across the table. ‘Well, that’s a turn-up for the books,’ she spluttered as she hastily dabbed at the spillage with a tea towel. ‘And I just pray that you’re right and he is alive somewhere even if he is in one of those dreadful prisoner-of-war camps.’

  ‘They’re not all dreadful,’ Livvy pointed out. ‘Look at the one they’ve opened up in the grounds of Arbury Hall for the German prisoners of war. The Germans there are actually rebuilding Chilvers Coton Church and the local people seem to have quite taken to them. Not all Germans are bad.’

  ‘Hm, you could be right.’ Just then Sunday glanced towards the window and for a second she could have sworn she saw someone disappear round the edge of the stable block. She frowned. It couldn’t be George or Kathy. George had gone into town, Kathy was at the hospital and the children were playing at a friend’s house, so who could it be? She wandered outside on the pretext of needing some fresh air and cautiously began to look around, but her search revealed no one so eventually she returned to the kitchen thinking she had either imagined it or it had been a trick of the light.

  That evening, long after their elders had gone to bed, Kathy and Livvy sat chatting in the kitchen.

  ‘So, we’ll be having a wedding when the war is over, and David comes home then?’ Livvy said teasingly.

  ‘The sooner the better,’ Kathy agreed. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t realise I had feelings for him long before, but I was just so busy bringing the twins up. But what about you and Giles?’

  Livvy sighed and shrugged. ‘I shall have a lot of making up to do to him when he does come home,’ she admitted. ‘Just like you with David I couldn’t see what was right beneath my nose.’

  ‘But what will you do if he doesn’t come home?’ Kathy asked tentatively.

  ‘He will,’ Livvy answered with conviction. She had to believe it otherwise there was no reason for living.

  ‘Have either of you girls moved some straw in the stables?’ George asked the next morning when they had all gathered in the kitchen for a break.

  Livvy and Kathy shook their heads. It was a Sunday and a rare day off for Kathy.

  ‘That’s strange.’ George removed his cap and scratched his head. ‘Now we’ve only got the two old nags I keep ’em at one end o’ the stable block an’ I keep the rest o’ the stalls cleaned out but today it looked almost as if someone had made a bed o’ straw in the end stall.’

  ‘A lot of people from Coventry and the surrounding towns that have been bombed are making their way further out into the country for safety,’ Sunday pointed out. ‘Perhaps it was someone who was looking for shelter for the night?’

  ‘It could’ve been,’ George admitted, and he dismissed the incident from his mind as they went on to talk of other things.

  The following evening following a long shift at the hospital, Kathy was striding up the drive, keen to get out of the dark and the driving wind, when suddenly a dark figure loomed out of the trees ahead of her and her heart leapt into her throat.

  ‘Who’s there?’ she asked loudly as she narrowed her eyes and peered into the gloom, her heart racing.

  ‘It’s me.’

  It was a voice she had never expected to hear again and as the figure advanced on her she gasped.

  ‘Ben … What the hell are you doing here? I heard you were in Egypt.’

  ‘Now that’s hardly the way to greet your long-lost love, is it? And yes, I was in Egypt. I suppose that fancy doctor chap of yours told you, but I was sent home to recover because I was ill. I’m due to rejoin my regiment soon, as it happens, but I couldn’t go without coming to see you and my children first, could I?’

  ‘Your long-lost love!’ Kathy scoffed, her voice scathing. ‘I can assure you it’s been a very long time since I thought of you as that. And yet do you know? I don’t blame you for what happened between us. Looking back, I have to admit that it was me that did all the chasing. I’d hero-worshipped you since I was a little girl and I suppose I saw you through rose-tinted glasses. But then you stole every single penny that my mother possessed. Money that it had taken her and your father a whole lifetime to accumulate and you left me with my belly full.’

  ‘Well, I couldn’t have taken everything if she had enough left to stay in this place and I didn’t know you were pregnant when I left, did I?’ Ben said defensively.

  ‘My mother had to sell Treetops,’ Kathy spat. ‘We moved into the lodge down by the gates but now she stays back in Treetops with the new owner where it’s safer for the children until the war is over. Not that you give a damn what becomes of them,’ she said harshly.

  Ben stared down at the ground as he muttered. ‘I’ve seen them. I watched them when they came out of the lodge. The girl looks like you and the boy looks like …’

  ‘You!’ Kathy snarled. ‘Yes, he does but thank goodness he’s nothing like you in nature. I don’t even know why you’ve bothered to come here. We’ve done without you all this time so why show this sudden fatherly interest now? I suggest you get away while you can because after what you did to me and my mother one word in the police’s ear could see you locked up for a very long time and it would be no more than you deserve.’

  ‘What …? You mean the police aren’t looking for me already?’ he asked, bewild
ered.

  Kathy shook her head. ‘No, they’re not. My mother refused to report what you’d done even though for a time it looked as if we might not even have enough left after the sale of Treetops to keep a roof, any roof, over our heads. And do you know why she didn’t report you? … Because despite what you’d done she still loved you. You’re still family to her. Treetops had been her home for all her married life and was her last connection to her mother. It almost destroyed her to lose it because she loved every single brick of it, but even so she wouldn’t risk you being arrested. So now tell me what you’re doing here and then go.’

  Bitterly ashamed, Ben bowed his head. ‘I … I suppose I wanted to see my children,’ he muttered.

  ‘Your children!’ Kathy barked. ‘But they’re not your children. Anyone can make a child, but it takes a real man to raise one. They’ve never been yours; you abandoned the right to call them yours before they were even born and you’re just a stranger to them. David has been far more of a father to them than you could ever be, so now I suggest you leave. Any feelings I had for you died a long, long time ago and I pray that I never have to see your face again. If I do, I should warn you I shall have no hesitation in reporting what you did to the police. My mother loved you as her own and yet you took everything that was precious away from her. You’re despicable!’

  As she stared at him, she felt only contempt and yet she knew that once upon a time she would have laid down her life for him. But that seemed like a lifetime ago and now all she saw standing before her was a very old man. How could I ever have thought that I loved him or even found him attractive? she asked herself.

  Ben stared at the beautiful face in front of him. Kathy had been just a naïve little girl when he left but she had turned into a beautiful young woman. And the children. Oh, how he wanted to get to know the children. Hidden amongst the bushes he had watched them, and his heart had lifted at the sight of them. But Kathy was right. He deserved everything she had said to him. It was too late to ask for her forgiveness, he had treated her shamefully and she had the handsome young doctor to care for now. But it wasn’t too late to make things right with the children. They were his children after all. He stared at the lovely face before him for one last time, then, turning, he slipped away and was soon swallowed up by the darkness.