Time to Say Goodbye

by Rosie Goodwin

  Kathy was standing at her usual position at the window peering down the drive into the gathering gloom of the afternoon. Leaning towards Cissie, Sunday whispered, ‘I don’t think her nerves can take much more of this. If the children aren’t found soon, I swear she’ll crack!’

  ‘No, she won’t. Kathy is made o’ sterner stuff than that,’ Cissie assured her, patting her hand. The strain was showing on Sunday too now, and she was beginning to look her age.

  Behind them, Kathy gave a gasp. ‘Th-there’s someone coming down the drive,’ she said with a catch in her voice. ‘I-I think it’s a policeman!’ And suddenly she was racing towards the green baize door that led into the hallway, the others following behind at a more sedate pace.

  The policeman arrived at the front door at the same moment she did, and she ushered him inside and quickly closed the door behind him. It was the same man who had been keeping them informed of the search and he respectfully took off his helmet and beamed from ear to ear.

  ‘I’ve got good news,’ he told the group gathered around him, not wishing to keep them in suspense for a moment longer than he had to; he had seen how they had suffered during the time the children had been missing. ‘The children have been found. They’re safe and well in a police station in London.’

  The shock of his words made Kathy sway and had it not been for George taking a firm grip of her elbow she might have collapsed.

  ‘A-are you quite sure it’s them?’

  He nodded. ‘Sure, as I can be. An ARP warden took them to the police station after a raid and they told the sergeant their names and what town they lived in. Seeing as the London police already had all their details it didn’t take much for ’em to put two an’ two together. So, it looks like all’s well that ends well.’

  ‘But what were they doing out on their own?’ Kathy asked.

  ‘They ran away from the chap that took ’em by all accounts,’ the policeman told them and now Kathy was sobbing with relief, although she knew she wouldn’t settle properly until she had them back in her arms.

  ‘So, what will happen now? Must I go and fetch them?’

  ‘No need, they’re already on their way,’ he assured her. ‘The police contacted the welfare department and they’ve sent a lady to bring ’em home. They’re on the train even as we speak so they should arrive later this evening.’

  ‘I’ll go and get the car out. We can go and wait at the station for them,’ George said, and Kathy nodded her agreement, and without thinking, she threw her arms about the policeman’s neck and gave him a loud smacking kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush a dull, beetroot red. She rushed away then to get her coat and soon she and George were on their way to the station.

  ‘We might have a long wait ahead of us,’ George pointed out as he steered the car past the five-sailed windmill in Tuttle Hill, but Kathy laughed for the first time in weeks.

  ‘I don’t care if we have to wait all night,’ she said. ‘They’re coming home! Oh, George, I can hardly allow myself to believe it! There have been times when I thought I might never see them again and if that had been the case, I don’t think I would have been able to bear it.’

  ‘Well, you won’t have to now, will you?’ His face was wreathed in smiles. ‘An’ young Peggy will be made up an’ all. She’s been mopin’ about somethin’ terrible since her mates have been gone, bless her. She were hoppin’ from foot to foot wi’ excitement when I told ’er just now we was goin’ to fetch ’em!’

  The next two hours were spent restlessly pacing up and down in the waiting room on the station platform but at last the distant sound of the train approaching was heard and both Kathy and George dashed outside to meet it. It was quite late by this time and few people alighted from the train but then, suddenly, the twins appeared and when they caught sight of their mother they shrieked with joy and flew towards her, their feet barely touching the ground.

  ‘Mummy, Mummy!’

  They were all laughing and crying at the same time as Kathy clutched her children to her as if she would never let them go again. ‘I missed you so much,’ she said through her tears as she rained kisses onto their grubby cheeks. ‘Are you both all right?’

  ‘We are now,’ Thomas said solemnly. ‘But we didn’t like living with Ben. He said he was our daddy but that’s not true, is it, Mummy? He’s not our daddy, is he?’

  ‘Er … we’ll talk about it later,’ Kathy hedged. ‘For now, I just want to get you safely home.’ Turning to the woman who had brought them back she gave her a grateful smile. ‘Thank you so much. Have you somewhere to stay for the night? I doubt the trains will be running back to London again at this hour. Why don’t you come with us and you can catch the first train back in the morning?’

  The woman, who was portly with soft, brown hair and a kindly face, smiled her thanks. ‘Thank you, if you’re quite sure I wouldn’t be imposing I’d love to take you up on your offer. To be honest I was so keen to get them home to you I didn’t give a lot of thought as to how was I going to get back.’

  Moments later they were all bundled into the car, Kathy in the back with her arms about the twins, and Miss Blake, as the woman had introduced herself, in the front with George.

  The twins were drooping with exhaustion by then. They didn’t look as if they had had a bath or their hair washed since they had gone missing but for tonight all Kathy wanted to do was see them safely tucked up in their own little beds with full bellies. They looked as if they had lost a little weight to her. There would be time for baths and more explanations the next day.

  They received a rapturous greeting when they arrived back at Treetops, even little Peggy had been allowed to stay up to see them and everyone cried tears of joy at their safe return.

  Cook had prepared a large pan of nourishing chicken soup and despite being tired the twins tucked into it ravenously.

  ‘They’re beautiful children,’ Miss Blake commented later as Sunday led her to the cosy room Edith had made ready for her.

  ‘Yes, they are,’ Sunday agreed. ‘But then they’re my grandchildren so I may be a little biased. It’s been a very difficult time for all of us.’

  ‘I can imagine.’ Miss Blake nodded sympathetically.

  Sunday opened the door of the bedroom and turned to clasp Miss Blake’s hand. ‘Thank you from the bottom of all our hearts,’ she said, tears in her eyes.

  Miss Blake smiled gently. ‘I’m just happy to have been able to help.’

  Sunday squeezed the woman’s hand then turned and walked away. For the first night in weeks she knew that she would sleep like the dead.

  Despite the late hour, in London, Ben was striding towards the deserted docks. Once his mind had cleared, he had spent the afternoon writing letters that he had then delivered to the bank where his money was deposited and to his solicitors.

  When he arrived at the docks, he stood for a time watching the many different-shaped boats bobbing up and down on the water. As he stood there, he felt the first flakes of snow begin to fall and he realised with a little jolt that it would soon be Christmas. Suddenly he was remembering the snowy Christmases past at Treetops. He could see himself and the family opening their presents beneath the tree and sledging in Hartshill Hayes with his father. He could almost taste the delicious Christmas dinners they used to have and hear the carol singers that would come to the door of Treetops for hot punch and mince pies. Then he pictured his beloved Maggie waddling about, so happy and excited as she awaited the birth of their child. It all seemed so long ago now, and those happy times could never come again. And it was all his own fault.

  For too long he had wallowed in self-pity. Too late he realised that it hadn’t been his birth mother’s fault that she had abandoned him. And Sunday had always loved him, deep down, he knew that. She’d cared for him from when he was a little child, how could he ever have doubted her love? Even when she had first learned that he was her husband’s illegitimate son, she had never been unkind. Instead, she had done her best to make hi
m feel that he belonged. If he thought about it now, it was the war that had changed everything. Coming home scarred and with those terrible nightmares … And then Kitty had died, and though he loved Maggie by then, Kitty had been his first, childhood love and he had grieved for her.

  He shook his head. Maybe everything would have been all right, if only his Maggie had lived. Maybe he wouldn’t have let bitterness cloud his mind. He had loved Sunday fiercely when he was a child, after all. Why had he not allowed her back into his heart? He had never realised what he had until it was gone and now there was no one to care what became of him. Tears burned his eyes as a great wave of loneliness washed over him. He was quite alone now; he had no one. But no, as he stared across the floating jetsam Maggie’s lovely face appeared through the snowflakes; she was smiling and holding her arms out to him.

  ‘Come on, darling, there’s no need to suffer anymore,’ Ben heard her say softly, and he felt a measure of peace settle in his tortured mind for the first time in many years. Behind him he could hear the clanging of fire engine bells as they raced from place to place struggling to put out the fires caused by the latest wave of bombings. The air was heavy with smoke, but it didn’t matter anymore, Maggie was waiting for him.

  ‘I’m coming, Maggie.’ Ben held out his arms and stepped forward and as he dropped into the water and slipped beneath the floating debris, he was heedless of the cold as it closed over him. For the first time in years he was at peace and he smiled.

  Chapter Fifty

  Sunday stared at the large envelope that Cissie handed to her curiously.

  The postman had just delivered it and it looked official. ‘I wonder what this is?’ she said, sitting down at the kitchen table to open it.

  Her face blanched and her mouth fell open, as she pulled the contents out. ‘It’s from a solicitor in London,’ she told Cissie. ‘It’s concerning Ben. He went to see him some days ago and he’s …’ She swallowed and forced herself to go on. ‘He’s given all my money back; almost every penny he stole. All I have to do is transfer it from this bank account back into my own.’

  Cissie’s eyes were on stalks. ‘He’s what?’ she said incredulously, hardly able to believe her ears.

  ‘It’s true … Look for yourself.’ Sunday handed her the letter.

  ‘But why would he do that now?’ Cissie shook her head. ‘After all the bad things he’s done!’

  Sunday withdrew another letter, handwritten this time, and in Ben’s handwriting.

  Her hand shook as she opened it and began to read.

  Dear Mum,

  I dare say this letter will come as something of a surprise to you after all the bad things I have done, but now I feel that I must at least try to put some of them right starting with the money I stole from you. You will find it all here, all you have to do is instruct the solicitor to pay it back into your account. If it is any comfort to you, you can be sure that it never brought me any joy. I can only say that for some long time I have not been in my right mind. I see that now. I thought I had got over what I had been through in the Great War but realise that I never did and losing Maggie, the baby and Dad just tipped me over the edge. Suddenly I began to see everything as being your fault. I convinced myself that you loved Kathy and Livvy more than me, which is why I took advantage of Kathy when she said she had feelings for me. I thought it would hurt you. But when I discovered from Kathy’s fiancé that I had left her expecting a child I was mortified and suddenly had a need to see them.

  Taking them away from you all was unforgivable. I thought they would grow to love me – that they would become my family too, but they never did. They cried for you and Kathy the whole time I had them. But please believe me when I say that I never wished to cause them any harm and I pray that they have been safely returned to where they belong. They are a credit to Kathy, who has done a wonderful job of bringing them up, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it was for her, particularly alone.

  There is not much left to say. By the time you get this letter I will probably be dead. I will have been classed as AWOL by my regiment by now, I have no family left, and so there is nothing for me to live for anymore. I am not asking for your sympathy. You were the best of mothers to me and didn’t deserve any of the terrible things I did to you. All I ask, if you can possibly manage it, is that you will think fondly of me from time to time.

  Affectionately, Your stepson,

  Ben xxxxx

  Tears slid down Sunday’s cheeks as she withdrew the final letter from the large envelope. Once again it was from the solicitor informing her that a body had been fished from the docks matching Ben’s description. Ben’s name was also engraved on the dog tag he had been wearing about his neck so there was little doubt that it was him and the solicitor was asking what she wished to do with his body. Even if they had been estranged for some time she was after all Ben’s next of kin.

  ‘Would you ask George to ring the solicitor and ask him to arrange to have Ben’s body brought home?’ she asked Cissie. ‘He will be buried in the churchyard next to his father. It’s what Tom would have wanted.’

  ‘What …? After all he’s done?’ Cissie said incredulously.

  ‘Yes,’ Sunday said. ‘Ben hadn’t been mentally stable since he came home from the war and I think losing Maggie and the baby and then his father was just too much for him to handle. We have to try to put all the bad things he did behind us now, otherwise we’ll never know any peace either.’

  Cissie shook her head. ‘Well, if you’re sure, but goodness knows what Kathy will have to say about this! I have a feeling she ain’t goin’ to be so ready to forgive him as you are. Poor lass will hardly let them kids out of her sight since she got them back.’

  ‘You leave Kathy to me.’ She gave Cissie a watery smile as Cissie went off to find George.

  Cissie was proved right and when Kathy got home from the hospital that afternoon, she was incensed to hear the news. She now always finished work in time to collect the children from school herself and seemed terrified of letting them out of her sight. The large Christmas tree John had ordered had been delivered that day and Kathy had promised the children that they could dress it that evening but now she was so angry she wasn’t sure she’d be able to concentrate.

  ‘So, he’s dead then?’ She sat down heavily as she let the news sink in but all she could feel was relief. At least now she wouldn’t have to live in fear of him kidnapping the children again. But to bring him back here and even have him buried next to Tom!

  ‘Can’t you just have him buried somewhere else?’ she asked bluntly.

  ‘I’m afraid not.’ Much as she loved her daughter, Sunday was prepared to stand her ground on this. ‘I know he put us all through hell, but I spoke to his doctor this afternoon and he confirmed that Ben was very mentally unstable. Apparently, he had told Ben a short while ago that he should soon be fit to rejoin his regiment but now he regrets it, as clearly Ben was still very unwell. He would never have done what he did had he not been so ill. Surely you can see that? I know he hurt you more than any of us; it was unforgivable the way he took advantage of a young girl who trusted him, but he also gave you two beautiful children, for which we should be grateful.’

  It was clear to Kathy that her mother would not budge on this, and though she despised Ben for all he’d done to them, she knew from her mother’s set face there was no point trying to change her mind. But her anger was bubbling within her and she turned and marched out of the room. At the door she paused and looked back at her mother. ‘You do what you have to, Mum. But I will not be going to that man’s funeral, and I never want to hear his name again.’ Then she ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. There was no way she would ever be able to forgive the man who had caused her so much heartache, no matter how ill her mother said he had been.

  Ben’s body was brought back to his hometown the following week and taken to an undertaker where he would lie in the chapel of rest, until the funeral took place two days later. />
  ‘I shan’t be going,’ Kathy said emphatically when she heard of the arrangements.

  Sunday sighed. ‘And I cannot force you to,’ she admitted sadly. ‘But whatever he did he was the father of your children and once he knew of their existence, in his own strange way I think he wanted to be part of their lives. Still, you must do what your heart tells you, Kathy. It’s going to be a very small affair with only a few people attending and because of the circumstances there will be no wake afterwards. All I can say is, if I can find it in my heart to forgive him then perhaps you should?’

  That evening as Kathy was tucking the children into bed, Thomas surprised her when he asked suddenly, ‘That man, Ben, Mummy … the one that took us away. He told us he was our daddy, but you told us that our first daddy was dead.’

  Kathy swallowed, trying hard to keep calm. Thankfully the twins appeared to be unscathed by the whole episode and within a couple of days of returning home they had not mentioned Ben at all. But now it was apparent that he was still very much on their minds.

  ‘I never actually said that your daddy was dead,’ she began haltingly, knowing that now was the time for honesty. The children had a right to know the truth. ‘I said that he couldn’t be with us because he had had to go away.’

  ‘But we thought that meant he had died,’ Thomas answered innocently.

  Kathy sighed. ‘Ben was your daddy,’ she told them, as they stared at her with wide eyes. ‘But he went away long before you and Daisy were born, and he didn’t even know about you till he came back.’