by B. J Daniels
The thought made her heart pound. She couldn’t wait another minute, let alone leave town without seeing him again. If the part came in early, Collin would insist on them driving out ahead of the next storm.
She’d reached the double doors and pushed on the one that had been partially open yesterday. It gave way so quickly, that she almost fell headfirst into the workshop again. She stumbled in a few feet, caught herself and stopped.
He was standing in the opposite doorway, silhouetted against the falling snow behind him. His hands were empty and at his sides. She noticed the breadth of his shoulders. This man was so much stronger looking than Danny had been, but then again, Danny had been a boy compared to Jon Harper.
“I... I...” She swallowed. “I didn’t mean to bother you again,” she finally managed to say. Her voice sounded high and strange, even to her ears.
He stepped in, closing the door behind him, but not before she’d seen an old log cabin in the pines a dozen yards behind the carriage house. As the door closed, she blinked in the sudden dimness after the glare of the snow outside. Only a few bare light bulbs hung from the ceiling. The main source of light was a lamp where Jon had been working yesterday. It formed a pool of melted gold on his workbench but left the rest of the shop in varying degrees of shadow.
As he came into the shop, he picked up a hammer and a chisel before moving to where he’d been working yesterday. “You’re not bothering me.”
Again she heard how wrong his voice was. There was a roughness to it that hadn’t been there before.
“I wanted to apologize for yesterday,” she said as a cold gust blew snow in behind her, and she realized that she’d left the door ajar. She turned to close it and then, getting up her courage, stepped farther into the shop. Her heart hammered with each step, but she had to get close enough to look into his eyes. From a distance they appeared to be brown, but she had to see them up close to know for certain.
He had gone to work on the board lying on his workbench as if she wasn’t there. She watched him, studying first his profile, trying to see Danny, trying not to see him. The man’s hair was brown and longer than Danny had ever worn his. It curled at the nape of his neck. She fought the urge to touch it, remembering the feel of his hair in her fingers. She felt desperate for him to look at her so she could meet his gaze and finish this.
There was a wariness about him as she stepped closer. She thought about what Bessie had told her. He liked to keep to himself.
“I didn’t mean to scare you yesterday,” she said quietly.
He’d been easing wafer-thin pieces of wood from the board with his chisel and hammer. She saw his hands and felt a hard tug at her heart. His fingers were long and beautiful. Danny’s mother always said he had the hands of a classical pianist, not a laborer. “Too bad I’m tone-deaf, huh?” he’d joked. She remembered those hands on her body, the tender way he’d touched her, the way he’d made her body sing.
“Your hands,” she said and swallowed the rest of the words as he slowly put down the chisel. She cleared her voice. “You have nice hands. Ever play the piano?”
He turned then to look at her. She was close enough that the ambient light from the lamp caught on his face, giving her the first good look she’d had of him. Her breath caught in her throat, and for a moment, she feared she would black out again.
His face was so familiar and yet different enough to force doubt into the heady excitement that had her pulse thrumming. She felt a start as she saw that a portion of his face and neck had been scarred as if burned. Her skin felt hot, her heart knocked in her chest.
Danny.
His features had changed from the boy she’d loved into those of a man.
But nothing could change his eyes. Soft sable brown.
It felt as if this shop was a time machine and she was now whizzing back through the years as she looked at her husband. After the explosion, she’d lain in bed, crying herself quietly to sleep at night so as to not disturb the babies. She would pray for just one thing. Please God, just let me see him again.
Her whole body was trembling now. “You...you look like someone I used to know.” Her voice came out a hoarse whisper.
He said nothing, his face expressionless except for his eyes. There was confusion there as well as kindness.
She didn’t know what to say, either. Clearly she was making them both uncomfortable. But in his eyes, she saw the truth. Yes, he’d changed, but those eyes, they couldn’t lie. Just like his hands. Just like the feeling she’d had the moment she’d seen him... Jon Harper was Danny. Different, yes. His voice and other things about him. But she wasn’t wrong this time.
“You’re so much like him,” she said, her words gushing out. She looked into those familiar brown eyes and felt a jolt.
While in all that warm sable brown she saw kindness, there was no recognition. None. She reminded herself that he wouldn’t know her if she was right about him coming out of the explosion with no memory.
“His name was Daniel Jackson. He was my husband,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion but she had to get the words out. “I was told almost twenty years ago that Danny died, but I’ve never believed it in my heart. You look so much like him.” Her voice broke into a sob.
He shifted on his feet, his eyes also shifting away. “I’m sorry for your loss.” When he did meet her gaze again, she saw pain and realized it was for her. For this stranger who was pouring her heart out to him while he had no idea who she was or who Daniel Jackson was.
“We have two beautiful daughters, Mia and Danielle.” She couldn’t seem to stop, although she had to look away for fear of breaking down crying. It was too painful to keep searching those eyes. Danny’s eyes. And finding no recognition at all.
“Mia has a successful graphic-design business. Danielle will be graduating from college in the spring. She wants to teach elementary school. They both grew up hearing stories about their father.” Kate took a few deep breaths, letting them out as she looked around the workshop before she settled her gaze on him again.
He hadn’t moved. Nor had his expression changed. But there was something more now in his eyes... Something that brought tears to her own and an ache of longing to her chest. He looked in pain—all of it for her.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I should let you get back to your work,” she said and saw his relief in the way his body seemed to relax.
Kate took a step backward. “You make beautiful things.” Another step toward the door. She could almost feel the cold coming in through the crack between the two doors. Another step and she collided with the rough wood behind her.
He was still standing there, unmoving, those brown eyes on her as she opened the door. She wanted to say something that would make him remember her, remember them, but there were no words, only the unbearable ache in her chest as she stepped through, closing the doors behind her to find herself alone again, surrounded by an alien, cold, white, unforgiving landscape.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“THE PART CAME IN!” Collin looked and sounded joyous as he finished the call the next morning. “It’s time to get this engagement trip going again. Tonight we sleep in the best hotel we can find. I’m talking four-star. And food! I want a big juicy Montana beef steak with a potato the size of my head. I can’t wait to hit the road.”
Kate had come back yesterday from Jon Harper’s workshop to find Collin propped up against the wall on the bed watching some poker tournament on the television. He seemed nervous and out of sorts. He hadn’t asked where she’d been, and she hadn’t told him.
Instead, she’d taken off her coat and boots and climbed in the other bed with one of her books. She’d apparently fallen asleep there, because that’s where she’d awakened this morning. She couldn’t remember anything she’d read. Last night, he’d gone over to the café for food and been gone much longer than it should have taken. W
hen he’d come back smelling of beer, she hadn’t said anything.
They’d eaten propped up in the two beds. He’d found a movie to watch, and Kate had pretended to read until she’d turned out her light and gone to sleep. Collin hadn’t joined her in the bed. She’d been relieved this morning when she’d awakened to see that he’d already showered and dressed and was on his way out.
He was in such a good mood after the call that she couldn’t bring herself to broach the subject of Jon Harper with him. Collin often seemed so young, so free, so confident, something she felt she’d never been. She’d been forced to grow up fast after she lost Danny. All these years alone with her two girls, she’d felt afraid that she couldn’t do it right alone. She felt that same fear now. She’d barely slept at all last night for fear of what she was going to do.
She knew how desperate Collin was to leave. And it wasn’t just getting out of this awful motel room or having more choices of where to eat other than Bessie’s café. Nor was it meeting up with his associates across the Canadian border. He wanted to get her out of this town and away from Jon Harper. Because like her, he was afraid of what she might do.
“Get packed,” he said as he reached for his coat.
“I can’t leave yet.” The words felt like marbles in her mouth. During her sleepless night she’d tried to convince herself that leaving with Collin was the only thing to do. Collin loved her. He was offering her a second chance in life. Even if she was right and Jon Harper was Danny, he didn’t know her. He wasn’t her Danny anymore. Being around him seemed to be as hard on him as it was on her. Knowing that he was Danny and not being able to reach him was excruciating.
That wasn’t even what hurt the most. She’d seen something in his eyes. He needed her to leave. Wanted her to. He’d almost been pleading with her to go and not look back. Whatever had happened to him over the years, it had made him into the recluse he’d become. She was the last thing he wanted or needed.
But how could she leave him? “I can’t go yet,” she said.
“Not this again?” Collin demanded.
She rose from the bed. Yesterday after seeing Jon, she’d been so filled with emotion, she’d felt raw, as if her flesh had been flayed with a knife. She hadn’t had the strength to tell Collin what she now knew, especially knowing what his reaction would be. This morning he’d been busy on the phone with his associates, discussing the weather and how long it would be before he could get out of Buckhorn. She’d been dreading the moment when he got off the phone.
She’d known after he’d disconnected that she couldn’t put it off any longer. Not that she had any idea how she was going to explain it to him or what would happen next. “I can’t leave,” she repeated.
He shook his head. She could see he was getting angry with her, something he’d never done. “If this is still about that carpenter...” He met her gaze, his blue eyes hard as ice chips. “That’s where you went yesterday. That’s why you were acting so odd last night. You said you just wanted to read your book, but I knew it wasn’t about the book. You barely turned a page all evening. It’s about that man you are determined is your dead husband. I thought you said you were mistaken. So, you went back, and what? What happened?”
She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat. “I had to see him again because I hadn’t gotten a good look at him.”
Collin swore and raked a hand through his blond hair. His handsome face twisted in anger. “I knew you were determined to go back there, but why would you put yourself through that? Are you just a glutton for punishment?”
“I finally saw his eyes. He’s Danny.”
Her fiancé exploded, stomping back and forth in the small room. “Did he tell you he was your husband?”
She shook her head, looking away. “He doesn’t remember me.”
Collin let out a bark of a laugh as he paced. “So, he doesn’t know you at all, right?” She nodded. “Then, that should be the last of it.”
“How can it be? It’s him. It’s Danny. I’m sure of it. How can I desert him now after I’ve found him?” She was pleading with him to understand. “When I looked into his eyes—”
“Have you lost your mind?” Collin stopped pacing so quickly, his look so furious, that she couldn’t go on. For a moment she thought he might grab her and shake her. He certainly looked as if he wanted to. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just can’t deal with this right now.” He snatched up his coat and stormed out into the cold.
Kate looked down at the ring on her finger, a reminder of that new life she’d actually thought she’d been looking forward to. She couldn’t blame Collin. He’d put up with so much from her since they’d met. And now this?
Tears burned her eyes. Was she throwing away a chance for happiness based on...what? Jon Harper didn’t know her. From the way he’d acted, he wanted nothing to do with her. Even if he was Danny...
That was it, though. He was Danny. She saw it in his eyes. She felt it at heart level. She’d found the first man she’d ever loved, the same man who’d stolen her heart all those years ago, the father of her children.
She reminded herself that she and Danny didn’t know each other anymore. They were different people than they’d been. They’d spent all these years apart. It wasn’t as if they could pick up where they’d left off. As if the fact had slipped her mind, he didn’t remember her or their daughters or the life they’d shared and seemed to want to just be left alone.
She knew it made no sense. Like Collin had said, what were the chances she’d find him here? But she also believed that there were things in this world that couldn’t be explained.
Maybe it was no coincidence that the rental car had broken down outside of this particular town or that she’d heard the sound of the sander and had gone down that alley to look inside the old carriage house. Hadn’t she always known in her heart that he was out there somewhere? Hadn’t she prayed that she would see him again?
How could she just leave? Her heart ached with the belief that she’d found him because he needed her. What had he been through the past twenty years? She thought of the burns on his neck and throat. Were his true scars much worse?
Bessie had made it sound as if she knew nothing about Jon Harper. Surely someone in this town knows more about him, she thought. She needed to know where he’d been all these years. Kate remembered seeing that man coming from Jon’s workshop the other morning.
Leaving a message for Collin saying she’d gone out, she pulled on her warm clothing and headed out the door and into the Montana winter.
“You must be happy,” Bessie said when Kate walked into the café minutes later, shaking snow off her hat and coat. “Heard the part came in for your car. Bet you’re ready to get out of here. Not many people can take Buckhorn in the winter. Too far from the big city, too cold and too isolated. Too far from sunny Arizona,” she said as she filled the coffee cup Kate had turned over when she’d sat down in the empty booth.
“Do you have a minute?” Kate asked.
The older woman looked leery but slid into the opposite side of the booth, saying, “I’ve got blueberry muffins in the oven. They’ll be ready in a few minutes. But I can sit for a moment. Don’t leave without me packing you a couple for the road.”
Kate didn’t know how to ask, and fortunately for her, she didn’t have to. The man she’d seen coming out of Jon’s shop passed in front of the café window. A moment later, he entered the café on a gust of cold air and snow.
Bessie looked up, her whole face lighting up. “Hey, Earl Ray,” she called.
For a moment Kate was taken aback at the expression on the older woman’s face. If that wasn’t love, she had no idea what was. “Who is that?” she asked.
“Earl Ray Caulfield,” she said with obvious admiration. “He’s our local war hero and one of the nicest men you’d ever want to meet.”
Kate glanc
ed at Earl Ray, who had taken a seat at the counter. Like Bessie, he seemed to be in his mid-to late-sixties. He was a big man, strong-looking with a full head of salt-and-pepper hair. He looked in good shape for his age. The young pregnant waitress was pouring him some coffee and visiting with him. Kate noticed that he had a nice laugh, and it was clear that Bessie wasn’t the only one enchanted with the man.
A timer went off in the kitchen. Bessie rose. “I’m sorry. Was there something you needed?”
“I just wanted to thank you for the cinnamon rolls. They were delicious.”
The older woman nodded. “Glad you enjoyed them. Don’t forget the blueberry muffins I’m sending with you. I hope the rest of your trip is less eventful.” With that she hurried off.
Kate ordered the breakfast special when Lindsey came over. While she waited, she eavesdropped on Earl Ray’s conversations with both Bessie and Lindsey and anyone else who came or left. Clearly, everyone liked him.
When her meal came, she ate, realizing that she was starved. Bessie and Earl Ray were visiting at the counter. From the difference in last names, she assumed the two weren’t married. But there seemed to be some definite chemistry between them. She assumed that he wasn’t married because no one asked after his wife. So, what was the story between Bessie and him? Those thoughts distracted her from thinking about Danny while she waited for Earl Ray to finish his coffee and head home.
* * *
COLLIN KNEW IT was too early for a drink, but that didn’t stop him. He walked through the snow to the far end of town to the bar. The bar sign was on, and he could hear music as he pushed open the door. Brushing off snow, he shrugged out of his coat and moved to the bar to drape the snow-covered coat over a stool before taking the one next to it.
The place was empty except for the bartender, who was apparently named Dave if you could believe the T-shirt he was wearing, and another man at the opposite end of the bar. A news show was on the small television behind the bar.
