by B. J Daniels
“What can I get you?” Dave asked as he came down the bar. He was a rotund man with thinning hair who Collin guessed was somewhere in his forties. Collin tried not to see himself in the man. How easily he could end up at just such a dead-end job in the middle of nowhere if things didn’t improve and soon.
“A draft, whatever you have.” He pulled out his wallet and threw down a twenty. His cash was running low. He’d put this trip on his credit cards, but even those were reaching their limits.
The bartender set a glass of beer on a cocktail napkin in front of him and went back down the bar to visit with his other customer. A local. Both of them, Collin thought by the looks of them. He couldn’t imagine a more miserable life, trapped in this town, working at a bar, unless of course you were a carpenter in a shitty old carriage house making wooden toys and rockers for tourists.
He took a sip of his beer and looked down the bar at the men. “So, what do you do around here for fun?” he called down to them.
The man on the bar stool laughed. “Dave,” he said to the bartender, “do you even remember fun?”
Dave laughed. “Well, we all know what you do for fun, Lars.”
Lars chuckled and slid off his stool, bringing his drink with him, as he joined Collin. “Heard your SUV part came in. Bet you’re glad to get out of here.” He held out his hand. “Lars Olson. I work at the store and plow snow for my almost-father-in-law who owns almost everything in this town except for this bar, that motel you’re staying in and the abandoned hotel.”
“Me and the bank own the bar,” Dave called down the counter. “Another two thousand seven hundred and ninety-nine payments, and it will be all mine.”
“Exactly,” Lars said. “I just wanted this man to know how bad things are around here for all of us. So, tell me your hard-luck story.”
“What makes you think I have one?” Collin asked, bristling.
Lars laughed. “Don’t take offense. I could use some cheering up since I have to go to work soon. I was hoping your story was worse than mine.” Dave said something under his breath and turned up the news. It was clear that Lars had already had a few beers this morning.
Collin realized he didn’t mind the company as Lars climbed onto the stool next to him. “Well, you already know about my rental car breaking down and the part finally coming in,” Collin said. That meant that Lars had probably heard about Kate’s obsession with the carpenter. “That’s as good as my news gets. So, tell me something,” he said before finishing his beer and signaling for another. “But first, wanna another one?” Lars nodded and tipped his half-empty glass in a silent salute.
When Dave brought two more beers, he reminded Lars he had to plow the streets yet today.
“Got it covered,” Lars assured him and turned to Collin. “Dave’s my best friend. I even work nights sometimes as a swamper, cleaning up his bar to help him out.”
Dave returned to the television before Collin asked, “What do you know about Jon Harper?”
Lars considered his beer for a moment. “I understand your interest, but you have to also understand Buckhorn. We protect our own.”
“You consider Jon Harper one of your own? I thought he’s only been here a few years?”
Lars met his gaze. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but Jon is an okay guy. Actually he’s better than most of us. He’s the kind of man to give you the shirt off his back if you’re in need.”
“I’ve seen his shirt. I’m not impressed.”
Lars laughed. “He’s contributed to this community and helped people just passing through, never wanting credit for it. In fact, some people he helped on the highway outside of town told a newspaper reporter about what he’d done for them. The reporter came to town, wanting to do a story on Jon. He wasn’t having any of it. He’s that kind.”
“Sounds to me like he has something to hide. What do any of you really know about him?”
Lars shook his head. “If you’re asking who he was before he came here, your guess is as good as mine. He doesn’t talk much, never about himself. I get the feeling he’s been through some rough times that have left him leery of people.”
Collin swore under his breath. Maybe the man was Danny Jackson. He finished his second beer. He knew better than to have another. The car would be ready this afternoon. In the meantime, he had to make up with Kate. But all he could think about was what Lars had told him about Jon Harper. He sounded exactly like the kind of man Kate would be attracted to.
CHAPTER NINE
WHEN EARL RAY finally shoved off his stool, pulled on his coat and headed for the door, Kate tossed some money on the table and followed him out—only to collide with a solid body just outside the door.
“Sorry,” the man said in a deep, sleepy-sounding voice.
She drew back to look up at his face. She’d gotten glimpses of the man coming out of the closed Crenshaw Hotel on the edge of town. He wore a stocking cap pulled low so only his dark eyes peered out. His long hair and beard were the same color as his eyes. He wore an old army coat that looked as if it might have belonged to his father—or was something he’d picked up at a thrift store. The look on his face was so serious that he gave her a start.
“Sorry,” he mumbled again and held the door for her so she could exit.
She could see Earl Ray down the street and headed in that direction. She hadn’t gone but a few feet, though, before she heard Bessie call after her.
Earl Ray was already half a block past the next street. Having no choice, Kate turned back.
“Are you all right?” Bessie asked. “You look...startled.”
“It’s nothing. That young man—”
“Finnegan?” Bessie huffed. “Says he was hired as caretaker at the Crenshaw Hotel. Looks to me more like a bum who just needed a place to stay for the winter. With the owner dead and the place boarded up for the past two years, guess we have to take his word for it. Finnegan probably isn’t even his real name.”
Kate shifted on her feet. Bessie seemed to realize how anxious she was to get moving. “You forgot your blueberry muffins.” Bessie handed her the package. “You left so fast... Guess you’re just in a hurry to get out of town. Enjoy.” The woman wheeled back inside the warm café as someone called her name.
When Kate turned, there was no sign of Earl Ray.
She moved down the snowy sidewalk as quickly as she could. Glancing in whatever windows weren’t boarded over as she passed, she saw no sign of the older man. He wasn’t in the stores. There was no sign of him anywhere.
At the corner, she looked down the street and caught a glimpse of his red-and-black-checked coat as he turned the corner.
By the time she reached the corner, Earl Ray was entering a small house with a snowy hedge around it. She slowed to catch her breath in this silent world of falling snow. How did the residents of this town not go crazy with the snow getting deeper and deeper by the minute and the already freezing air growing colder day after day, she wondered. It felt as if the snow would never stop falling, as if it would bury the town, bury them all before winter was over.
Kate shivered as she stopped at the shoveled sidewalk that led up to Earl Ray’s door. She had no idea what she was going to say. Like Jon Harper, the man inside this house didn’t know her. Had no reason to trust her.
But that didn’t stop her as she walked up to the door and knocked. It took him a few minutes to answer. She could hear him moving around inside moments before the door opened.
He’d gotten out of his coat and boots and now stood blinking down at her in a gray flannel, plaid shirt, jeans and stocking feet. “Hello,” he said and smiled as he pushed open the storm door. “You look cold. Are you lost?”
She couldn’t help but smile at this friendly face. “Do you have a minute?”
That made him laugh. “Oh my dear, I have nothing but time. Please, come in.” He ste
pped back to let her enter the house.
The first thing she felt was heat, wonderfully warm heat that rushed to her cheeks. The house had a cozy feel to it, with overstuffed furniture, photographs lining the mantel, books on the end tables and thick rugs on the wood floor. The place had a woman’s touch, and she realized she must have been wrong about Earl Ray not having a wife.
“Here, let me take that,” he said. With numb fingers, she slipped out of her coat and scarf, letting him take them as she kicked off her snowy boots, leaving both the boots and the treats by the door as he ushered her in.
“How about a cup of hot coffee?” he asked. “Come into the kitchen. You can sit right by the stove and warm yourself up.”
Kate did as he suggested, taking a chair next to the heater. She hadn’t realized how cold she was. She felt her fingers and toes begin to sting and then ache as they warmed. She rubbed her hands as the warmth radiating from the heater began to thaw her out.
Earl Ray put a mug of steaming coffee in front of her. “I always keep a pot going this time of year,” he said conversationally as he took a chair across the small table from her. He had keen blue eyes and bushy graying eyebrows. He reminded her a little of a Santa Claus she’d liked at the mall.
“Thank you,” she said, cupping the mug in her hands, letting the steam rise to her cheeks. The coffee smelled good in the inviting kitchen. “Is your wife—”
“She passed some time ago,” he said. “So, what brings you out on a day like this?”
She could feel that earnest gaze on her as he took her measure. “Now that I’m here, I don’t know where to begin.”
He chuckled at that. “I’d suggest the beginning, unless you have a time restraint.”
Collin could have the car back at the motel by now, impatiently waiting for her, probably still angry with her and getting even more so. Or maybe he would just leave. The thought came as a relief. She just hoped he didn’t go down the street looking for her at Jon’s shop.
Earl Ray cleared his voice. She took a sip of her coffee and met the gaze of this stranger sitting across from her. Everything she saw in his open face encouraged her to pour out her heart. She knew how much she needed to talk about this and felt both relief and gratitude. “I lost my husband almost twenty years ago.” She quickly filled him in about how young and poor they’d been, about Danny’s death and how she’d raised her two daughters alone. He glanced at the diamond on her ring finger. “I only recently took off my wedding band. I’d promised Danny I never would.” She had to look away for a moment and gather herself again. Her ring finger still felt naked and odd—even with the heavy diamond ring on it.
“I’ve never believed in my heart that he died that day. There were so many people missing after the explosion. So many bodies that couldn’t be identified.” She looked up at him. “The truth is I now realize that I have never stopped looking for him. A few times, I thought I saw him, but I was wrong.” Earl Ray didn’t seem to be wondering why she was sharing this with him, nor did he rush her along or seem anxious for the story to end.
“I know I’m going to sound off my rocker, but the other day when I met Jon Harper...” She stopped, fearing what his reaction was going to be. “I... I...felt something, and yesterday when I went back...” Earl Ray was waiting patiently. “He’s different. Of course he would have changed in all these years, but when I looked into his eyes...”
“You think Jon is your husband, Danny,” he said simply, matter-of-factly.
She met his kind blue eyes. “I do. I feel it.” She placed her hand over her heart and fought back tears. “I know it’s him.”
“What about your fiancé?” Earl Ray asked.
Kate shook her head, her eyes stinging. “Collin is wonderful. I love him but...”
“Not as much as you still love your first love.”
She nodded. “I can’t help it.”
He smiled then and picked up his coffee to take a sip. “I have the same problem, if that helps. My wife has been gone now for some years, but I can’t seem to move on.”
That explained what she’d seen at the café with Bessie, Kate thought. Clearly the woman was in love with him, and Earl Ray seemed genuinely fond of her. “Do you feel that if you did move on, you would be betraying her?”
He nodded. “I suspect you feel the same. But that isn’t why you followed me to my house today, is it?”
“No. I saw you coming out of Jon’s workshop the other day. You know him.” Earl Ray nodded. “I need to know where he’s been, how he ended up here, if what I believe in my heart could possibly be true.”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
“Because I’m a stranger to him. There is no recognition in his eyes at all,” she said, her heart breaking as she admitted it. “I’ve always believed that he was hurt badly and walked away from the explosion not knowing who he was. It happened to others. Why not to Danny? But I guess I also believed that once he saw me...”
Earl Ray nodded. “You’ve seen the burn on his face and neck? I can understand how that might convince you that he’s your husband. Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot to be said about seeing the soul through the eyes.” He fell silent for a moment. “It sounds to me as if you’re at crossroads right now. Your fiancé is promising you a shiny new future, while Jon... Even if he is your first husband, he doesn’t remember you or your past together. He might never remember. It goes without saying that he’s not the same man you knew. Nor are you the same woman.”
Kate heard the truth in his words. “I’ve said the same thing to myself, but how can I leave believing that he’s Danny, believing that he needs me and just doesn’t know it? Did Jon ever tell you anything about his past?”
“I’m sorry. You’ve met him. He’s not much of a talker.”
“Neither was Danny. But surely he mentioned something when he arrived here.”
Earl Ray shook his head. “The man keeps his own counsel. Keeps to himself. All I know is that he arrived here early summer about five years ago. He seemed down on his luck and needing a place to light for a while. Seemed honest enough. Mabel Aldrich helped him out, the rest of us did what we could. Frankly, I’m surprised he’s stayed as long as he has. There’s something about him, a restlessness. I wouldn’t be surprised if he moved on sooner than later, especially if he feels crowded.”
She started, hearing the warning in his words. “You’re suggesting that he would leave to get away from me?”
“Maybe not you, exactly. But maybe his past? I hate to even bring this up, but if we’re being honest with each other here, let’s say Jon is your husband. You said the day of the explosion that he was working two jobs and you two were just barely scraping by. He was just a kid himself with two little babies and a wife to take care of. Maybe he saw a way out and just walked away that day and has regretted it ever since. That would be a hell of a lot of guilt to live with. Not sure most men would stand under the weight of it.”
It wasn’t the first time that she’d considered this. She’d heard stories of several men who had done just that after the explosion. She’d just never admitted it was a possibility because it was not like Danny. But if that was what had happened, that he’d walked away on the spur of the moment and then could never come back, then she could understand it tearing him apart inside. “Thank you,” she said and rose to leave.
“I’m not saying Jon did that. In fact, I highly doubt it from what I do know of him. He’s an honorable man, but even honorable men make bad decisions, ones they regret for a lifetime.”
She nodded, desperately fighting tears.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Earl Ray said quickly, also getting to his feet.
“No, you haven’t. I’ve lived with all of this for almost twenty years. I have my own guilt. I know how hard he was working back then. The day he... The day of the explosion, he hadn’t wanted to go to work. He�
��d said he wasn’t feeling well, but it was payday, and we needed that check.” Her voice broke. “I encouraged him to go.” She touched the chain at her throat. “It wasn’t until I got the call later that day about the explosion that I found his wedding ring in the bathroom by the soap dish. He’d forgotten it there.”
“We all have those kind of regrets,” Earl Ray said, as if seeing the two wedding bands nesting together, one worn thin, the other almost brand-new. “Can’t change the past. So what are you going to do?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Kate said. “But I can’t leave. Not yet.”
He walked her to the door where she pulled on her boots. He held her coat and scarf for her and picked up her blueberry-muffin package and handed it to her. “Be sure and eat those. No one makes blueberry muffins like our Bessie.”
She heard admiration in those words. She thought she also heard love for the baker. “Why is it so hard to let go?”
He shook his head. “It just is. I keep thinking that one day I’ll wake up and I’ll be ready.” He chuckled. “At this point, I doubt I’ll live that long.” His gaze met hers and held it tenderly. “I don’t envy the decision you have to make. If you ever need a cup of coffee and a good listener, you know the way back to my house.”
CHAPTER TEN
COLLIN WAS WAITING for her back at the motel. When she’d seen the car parked in front of their room, the engine running, her heart had dropped. She’d slowed, her emotions battling with her usually rational mind. If she didn’t go with him, she knew that would be the end for her and Collin, a man who was promising her a future. She’d accepted his ring, promised to marry him and had put him through so much, and yet he was still here.
Then there was Jon. Even if he was Danny, he didn’t even know her. He might leave town just to get away from her. The thought broke her heart. So, why would she put herself through that? Why stay here trying to get the man to remember her?
