The Gift of a Lifetime

by Melissa Hill

‘You came to New York because of the movies?’ Ryan’s words brought Beth back to the present. He was smiling but, much to her relief, he wasn’t laughing at her; if anything he was intrigued by the idea. ‘That’s so cool…’

  Beth had tried to explain to people before how the city as the backdrop to so many of her favourite films had been an irresistible draw. Some got it; others didn’t – and most New Yorkers, especially Jodi, thought she was nuts – but Ryan was clearly one of the former.

  ‘I guess I know what you’re saying. I passed by Katz’s Deli the other day and couldn’t resist popping in for fun.’

  She laughed. ‘One of many guys hoping for a re-enactment of that Meg Ryan scene, I’m guessing…’

  He winked. ‘Nope. I just heard they do a good pastrami sandwich.’

  ‘Yeah, right.’ She shook her head. ‘Oh, I know it’s probably hard to understand, but when you love the movies as much as I do, then this city … it’s just … heaven.’

  Ryan was shaking his head. ‘I suppose I should have guessed you were a movie aficionado. Is that where the shoe display thing comes from?’

  She smiled. ‘Of course. Aren’t I always telling my customers that a pair of shoes can indeed change your life?’

  ‘A decent philosophy, though I’m not sure it would work in my department. Can’t see the guys looking for chinos buying into that, somehow.’

  ‘True.’ Beth finished the last piece of her burger. ‘So now you know why living anywhere else would feel like being on the moon to me.’

  Ryan nodded and took a sip of his soda. ‘And your boyfriend? The Mets fan? He from here?’

  She nodded.

  ‘And what does he do?’

  Beth straightened up a little at the mention of Danny. ‘He’s in marketing. For one of the Madison Avenue firms. It’s been rough lately, they were going through some layoffs, but since the economy started to rebound things have been picking up again. And that’s good; it’s good for his career. I mean, he’s been busy lately, but that’s to be expected. Same thing happens with me in Carlisle’s around this time of year, as I’m sure you’ll find out soon.’

  Ryan eyes narrowed. ‘Sounds like there is a “but” coming, though?’

  Beth blinked, wondering how he’d picked up on that note of worry. It must have been in her voice. She shook her head, determinedly negating the assumption. ‘There wasn’t a “but”.’

  ‘Oh yes there was,’ he argued matter-of-factly.

  ‘There wasn’t,’ she insisted, setting her mouth in a straight line as if preparing for a challenge.

  He put his hands up. ‘All right, all right, there wasn’t a “but”. I was just following your lead, that’s all, but if there is nothing to discuss, then I’m cool.’

  She regarded him for a moment, feeling a little strange. What had she really wanted to say? And why was she considering telling someone she hardly knew about something very private?

  ‘OK,’ she said, taking her napkin off her lap and placing it on her plate, a clear indication that she was finished. ‘So, there was a “but”.’

  He looked up. ‘I know; I’m kind of good at reading people.’ When she didn’t reply, he went on, ‘Hey, I didn’t mean to say anything that makes you uncomfortable. I apologise if I overstepped.’

  Ryan wiped his fingers on his napkin and pushed his plate away. Then he reached across the table and gently placed a hand on Beth’s arm. As soon as he touched her, she again felt a brief surge of electricity and surprised herself by the fact that this time she didn’t automatically pull her arm away.

  She shook her head. ‘No, no, it’s not your fault. There has been … stuff happening, I guess you could say, and I am probably just being silly. It just feels weird, that’s all. I mean … I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. So, it seems odd, saying certain things aloud when I’ve only been thinking them.’ Feeling shocked by her words, Beth couldn’t explain what had got into her just then. Or why she was telling this man – one that she couldn’t deny she felt an attraction to – what was going on in her relationship.

  ‘You don’t have to talk about any of it. It’s none of my business,’ he continued softly.

  Beth found herself pressing on, realising there was something actually quite cleansing about unloading it all like this. ‘No, it’s OK. I’m probably being overly dramatic. I suppose I’ve just been feeling a bit in second place and … oh God, that probably sounds really needy, and I am totally not a needy person. Not at all.’ She laughed nervously. ‘Danny has just been really tied up lately, like he has a million things on his mind. And I’m not always sure if I make the cut.’ She felt a lump growing in her throat, and to her horror, realised her eyes were beginning to well up.

  Oh, for goodness’ sake, stop it! she remonstrated with herself. You will not do this … not here and certainly not now.

  ‘Beth…’

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry. You wanted just to go and get a bite to eat, and here am I going all serious on you. I’m—’

  But Ryan was unfazed. ‘Beth, it’s OK, honestly,’ he said, his voice soft as he reached for her hand, urging her to look at him. ‘I’m sorry that I started this, I didn’t mean to make you upset.’ She chuckled a little, trying to make light of everything. ‘I suppose I should just say thank you for listening to me. Good therapy.’

  Ryan laughed. ‘And not as expensive as a shrink, huh?’ She smiled weakly.

  ‘Really, though, in all seriousness, I didn’t mean to bring up things that make you sad, Beth. I don’t want you to be sad. But I do feel honoured that you would consider talking to me.’

  ‘Anyway … I think we better get the check now? Time for us to be getting back.’ She made a big show about looking around for their server.

  A moment later they had their bill, which Ryan insisted upon paying even though she protested.

  ‘If you’re my shrink, shouldn’t I be paying for lunch?’

  ‘Consider it a business expense,’ he teased, putting a few twenty-dollar bills down on the table.

  ‘Well, thank you,’ she said, standing up. ‘I appreciate it. Next one’s on me.’

  ‘You got yourself a deal.’ He stood up next to her and put his hand on her back, helping her navigate her way through the crowded restaurant.

  The gesture did not go unnoticed and just as she thought the words, stop overreacting, he’s just being a gentleman, Ryan leaned close to her ear, and said in a whisper that sounded like a promise, ‘Just for the record, Beth, you are not the type of girl anyone should put in second place. If your guy is doing that, with all due respect, he’s nuts.’

  And Beth’s stomach did a little backflip.

  Chapter 6

  It was the following week, and Jodi sat on the couch in Beth’s living room, barefoot, feet curled up under her, munching on popcorn while Beth scrolled through Netflix, trying to decide what they should watch.

  The two women were having a movie night in, something they did regularly.

  ‘So Sleepless, Definitely Maybe, When Harry Met Sally, Valentine’s Day, or Music and Lyrics?’ Beth asked.

  ‘Has Netflix profiled you, or what? Do you ever watch anything other than “Romantic Comedies 101”?’ her friend asked archly. ‘Why don’t you try something different once in a while? There are probably a few classics that you have never considered. Like maybe Scarface or Die Hard. A little blood and violence never hurt anyone.’ She laughed into her glass of wine.

  Beth shook her head. ‘Judge all you want. At least I have a positive attitude towards love and life.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? And what attitude would that be? The more the merrier?’ her friend shot back with no small measure of sarcasm.

  Beth quickly turned back towards the TV as she felt a familiar blush creeping up her neck. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  Jodi sat her wine glass down on a coaster on the coffee table and unfolded her feet. She sat upright, leaning forward to where Beth sat on the floor. ‘You know full well what I am talk
ing about. The hot guy at work – Ryan. He’s been spending a lot of time in the shoe department lately, and he doesn’t look like the cross-dressing type to me. What’s going on? What are you up to?’

  Beth had known to expect this question. She had been trying to avoid Jodi’s enquiring gaze for days – the mocking expression she’d worn every time Ryan had ventured over into their department, making Beth laugh, inviting her to lunch, bringing her coffee from Starbucks to stay alert during one long afternoon …

  Yes, it was true that she was seeing a lot of him lately. But they were friends. OK, so they’d had lunch together a few days since, and Beth couldn’t deny it had all been enjoyable. In truth, the little bit of flirting that was taking place between them was akin to the way she handled relationships back in school. It was harmless.

  ‘So? Did you hear me?’ Jodi persisted.

  Beth put the remote control down and turned to face her friend. ‘Yes, I heard you. I was just thinking.’

  Jodi’s eyes narrowed. ‘You haven’t done anything you regret, have you, sweetie? I would never have taken you for a cheater.’

  Beth blanched at hearing that word spoken aloud. She knew what Jodi thought about cheating and most definitely didn’t want her friend to include her in such a category.

  ‘No, of course not. I wouldn’t do anything of the sort.’ She glanced down at her hands and wrung them in her lap, trying to figure out what to say next. ‘It’s really nothing. I’ve just made a new friend. I didn’t think there was a law against that.’

  Jodi tsked. ‘Beth, let me tell you one thing. Friends don’t look at each other the way you and that guy Ryan do. Friends don’t smile and tease, and try to make some kind of bodily contact with one another at every available opportunity.’ Eyes wide, Beth opened her mouth to speak; denying that she did any such thing, but Jodi shushed her with her hand. ‘Don’t tell me that’s not true. I know you, honey. And if people around you can feel the sparks flying when you and Ryan are near each other, there is no way you aren’t aware of it too.’

  Beth wanted to deny it, but also knew that her friend wasn’t an idiot. Yes, there were sparks. Definite sparks.

  ‘OK, so maybe there is a teeny bit of attraction there. And I can’t deny that it’s fun. But that’s all it is – harmless fun. I already told him, Jodi, I told Ryan that I wasn’t available. I was upfront with him about Danny from the start. He knows that I am in a serious relationship.’

  Jodi shook her head and sighed deeply. ‘Oh, Beth. Look, I believe you when you say that, and I know you are a genuine person. I also know that you love Danny. But something else is going on, too. You have to admit that. It might be something as simple as you liking the attention that Ryan is giving you. And while you believe that your intentions are pure and you can deal with this situation, maybe Ryan is less concerned about your relationship? But if this so-called harmless flirtation – or whatever it is – is allowed to persist, it’s you and Danny who stand to lose. It’ll be your relationship that suffers. Ryan is footloose and fancy-free – he has nothing to lose or to fear.’

  Beth once again looked down at her hands and became very focused on her nails. She could feel Jodi’s gaze upon her, waiting for her to respond but she felt completely at a loss for what to say.

  We are just friends, that’s it, Beth reassured herself. She felt her mind wandering through movies she knew – stories where men and women were friends, where no rules were broken, where things were able to stay platonic.

  Gone with the Wind, she thought immediately. No, maybe not a good example. The chemistry between Rhett and Scarlett was there from the outset. And when they finally recognised it themselves … explosive.

  That more recent one, Silver Linings Playbook? They were friends, sort of. Beth tried to recall the relationship between Pat and Tiffany, played by Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence in the movie, and realised that the only thing that stood out was the way they came together at the end. Yes, they were friends, but they too had fallen in love.

  OK, she thought quickly, You’ve Got Mail? That’s a good one. They can’t even stand each other. Until the end, she reminded herself, where Joe makes a distinct effort to woo Kathleen, to first win her friendship – and then her love. Say Anything…? Nope. Reality Bites? Not so much. The Wedding Planner? Not a chance.

  She bit her lip, frustrated that she couldn’t find one onscreen example of a man and woman who were able to remain friends when mutual attraction was clearly evident.

  ‘Earth to Beth…’ Jodi snapped her fingers and brought her back to reality. ‘Do you realise how well I know you?’

  Beth was puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I know exactly what you are doing right now. You are calling upon your vast encyclopaedia of movie knowledge to find an example of a man and woman who clearly have the hots for each other, are able to stay friends and keep sex and love out of it by the time the credits roll. Aren’t you?’

  A little unsettled by just how well her friend did indeed know her, Beth rolled her eyes and picked up the remote control, as if signalling an end to the conversation. ‘I am not. I was just thinking and—’

  Jodi snatched the remote control away and stuck it on the side table next to the couch, far out of Beth’s reach. ‘You are. I know you are. Because I’ve known you for five years and I get how your mind operates and what makes you tick. Look at what you do at work. You set up these amazing Hollywood-style showcases for every new goddamn shoe design that arrives in the department. Furthermore, you feed all these irresistible movie fictions to the women who buy those Cinderella slippers from you – the places they’ll go and the things they will do. But let me tell you one thing, Beth. Life is not a movie. Now, I know you appreciate happy endings and tear-jerkers and the way the music swells just as Jack and Rose kiss on the front of the Titanic. But you know what also happens in that story? The Titanic sinks. And that is going to be your story if you keep playing with fire. Because I can tell you happy endings do not occur when there are three people involved in a relationship story. Someone gets hurt. Always.’

  Beth looked at her friend and knew that Jodi was speaking from her own experience. And it was a place where she definitely got hurt. She was that third person; had ended up being the odd one out in her marriage. Briefly Beth wondered if Jodi’s ex-husband, Frank, ever tried to use the reasoning that he and ‘the bimbo’ were just friends. And she wondered how long it took for him to realise that he was not capable of living that lie.

  She rubbed her temples and gave a small groan. ‘Jodi, you know me. I’m not that kind of person. And I would never do anything disloyal to Danny.’

  Was flirting, even harmlessly, with Ryan being disloyal, though? Beth didn’t think so, not when she’d already made her feelings and intentions crystal clear to him from the outset. Or at least that’s what she’d been telling herself.

  Jodi was nodding in agreement. ‘I know that you love him. But with that being said, I have to ask where is Danny? I know, I know, you said he had to work late tonight. But where is he? In your heart and your head?’ she persisted. ‘And what’s going on there? Because if you even make a tiny bit of room in either of those places for anyone else, then something in your relationship isn’t right.’

  Beth swallowed hard. She guessed it was time to confide in Jodi about her concerns of late. If only to get her take on it.

  And she found that once she started telling her everything – the way Danny had become possessive over her handling his phone, fishing out whatever had been in his trouser pocket, how he lately seemed so reluctant about spending quality time together – she couldn’t stop. Thankfully her friend listened (for once) without interruption, and it was only when Beth finished that she offered her opinion.

  ‘Well…’ she sighed heavily. ‘I know I can be cynical when it comes to these things, but I’m not liking the way this sounds. I have to say I never felt Danny, of all people, was the unfaithful type. Even though it seems like I distrust a
ll men, I actually don’t. And I’ve always had a soft spot for your guy.’

  Beth nodded, grimacing. ‘I really didn’t want to consider the notion either. But I’d be stupid if I didn’t start to wonder if something is going on – and it doesn’t feel good.’

  Jodi looked at her curiously. ‘Haven’t you tried talking about it with him? Let him know how you’ve been feeling.’

  Beth swallowed hard, hating the prospect of confessing any of her worries to Danny, especially when he was under so much pressure elsewhere. ‘I can’t say this to him,’ she said quietly. ‘I just can’t.’

  ‘Why not?’ Jodi asked. ‘Why can’t you say anything if you truly think something is wrong? I didn’t take you for a doormat, Beth.’

  Beth shook her head in disagreement. ‘No, I’m not a doormat. I just don’t want to. Not when he’s got so much on his plate lately. And not only that but I suppose I feel like … like it’s admitting defeat somehow. That something is less than perfect with us. And that’s not how I want our relationship to be. It’s not how we have been in the past. Danny and I never argue. I mean, not really. And things have always been so good and—’

  ‘Oh, Beth,’ Jodi interrupted. She threw back the remainder of wine that was in her glass as she continued to shake her head out of obvious bewilderment. ‘Why do you think you can live your life like a heroine in some movie? How can you operate under the notion that you must have a perfect relationship? All those movies are fairy tales, sweetie. Danny is not your leading man, he’s real-life flesh and blood.’

  ‘I’m not operating that way, I’m just—’

  ‘Oh yes, you are. Newsflash, honey – relationships aren’t perfect. No one’s relationship is perfect. And like I said, life is not a movie. Look, I don’t mean to be a killjoy here, but someone needs to say this to you. Relationships are messy and dramatic and sometimes sad and then, happy too … but they are all of those things. And if they aren’t? Then someone isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. And with you and Danny, I am willing to bet it might be both of you at the moment. He very well might be under a lot of pressure and maybe he’s hiding something too. Something might be going on with him. But if you aren’t talking and have imposed a “let’s not talk about the bad stuff” rule, then it’s your fault, too.’