Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up

by Joyce Meyer

  Is It Dangerous to Have a Good Opinion of Yourself?

  Pride is a terrible sin, and we are instructed in God’s word not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. We are told not to have an exaggerated opinion of ourselves (see Rom. 12:3). That doesn’t mean that we need to have a bad opinion of or look down on ourselves. It does mean that we are to remember that we are no better than anyone else and that whatever God has enabled us to do is a gift from Him. It is never a reason to have an exalted opinion of ourselves. We have no more right to claim credit for a special ability we have than we do for blue eyes or brown hair. Paul wrote to the Corinthians and asked them what they had that did not come as a gift from God (see 1 Cor. 4:7).

  When we are warned not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to, it means that we are to realize that we are nothing apart from Jesus and without Him we can do nothing. The value we have is found in Him and we can celebrate who we are only because of Him. Actually, when we celebrate who we are in Jesus, it is a way of celebrating Jesus Himself.

  We make this a lot more difficult than it needs to be. It is simple—we are everything in Jesus and nothing in ourselves. I like to say, “I am an everything/nothing!” We celebrate because of the amazing work God does in us, and not because of any worth we have in ourselves. As long as we continue giving God the glory for anything good that we manifest we are on a safe and right track.

  For some reason religion has taught people that to be godly they must have a low, or even bad, opinion of themselves, and I believe this kind of thinking has done incalculable damage to the plan of God. I think that as long as we know we are lower than God and He is always our Chief and Head then we are safe. Consider these Scriptures:

  For some reason religion has taught people that to be godly they must have a low, or even bad, opinion of themselves, and I believe this kind of thinking has done incalculable damage to the plan of God.

  What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of [earthborn] man that You care for him?

  Yet you have made him but a little lower than God [or heavenly beings], and You have crowned him with glory and honor.

  You made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet.

  Psalm 8:4–6

  Yes, we are lower than God, but He has crowned us with honor and glory. Do you have an honoring attitude toward yourself or a disrespectful one? We are made in the image of God (see Gen. 1:26) and He has given us authority over all the other works of His hands. God wants to work in partnership with us to accomplish His purpose on the earth, and we cannot do that unless we maintain a proper attitude toward ourselves. I suggest that you say out loud daily, “I am nothing without Jesus, but in and through Him I am valuable and I can do great things.”

  Do you have an honoring attitude toward yourself or a disrespectful one?

  I don’t think it’s dangerous to have a good opinion of yourself (in Christ), but I do think it is dangerous not to. The truth is that you cannot rise above what you think. We are all limited by our own thinking. If we think small, we will live small. And if we think big, we will live big. God wants us to realize how big He is and He wants us to be bold enough to think big thoughts. God did not chastise David because he thought he could kill Goliath—He was proud of him! David knew that his victory was in God and not in himself, but he was confident and courageous and refused to live small.

  What your life amounts to is directly connected to what you think of yourself. We need to learn to think like God thinks. We must learn to identify with Christ and the new person He has made us to be. Some identify with the problems they have had in life and call themselves by that name. They say, “I am divorced. I am bankrupt. I am an abuse victim. I am an alcoholic.” They should say, “I was divorced, but now I am a new creature in Christ. I was a victim of abuse, but now I have a new life and a new identity. I was an alcoholic, but now I am free and I have discipline and self-control.” He has a good plan for each of us, but we must have our minds renewed (learn to think differently) if we ever hope to experience what Jesus purchased with His death and resurrection.

  What your life amounts to is directly connected to what you think of yourself. We need to learn to think like God thinks.

  In Scripture God uses words like “beautiful,” “honored,” “valued,” and “precious” when He is speaking of His people. There is no doubt that we are way less than perfect, that we have faults and weaknesses. We make mistakes and bad choices, and often lack wisdom, but God is God and He views us the way He knows we can be. He sees us as a finished project while we are making the journey. He sees the end from the beginning and is not worried about what takes place in between. He is not pleased with our sin and bad behavior, but He will never give up on us and He always encourages us to press on. God believes in you!

  Does This Kind of Talk Frighten You?

  When I initially began to see these kinds of things in Scripture I was afraid to even think this way, let alone really believe it. I was accustomed to thinking I was a terrible wreck of a person, a lowly worm and undeserving of anything except punishment. My whole identity was based on what I did, and since that wasn’t very impressive it left me with a poor opinion of myself.

  I was afraid that I would offend God if I dared to have a good thought about myself. I equated good thoughts about myself with pride. I had heard plenty of sermons concerning the danger of pride and was trying to be what I thought was humble. I felt safe as long as I dared not think a good thought about myself. As I said earlier in the book, “I did not feel right if I did not feel wrong.”

  I should also mention that the negative attitude I had about myself was not something I was even consciously aware of. It was just the way I lived because I did not know any better. I can explain it now as being self-defeating, ungodly, wrong, and tragic, but that is a result of the knowledge I now possess of God’s word. I often ask people if they have ever given any thought to what they think about themselves. Most people have never thought about it at all and seem reluctant to do so. Someone could be filled with self-depreciation, self-hatred, self-pity, or even pride and arrogance and not know it. We just don’t think about what we think about ourselves, but we need to. I strongly suggest that you have a meeting with yourself and ask yourself some pointed questions regarding how you feel and think about yourself. You cannot deal with a problem if you don’t know it even exists.

  The devil hates books like this because they bring hidden things into the light. Satan works in darkness, but when light comes in and his works and lies are exposed he is easily defeated. It is time for you to celebrate you! It is time for you to celebrate your progress, your strengths and abilities. It is time for you to celebrate God in your life.

  Learn to Live on the Resurrection Side of the Cross

  We must live on the resurrection side of the cross. Jesus was crucified and raised from the dead so that we might no longer be stuck in sin, living lowly, wretched, miserable lives. Many people wear a necklace called a crucifix, which is an emblem of Jesus hanging on the cross. Often we see a crucifix in a church with Jesus hanging on it. I know it is done to remember and honor Him and I am not against it, but the truth is that He is not on the cross any longer. He is seated in heavenly places with His Father and has also lifted us above the low level of thinking and living of most of the world.

  The Apostle Paul said that he was determined to know Jesus and the power of His resurrection that would lift Him out from among the dead (see Phil. 3:10). Jesus came to lift us out of the ordinary, out of negative thinking, guilt, shame, and condemnation. He came to take our sin to the cross and defeat it. It has no power over us any longer because we are forgiven and the penalty has been paid.

  Which side of the cross are you living on: the crucifixion side or the resurrection side? It is good and respectful to remember that Jesus suffered a terrible death for us on the cross, but we need to also realize that He rose from the dead and made a new
life available to us. There is a popular song entitled “Because He Lives,” and it is about that fact that Jesus’ death and resurrection give us the power and privilege to live life today in victory. Because He lives we can love ourselves in an unselfish way. A way that enables us to be all we can be for God’s glory. The only way I know to say it is: get a new attitude about yourself! Stop thinking that your failures and mistakes are too much for God. He has cast all of your sins behind His back (see Isa. 38:17). He isn’t looking at them and you need to stop looking at them, too. Deal with them in Christ and go on!

  Celebrate Your Life

  How do you feel about your life? Do you like it, love it, and enjoy it, or do you hate it and wish you had a different one than you have? Do you look at other people and their lives and wish you were them and had their lives? Do you want to look the way they look, own what they own, have their career or their family?

  Wanting what others have is called coveting in the Bible and it is forbidden by God. He even included it in the Ten Commandments:

  You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.

  Exodus 20:17

  You are never going to have anyone else’s life, so wanting it is a waste of time. You won’t look like them either, so learn to do the best you can with what you have to work with.

  I have adopted a new phrase lately and it is helping me to deal with reality and not waste my time being upset about things I cannot do anything about. I have been saying, “It is what it is!” Somehow, that is a reality check for me and I quickly realize I need to deal with things the way they are, not the way I wish they were.

  Nobody has a perfect life, and it is entirely possible that if you want someone else’s life, they are busy wanting someone else’s too; perhaps they even want your life. Unknown people want to be movie stars and movie stars want privacy. The regular employee wants to be the boss and the boss wishes he did not have so much responsibility. A single woman wants to be married and quite often a married woman wishes she were single. Contentment with life is not a feeling, but it is a decision we must make. Contentment does not mean that we never want to see change or improvement, but it does mean that we will do the best we can with what we have. It also means that we will maintain an attitude that allows us to enjoy the gift of life.

  Nobody has a perfect life, and it is entirely possible that if you want someone else’s life, they are busy wanting someone else’s too; perhaps they even want your life.

  If we were to walk into the cancer ward of a hospital and ask a terminally ill patient if they would take our flawed life, they would probably be glad to do so. They probably would not think that our problems were anything to be upset about. If we put things in proper perspective they always look better. Today my back hurts a little because I have been sitting in the same position for days working on this book, but the good news is that I can walk and I even have access to Tylenol. I have been to places in India and Africa where something as simple as aspirin or Tylenol would be an amazing blessing.

  The Nevertheless Principle

  I once read a book that was based entirely on the word “nevertheless.” It taught the reader to take every problem in their life, look at it honestly, and then say, “nevertheless,” and find some offsetting positive thing in their life that brought the problem into perspective. It might sound something like this: “I have a lot of hard work to get accomplished in the next two weeks, nevertheless, after that my schedule is much more open, and I will be able to have some fun and get some extra rest.” A mother may be weary and say, “My son who has Attention Deficit Disorder is driving me crazy, nevertheless, I do have a son, and I know many people who cannot have children at all.” A father who has to work two jobs to make ends meet might say, “I am so tired of working all the time, nevertheless, I am thankful that God has provided me with jobs.”

  No matter who we are or what our challenge in life is, there is always a nevertheless. Some positive thing we can look at or talk about that brings the rest of life into perspective. Why don’t you try it? The next time you are tempted to complain about your life in any way, go ahead and state your complaint, and then say, “nevertheless,” and find something positive about your life to offset the complaint.

  Just a Few Thoughts

  If you woke up this morning with more body parts that don’t hurt than those that do, you are blessed.

  If you have food, clothes, and a place to live, you are richer than 75 percent of the world.

  If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, or spare change at home, you are among the top 8 percent of the world’s wealthiest people.

  If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of five hundred million people in the world.

  If you can read this message, you are more blessed than two billion people in the world who cannot read.

  Words Affect Moods

  Something I have done to help me maintain a good attitude about my life is to say out loud, “I love my life.” Our own words have an effect on our moods, so it is best to say something that will help you feel good rather than something that will make you mad or sad. Your life is what it is and, as they say, your attitude toward it can make or break you.

  You can let staying happy be a fun challenge. See how many days you can go without getting into a bad mood or finding something in your life to complain about. Celebrating life is something we should do on purpose because we understand what a gift it is. God is life (see John 1:4), so in reality when we celebrate life we are celebrating God! Without Him there would be no life at all! Go ahead and try to create a better mood by saying, “I love my life.” If you really want to feel good try this, “I love God, I love my life, I love myself, and I love people.”

  See how many days you can go without getting into a bad mood or finding something in your life to complain about.

  CHAPTER 10

  Learn When to Stop

  I share in my teaching that we often study the steps of Jesus, but fail to study the stops of Jesus. We all need to learn when to stop. Jesus stopped what He was doing to listen to people and to help them. He stopped to rest, to have dinner with friends, to make wine for a wedding, and to do lots of other simple but important things. One of my biggest problems for many years was that I simply did not know when to stop.

  My chiropractor has told me to stop every forty-five minutes when I am writing, to get up and stretch out the muscles in my back so I don’t end up in pain. But when I am in a flow, it is so hard to stop! If we don’t know when to stop, we always end up with regrets later. Last night I lay in bed with my feet and legs aching because of my back, and it could have been avoided had I stopped occasionally to do what my doctor told me to do. Not knowing when to stop can cause all kinds of pain in our life.

  When Jesus visited Mary and Martha, Mary knew when to stop, but Martha didn’t. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet so she could not miss the moment, but Martha just kept working (see Luke 10:38–41). I wonder how many times in my life I missed the moment because I would not stop working. I know I missed moments with my children when they were small because I valued work over playing with them. A good life is all about balance. We have to know when to start and when to stop many things. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time for everything and that everything is beautiful in its time. Work is beautiful, but if we work when it is time to play then work is no longer beautiful. It can create a stress that has the ability to destroy our health. Play is beautiful, but if we play when we should be working, then play becomes a lack of discipline that can destroy us.

  Stop to Laugh

  It is important that we stop to laugh! The world is filled with reports of theft, violence, dishonesty, and corruption. If we don’t laugh I don’t how we will survive. The world does not always give us something to laugh about, so
we need to create our own humor. Yesterday, Dave and I were driving in the car when he saw a sign advertising a certain item, and he said, “I bet that would cost an arm and a leg.” I decided to be funny and said, “If you paid an arm and a leg for it you would have a hard time getting out of the store.” He looked at me in disbelief and said, “You must be pretty desperate for a laugh.” However, we both did laugh for quite a while, especially me. My joke was so unfunny that it was funny. Today we were both working out in the exercise room when he suddenly looked at me and said, “I can lift my leg above my head.” I quickly saw a picture of him trying such a feat and thought, “If you lift your leg above your head you will fall over backward.” He pressed the point that he could do it and said “Watch me!” He then lay down flat on his back and lifted his leg above his head and we both began to laugh. It was out of character for Dave and rather silly, but nonetheless it gave us both a good laugh.

  We need to lighten up!

  I have found that life itself can be funnier than a supposedly funny movie. Out of desperation to laugh, I have watched comedians and funny movies, only to find that they are not always funny and I end up disappointed that I wasted my time. However, if we look at life in a more lighthearted way it can be very funny. We need to lighten up! My daughters often call me to share funny things the kids did or things they are noticing about the children’s personalities as they are growing up. I am glad they take the time to share those things with me. We laugh, and then I tell Dave and he laughs, too. We could have missed the laughter if they would have been too busy to call or felt that it was unimportant. My daughter-in-law often sends me pictures of the baby doing cute and funny things. He might have a funny hat on, or some silly look on his face, but those pictures are a laugh break for me.