Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up

by Joyce Meyer

  Using a generous amount of discipline and self-control is what makes a life of celebration possible.

  You might remember that I wanted to eat the cookie after I had done four sessions in my conference and had one more to go. I had studied, prayed, worked, and disciplined myself and was in need of a reward. I like my occasional cookie, but I discipline myself to a strict eating plan and three workouts per week at the gym. I like to buy shoes, but I discipline myself to give shoes away and I discipline myself to be able to pay for my shoes. I don’t put them on a credit card having no idea how I will pay when the bill comes in.

  About now you may be thinking that you liked the first few chapters of this book better than you do this one, but be courageous and keep reading. If you quit now without learning the importance of discipline you will never be able to truly enjoy the other liberties I have discussed.

  Inner Disciplines

  Richard J. Foster in his wonderful book called Celebration of Discipline teaches about the importance of inner disciplines, which are really spiritual disciplines. I want to talk about them also because without inner discipline we will never have outer discipline. For example, if I don’t discipline myself to study God’s word and pray, I will probably never use wisdom with my words. I won’t understand the importance or power of my words if I don’t know God’s word. If we don’t know God then how can we know anything about what is right and wrong, wise or foolish? How can we know without studying that He is the way, the truth, and the life (see John 14:6)? If we don’t know God’s principles of wisdom then it is easy to live with financial pressure simply because we are controlled by emotions when we make purchases. We can spend our entire lives in selfish self-centeredness and never even understand that it is the root cause of most of our problems.

  Richard Foster said, “Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.” 1

  Jesus challenged His disciples to come out into the deep to find what they truly desired (see Luke 5:4).

  In order to live the deeper life we must learn to discipline thoughts, attitudes, and emotions. We must learn the disciplines of prayer, worship, Bible study, meditation, fasting, giving, service, submission, solitude, and many other things. Living a shallow life is equivalent to living according to our own thoughts, feelings, and will. The Bible refers to it as carnality, or living according to the flesh. The deeper life is enjoyed by a person who has learned the art of discipline. They learn to discipline the inner life and the outer life as well. As I disciplined myself to spend time with God daily in solitude, reading, and prayer (conversation with God), I received strength from God to be able to discipline my outer life (mind, will, and emotions).

  Applying discipline has set me free to enjoy a life where I am not controlled by an unexpected and uninvited emotional downturn due to difficult circumstances that came without an invitation. Discipline sets me free from raging against an unexpected hormone that decided to go in the wrong direction without any warning. I no longer have to bow to negative thoughts, ideas, and imaginings that don’t agree with God’s word. But, I would not have known God’s word had I not disciplined myself to learn it. So we can plainly see that the discipline of the inner spiritual life is the doorway to being able to discipline the other areas of our life.

  Spiritual disciplines are intended for ordinary human beings and not just for the spiritual giants or those who hold some type of ministry position. They are for moms and dads who go to work, clean house, cut the grass, buy groceries, and do their best to raise their children. They are for boys and girls, teenagers, young singles, and not-so-young singles. Don’t be deceived into thinking that you are not one of the elite called to a deep spiritual life. Christ has broken down all of the dividing walls and we are all the same in Him. We all have the same responsibility and the same privileges. If you think this deeper life is not for you then you won’t try to attain it and that would be tragic indeed.

  You need no special training to be deeply spiritual except that you are hungry for more of God in your life. There must be a longing in your soul for a genuine experience with God. Without that longing, you will always be satisfied with counterfeits and mirages. You might think that an occasional good time is the best you can have, but in reality you can have joy that cannot be explained. To become deeply spiritual does not mean that you must wear all black, wipe the smile from your face, and maintain a look of intensity at all times. Deeply spiritual people are the happiest and most peaceful people on earth.

  Legalistic, rigid people are miserable, but when discipline is practiced under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, it is one of the most beautiful tools God has given to man. And the result of that discipline is grace, flexibility, peace, and joy.

  It is possible to be overly disciplined, as I once was. Richard J. Foster said, “The Spiritual Disciplines are intended for our good. They are meant to bring the abundance of God into our lives. It is possible, however, to turn them into another set of soul-killing laws. Law-bound Disciplines breathe death.” 2

  We may become zealous in our quest for spiritual disciplines and merely turn them into external rules that never change the heart. The Pharisees were the most disciplined men of their day and yet they were sad-faced, rigid, and critical. They told everyone what to do because they knew what was right, but they personally had no spiritual tenderness. They never lifted a finger to help anyone! True spiritual disciplines should make us more like Jesus, Who is humble, gentle, meek, and lowly, and yet at the same time is mighty, powerful, and a victorious warrior. Jesus always maintains the perfect balance in everything.

  Disciplines are not meant to manipulate and control you. They are intended to keep you on the narrow path that leads to life (see Matt. 7:13–14). You can be deeply spiritual and amazingly disciplined, and yet celebrate every day that God gives you on earth. You can be deeply spiritual and laugh four hundred times daily like little children do.

  Discipline Yourself

  One of the most irritating things in the world to me is a person who is extremely disciplined in some area of their life, and who tries to force their discipline on me. We must beware of trying to make everyone do what we do. Even if it would be good for them, it is between them and God. It is best to pray for people (humbly) and not offer advice unless they ask for it or it is evident that God is opening a door for us to make a suggestion. I have had to remember that God has given me self-control, and that means I am supposed to control myself, not others. I need to discipline myself before I even think about trying to help anyone else.

  When we have developed a discipline in a specific area we often try to convince other people that they need to discipline themselves in the same way we do. Some people who don’t drink coffee like to try and make me feel guilty when I drink it, but they are wasting their time. I already gave it up and did not feel any different than I do when I drink it. I have also had discussions with the Lord about it and checked with a nutritionist who assures me that in moderation caffeine is not bad for me. Just because God has led someone else not to drink caffeine does not mean that He is leading me that way. My husband tried to talk me into exercising for years, but it did no good until God told me to do it. On my cookie day, I hate being with one of those people who never eats sugar—I don’t want to feel their thoughts and see their disapproving looks about what they may assume is a lack of discipline on my part.

  I had a bad habit for many years of trying to tell others what to do in areas where I was successful, but I finally learned that God told me to discipline myself, not everyone else. I believe we often lose our own victories through trying to give advice to others. Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall (see 1 Cor. 10:12). Trying to tell others what to do is often a manifestation of pride and it always opens the door for a fall. One of the secrets to being successful is to keep your success to
yourself. When I am trying to lose a few pounds I invariably cannot stick to my plan if I start telling everyone what I am doing. However, if I keep it mainly between me and God, then He strengthens me and gives me success.

  I had a bad habit for many years of trying to tell others what to do in areas where I was successful, but I finally learned that God told me to discipline myself, not everyone else.

  There is a time to share things, but also a time to be quiet. You have a spirit of discipline and self-control, and it is your best friend if you know how to use it properly. It will help you be deeply spiritual and successful in all areas of life. We should definitely celebrate discipline.

  Some Practical Guidelines

  If you have lots of areas in your life that you realize need discipline, don’t try to correct all of them at once. “One thing at a time” is usually the best policy. Pray, asking God to give you direction about what to tackle first, and when you believe you have a proper goal then get a realistic plan on how to accomplish it. Notice I said pray first and then plan. Don’t make your own plan and tell God He has to make it work. I also want you to notice that I said make a realistic plan.

  If you need to clean your basement and garage, don’t plan to get them both cleaned in one day. It might be better to set a goal of two weeks. It is always better to reach your goal early than it is to have unreasonable expectations, get discouraged, and never reach it at all. Perhaps you should dedicate one or two hours a day to the project until it is finished. Once you reach the goal you can check it off your list, look at the finished product with joy, and eat a cookie!

  Maybe you need to lose fifty pounds and you would like it gone two months before swimming season begins and you want to wear a bathing suit. That probably won’t happen! If that is your goal you won’t last long because you will have defeated yourself with an unrealistic goal. Maybe you should say, “By this time next year I will have lost fifty pounds, I will look great in my bathing suit, and I will be exercising regularly.” That is the long-term goal and you can set short-term goals that will help you reach it.

  Maybe your goal should be to lose six to eight pounds each month. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but usually weight that is lost slowly and properly is more likely to stay off than weight lost through an unhealthy fad diet of some sort. The more overweight you are, the faster you will lose weight, so this goal must be an individual one, but it should be realistic.

  You will always have something in life that you are working toward. You will never have everything checked off your list. So keep at it and enjoy the journey. I can remember when I felt very disappointed with myself if I ran out of day before I got everything accomplished that I had planned. It seemed that I was always dissatisfied with my progress until I finally realized that no matter how much I did there would always be new things coming up. I can check one thing off of my list, but another one is being added, so with God’s help I finally learned to do my best each day and get up the next day and start again (with a good attitude).

  You will always have something in life that you are working toward. You will never have everything checked off your list. So keep at it and enjoy the journey.

  As we try to reach our goals we will have times of success and we will also have times when we feel that we failed. But, the truth is we never fail unless we quit and give up. I love John Maxwell’s theory that we can fail forward. 3 In other words, we can learn from our mistakes and keep pressing on. If you are on a diet and suddenly on the tenth day you get emotional and eat everything in sight, that doesn’t mean that you should just give up and keep overeating every day. See the eating day as a momentary setback in a long-range plan, get up the next day, and keep going in the right direction. Messing up one day doesn’t need to ruin your entire plan if you don’t let it.

  If you are trying to get out of debt and have been really disciplining yourself and cutting back on unnecessary spending, then you really blow it and buy something that you should not have bought, don’t give up. Perhaps you can return the item, but if you can’t then learn a good lesson and keep on going forward. Even a turtle will eventually get where he is going!

  I think my best practical advice is to realize that our lives don’t get out of order in one day, and they won’t get back in order in one day. If we want success we need to realize that it won’t come quickly or be maintained without an effort. We are usually undisciplined for quite a while in an area before it begins to catch up with us and once we decide to do what is right it will take time to start seeing results. Be committed to a lifestyle of discipline and self-control. Don’t have an attitude that says, “I want to hurry up and lose this excess weight so I can eat whatever I want to again.” If that is your attitude you will live on a roller coaster of ups and downs all of your life. Make a decision that you are going to live a disciplined and self-controlled life, but that along the way you will give yourself an occasional break to eat the cookie and buy the shoes, or whatever it is you enjoy doing.

  And last, but not least, I want to suggest that in addition to planning your disciplines for the day you also plan something that you enjoy. Take time for recess! Make that latte and enjoy drinking it, take a walk in the park; if you are going to make it a cookie day, be sure to enjoy every bite. I have found that I don’t discipline myself without a plan and I have also found that I am more likely to do things I enjoy if I plan them, too.

  Take time for recess! Make that latte and enjoy drinking it, take a walk in the park; if you are going to make it a cookie day, be sure to enjoy every bite.

  God has given us a spirit of discipline and self-control and all we need to do is exercise it. By the way… the more you discipline yourself the easier it will be!

  CHAPTER 16

  Discipline Yourself to Celebrate

  The theme of this book has been celebration and learning to reward ourselves for progress. It has been about giving yourself permission to lighten up and not be so intense. I want you to celebrate life and enjoy it immensely because I believe that is God’s will. Since life can often be challenging and we can easily get entangled in all of its problems, we will need to actually discipline ourselves to keep the theme of celebration alive. We all have to deal with problems that arise and people that frustrate and/or disappoint us. There is no way to be alive and avoid that, but if we add generous portions of celebration to our lives we will find that we don’t feel so overwhelmed by the unpleasant parts. Remember that Jesus said we should come to Him when we feel overburdened and worn out and He would give us recreation for our souls (see Matt. 11:28–29).

  I want to emphasize again that when you plan your day, make sure to make room for something that you enjoy. If you are not accustomed to doing this, and most of you probably aren’t, it will require discipline. I can almost guarantee you that initially you will feel guilty simply because we feel more acceptable when we are working and accomplishing something. I surveyed a room full of people yesterday and asked if they felt better about themselves when they were working or relaxing. All of them said they felt more acceptable when they were working. They all happened to be young mothers and confessed that they felt guilty relaxing if any work remained to be done. Why do we feel that way? I think the correct answer is comprised of several parts. First, we are created by God to be responsible and that is a necessary and a good trait. However, if we let the good thing go too far it becomes a bad thing, and we become overly responsible to the point that we cannot relax. We can easily take on a false sense of responsibility where we feel responsible to do more than is reasonable. We can join the driven society around us that is supporting a multi-billion-dollar stress-related business, or we can discipline ourselves to include regular celebration and rewards for progress. The fact that our entire society seems to be driven, and worships career success, becomes another part of the reason why most people feel guilty if they are not accomplishing something all of the time.

  I have met young moms who feel they are not what they
should be unless they can juggle marriage, parenting, homemaking, and a career. I remember when it was out of the ordinary for a mother to work outside of the home, and now it seems to be rare if they don’t. What each family decides to do is their choice, but one thing is for sure: no mother should feel belittled because she decides to devote herself entirely to her family and make that her career. One thing we don’t have to do is drive ourselves to be like someone else. Jesus set us entirely free from the tyranny of comparison and competition, and we can and should celebrate that we are unique (see 2 Cor. 10:12).

  Constantly Making Adjustments

  As you add celebration to your life you may find that you occasionally go too far and need to make adjustments. One of the reasons I had so much trouble not working all of the time is that for some reason I was afraid I might get lazy if I lightened up. My family laughed at me when I told them that, but it is the truth. I know that it is easy to go too far in anything, and I just want to make sure that I stay in balance. I have learned to trust God with the whole thing and simply follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I work hard, but I rest. And when I have rested and celebrated enough then I go back to work.

  There are people who don’t like to work, and they have no problem at all partying and playing all of the time, but that is not true celebrating because they are not doing anything to be celebrated. Celebrating nothing is not genuine celebration! These individuals are lazy and undisciplined and quite often their natural temperament tends toward fun, but they have never learned the discipline and reward of hard work. I think we will all be out of balance in some way if we don’t continually make adjustments.